by Amy Vastine
“What is it?”
“A community open house.”
“I had one the week before we opened. No one came.”
“That’s because I wasn’t involved.”
“And how will that make a difference?”
“This time, we’re putting on a rodeo.”
Her breath caught as she juxtaposed the image of downed riders with downed soldiers. “No. Too dangerous.” Especially for her, since it might trigger her PTSD and send her back down the rabbit hole. “I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”
“No one will. Promise. Cross my fingers and hope to—”
“Don’t say it!” she cried.
“Trust me.” His eyes held hers until she nodded. Then he led her to the car and held open the door for her. Once she slipped behind the wheel, she watched him scoot over the hood, daredevil as ever.
Did she trust Justin?
She wanted to…very, very badly.
With her heart most of all…if she dared.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“ISN’T SHE JUST the cutest little baby you’ve ever seen?” Justin’s mother tapped on the maternity ward window. “Hi, baby! It’s your grandma!”
“Ma, she can’t hear you,” Justin said without tearing his eyes off the red-faced infant wearing a miniature pink cap. She had Jesse’s nose. His winged eyebrows. And her eyes were the same golden-green hazel he avoided in the mirror.
“Oh, yes, she can,” cooed his ma. “She’s very alert. See—she’s not sleeping like the rest. She’s pointing at us. She’s very smart.”
“Wait here while I call Harvard admissions.”
“Nonsense. Did I tell you her Apgar score was a ten?”
“A couple times.” More like twenty…
“She’s perfect…” His ma sighed.
“How’s Sofia?”
“She was finishing a shower a half hour ago, so this is a good time to visit her and James.”
“I just came to see the baby. Don’t want to keep Brielle waiting.” Or drag down the happy family with his long face.
“I’m in no hurry,” Brielle remarked, joining them. She plucked a cup of coffee from a cardboard container and passed it to Joy. “You said cream and sugar?”
“Thank you, honey.” Ma lifted the lid, letting out the strong scent of burned roast. Her eyes closed in appreciation. “I needed this. We’ve been here since Sofia’s water broke. Sixteen hours of labor, bless her.”
“Black for you?” Sofia’s fingers brushed Justin’s as she passed over his drink.
He relished the electric feel of her skin against his. Since last week’s incredible kiss, he could no sooner stop reliving the moment than he could stop breathing.
“Thanks.” The bitter brew scalded his tongue and throat as he gulped it back.
“Thank you for bringing Justin,” Ma gushed, twinkling at Brielle. “We’re grateful for all you’re doing.”
He felt Brielle’s eyes on him. “Fresh Start’s thankful for him, too. We couldn’t do without him.”
Did she include herself in that statement?
It was clear he was getting attached…and he wasn’t sure if he could do without her. Not that he’d burden Brielle’s already troubled life with his issues. If he committed, full on, to Fresh Start’s treatment, though, might he become worthy of her? Be someone she could lean on and open up to fully, at last?
Plain and simple, Brielle made him want to be a better man.
Incentive enough to try.
He’d made his first counseling appointment with Dr. Sheldon for tomorrow and then another, with psychiatrist Dr. Fulton, the following day. Along with his volunteer work, his visits with the doctors would satisfy the court’s ruling. The Al-Anon session and Brielle’s insistence that he face his supposed anger about Jesse also factored into his decisions.
Since his twin’s death, Justin’s emotions had settled deep within, where they couldn’t touch him. Now, they swirled around him, shaken loose by recent events, leaving him disoriented. He needed to clear his head and his heart.
Most importantly, he had to save Fresh Start with a kick-butt open house that’d keep the facility’s charter and Brielle in Carbondale while he figured out his growing feelings for the chaplain.
“She’s the spitting image of Jesse and Justin,” he tuned back in and heard his mother exclaim. “You know, my husband and I weren’t expecting twins when they were born.” Justin’s ears perked up. “Justin came first, screaming and red, mad as a hornet.”
“Justin?” Brielle’s eyebrows rose. “But he’s so mild-mannered.” She hid a teasing smile, but Justin could see her amusement in her eyes. It warmed him through.
Joy chuckled. “Oh, yes, very out of character. Then along came Jesse, catching us all by surprise. I hadn’t had an ultrasound, and when we’d listened to the heartbeat at the doctor’s office, we’d only heard the one.”
“You heard both,” Justin asserted.
“Justin and Jesse were close,” his ma sighed. “They say mothers are supposed to be able to tell their twins apart, but I sure couldn’t.”
“Then why’d you dress us identical for so long?” he grumbled.
He glimpsed Brielle taking in his mother’s color-coordinated outfit: rose-colored earrings that matched her blouse, necklace, a braided wool belt and heels.
“I like things that match.” Ma shrugged. “Besides, I made you wear those colored wool string bracelets. It was the only way I could keep track of who was who before Justin got stitches on his fifth birthday.”
“We switched those strings all the time,” Justin confessed with a grin.
Brielle mouthed “terrible” at him behind his mother’s back.
“You little devils!” huffed Ma. “I knotted them myself!”
“We’d just grab more wool from your basket and Jared would tie them.”
His mother turned to Brielle and placed her hands on her hips. “Do you see what I had to deal with?”
“Nothing but trouble and heartache, right, Ma?” A pinching throb began on the right side of Justin’s head, directly behind his eye.
“And love,” Ma added with a long sigh. “Despite everything, I feel like the luckiest mother in the world. And grandmother.”
Justin thought of Cole’s mother, of the note where she’d confessed to never feeling like a mother, and caught his ma in a fast, tight hug.
“Oof!” she said when Justin released her. “It’s been a long time since you’ve given me one of those. Thank you, honey.”
“There you are!” huffed his sister, Jewel, as she turned into the corridor and spotted them. “James sent me to fetch you all.”
“We’re heading out.” Justin pointed to his watch. “Dinner starts in ten minutes.”
“We can grab something from the kitchen later,” Brielle insisted, completely misreading him…or was she just sticking her oar in again, imposing her aid when he didn’t need it? Not from her, especially since he didn’t want to be treated like one of her patients, even if she wasn’t counseling him.
How did he want her to view him?
As a beau? A boyfriend? More?
Jewel linked her arm in Justin’s and nearly yanked him off his feet as she dragged him down the hall. “That settles it. Come on!” Then—“Sorry!” when she nearly ran over a volunteer pushing a flower-filled cart. Coffee spouted from Justin’s cup and burned his wrist.
“Careful!” his mother yelled behind them.
At a closed door marked with the name Cade, Jewel stopped and turned to face him. “Smile.”
He wrenched his mouth slightly.
Jewel poked her fingers on either side of his lips and shoved them up. Her eyes narrowed as she considered him. “Better. Show some teeth.”
He bared them, and she rolled her eyes. “Now you look l
ike a rabid rottweiler. Just be happy for them, okay?”
An arm slipped in his, slender and strong. Brielle. He breathed in her light, fruity scent, and his headache backed off.
“I am happy for them.” Deep down…where he couldn’t fully feel it.
Justin followed Jewel inside, Brielle sticking to his side like a burr. One he didn’t want to shake.
“Uncle Justin!”
He instinctively crouched to catch Javi midleap. “How’re you doing, bud?”
“I’m a big brother.” Javi’s small chest puffed. “Which means I’m the boss.”
“You sound like your father more every day.” Justin eyed James, who’d officially adopted Javi after marrying Sofia. An exasperated nurse watched as James modeled proper swaddling cloth–folding techniques.
“Sofia, you look beautiful!” his ma raved, moving to the hospital bed.
Brielle nudged Justin, and he stepped forward to pause at the headboard.
Sofia’s damp hair clung to her flushed face. Dark circles pouched beneath her eyes, and her exhausted smile waxed and waned, but Justin agreed with his mother. Sofia gave off a light all her own. Was this what perfect happiness looked like?
“I feel like I’ve been run over by a tractor trailer. Twice.” Sofia laughed. “Did you see the baby?”
“She’s adorable,” Brielle said.
“Beautiful,” Ma gushed. “A dainty little lady.”
“Dainty?” Jewel scoffed. “Did you see her arms and legs? She’s built like a sumo wrestler.”
Justin’s laugh cut off at Brielle’s light kick.
“Jewel! That’s insulting,” Ma chastised.
“She meant it as a compliment,” James said, joining them.
“Exactly.” Jewel rolled up her plaid shirt’s sleeve and flexed her ranch-honed bicep. “A real cowgirl. She’s going to be a barrel racer and roper, just like her aunts.”
“I’ll teach her,” Amberley offered as she and Jared entered the crowded room with her service dog, Petey.
The place was practically wall-to-wall smiles and good cheer. Justin tried to back up and was stopped by a wall—that wall being Brielle. Darn that stubborn woman.
She’d said everyone needed someone to challenge them…and she did that to him in spades. Aces, even.
“Do girls wrestle?” Javi hugged Jared and Amberley then threw his arms around a tail-thumping Petey.
“Heck yeah,” Jewel insisted. “Just ask your father how many times I’ve pinned him.”
James rubbed his chin, rueful, as he smiled at his sister. “My ego pleads the Fifth.”
A knock on the door quieted his family’s laughter. A nurse wheeled in a clear plastic bassinet holding James and Sofia’s baby. “The doctor’s finished with her, so I thought I’d bring her down if that’s okay?”
James lifted the pink-swaddled bundle carefully, the expression on his face one Justin had never seen before. His know-it-all brother looked awed and slightly terrified. It tugged at Justin to witness his tough sibling vulnerable. James, who’d devoted his life to the ranch and their family, now had one of his own.
The other night Justin had wanted to kiss Brielle more than he’d wanted anything before. Now another need flickered to life inside him, a simmering, more intense burn.
He wanted to make someone as happy as James made Sofia. He wanted someone to love and protect. He wanted to know that he could create something so perfect…so pure. A second chance… He wanted someone to look at him with such adoration, such unadulterated faith and love. If he committed to therapy, put in the hard work, could he find this life with Brielle?
He had to find out.
“She’s twenty inches and eleven pounds,” the nurse proclaimed.
“See,” Jewel said. “A sumo wrestler.”
“I hope the newborn-size dresses fit her,” James worried out loud.
“Good thing you’ve already bought a hundred more in the next size up,” Justin drawled, earning him a smile from Brielle that lit him up inside.
“Justin, would you like to hold the baby?” James asked once the nurse left.
Justin froze.
“Of course he would,” Brielle replied for him.
Without further ado, James thrust the warm pink bundle into Justin’s arms. Instinctively, he cradled the baby close, and his chest lifted as he inhaled her fresh talcum powder scent. She opened one hazel eye and squinted up at him, a spit bubble forming on her pink lips, and in a heartbeat, Justin fell head over heels in love with the munchkin.
“What’s her name?” he asked gruffly without looking away from her rosebud of a face. If she was a future sumo wrestler, there’d never be one prettier.
“Well. We’ve thought long and hard about it and—uh—we think we’ve come up with something real special,” James nattered, sounding uncertain.
Justin slipped his index finger into the baby’s hand, and her sudden, fierce grip squeezed his heart, too. He’d never seen such a beautiful baby. Perfect in every way.
“I’m your uncle Justin,” he whispered. “I’m going to make you proud to call me kin,” he vowed, discovering another reason to work on himself…another person to be worthy of.
“What’s her name already? Sheesh!” huffed Jewel.
“Do you need a drumroll?” quipped Jared.
“Sofia?” James prompted.
“Jesse. Her name’s Jesse,” Sofia said slowly, and the family gasped.
A shudder tore through Justin. Jesse. He was holding Jesse. His hands trembled, and he handed the baby to James lest he drop her.
Brielle’s fingers laced in his, halting his bolt from the room, from the name, from the reminder of everything he’d lost and would never get back. How could they?
“We want to honor Jesse,” James said, his voice hoarse. “So we’ll never forget him.”
“I’ll never forget Jesse.” Justin fought to keep his voice from cracking while his heart splintered. “Don’t need a reminder.”
“Is it too late to change your minds?” Jewel asked, biting her nail and shooting Justin a worried look.
“We already filled out the birth certificate,” James said heavily, his eyes on Justin. “We’d hoped you’d be happy.”
“It’s a lovely name.” Ma blew her nose with a loud honk. “And a beautiful tribute. We’ll have another Jesse in the family again.”
“No, we won’t.” Justin shoved the words from between clenched teeth. “You can’t replace Jesse. Give the baby her own identity.”
“She’ll have it. Her name won’t change that,” James argued. “If it wasn’t for Jesse, she wouldn’t be here.”
“You mean if Jesse hadn’t died, you and Sofia wouldn’t have gotten together?”
“Justin!” Ma’s face transformed in shock and horror. “Apologize.”
“No, Joy,” Sofia said, accepting the infant from her husband and cradling her close. “Justin’s right. We owe Jesse a lot, and this is our way of paying tribute. We both have a special connection to Jesse, one that no one else in the family shares.”
“And you’re the closest to my first daddy.” Javi slid his small hand into Justin’s. “Baby Jesse will love you special like I do.”
Justin nodded, anger draining from him, anguish and regret rushing in to take its place. “I’m sorry, Sofia. James.”
“Perhaps we should be heading back,” Brielle said. “Congratulations. God be with you and your beautiful, blessed baby.”
“Wait!”
Justin halted in the open doorway at James’s shout.
“We wanted to ask you a favor.”
“What?”
James dropped a hand on Justin’s shoulder. “It’d mean a great deal to me and Sofia if you’d be Jesse’s godfather.”
Justin’s mouth dropped open, and his heart stuttered to
a stop.
“Please, please, please, Uncle Justin!” Javi bounced before him. “Will you?”
“I—I—” The word no built in the back of Justin’s throat, constricting it.
“He’ll think on it.” Brielle tugged him backward before he could refuse.
“Why’d you do that?” he asked as she hurried him down the hall then outside, where the setting sun cast the world in rosy hues of gold. “I was about to say no.”
She angled her head, and her strong chin jutted. “You just answered your own question. Think seriously before you blurt out an emotional answer you might regret.”
He shook his head and whistled. “You do beat all, woman.”
“I aim to please.” Her cheeky grin almost made him feel better.
Almost.
What were his brother and sister-in-law thinking? He wasn’t anyone’s idea of a good role model. Besides, he’d already failed one Jesse. He wouldn’t repeat his mistakes.
Unless this could be a second chance, a voice whispered inside.
“Justin Cade. Just the fellow I’m looking for!”
Justin tore his eyes from Brielle’s determined face and braced at the sight of a rapidly approaching Boyd Loveland.
The last person he wanted to see.
Boyd swept off his hat to reveal a thick head of clipped silver hair. His tanned, weathered face creased into a smile when he turned to Brielle and stuck out a hand.
“Boyd Loveland,” he said, shaking her hand. “Haven’t had a chance to visit your place yet, but it’s on my list. Sure do appreciate all you’re doing for the community.”
The old cowboy hadn’t lost his country-boy charm, Justin noted, given Brielle’s pink flush and quick smile. She appeared to have lost her tongue as she stared into the Loveland blue eyes the local ladies nattered on about.
“Come on, Brielle.” He cupped her elbow, but she dug in her heels.
“Cole’s been a real help to us,” she said, still smiling, while sliding Justin a narrowed side-eye stare.
Boyd rubbed the back of his neck, and his expression turned pensive. “It does him good. His mother’s death hit him hard, and I’m glad he’s getting out. He’s not much for socializing.”