by Vivi Holt
“What will I do now?” asked Ramona, her brown eyes wide and filled with unshed tears as she looked at Elizabeth.
“We’ll figure it out. You will be fine. This is not the end of your life. It’s just the beginning. You’ll see,” Elizabeth patted Ramona’s hand, and wiped a stray tear that had trickled down her pink cheek.
“It’s just the beginning.”
Chapter Two
Ramona
For Ramona, time seemed to pass in a slow motion haze of activity in the weeks following her mother’s departure. Sometimes she couldn’t even recall what day it was, and every time Elizabeth asked her when she had last looked for a job, danced, or rehearsed, Ramona would mumble and say, “It’s only been a couple of days.”
“It hasn’t though,” Elizabeth would say.
Usually, the far more sensible Elizabeth, with her straight ash hair and plain pointed face, considered Ramona’s pursuit of a life on the stage to be a foolish endeavor. She’d never said anything to discourage Ramona, but for her, being a wife and mother was all she asked of life. She had no ambition beyond that, and the way things were progressing with Arthur, it wouldn’t be long until she had all that she dreamed of. For now though, Elizabeth worked as a maid in the same hotel where Ramona’s mother had worked. And Elizabeth could see that the old vivacious, joyful, Ramona was drifting away. That special spark about her was fading. She had holed up in Elizabeth’s bedroom, and rarely came out. So Elizabeth pressed Ramona to rehearse in an attempt to bring the girl out of the dark hole into which she had fallen.
Soon the cool air of the approaching winter was whistling down the streets and byways of the West Village, and Ramona had taken to wearing her coat everywhere she went. The leaves on the trees had changed, coating the cityscape with brilliant oranges, fiery yellows and warm brown tones. Thanksgiving was a melancholy affair for Ramona. She shared the day with Elizabeth and her family, but couldn’t bring herself to be cheery in spite of their friendly banter. At the dinner that evening, the table was set with a small piece of turkey, gravy, stuffing, fresh bread rolls and several vegetable dishes. There was also soup for an appetizer, and they all waited eagerly to begin the meal while Mr. John Dresden, Elizabeth’s father, said the prayer of Thanksgiving. After the prayer, he paused with a spoon full of soup just beneath the curl of his black moustache and looked at Ramona.
“So, Ramona, have you found employment yet?”
“No, not yet Mr. Dresden.”
“Where have you looked?”
“I just haven’t had the heart to really try anywhere yet, but I will soon. I just need a little time to think about what I should do with my life now. I always thought I’d be a performer, and now it seems that I’ll have to take on some other kind of pursuit – at least until I land a role. I really don’t know where to start.”
“I see,” he said, exchanging a look with his wife, Agatha.
“Surely they would let you take your mother’s place at the hotel, dear?” questioned Agatha, taking a sip of soup.
“Actually, they’ve already filled that position,” said Elizabeth, carefully slicing a piece of bread and laying it on her plate. She cut a portion of butter from the butter dish, and spread it thickly over the still-warm bread. It melted, running down the edges and onto the plate below.
Her parents exchanged another look, this time sharing a frown.
“Well dear, that was not very sensible – to lose such a promising lead. You know what they say, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.”
“Oh dear, yes. You are right. I will try to be more responsible. Truly I will. I just need a little time to gather my thoughts.”
“Not too long, I hope,” muttered Mr. Dresden, lowering his face toward his bowl to slurp up the soup.
***
One day, just before Christmas, Elizabeth came home from work and called out Ramona’s name. When there was no response Elizabeth entered the bedroom the two women were sharing and found Ramona curled up on her bed. Her long dark hair lay in dank and knotted braids on either side of her head, and her crumpled dress was twisted up beneath her.
“Come on,” Elizabeth said, pulling Ramona up by the arms. “You’re going to go and rehearse if I have to drag you down to the park to do it. This isn’t like you Ramona! You’ve still got plenty to live for…you’ve got your singing and dancing, and as much as I’ve never understood it, I know how much it means to you. Besides, I think you ought to at least get out of the house, and maybe brush your hair.”
Ramona got to her feet, smoothing out her dress and feigning a smile. “You’re right,” she said, nodding. “I’ve been feeling sorry for myself too long. Like you have said time and time again, it’s not the end of the world, just the end of the life that I knew.” She glanced over at her ballet shoes and, for the first time in weeks, felt the rock-like heaviness in the pit of her stomach lighten a little. “I think I’ll go to rehearsal.”
***
Elizabeth was right, Ramona thought, breathless but happy as she left the park, waving back to the girls still clustered about under a large oak tree. They waved in response, and set about removing their dance shoes and donning their coats for the walk home. Ramona pulled her coat more tightly about her body, and wrapped a knitted purple scarf around her neck against the winter chill. That’s done me the world of good! Her feet sailed gracefully over the cobbled road as she made her way back home. Often, after a rehearsal she would stay and chat with her friends, but this time she couldn’t wait to get back home to see Elizabeth. It was time she made a decision about what to do for money and how she could start getting back onto her own two feet. She wanted to discuss it with Elizabeth before she settled on anything.
Ramona had moved in with Elizabeth and her parents almost six weeks ago, and she knew that it was time she began to pull her weight. They had been kind enough to provide her with lodging and food, but she didn’t want to live off their charity forever. Ramona brushed a stray strand of dark hair from her face, and smiled up at the darkening sky. It was a beautiful evening, full of possibility, and besides – she was in New York, where anyone could make their dreams come true if they were willing to work hard and make sacrifices.
I want Lizzie and her folks to know how much I appreciate them and everything they’ve done for me. They have been so kind to me. I don’t know what I would have done without them.
When Ramona walked through the front door of Elizabeth’s apartment that night, she found the sitting room and kitchen empty.
“Lizzie?” Ramona entered the small bedroom they shared.
Elizabeth was sitting on the bed. “Ramona, there’s something I have to talk to you about. I’ve been speaking with my parents.”
Ramona’s face dropped. She sat down on the bed, beside Elizabeth, smoothing the creases in her dress and tucking one foot elegantly beneath the other.
“You can stay here for a week or two longer but after that,” Elizabeth’s eyes were filled with turmoil, and her lower lip trembled as she spoke, “you’ll have to find somewhere else to settle.”
“Your parents don’t want me staying here anymore, do they?”
Ramona sighed loudly. She knew that Elizabeth’s parents had always thought that Ramona’s artistic leanings and lack of supervision were a bad influence on their daughter. They refused to encourage any such outlandish behavior in their own daughter. Elizabeth’s steady job as a maid earned their pride, and they looked forward to the day when she would be married to a sensible man with a solid job of his own. They saw her friendship with the untraditional Ramona as a threat to the security of Elizabeth’s future.
“They say it’s time you learned to take care of yourself. I’m sorry Ramona.”
Elizabeth tried to mask her dismay at having to relay this information by staring at the cracked floorboards. “It’s a small apartment, Ramona. It’s nothing personal against you, I promise. It’s just that four people living here is such a strain on them.” She managed a small smile.
“But I’m sure you’ll come up with a plan for what to do next. You always do.”
Roman’s forced a smile across her full lips.
“It’s fine Lizzie. I promise you, I’m not worried about it at all. I’ll find some way out of this. Perhaps I can get our old apartment back. I’ll go and speak to Mr. Mason about it.” She nodded. “Yes. I’ll come up with a plan, don’t you worry about me.”
But Ramona couldn’t come up with a plan. She had no practical skills and without the money to pay Mr. Mason there was no chance of Ramona returning to her old apartment and she knew it. Ramona watched as Elizabeth stood, straightened her skirts, and smiled down at Ramona with pity in her eyes.
She thinks I should have taken her advice and trained as a governess or a maid, not a performer. Ramona sighed. Elizabeth had told her seven years ago that she was living with her head in the clouds when the two of them were only twelve years old. Elizabeth and her parents had just moved in across the hall, and Ramona had exposed her dreams of fame and fortune to her new friend. Elizabeth hadn’t approved, and for the first time in her life she believed Elizabeth had been right all along. Now that she was entirely alone in the world, how was she going to support herself with nothing but a dream to keep her warm?
***
Two nights later, as Ramona and Elizabeth prepared for bed, Elizabeth asked “So, have you come up with a plan yet?”
Elizabeth’s face flushed red as she fluffed her pillow, and Ramona wished she could embrace her and tell her that she didn’t blame her for anything that was happening. She knew it wasn’t Elizabeth’s fault. Her parents didn’t want Ramona to stay, and Ramona understood why. It was no one’s fault, except perhaps her mother’s.
Even so, thought Ramona, I don’t hold it against Mother. She was lonely and afraid of spending the rest of her life on her own. She worked so hard to pay the bills, and it always seemed as though the money she earned was never quite enough to cover our expenses, especially with all of my dance and voice lessons. She wanted a better life, and I can’t blame her for that. She had to leave me behind, and she knew I would manage somehow. And I will. I will figure all of this out with God’s help.
In that moment Ramona felt a gentle peace filling her soul as she forgave her mother for leaving her and let go of her worry about the future.
God, please help me have wisdom to know what to do with my life. I feel so alone, I don’t know where to turn. Show me the path I should take.
Time was ticking. Ramona couldn’t stay in the apartment much longer. She had tried to find a job, but just before Christmas wasn’t a great time to be looking for one. Though she had combed the city, there seemed to be no other places offering positions for young women such as her. But now, she had come up with a plan of sorts. It wasn’t complete yet, just a partial plan really. It had been bouncing around in her head for the past few days, and she’d not been able to shake it out. Every time she tried to dismiss it to come up with something better, she couldn’t, and the partial plan came creeping back into her thoughts.
Standing at the window in Elizabeth’s bedroom, she stared wistfully at the street below. The trees were bare now, and their blackened trunks stood stark against a light coating of snow that had fallen across the city like a shroud in the early hours of the morning. Candlelight drifted, twinkling, out to the street from various windows in the surrounding buildings, and the sound of bells jingling merrily on sleighs passing by on the street carried up on the cold air to where she stood. Ramona reached over to the dresser beside her and picked up a hat of Elizabeth’s that she’d always admired, sitting it on her head jauntily.
“I think I will go to Austin. To Texas. To find my mother.”
Elizabeth stared at her with wide eyes. “But you’ve no idea where she is. How on earth would you find her? And how will you get to Austin? You don’t have any money. Travelling on your own is so dangerous, anything could happen to you. Ramona, you ought to stay here in New York. Try again to find work, there must be something for you here.”
“No, I’ve looked everywhere. There is no work available at the moment, not for someone with no skills or experience. Lizzie, I know that if I can just get to Texas and find Mother, everything will be all right.”
Ramona tilted her head and admired the hat in the mirror. The red band around the base of the hat worked well with her complexion, and the small feather tucked into the band looked elegant in the dim evening light.
“I’m sure that Mother only acted in haste. This man must have tricked her into it. She was distressed about the idea of losing him and being alone, that’s all. She couldn’t have been thinking clearly. She never would have left me like she did if she had taken some time to think it through. I know it. I’ll find her, and tell her I’ve forgiven her and just want to be part of her life and everything will be okay again. I’m certain I will be able to find work in Austin, and surely Mother’s new husband won’t object to having me around now that they’re married. Maybe we could even move back here to New York before spring time and everything can go back to how it was before Father died.”
And I won’t miss my chance to audition for Broadway next year. I won’t have to give up on all of my dreams, and we can be a family again.
“Besides,” Ramona said softly. “I miss her. Even if things can’t return to normal, I have to at least try to find her. She is out there somewhere missing me too. I’m sure she’s hoping that I’ll come.”
Elizabeth sighed. “And are you prepared to accept the truth, even if it turns out to be different from what you’re imagining?”
Ramona took the hat off and placed it on the dark, sturdy dresser. She straightened her hair in the mirror, then turned to face Elizabeth who was examining her with a concerned look on her thin face.
“I know my mother, and I know that if I can just make my way to Texas, somehow, things will all work out. She won’t be able to turn me away. And once I have the chance to explain things to her, the way that I see them, she’ll understand how I feel and what’s best for the two of us, and I’ll be able to bring her home. She just doesn’t want to be alone, but I’m going to show her that she never will be. I’ll always be here for her. She doesn’t have to worry about that any longer. She’s all I have in the world, and I’m all she has - well me and her new husband of course - and in the end she’ll see that.”
Chapter Three
Michael
Michael Newhill wiped down the chestnut mare, rubbing gently where the straps of the harness had chaffed at her coat. He tickled her nose and slipped a slice of carrot between her searching lips. She munched happily on the carrot, pushing against him with her whiskered nose to search for more. She nickered softly to him, and he chuckled.
“You greedy old thing,” he whispered into her long ears. “That’s enough carrot for today. Oh all right then, just one more.”
Michael popped another long, crisp carrot between her teeth, and stepped back to watch her eat it with amusement as her nostrils flared, searching for more. He’d owned the horse, Sadie, for almost as long as he’d lived in Austin and her hair was becoming flecked with grey. He’d travelled there with a crew of construction workers from New York when he was fifteen years old after his parents told him it was time he earned his own way in life. They valued hard work, and never abided by coddling, so if he was to be a man they could be proud of, he’d have to go out and make his way in the world. He’d been the team’s runner – fetching them water, food, coffee and anything else the men needed while they showed him the ropes and taught him their trade. After his apprenticeship he’d earned a reputation as a hard and skilled worker, and could take his pick of jobs around the growing town.
“Good night Sadie,” he said, patting her gently on the shoulder and stepping out of the stable. He lowered the timber bar that kept the horse inside the stable, and picked the harness up from the floor of the barn. He wiped it over with a wet cloth, and hung it up on a nail that had been driven into the stable wall high a
bove his head. Walking through the barn, the other horses boarding there whinnied to him softly, and he smiled, then broke into a whistle. Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, he pulled the collar of his jacket up high around his neck, and moved swiftly toward Guy Town, where the men of Austin went to enjoy a drink, some entertainment, and even a haircut if that’s what they were looking for.
Striding down Congress Avenue, and heading west, Michael wondered once more why he had let Tony convince him to visit the red light district. Michael could hear the noises of Guy Town drifting on the night breeze before he saw the place. The twanging of violins, the tinkle of piano keys, and the raucous laughter of saloon patrons spilled out onto the street. Lit only by the light of hanging lanterns, the streets of Austin were bathed in darkness, and the underbelly of the city was out in full force.
Turning down a side alley, Michael looked at the handwritten signs swinging above several of the establishments announcing what lay behind the heavy timber doors. He saw his best friend Tony Campone standing outside a saloon that a sign pronounced to be ‘The Rusty Nail’, chatting with a group of men. He strode over to them.
“Tony!”
“You made it. Michael, this is Rodney and Callum.”
The men all shook hands, then headed inside the saloon.
“I can’t stay long,” Michael’s eyes swept around the small, dark room, taking in the barber’s chair in the corner where men could find their excuse for being seen in the saloon if needs be. The floor was covered in sawdust, and roughly crafted chairs were scattered about the place. A man was banging away on a small piano in one corner, and several women, in various stages of undress, loitered about the patrons, laughing and teasing them.
“Oh, come on Mike. Don’t be a spoil sport. Let’s have a punt. You play Faro, right?” asked Tony, heading toward a card table that was jammed up against the wall and surrounded by men.
“No, I don’t. I’ll watch you play,” said Michael, following him reluctantly. He stood back from the card table, and leaned against the wall, crossing his ankles and tipping his black hat back from his forehead.