I wipe my eyes and look at him blankly, listening to his words and pleas. I believe him but that still doesn’t change what happened and that he lied to me over and over again. He made me feel like a total and complete idiot in front of that bitch. To have her come in here and tell me things I should have known about the man I’m living with, sleeping with, the father of my baby. I couldn’t even say anything to her with that smug complacent look on her face. I move away from him wordlessly, turning to the window the sun washing over me.
“I’m ready to leave while my dignity is somewhat still intact. Or is there something else you want to tell me, is she having your baby too?”
“Absolutely not,” he says, sounding offended. “I’m not saying it’s the same but when you hooked up with Matt in the back of a club you weren’t going to tell me.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I can’t turn around to look at him, I can’t.
“I’m just saying, I was trying to protect you.”
He’s using that as an excuse for what he did? He needs to pull his head out of his ass because that’s where it is. The one time I do something and he keeps throwing it in my face—we weren’t even together. He’s not getting a pass on this. “No, you don’t get to use that to justify what you did, you are so out of line on so many levels it’s unbelievable.”
I hear the door close behind me when he leaves the room.
Minutes later, he comes back in and walks me down to the cab. It’s funny, I hardly ever saw people in his building. But now I feel like people are watching me, heads turning glancing at us as he walks me through the halls and we get on the elevator. We must have really been loud. If they didn’t know, I’m sure they’re going to know now who I am.
He opens the car door for me, I sit back in the seat, and he gives the driver our address. I look straight ahead; I haven’t said a word since we left his office. He leans in the window his hand against my stomach and the baby responds.
“Cat, I’m sorry, I should have told you but I was afraid this would happen. I’ll see you when I get home.”
I don’t say anything. He steps back and the cab pulls off. I turn my head to see him striding back into his office so fast I barely get a glimpse of him.
Nick
I’m beyond furious when I go looking for Paige. When I don’t see her in her office I ask her secretary where the hell she is, scaring her half to death. Which I didn’t mean to do but I’m so goddamn angry I feel like knocking over everything in my way. I see her down the hall talking to another associate smiling at him and batting her eyes. Talking sweetly to him like a praying mantis luring him in with her lies, the treacherous wench.
I take her by the arm startling her out of her conversation. “I need to talk to you now.”
“Nick, I’m in the middle of an important conversation.”
“Your conversation is over, move your ass. You’re lucky I don’t fire you for the shit you tried with Cat.” I glance over at the guy she’s speaking to—Charles; he looks like he wants to say something to me, if he wants his job he won’t. “Don’t you have work to do, Charles?”
“I was headed to my office. Later, Paige.” Moving as swiftly as he can he’s gone out of sight.
Taking her arm, I lead her to my office, taking the stairs, which are rarely used. She’s huffing and puffing, her pointy heels annoyingly clicking all the way up to my office. She almost trips and I help her by yanking her up to my side.
“Nick, you’re hurting me.”
“No, I’m going to hurt you, not in the good way.”
I let go of her once we’re in my office and close the door. “Stay away from her.”
“She’s pregnant, that’s why you’re with her.”
“When the fuck are you going to get it. I don’t want you.”
“If you wanted a child I would have given you one. I still can.”
“It’s clear to me now that you’re insane. You can’t give me anything I want. I love her, you can’t compete. You can’t be her fill-in, you’re not even second choice. You can’t come close to being what she is.”
“I don’t know what you see in her. I was expecting to see something more. She can’t give you anything I can’t. What’s so special about her other than the fact she’s carrying a child?”
“She’s not you, and she’s carrying my child.”
“Nick, I loved you. I still do. I think we could be good together. We are alike in many ways. We’re sexually compatible and both strong and passionate in business. We don’t hear no, when we do, to us it means push harder and don’t give in until you get what you want. I know I messed up when we were together but it was one time. I was utterly committed to you.”
“If you believed that, you would have snapped your legs closed and kept what was mine mine. I’m not going to have this conversation with you again—stay the hell away from her or you’re going to be sorry. I’m done playing games with you, get the hell out of my office.”
“I’m sure you weren’t faithful throughout our relationship. I could look past that and forgive you but the one mistake I make you act like I committed the ultimate sin.”
“Let’s get one thing straight, I never cheated on you. You may have thought I did, I didn’t. And for the record, I genuinely cared about you until you fucked me over.”
“It’s easy for you to be so righteously indignant like the one mistake I made you haven’t done to countless women. Now you claim you’re in love with this girl. Is she really so different from all the others? What makes her special?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“It won’t last; you need a strong woman and from what I saw she doesn’t have what it takes to keep up with you.”
“This will be your last warning. Stay far away from her, if you don’t, I’m going to make you regret the day you laid eyes on me. I’m going to give you exactly what you want, me. I’m going to be your very own personal devil straight from hell wreaking havoc in and around your life. I’m going to be on your mind from the time you open your eyes until you close them.”
She looks at me with all the contempt of a woman scorned. What the hell does she have to be upset about? She’s the one fucking up my life. She needs to get a fucking grip on reality. As for Cat not being strong, she doesn’t know who she’s dealing with. If Cat is pushed hard enough she will push back.
“Cat?” I yell, going up the stairs to the roof. “Damn.” She’s not here, I should have known she wouldn’t listen to me. I sit down on the chair in the middle of the garden and run my fingers through my hair. Where is she? She’s hurt and angry with me, even this upset I know she wouldn’t go to her family. I know where she’s at.
Why am I always knocking on my cousin’s damn door? I’ve messed up so much with Cat she’s probably going to tell her to leave my ass.
“Hey, Ava, I need to talk to her.” She stares at me with the door cracked open like she’s actually considering not letting me.
“You should have kicked her ass out to the curb like the trash she is. What the hell were you thinking? You’re damn lucky you’re my cousin and I know how much you do care about her. If I had any doubts I would slam the door in your face and split your nose in two.”
She moves back from the door and I see Cat sitting on the couch, her legs curled under her. I’m relieved to see she’s here. I had my doubts.
“Cat, I’ll be in my room while my cousin gets down on all fours and begs for you to forgive him.”
Ava closes her door. I sit down in front of Cat and she looks at me with red-rimmed eyes. I hate to see her cry. I hate it even more that I’m the one who hurt her, again.
Cat
“How did you know where I was?”
“You weren’t answering my calls, you weren’t at home. I came here. I should have told you.”
“I felt very stupid having her tell me something you should have told me. She was enjoying every embarrassing moment of my ignorance. I was blindsided, you made me lo
“I know it’s my fault, she was trying to get to you by lying about what happened.”
“She came sashaying into your office like a centerfold stepping out of a playboy magazine. I felt like humpy Dumpty, I look like humpy Dumpty.” He takes my hand and runs a finger under my chin.
“No, you don’t. You’re beautiful.”
“She’s beautiful, how am I to compete with that?” I bite down on my lower lip and move his hand from under my chin. He holds on to my other hand when I try to move it, pulling me closer to him.
“There’s no competition, you have me. More importantly I have you.”
“Paige is successful and accomplished, I’m still not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. I felt inferior, like I was lacking in every way. She does things that I don’t, things I can’t even attempt to try.”
“Don’t talk like this. You’re doing something she could never do.”
“What?” I ask softly. He holds my face up and looks in my eyes.
“Having our child. She could never do that. You are everything to me. She could never take your place. She needs her career to define who she is. You don’t, you define who you are; you’re strong, independent, and at the same time loving and caring and every bit as smart as she is. I love you more than you know, more than I could have imagined. If need be I will remind you every day and every night and every time I’m making love to you and only you for the rest of my life.”
Call me a fool, I believe him. I believe he didn’t sleep with her but there was still a kiss. I’m hurt by his lies. He didn’t trust in me to trust in him and what we have, to do the right thing by telling me the truth. Instead he chose to lie to me, leaving me open…exposed to his ex to hurt me, to hurt us.
“Baby, let’s go home.”
“I’m not coming home. Not tonight.”
“Cat, don’t do this. I know you’re angry, I know you’re hurt. Come home with me.”
“I need to think. I need…not tonight.” I can’t think with him touching me, holding me. “I don’t want to bury what I feel. I want to feel it now, I don’t want to forget it in your arms tonight and deal with it tomorrow. That’s not going to help me, it’s not going to help us.”
“Tonight. If you’re not home by tomorrow night I’ll be back to get you.”
His lips press against my forehead, with a lingering kiss, he heaves a heavy sigh and walks out the door.
I spend the night trying to sleep but failing. I keep thinking about all the things Nick and I have been through. More than any other couple I know. We’ve made it too far to make something like this—a jealous lying ex-girlfriend—break us up. What we sacrificed—all that I’ve sacrificed—too much to let this break us apart. “Hell no.”
I’ve been through too damn much. Gave up my family, having people whispering behind my back. My sister hates my guts, my brother doesn’t want anything to do with me. My father doesn’t have the same look in his eyes when he looks at me. The image he has of me is tarnished like a cheap piece of silverware bought at a yard sale for a dollar ninety-nine. And my mother doesn’t want me to have her grandchild. That says it all.
I fall asleep sometime in the early morning before the sun comes up. I spend the day with Ava, not talking about Nick. She fired her contractor for trying to rip her off. I spend most of the day helping her find a new one and listening to her talk excitedly about the over the top baby shower I asked her not to throw. I leave Ava’s that night, early enough for Nick not to come looking for me. I’ve had time to think, I’m still upset but I love him, I believe him. But all is not going to be forgiven so easily. I’m not going to pretend it is.
I get home and walk past him waiting for me leaning against the kitchen counter. I go into the bathroom and walk right back out. “Where’s the bed?” I stare at the huge empty space where it’s supposed to be. I walk back into the kitchen and notice something else is missing. What the hell is going on? Where’s the kitchen table? I stand in the empty spot where the table used to be, moving my hands around me in a semi-circle. Nick watches me with his arms folded across his chest.
“Nick, where’s the bed?”
“It was time for a new one. I didn’t want you thinking about my ex every time you looked at it or when we have sex. I donated it. I also got a new kitchen table.”
“You threw it out?”
He puts his hands on the counter pushing himself off. “I burned it.”
I smile without thinking, watching him with those eyes intently on me. He takes my hand and leads me to the living room where he sits on the arm of the couch. His arms lock around my back. His forehead presses to mine and our lips touch, he slowly rubs his lips against my slightly parted ones. I feel the familiar pull in the pit of my stomach making me ache. I close my eyes, feeling the pulse between my legs at the touch of his skin against mine and his warm breath on me.
“Don’t lie to me like that again. Don’t make me feel like that girl that’s not enough. I’m going to leave. I won’t come back. You understand me?” I swallow hard, leaning into him, my breathing uneven as he kisses my lips the tip of his tongue moving against me. I wait for him to answer, my hands resting on his arms.
“I hear you loud and crystal clear. It won’t happen again.” I open my mouth and he kisses me, sliding his soft warm wet tongue into my mouth making me moan. His husky voice reaches my ear between his gentle kisses. “I love you, baby. I’m sorry I hurt you, I was wrong for not telling you, I can see that now.”
He picks me up like a feather in his arms and carries me into the guest bedroom. He undresses and makes love to me, telling me how beautiful I am. The muscles of his chest press against my back while he watches me writhing in his arms helplessly, moving against him. His hands never leave my body; holding me, he constantly tells me how much he loves me and needs me in more ways than one. Rubbing his fingers between my legs, he massages my sensitive folds. He’s deep inside me pressed against my ass, bringing me to a satisfying end.
The air conditioner on, the sheets tangled on the bottom of the bed at our feet, and him lying back against the pillows, I sit between his legs sleepily with my head on his chest. His hands lightly stroke my swollen belly. He moves his head so his lips are against my ear.
“I love both of you so much. Are you scared?”
I rub my open palms against his hard thighs and open my eyes, a faint smile on my lips.
“Why should I be? You’re going to be holding my hand the whole time even when I scream at you and tell you to get away from me for being a part of the pain I’m going through.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be with you through it all.”
“I know. I can count on that.”
“You don’t trust me.”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
“You’re still upset.”
“It’s going to take me a few days or weeks. I think the sting of your lie and dishonesty should ware off by the time I go into labor. But I do trust you. Before, I wouldn’t have come back, I would have ran to figure things out. That’s what I did when I left New York, when I moved in with Ava, at the hospital when Kate lost the baby, and when I found out I was pregnant, I ran from you to Matt. I can’t do that anymore, we need to work things out together especially the times when we’re most angry with each other if we’re going to be a family.”
“We’re already a family. I’m not going to tell you I won’t mess up again, I am. I can promise you when I do, because I’m not perfect, it won’t be anything like this again.”
“It better not or you’re going to be the one who’s sorry.”
“Understood.”
“Babe, you look great. You’re going to be the most beautiful pregnant woman there.”
Nick helps me zip the back of my dress up for the charity banquet. I take another look in the mirror at my short blue dress showing off my still toned legs. Must be all the walking I do. That’s the benefit of not having a car—I gave up my exercise regime months ago. How could I keep up with all the drama in my life? Nick tried to get me to exercise with him but that’s too much for me, I get a workout sitting back on the floor watching him. I poke my lips out at my reflection and smooth the dress down over my growing belly. I’m going to look like an elephant by the time I have this baby.
“Are you sure this dress is not too short for a pregnant woman?”
“I told you, you look great, very sexy.”
He kisses the back of my neck and gives me a reassuring smile in the mirror. I sit on the bottom of the bed and try to put on my heels with a lot of difficulty. He laughs, kneeling down and I playfully push his shoulder back with the tip of my toes when he takes the shoes out of my hand to put them on for me.
“Ha, ha. Thank you for helping me.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
I laugh at the cheesy smile on his face and he kisses me on the lips and helps me back up. Things have been really good between us the past two weeks. We talked about Paige, and he was honest and open with me about their past relationship. We’re going to put it behind us and he’s not going to work on any more cases with her personally. He’s super excited about the baby. He came up with two boy names for the baby, and I told him I would think about it, but Jace is still number one for me. He’s not sure about it but I’m sure he can be persuaded to like it as much as I do. I put my diamond earring on and turn to him. “We should decorate the spare bedroom for the baby.”
“We’re not sure what we’re having, what color would it be?”
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