by Amy Vastine
The thought of that…that…dragon, to steal a term from Iris, directing his campaign, dictating his every move and sucking the life out of him filled her with absolute despair. And a fair amount of anger. And…
Oh, no, what would he do when Kendall told him what she’d said about being glued to his side? Humiliating to think about, considering they weren’t even a couple anymore. Ally thought about how that superior, smug look had dissolved from Kendall’s face and decided it had been worth it.
Could he not see what this campaign was going to do to him? Had done already? Was it worth it to sacrifice so much of yourself for a greater cause? And yet… A deep sigh escaped her as she realized that she was no better than he was. She was about to lose her job because of her beliefs. She had no room to talk.
If this was love, then she was glad she’d managed to avoid it for so long. Although, to be fair, she didn’t see a path other than the one they were taking. Retreat. He didn’t respect her beliefs, and worse, he didn’t trust her to dispense them appropriately. And she wasn’t sure she trusted him, not when it came to juggling his personal life with the campaign.
She needed to let him go before any further damage was done. As it was, she could barely breathe for wanting to run to him and confess all. Why did this in-love feeling, now that she’d acknowledged it, want out so desperately? She’d always wondered about that in books she’d read. Why did people feel compelled to spout off words of love without being sure they would be returned? Now she knew, and it was like trying to contain a herd of migrating caribou inside a corral made of twigs. Eventually, they would stampede their way out, so compelling was their need to get where they were going.
Turning away from the window, Ally headed down the hall, every step jarring her cracked and aching heart, and agitating those wayward caribou. She was glad Tag didn’t know about the hospital board hearing next week, glad that he wouldn’t be conflicted about coming to support her. It was better this way, she assured herself. The last thing she wanted was for her association with him to damage his chances in the election, and that would happen if she got fired. That senate seat meant everything to him. And deep down she knew it was selfish of her to want to mean more to him than it did.
When she walked through the door leading to the clinic, she discovered Abe in the reception office, his laptop open in front of him. She loved the way his eyes always lit when he noticed her. Even when she’d been a little girl getting in his way or into trouble, there had always been love in those eyes. She was extra grateful to see it there now.
“Hey, Als.”
“Papa, hey. How’s Zeke doing?”
“Good. Very good. Storm’s supposed to ease tonight. We’ll fly him to Rankins on Monday morning.”
“You’re taking him?”
“Yep, just arranged it. Eric from Flyway is available.” Flyway was another company that operated medical transport in the region.
“You think he’s going to be okay to travel?”
“Oh, yeah, no problem. Mainly, I’m going because I want to be with you at your hearing on Tuesday and there’s a guy in Glacier City I need to meet with.”
“Who is it?”
“A computer software developer. It’s a business opportunity. I’ll tell you about it later. Right now, I want to talk about you.”
She winced. “You don’t have to come to the hearing.”
“Yes, I do, if that’s what’s troubling you.”
“Why do you think something is troubling me?”
A quirk of his brow was all it took.
She sighed. “I’m fine. Just a little stressed.”
“Because of the hearing?”
“Partly. I don’t want to whine about it, though. I knew this job was going to be difficult.”
“If you were going to whine, which I know you’re not because I didn’t raise a whiner, but if you were, what would you say right now?”
“That Dr. Boyd has it in for me. Part of the problem is that people in town seem to think I’m some sort of all-powerful healer, or that I think I am. Now I’ve got people seeking me out, and I’m afraid of making a mistake, afraid I’m going to say something that could get me into trouble. Maybe I already have.” Tag had warned her, but Ally hadn’t realized how much she feared it until now. She wouldn’t change who she was, but facing the consequences still scared her.
“Ally, all you can do is the best you can do. It was unfortunate that you got started in Rankins the way you did, with Louis and the clay. It made people notice you. But, as you mentioned, it also made people notice you. You’ve told me yourself—you’ve been able to guide several people who wouldn’t have come into your path otherwise.”
“I know. But I don’t want to disappoint you. I know how much this job means to you.”
“Me? You could never disappoint me. You’ve exceeded my hopes and expectations in every single way. If this job isn’t meant to be, a different, better one is.”
She managed a weak smile. “Wow. No pressure.”
He chuckled. “Nope. None. That’s the beauty of unconditional love. You don’t have to earn it.”
“It’s not your love I’m worried about,” she muttered.
“Oh? Whose love are we talking about, then?”
Ally felt her cheeks go hot. She hadn’t meant it that way, but now that he said it, she couldn’t help but think it, feel it. “I mean, it’s your respect and admiration that concerns me.”
She knew her grandfather. The man didn’t miss a beat.
“I’m sensing discord in your relationship with Pilot.”
She laughed. “You know his name is Tag.”
“I know, but it’s such a funny story, that you thought his name was pilot. What kind of a name is Tag, anyway? It’s not a name—it’s a game for children.”
“Taggart is his name. It’s his mom’s maiden name.”
“Mmm. Well, that’s a little better.”
“You have no room to talk—you know that, right? Alsoomse isn’t exactly found on every souvenir key chain rack in the country.”
The sound of his laughter was such a comfort. “You got me there. But it worked, didn’t it? Naming you what I wanted you to be?”
“It did.” When it came to her independence, at least, she could be confident.
“Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’re skirting the issue here. What’s up with you and Taggart?”
“Nothing. And I told you before—it’s not a relationship.”
“You might want to mention that to him.”
Ally felt as if her heart had grown crampons and was climbing its way up her throat. “What do you mean?”
“I know we’ve never had a chance to navigate these waters where dating is concerned. I was always kind of relieved, seeing as how you didn’t have your grandmother around. But now I’m thinking it’s unfortunate, because you’ve been thrown into the deep end, haven’t you?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I see the way he looks at you. And the way he looks at poor Davey while he’s pining after you. It makes me a little afraid for Dave.”
No way Tag was jealous of Dave, was he? “Papa, I think you’re mistaken. I think your love glasses for me have colored your perception of the situation.”
“Is that so? Then am I also imagining the way you look at him?”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT morphed painfully into Sunday morning, and Tag decided to make himself useful again, this time by fixing breakfast with ingredients he found in Abe’s kitchen. Not surprisingly, both the refrigerator and the freezer were well supplied. Stocking up was something most Alaskans were good at, and soon he had bacon sizzling in a skillet while he whisked the eggs for a scramble.
Abe came into the kitchen, looking bright eyed in jeans and a flannel shirt. “Mornin’
. Smells delicious.” Stepping over to the coffee maker, he filled a mug.
“Good morning. I hope it’s okay I’m making myself at home here?”
“Cooking a breakfast like this, you can move on in. It’s usually oatmeal around here, I’m afraid.”
“How’s Zeke?” Tag filled the toaster with whole wheat bread, then poured the eggs into the pan and stirred.
“Doing remarkably well.” Abe pulled out a chair and sat. “The healing power of young people never ceases to amaze me. If only I could bottle it.”
“You could save the world.” Taking a slice of bread from the toaster, Tag slathered on a pat of butter.
“Don’t be shy with the butter there, cowboy. Nah, I’m not interested in saving the world. It’s impossible to stop the cycle, you know? My goal is to heal, to ease suffering and make it more pleasant to live in this world. We can all only do as much as we are able. The trick, once you get that helping fever into your blood, is knowing where to draw the line, how much to do, when to stop before draining your own well dry.”
Tag paused, then added another swipe of butter to the toast. A stab of longing sliced through him as he was reminded of the time Ally had called him cowboy. He didn’t feel like that carefree, risk-taking cowboy lately. He felt more like the toast he was buttering.
After spooning eggs onto a platter, he set all the food on the table and sat down across from Abe. “Ally told me you’re a philosopher.”
Abe filled his plate and took a bite of eggs. Nodding appreciatively, he said, “Mmm. Delicious. I appreciate a man who knows how not to overcook eggs. It’s an art form. Can’t let those protein bonds get too hot. I may be something of an amateur philosopher, but I’m a grandfather first, a parent. That line I was referring to earlier? For me, it’s Ally.”
Tag’s bite of eggs turned rubbery. Nervously, he settled in for a conversation that could go many different directions. What had Ally told her grandfather?
Tag gave a casual shrug of one shoulder. “Lucky for me, I have the luxury of not really having a line—not yet, anyway. Meaning I don’t have a family of my own, like a wife or kids.”
Abe chewed slowly, his brown eyes like hot lasers sighted on Tag’s. He swallowed and then took a sip of coffee. In a flat tone nearly identical to Ally’s, he said, “Lucky for you, huh?”
Tag realized how much that made him sound like a player, afraid of commitment. “Well, no, not really. Honestly, I wish I had a line.” I wish I had Ally.
“Hypothetically, if you did have a line, would you be able to not cross it, protect it, cherish it?”
Tag set his fork down and leaned back in his chair. “Okay, Dr. Mowak, I know we don’t know each other very well, or at all, really. But I feel like I know you a little through Ally, and I definitely know how much you mean to her. So, maybe you should just tell me what you’re trying to say here?”
“I’m not trying to say anything. What I am saying is that I don’t appreciate you playing fast and loose with my granddaughter’s heart. Despite the way she acts, she feels very deeply. If a person could be accused of having too much compassion, loving too deeply, that would be my Ally. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do for someone she loves. Probably there’s nothing she wouldn’t do to protect someone she cares about, either, for that matter.”
“Sir, I promise you, it’s not like that.”
“Not like what?” Abe scooped up another bite of eggs, casual as you please. Tag knew he was anything but. There was so much of this man in Ally.
“I think I know what you’re saying. But, uh, I’m the one who is in over my head here.”
Abe leaned back a little in his chair, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. With a sad shake of his head, he said, “You know, I’m surprised.” Before Tag could respond, he went on, “When Ally told me about you, she said you were smart. I was glad for that. Can’t abide the notion of her settling for someone who isn’t as intelligent as she is.” Squinting slightly, like he was thinking it over, he added, “Eh, I suppose the fact that you’re a paramedic and a pilot and a successful businessman confirms your intelligence on one level. The lowest, most basic one.”
A mix of amusement and irritation stirred inside Tag, but he held steady. Keeping his feelings to himself, and at bay, was exhausting. He wondered how these two did it all the time.
“Thanks for that, then, I guess.”
“You know how old she is, right? And you’re, like, what, late thirties?”
Why did everyone keep going for this weak spot? “Yes. But believe me, our age difference was a cause of great concern to me before we ever started dating. Not to Ally, but for me. And I am careful not to forget—”
Brushing a hand through the air to cut him off, Abe said, “It’s not that. It’s not the difference in your ages that I’m talking about here. I don’t care about that. I care about Ally being happy. Right now, she’s not happy. I think you’re to blame.”
“Maybe. But not like I think you’re thinking. We had a difference of opinion over her…medical beliefs, and then… I don’t know if Ally told you, but I’m running for state senate and…” How did he explain how complicated his life was?
Abe was shaking his head again. “I don’t care what you two were disagreeing over. It’s no secret that Ally shares my views on medicine. She’s used to people questioning that. Differences in opinion can almost always be worked out if you love each other enough. The problem, as I see it, has to do with priorities and honesty, on both sides. Too many of the former are misplaced, however well-meaning, and there’s not enough of the latter.”
“I’ve been honest with her from the start,” Tag said, and then immediately realized that wasn’t true on at least one level. Maybe more, if he counted Kendall. What purpose would it serve to tell her how he felt? Other than breaking his own heart, which already felt battered about with more raw edges than he would have thought possible? As for the priorities, that part was true. But what choice did he have? Running for political office was all about priorities, about putting others’ needs ahead of his own. Except where this thing with Kendall was concerned—that he was going to do something about, regardless of what happened with Ally.
“And Ally has been honest with me, too. I know she’s not looking for a serious relationship.”
More head shaking from Abe left Tag feeling like a wayward teen who’d disappointed his father. “Son, you are sorely lacking when it comes to your knowledge of romantic relationships, aren’t you? I’m beginning to think you and Ally are on about the same level when it comes to that kind of experience.”
“Well, I can’t argue that.”
“Can’t argue what?” Ally asked in a husky morning voice as she strolled into the kitchen in her baggy flannel pajama bottoms, soft pink T-shirt and leather slippers. She’d secured her sleep-mussed hair away from her face, and a sharp pang of longing shot straight through his bloodstream. A lifetime of Sunday morning images flitted through his brain: him and Ally, kids, cats, coffee and the newspaper, cuddling in front of the fireplace in his house. He needed to…do something. He had to get out of here and away from her before he said something, did something he couldn’t take back.
“Argue about bacon,” Abe supplied.
Ally spun around from where she was filling a cup with coffee. Lips curving at the corners, she said drily, “Sounds like I’ve been missing out on some profound and insightful breakfast conversation.” Pulling out a chair, she joined them at the table and snagged a piece of bacon from the platter.
Abe’s tone was wry, while his gaze was anything but as he pinned it on Tag. “You could say that.”
* * *
ALLY WAS RELIEVED when Max called later that morning to tell Tag he’d found the part for his plane. The weather had cleared and this meant Tag would be leaving soon. She’d already decided not to fly back with him because, without the distraction of an emergency b
etween them, they’d be forced to talk. She didn’t want to talk. She wasn’t sure she could have any more conversations about Shay or the campaign—and certainly not about Kendall—and keep her emotions in check.
Then there was the fact that she didn’t want to confess that he’d likely been right about her medical discussions getting her fired. She’d been in touch with Flynn, and he’d heard that it wasn’t looking good for her.
Tag found her in the living room, where she’d been pretending to read. “Max said his cousin is going to be in the area and can swing by and pick us up. Can you be ready in about thirty minutes?”
“I’m not going with you. My grandpa is flying Zeke to Rankins tomorrow. I’m going to wait and go with him.”
“Your grandfather is coming to Rankins?”
“Yep. He, um, he wants to consult with Doc about Zeke. And he has some business to take care of.”
“So, you’re not coming back with me?”
He phrased the question like he was having a difficult time accepting it. Ally tried not to read too much into it. “No, I already told Flynn. He’s going to handle any emergencies.”
“Why?”
“Because he knows what to do,” she said, purposely misunderstanding the question. “He used to do the job before I was hired.”
“No, I mean why aren’t you coming with me? I was hoping…” His look told her he knew exactly what she was up to. “Ally, I think we need to talk. I have to leave for Juneau tomorrow, and I won’t be back until Wednesday at the earliest.”
A rush of relief went through her. If he was leaving tomorrow, there was less chance he’d find out about the hearing. But that also meant it was that much sooner he’d be with Kendall and she’d find out Ally was lying about herself and Tag.
But it didn’t matter now, anyway; she and Tag were over. She needed to make that clear, lest she hold on to some pointless hope. She tried to inhale a fortifying breath but her lungs felt caustic and tight, like they were full of campfire smoke.