by Amy Vastine
He made a growling sound, part desire, part frustration. “You shouldn’t be. I am too old for you and…” The rest of his words were lost, lodged in his throat like dry oatmeal, because she’d brought her hands up to touch his chest. They were toe to toe, and with her palms flat she slid her hands slowly up while he watched, fascinated, until they disappeared from his line of sight to wind around his neck.
Because she was so much shorter, she had to stretch to accomplish the task, and the move left only a fraction of space between them. One deep breath and she’d be flush against him… With a gentle pull, she urged his head to bow toward hers. She must have risen onto her toes at the same time because that last bit of space between them disappeared and their lips made contact.
Closing his eyes, he kissed her back, but only lightly, allowing himself this final goodbye. See, he could do this. One soft, sweet, goodbye kiss…
Then she made a little noise and went all boneless against him, her fingers biting into his shoulders. His arms tightened around her. Sliding the fingers of one hand up to the back of her neck, he curved the other around her hip and kissed her with everything he had.
Like it was the last time.
Because it was, he realized when she whispered his name. He had to stop this. He pulled away slightly. Her fingers bunched the fabric of his shirt and she laid her cheek against his chest. Tag rested his chin on the top of her head while he waited for his breathing to slow.
A long moment passed before she let out a soft chuckle and said, “Too tall, maybe. But definitely not too old.”
Taking one of her hands, he tucked it in his and pulled her toward the sofa, urging her down next to him. He had to let her go even as he wondered how it could possibly hurt this much when he barely knew her. But he knew enough. And if she was older, then he would learn everything. But she wasn’t.
“Surely you’re not still going to give me the speech? After that?”
He allowed himself a final moment to enjoy the sensation of her skin against his before he released her. “Yes, I am. Because the fact is that you are closer in age to Gareth and every other senior in high school than you are to me.”
“I don’t care. I don’t even know how old you are.”
“Great.” His head fell back on the sofa. “That does not make it better.”
“Forty?” she guessed.
“Close.”
“Forty-five?”
“Seriously? I look forty-five to you?”
She shrugged. “No, but from the way you’re acting I figured it had to be higher.”
“That would for sure mean a midlife crisis,” he muttered.
“What?” she asked with a laugh.
“Nothing. I’m thirty-eight.”
She brightened. “See? Not even forty. It’s all good!”
“No, it’s not. It is not good at all. This is not going to happen.”
“Well, I’ve got news for you, Grandpa, something already did. Twice. And I, for one, can’t wait to do it again.”
“Ally…” Her name came out like a groan. “Okay, I’ll admit we’ve got a… I don’t even know what to call this.” He gestured helplessly between them. “But physical attraction isn’t a basis for a relationship.”
She looked offended. “I know that. I’m not attracted to you because of the way you look or because we happen to have some killer chemistry here, although you are gorgeous and this—” she gestured happily between them “—is pretty fun.”
“You’re not?” And it wasn’t fun. Not to him. At least, not in a good way. Because it just made everything even more difficult and somehow increased his guilt exponentially.
“No, and that’s not why you like me, either. We didn’t feel anything the first couple times we met, did we? Except for irritation. I didn’t even remember who you were at one point and you thought I was a crackpot. Maybe still do, a bit.”
This was true, mostly. “Crackpot is kind of a strong term.”
She chuckled. “Don’t start pulling the political correctness card on me now. I know what you thought of me. And I thought you were just another arrogant know-it-all. I’m attracted to you because you’re not those things. You are confident and smart and incredibly thoughtful and kind. You love your family, and from what I’ve seen you’re extra good to them all, especially your sisters. You’re also a paramedic, a decent basketball player and an excellent pilot, and I’ll admit I find that particular skill set highly attractive.”
Toast. He was toast. How was he supposed to resist this—her? He was 100 percent certain he’d never been tested this way in his entire life. And he’d thought running for the senate was going to be his biggest challenge.
She shifted on the sofa, curling one leg under her. “Let’s talk about why this is an issue for you, the age thing. Do you even know how old I am?”
“Twenty-three or-four? Please say twenty-four. And twenty-five would absolutely make my day.”
“Twenty-two.” Her free hand shot forward. “Don’t freak out. I’ve lived a lot—you know that. My childhood was unique, to say the least. I grew up fast in some ways. A little sheltered in others, but mostly in good ways, I think. I’ve already served in the Army and been to college and traveled the world.”
“But—”
“Tag, it’s just time, days and hours that have passed. And when you think about it, it’s a drop in the bucket.”
He scoffed. “In a geological context, maybe.”
She brought a hand up to cover her mouth, but laughter sputtered through her fingers. “Did you just call yourself a fossil?”
“This isn’t funny.” He fought a smile and lost. “Okay, that was a little funny, but the rest of this is not.”
“It is, too.” She choked out the words, trying to hold in another laugh. “Especially the way you set me up there.”
He shook his head. “You make it hard for me to think clearly. This situation has me panicky in a way I’ve never experienced before.”
Reaching over, she picked up his hand. And he let her. Because he was a weak, weak man. And he wanted to believe her. He wanted these years and days and hours between them not to matter. It was that simple. Turning his hand, she placed it on her knee. With her index finger, she traced the lines on his palm.
Serious now, she said, “This line right here, your lifeline, is strong and deep. It tells me you are healthy with excellent stamina and vitality. That’s all I need to know.” Shrugging like it was a done deal, she brought her gaze up to meet his. Gorgeous brown eyes, wide and sincere, and when she turned their full force on him like this, he feared he might not be able to deny her anything.
“Did I mention that in addition to having an interest in alternative medicine I’m also psychic?”
What? His stomach dipped nervously as her words sank in. Perfect. Maybe now she’d tell him he was going to die soon in a fiery plane crash.
“No, uh…you didn’t. I don’t know…”
She busted out laughing. “I’m kidding! I have no idea what any of these lines mean. I just like holding your hand.” She began to massage the intricate muscles of his palm.
He chuckled. “You are a brat. But that feels heavenly, whatever you’re doing.”
“Pressure points I do know. You’re very tense, by the way. I wonder why?”
“Yeah, I wonder, too,” he said drily.
Grinning, she linked her fingers through his and squeezed. “But, seriously, why does a few extra years matter to you so much?”
Despite his anxiety, he felt a kind of soul-deep rightness seeping into him. Why did it matter? She was watching him, waiting for an answer. It seemed years ago that he’d been twenty-two. And yet, maybe not that long ago, after all. He couldn’t remember when his feelings had ever confused him like this.
He sighed and said the first thing that came to his mind. “W
hat would people think? You’re younger than my little sisters.”
“And you’re older than my car.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Exactly. Who cares what people think? Are you committed to someone else?”
“No.”
“Good.” She heaved out a breath. “I was worried because the way you bolted after I kissed you at the picnic, I figured maybe you were feeling guilty because there was already someone in your life. Same goes for me. And other than going to the prom with your cousin, I’m free to date whenever and whoever I want.”
“Also not funny.”
“I know. But you deserve it for even thinking that I would look at him in that way.”
Tag laid his head back against the sofa and realized that since they’d been to Anchorage together, in fact the last time they’d been alone together, he felt relaxed and…? Himself. Happy. Right now, there wasn’t anywhere else on the entire planet he’d rather be.
“Look, is it possible for you to let go of your…ageism,” she teased, “long enough to just have some fun? I’m not looking for marriage here or kids or even a relationship. I like you, Tag. I haven’t liked anyone as much as I like you in…a really long time.”
And that was the heart of the problem: Tag was looking, he wanted all of those things. They were at very different points in their lives. He needed to look if he was going to get married and have a family. Did he have the time to waste on dating when he knew it couldn’t go anywhere? And even if they did head in that direction, Ally was too young to make a decision about the rest of her life. He certainly couldn’t have made that kind of commitment at twenty-two, or at any time in his twenties, if he was honest. And by the time she was ready, he would be way older than he wanted to be when he started a family.
Not that he even had time to think about that now, with the election bearing down on him. Although, she’d just said that she wasn’t interested in a serious relationship. It was the only reason, he told himself, he would even consider dating her; they couldn’t get serious.
That’s when it occurred to him: their age difference could be the very thing that allowed him to date her. It would be a buffer of sorts, the justification for keeping the relationship casual.
He’d need to be straight with her about this campaign business before he even considered going out with her. Was he considering it?
“Maybe. But first, there’s something I need to tell you.”
* * *
ALLY LISTENED TO Tag outline the Senator Project. Concern for Rankins, the community and the surrounding environment welled within her.
“Almost every person in my family and most of my friends rely on the pristine beauty of this valley for their livelihoods,” explained Tag.
His reasons made sense, and she respected his commitment, but as he went on, an unsettled feeling crept over her. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what was bothering her. She was glad that he seemed more amenable to the idea of their spending time together, but what had made him change his mind so quickly?
“I want to make sure you understand that, if we start…dating, I won’t be as available as I’d like. The campaign will be demanding. I’m going to have to travel and spend a lot of time in Juneau.” He shrugged. “It could get crazy.”
“I see. But why you?”
“What do you mean?”
“This all started with your cousin Bering, right? Why doesn’t he run? Or your dad or one of your sisters?”
“They all have businesses to manage.”
“So do you.”
A flash of what looked a lot like uncertainty passed across his face and Ally’s heart went out to him. She’d wanted to shake that ironclad confidence of his at the basketball game, but running for office was different, serious and more significant. He would need every bit of self-assurance he could muster.
“They all have families, except the triplets. Any of them could do it, but it makes the most sense for me to do it. I’m the one with the most time and the least to lose.”
“Hmm.” The most time? From what she’d seen and heard, that worked a lot more to their advantage than his. Helping people seemed to be his thing, but who, she wondered, helped him?
“You have to promise me that if we do start dating, we’ll keep it casual, like you said. See other people, I mean, you can see other people and…you should.”
She laughed. “I’m not interested in seeing anyone else. But just so you know, I am going to see Gareth again. I told him I’d help him with his outside shooting. That’s what he was doing here.”
“Oh. That’s nice of you.”
“So, we’re really going to try this?” Ally glanced up at the wall. Tag followed her gaze up to the fish clock he suspected Kenny had left there. “You and me? And you’re fine with people knowing?”
“Yep.”
Leaning forward, she brushed her lips against his, liking the way his eyelids fluttered closed, like he was all-in. “Good, because your sister is going to be here any minute.”
“Iris?”
“No, Hannah. We’re having dinner.” Hannah had approached Ally on Saturday when she and Flynn were leaving the party and asked if they could have that discussion about her leg Ally had offered before. But she wasn’t going to tell Tag that part. Best to tackle one issue at a time.
CHAPTER NINE
“WORD HAS REACHED ME, Ms. Mowak, that you are encouraging patients to smoke marijuana.”
“Excuse me?” Ally said to buy some time and get a handle on the situation. She wasn’t surprised that she’d been summoned by Dr. Boyd again. It was the timing that caught her off guard. She’d met with Ginger a week ago. Clearly, his spy was slacking.
“I don’t believe it’s a difficult question. Did you or did you not recommend the use of marijuana to the patient?”
“I did not.”
“That’s not the way I heard it.”
Careful to keep her voice calm and even she said, “With all due respect, Dr. Boyd, if you’re going to ask me a question and then dispute my response, what’s the point in asking?” You condescending, unpleasant prig, she silently added.
“I would advise you not to take that tone with me. You are already skating on very thin ice here.”
Incredible how often the complete lack of emotion in her voice got her accused of the opposite. “I apologize if that sounded glib or facetious to you, sir, but I am rather confused. Medical marijuana is not only a scientifically proven effective treatment for the alleviation of pain and other cancer symptoms, but it is also now legal in the state of Alaska. Doctors are sanctioning its use for numerous diseases and medical conditions.”
“Not in my hospital, they’re not! I know you’re used to watching your grandfather run around doing whatever he wants, but that’s not the way it works around here.”
“I see.” Ally knew that continuing this conversation was only going to incite Dr. Boyd further. “You asked me if I recommended the use of medical marijuana to the patient and I told you I did not. There were plenty of witnesses in the room who can attest to the fact that the patient broached the subject. Did the patient or her family complain?”
“No.”
“I’ve studied the handbook like you suggested, and there’s nothing there or in my job description about not discussing the proper use of a legal drug with a patient. Perhaps if I missed it, and it is there, you could highlight those portions for me, as well?”
Ally watched Dr. Boyd and imagined that he was trying to gauge her level of sincerity.
“Did you tell her you would help her secure the marijuana?”
Fixing her eyes on his neatly trimmed cap of white hair helped her keep herself in check. It was like he was intimating that she’d agreed to buy weed for a teenager bent on a weekend party binge instead of counseling a terminally ill can
cer patient.
“Not exactly. After inquiring if the patient had applied for a medical marijuana card I told her I could recommend experts to help her choose the right strain for her condition.”
Blue eyes flashed with anger. Disproportionate and misplaced anger, because could he truly be this upset about a conversation regarding the use of cannabis as a medical treatment? Ally almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost, that is, until he started speaking again.
His jaw went taut, teeth bared like he was biting into a piece of tough steak. “This is unacceptable.”
Ally waited while uncomfortably long moments dragged by. The tick-tock-ticking of a clock high on the wall behind her sounded through the room like a cartoon time bomb.
Folding his fingers on the desktop in front of him, he leaned in. Ally resisted the urge to lean back.
“I am going to remind you of a few things, Ms. Mowak. The most important of which is that in this hospital we only practice modern medicine. You will adhere to that practice and behave professionally. And despite your innocent act here, I think you know exactly what I mean by that. But if you do have even one iota of doubt about what that might entail, you will ask.”
“Of course.”
He pointed one long spidery finger at her. “Watch yourself, Ms. Mowak, and comport yourself accordingly. That includes reining in your unorthodox opinions. Yes, I’ve heard you’re spreading those around, too.”
As if she had a disease and was trying to infect the population. Ally didn’t bother to respond. If he thought he could silence her when she was off the clock, he was sorely mistaken. The whole point of her existence, her purpose in life, was to share her knowledge. Unfortunately, she reminded herself, there was also the matter of keeping this job.
* * *
“GREAT NEWS.” Bering checked the brakes on one of the two ATVs in front of them. “Jack said your list of endorsements is already a mile long.”
“That is good news.” Tag wiggled the seat on the other ATV to make sure it was snug. His cousin Janie’s six-year-old twins, Gabe and Finn, were going to be riding the matching vehicles. “Dr. Boyd has already reached out, too. He’s setting up a meeting with some colleagues.”