by Tessa Teevan
“McAllister! Off the bus!”
I’m pulled out of my memories and realize that I’m the only one left on the bus. Taking one last look at my phone, I smile again. I wonder if she’s been thinking about me the way I’ve been thinking of her since that phone call the other day. Call it wishful thinking, but maybe that status is a subtle way of remembering me, remembering us. All I do know is that it’s going to be a long, hot, lonely five months until I get to see her for the first time in ten years.
IT’S BEEN almost two months since the phone call with Jace. I’ve been thinking about him more times than I’d like to admit. Whether I’m sitting at work or at home, lost in whatever latest book I’m reading, my thoughts constantly gravitate towards him. I find myself wondering how the Army’s treated him over the last decade, since Sierra’s stories about him stopped a long time ago. A knock on my office door interrupts my thoughts.
“Hey, Alexa, I’m heading over to Fountain Square for a quick bite to eat. Wanna join?’
I look up to see my co-worker Brady leaning against the door frame. What is wrong with me? I think as I shamelessly check him out. He’s wearing black dress pants that fit his toned legs perfectly and a light green button-down shirt that matches his eyes. His blond hair is perfectly styled except for one rogue piece that’s falling into his eye. How did I never notice how attractive he is?
“Please! If I have to look at any more resumes for the open agent position, I may scream. A lunch break is definitely what I need,” I say, locking my computer and grabbing my purse.
As we head out of the building and walk towards Fountain Square, we fall into an easy conversation about the latest gossip at work. We decide to eat at Rock Bottom, where we can sit outside and enjoy the unusually warm April afternoon.
“The Reds are on! Good luck on getting me to go back to work this afternoon,” I say excitedly as I spot the game starting on the jumbo screen across from the square.
Brady groans. “You’re on your own. I’m not a baseball fan at all.”
I gasp in mock horror. “Get out! Brady Anderson, you live in the city where baseball was born. The Reds were the first professional baseball team. It’s un-Ohioan to hate baseball.”
Before he can respond, the waiter arrives with water for both of us and asks if we’re ready to order. Brady orders the sirloin, medium rare. Ick. When it’s my turn, I ask for the bourbon-glazed salmon, well done. Brady laughs and shakes his head.
“Well done? You don’t order salmon well done.”
“Maybe you don’t, but I like my fish overcooked. I can’t deal with the slimy pieces if it’s not cooked all the way through. And you’re one to talk. You’re practically eating your steak raw!” I shudder at the thought of anything less than a medium-well steak.
I glance up at the screen and get lost in the game as Brandon Phillips dives for a catch and connects with Joey Votto for an amazing double play.
“Earth to Alexa.” Brady’s voice brings me back to the table.
I smile apologetically. “Sorry. I take my baseball very seriously. It still kills me that you’re not a fan. Hell, Brady, how can you work at Great American and not enjoy the Reds?”
“It’s not my fault. I grew up a soccer fan. I prefer to watch Manchester City and the English Premier League over baseball. In fact, I’ve never even been to a baseball game.”
“What?!” I gasp. “Okay, we’re fixing that. When we get back to the office, we’re looking at the schedule and I’m going to make sure you experience an American baseball game. Beer, hotdogs, chicks. You’ll love it.”
He smiles and catches me off guard when he says, “It’s a date.”
Oh shit. No, no, no. Not a date. That’s not what I meant at all. Oh, damn me and my stupid mouth.
“Umm…Brady, I…I don’t date. I just meant as friends, co-workers, ya know?” I stammer, hoping I don’t sound like an idiot.
He takes a drink of water and looks at me for a moment before responding.
“No big deal, Alexa. I didn’t think you did. I know we weren’t working together when the accident happened, but, umm, I heard about it while you were still in the hospital. I’m cool with my friend trying to get me to like baseball,” he smiles, putting an emphasis on the word friend.
I exhale the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. “I’d like that, Brady. I could definitely use a friend, as long as you’re fine with it stopping there.”
Brady lets out a huge belly laugh, and I’m struggling to keep from smiling. I have no idea why he’s laughing so hard, but it’s infectious. “Oh, trust me. You don’t have to worry about that. Umm…you’re not exactly my type,” he replies with a wink.
I act insulted. “Why Mr. Anderson, you may be the first man in America to not like busty blondes!”
“Oh, I like blonds just fine. They’re just usually taller, a little more built, and a lot less busty,” he says with a twinkle in his eyes as he awaits my reaction.
I want to smack myself in the forehead. He’s into men!
“You must think I’m an arrogant asshole! I’m sorry, Brady. I’m not exactly used to much social interaction these days.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m not ashamed to be gay. It’s just not something I advertise or flaunt. I’m of the Will Truman variety. Even Jack is little too fruity for my taste. Most people end up assuming it when I say I like soccer and fashion shows,” he laughs.
I crack up at his Will and Grace reference. “I always wanted to grow up and be just like Karen Walker,” I say, causing Brady to chuckle again. “Ty, my husband, loved soccer. Although, I should warn you that he was a Manchester United fan.”
“The horror! I shall not speak ill of the dead, but those Man U bastards will not beat us for the championship this year.” He pales as he realizes what he said. “Shit, Alexa, that was uncalled for. I’m sorry. I open my mouth and speak without thinking sometimes.”
“It’s okay. Seriously. It’s been almost a year. I can finally talk about it without breaking down. And anyways, if he were here, he’d give you shit for being a City fan. So I promise it’s all good.”
The rest of our lunch goes off without a hitch. When we head back to the office, I find myself feeling better than I have in a very long time. It’s been a while since I was able to have a conversation with someone who didn’t know me as Ty’s wife or as one half of the Tate couple. It’s refreshing, and I’m hoping Brady and I can continue to spend time together. He may be just what I need to get back on my feet again.
He drops me at my office and asks if we can do lunch again. I’m more than happy to agree before I head in to get back to work.
AFGHANISTAN IN April actually isn’t all that bad. It’s getting warmer during the day, but still hasn’t reached over 80 degrees. The nights are freezing, and I spend them wishing I had someone warm to wrap up with. I have no idea what the hell my problem is, but that one damn phone call took me back to my high school days. You’d think I’d have gotten over it sometime in the last ten years, but nope, I’m still feeling like the annoying lovesick fool that dreamt of her in Boot Camp. I feel a crazy anticipation for the reunion. I don’t know what I’m expecting to happen. She’s fallen in love, gotten married, and has been widowed in the time since we’ve seen each other. Obviously she got over me, so I have no reason to believe that she harbors any feelings for me anymore. But that’s okay. If I had done things differently back then, she’d still have been in my life at least as my friend. So if that’s all she can be now, then I’m okay with that. Better than nothing.
“Yo, McAllister. Just got a call. Rollin’ in five,” Sanchez yells into my tent.
Two months. Two more months until the reunion. And I’m not talking the class one. I’m thinking about mine and Alexa’s. A reunion ten years in the making. I can’t freaking wait.
THE PAST few months have flown by with how busy work has been. I cannot believe that the reunion is in five days. I’m nervous as hell but also feeling more confident
than I’ve felt in a very long time. Now that I’m fully healed from the knee surgery I had after the accident, I’m back into my running routine. Brady has proven to be a slave driver of a trainer. After our friendly lunch, we met for drinks a few nights later when he introduced me to his boyfriend Stephen. I found out that Brady was an avid runner, so we decided to start meeting four times a week for runs along the river. If I had known his endurance rate, I never would have agreed, but when I look in the mirror, I’m more than satisfied with the results. Jace will eat his heart out. What the hell? Why I would even think of Jace while I admire my sculpted calf muscles is beyond me. He’ll probably have some Army groupie with him and won’t even notice that I’m there.
Shaking my head, I dress quickly so I can meet Brady for dinner. He’s been an amazing source of comfort over these past few months. When Ty and I got together, we fell into our own world. We were wrapped up in a bubble of pure bliss, and my friendships, I hate to say it, fell on the backburner. It was Ty and me against the world. We wanted to be together twenty-four-seven and my friends didn’t understand that. Needless to say, I was lacking in the friend category when he was taken from me. Brady’s fulfilled that role tenfold. He’s completely separate from my life with Ty, and in a way, it’s rather refreshing. He doesn’t treat me like a fragile flower that’s going to wilt at any mention of my husband. He’s exactly what I need, and I couldn’t be more grateful for his friendship.
I hop in my car and head across the river to meet Brady at Brothers, a bar at Newport on the Levee. He wants to have dinner one more time before I head off to the reunion. He’s gotten bits and pieces of Jace out of me over the last few months, but I have a feeling this dinner is his way to prepare me for what I’m about to encounter.
I walk into the bar and immediately spot him at a high-top table. Heading over, I take the cheeky kiss he gives me.
“You look beautiful, my darling Alexa,” he proclaims in a faux English accent, pulling the chair out for me.
“It’s funny, Brady. You’re only the second of two men who call me by my name. Almost everyone else calls me Lexi.”
“Hmmm, who’s the other lucky man who sees you as his Alexa?”
I stumble at his words. I’ve never been anyone’s Alexa. I was never Jace’s, and with Ty I was always his Lexi girl.
“Oh honey, I think there’s a story here you’re not telling me. Come on and tell your best gal pal Brady all about it.”
I laugh because Brady, in all his masculinity, is the furthest thing from a gal pal I could have. Seriously, Brady is the sunshine in my otherwise gloomy life. He’s become the most amazing friend these past few months, and he keeps my mind off of Tyler and anything romance related. We’re a platonic match made in Heaven, and I’ll be forever thankful that he’s in my life.
“You have NO idea,” I begin, launching into the story of my life. I’ve never told anyone about my past with Jace, but I trust Brady, and I know he’ll be able to give me advice.
For the first time, I tell someone about what happened on graduation night. I finish the story, sit back, and gulp down my beer. Brady takes a sip of his Jack and Coke and looks at me contemplatively.
“You’ve never gotten over him, have you?” he asks, shocking the crap out of me.
“What? Of course I got over him. Hello, I got married and spent seven years with Ty. I haven’t seen Jace in ten years. I’ve been over him for a long time,” I protest.
“Oh, Lexi love…” he says.
That’s a new one. Brady never calls me nicknames, so I’m already feeling apprehensive about where this is going.
“You grew up and fell in love with Jace. He both filled your heart and ripped it away from you in one night. You’ve never gotten past that. Yeah, you moved on. Ty filled the rest of your heart in such a way that you didn’t need Jace. But even so, I don’t think you ever truly got over him. He’s always been a part of you, even when he wasn’t around.”
“Brady, it’s complicated. We were so close in high school, and I had the biggest crush on him. I thought he only saw me as a little sister, so I settled into the friend role. We spent a crazy amount of time together, but any time things got cozy, we’d be interrupted or he’d back off. And on his last night in town he tells me he wants me and takes my virginity. That was all she wrote. He never came back, and he never contacted me. And I kept telling myself I’d call his mom, find out where he was stationed, but some part of me didn’t because I wanted him to seek me out. Stupid, but that’s the mind of a seventeen-year-old girl. And he never did, so I’m sure he’s over it by now.”
Brady grabs my hand from across the table and our eyes meet. He looks at me with incredible tenderness behind those green eyes.
“Alexa, promise me you’ll go into this with an open mind. It’s been over a year. You need to live… Promise me you’ll at least try.”
“I’ll do my best, but don’t count on any girl chats of my crazy sexcapades when I get back!”
Brady laughs and then puts on his serious face. I brace myself for the continuation of the lecture that’s about to come.
“Alexa, please just remember one thing. You need to know this so that you keep safe,” he says ominously.
“Anything for you, sir,” I comply mockingly.
“Please, please, please, I implore you. Do not forget to pack lube. I’ve heard that dry vaginas can be fatal to a man’s foreskin.”
I laugh out loud as I shake my head at him.
“Trust me. I tried to jump Jace once and he joined the Army the next day. I don’t think I’m going to be needing lube on this trip. But thanks for the stunning visual,” I say jokingly, trying to keep the mood light.
Brady laughs as he takes a sip of his drink. He looks at me for a few seconds almost like he’s studying me.
“Jace was special to you,” he declares, not asking—telling.
I pause for a moment to collect my thoughts. “Jace was one of my best friends for a really long time. I went through so many stages of my life with him. Or at least it felt like I did. Unfortunately, I was in the friend zone. The girl to study with, the tomboy to watch baseball games with. He never saw me as me. And when he finally did, it was too late.”
“Damn, girl, you realize this is the stuff epic love stories are made of, right?”
Rolling my eyes, I pretend that he’s not right. “Oh come off it. It’s been ten years. He never once tried to contact me and vice versa. There’s nothing between us. Never has been, never will be. I stopped wishing for a future with him a long time ago.”
“But you’re nervous. I can see it, honey. You’re worried about seeing him again.”
“Dammit, Brady. I hate how perceptive you are sometimes. Fine, yes, you caught me. I’m nervous to see him in our hometown, at the beach, in our old spots. In fact, it terrifies me. I just told you about our last encounter. I have no idea what to expect. I’m ready to pull my hair out just thinking about it. I wish I could just stop thinking of it, but it’s there in the forefront of my mind all the time and it’s killing me.”
I know I need to stop this desperate anticipation, but I can’t help it. I’m increasingly put on edge the closer I get to meeting Jace again.
“Just don’t fight it. Don’t force it. You know my motto: go with the flow and you’ll never feel low.”
“You’re a freaking cheeseball, but I love your ass. If things go south, I’m calling you, day or night.”
Brady smiles as he finishes his drink and says, “I wouldn’t have it any other way. Just make sure to finish before you make the phone call.”
It takes me a minute to register what he’s said. I throw my napkin at him. “Your mind is always in the damn gutter, Brady Anderson.”
He grins. “That’s why you love me.”
Shaking my head, I change the conversation to try and shake the thoughts of going down on Jace out of my head. Get a freaking grip, Alexa.
SITTING ON the runway at the airport and getting ready to take
off, I begin to feel a sense of nervousness that I haven’t felt in a long time. Am I really doing this? In less than twelve hours I’ll be in the presence of Jace McAllister. When we got to the airport, Sierra let me know that I’d be involved in tonight’s festivities. Although I’m coming along as the pseudo nanny, Jeremy’s parents are mysteriously in the same area and will be keeping Ava for the night. A little suspicious, but that’s Sierra. Always meddling. She has the best of intentions, but sometimes she can drive me nuts.
I gaze out the window as we wait for takeoff. I used to be terrified to fly, but ever since the car accident, I’ve given up most of my silly fears. Ty used to always laugh at me when we’d be on a plane and I’d white-knuckle clutch the armrests during takeoff and landing. I remember him leaning down, giving me a kiss on the forehead, and telling me, “Lexi, you know what they say? More people die in car accidents than plane crashes. You’re safe, babe.”
Cue Alanis Morissette. And isn’t it ironic? Quickly wiping away a lone tear that escapes my eye, I push those thoughts from my memory and immediately the guilt rushes into my heart. I feel guilty for thinking about Jace so much these past few months when I should have been mourning my husband, but at the same time, Brady’s voice telling me that it’s okay to move on replays in my head. Shaking the thought of out my mind, I instantly make a vow to keep my distance from Jace. I don’t need anything else to add to the pain I’ve been trying to work through over the past year. But deep down I know this is one vow I’m probably going to break.
AFTER A long-ass journey from Afghanistan to Ft. Walton Beach, I find myself sitting at the bar in the kitchen of my parents’ house. My mom’s busily making banana bread for her book club while my dad goes through the pictures I brought home.
“I don’t understand why you don’t just stay here. Your old room’s still the same,” my mom protests after hearing my news of staying at the resort where the other reunion attendees will be staying.