by Tessa Teevan
I walk in behind her and hit the number seven so that we can get to my top-floor condo. She’s standing across from me, and when I look at her, I see that her eyes are closed as she’s leaning against the wall. She’s biting her lower lip, and it’s all I can do to stay on my side of the elevator. A moment later, she lets out a sigh, and I’m fucked. I cross the small space and instantly take her into my arms. She gasps, but the sound doesn’t even register in my mind because all I can think about is biting those lips myself.
I press my forehead to hers and my hands grasp her waist. “Do you know how many times I’ve thought about doing this for the last ten years? Do you know how much it’s killed me to not have you? To know that someone else had his hands on you? I can’t hold it in much longer, Alexa. I need to touch you. I need to taste you. I need you more than you could ever imagine.”
Her breath hitches as my lips hover over hers. I’m two goddamn millimeters from coming into contact with her perfect pink lips, and I can’t finish. What the fuck did Will Smith say in that stupid romantic comedy, Hitch? Oh yeah, You go ninety percent, Jace, and she’ll come the other ten. So here I am, at ninety fucking percent, and my lips are acting like a damn hovercraft, waiting for her to go the other ten.
I feel her tongue brush my lips as she darts it out of her mouth to wet her lips. Her eyes widen as she realizes that she’s made contact with me, but she still refuses to press her lips to mine. You know what? Fuck you, Will Smith, and your stupid-ass advice. If I want a woman—and fuck if I don’t want this one more than I want a hot shower after ten days in the field—I’m going balls to the wall, one hundred fucking percent. I’m claiming her, not playing some bullshit arithmetic game.
Before she can move, my lips are on hers as I press into her. I kiss her gently, not wanting to rush her, but it’s not ten seconds until her tongue is probing my mouth. I can’t help the grin that falls upon my lips, and she uses that moment to shoot her tongue into my mouth to tangle with mine. Running my hands up her waist, I grab onto her long hair that’s hanging loosely down her back. Our tongues are doing a slow waltz. Side to side, back and forth, caressing each other in perfect rhythm. Her hands run down my back and latch onto my ass, which she roughly squeezes as she thrusts her lower half closer to me. We both groan as the elevator dings and the door opens, revealing an elderly couple looking at us in shock.
We pull apart, and Alexa is quick to fix her clothes. Grinning sheepishly, I grab her hand, pulling her off of the elevator towards my room. Her face is flushed, and I’m not sure if it’s with embarrassment or desire. I drag her towards my condo, wanting nothing more than to push her up against the wall and impale her immediately with my hard-on. I know I need to slow the fuck down, but she’s so damn sensual, sexy, and I can hardly think without having my lips on her.
We walk towards my condo and she’s trailing behind me slowly. I unlock the door and we go inside. She hangs out in the foyer as if she’s afraid to come in any farther. I’m guessing she wants me to grab the blanket and alcohol and hurry the hell up, so I do just that. I open the bottle of wine and re-cork it to the best of my ability. I grab the bottle of Jameson for extra measure. It’s been ten years, so if this night takes ten hours, I’ll definitely be okay with it.
Making sure that I have everything, I move to the entrance of the condo. Alexa looks everywhere but at me, so I hand her the bottles and head back to the living room to find a blanket. Grabbing it, I lead her out of the condo as I grab one of the bottles from her to free her left hand. We ride down the elevator, this time in silence. As the doors open, I take her hand and lead her past the pool area and down the wooden walkway leading to the beach.
We both kick off our flip-flops as we reach the sand and walk a few moments before we get to a place that screams privacy. I set the blanket out and Alexa sits down, wine in hand. She takes a long swallow as she looks at me inquisitively. Unscrewing the whiskey, I follow suit. A swig for a swig, right? She smirks cutely at me as she lies down to look up at the stars, and I do the same.
We spend the next hour or so just shooting the shit, trying to catch up on the last ten years of our lives. She asks about my siblings and tells me funny stories about her niece. I almost lose it when she tells me about Jeremy passing out in the delivery room when Ava was born. It could’ve just been the alcohol that made it so funny, but I can just imagine him falling to the floor while Sierra’s giving birth to their firstborn.
She asks some more about my deployments, and from time to time she mentions Ty, but for the most part we stay on safer, less sensitive subjects. I’m taking Sierra’s advice as I decide not to push her—at least not tonight. I’m again surprised at how easy it is to talk with her after such a long time. I suppose it really shouldn’t come as a shock since we were always able to talk, but I was afraid that there would be awkwardness due to our last encounter and then lack thereof over the past decade. It may have been there at first at the bar, but ever since I sat down to play cards, it’s been like old times. I’m getting ready to comment on that when she turns over and looks at me.
Before I can speak, I hear her whisper. “God, I feel like I’ve gone ten years in the past.”
Sitting up, I take a swig of the Jameson, hoping the burn of the alcohol will outweigh the one in my chest. I recap the bottle and lie down sideways to face her.
“I hope that’s not a bad thing,” I whisper as I brush the bangs away from her eyes. God, she’s so beautiful in the moonlight. You know, when you’re in the Army and could be on death’s door at any moment, you find yourself having vivid memories of every pleasurable experience that’s happened in your life. This is different. No amount of fantasizing could ever compare to having this gorgeous woman next to me, and I realize that I’m going to have a hard time leaving her again.
Alexa laughs. “I took my first shot of liquor on this beach, and I have so many other amazing memories here. Somehow, I feel at peace here. I always did. I can sit here, listening to the waves crash, feeling the sand in between my toes, and enjoying the warm breeze on my face. It takes me back to a place where I didn’t know pain, and it’s just a really nice feeling, you know?”
I cringe at her words, knowing that the first time she experienced any type of that pain was because of me. Sitting up, I stare out at the water for a few moments as I try to decide how to steer this conversation. This is the perfect opening for me to find out if she still feels anything—anything at all—for me, but I’m having a mental shutdown trying to find the right words. I take another swig of the whiskey as I watch her sit up and take a few gulps from the wine bottle. Before I can say anything, she shocks me with her next question.
“Jace, I need to know. Why didn’t you ever try to contact me? You said you’d come back for me, but you never did,” she asks as she looks away from me.
I’m floored. I have no idea what to say, and I look at her face in the moonlight. Did Kristin never tell her that I came looking? There’s no way. I always figured she’d told her, and when I never heard from Alexa, I thought it was because she really had moved on. I thought I’d lost my chance. I thought… I can’t even remember what the hell I was thinking.
Unscrewing the Jameson cap, I take another drink from the bottle before I can even begin to process what she’s just asked me, even though I know I need to slow it down if I don’t want to pass out right here in the sand.
Moving across the blanket, I close the distance between us. I bring my face within inches of hers. I place my hands on her thighs as I stare into her beautiful eyes. She tries to look away but I bring my right hand up to cup her jaw and force her to look at me.
“Alexa, I came back for you. Once I completed Boot Camp, I was given a pass to see my family for the weekend. I drove straight to your house and my heart took a nosedive when I saw the ‘For Sale’ sign.” I proceed to tell her about my idiotic window peering and the real estate agent giving me all the details, except for the most important one—her location. She looks at me wit
h glistening eyes as she covers her mouth, hiding a whimper.
“Babe, I meant what I said all those years ago. I’d come back for you. And I did. But I was too late. After I found out that you were gone, I went to see Kristin to find out exactly where you were because I had no idea who else to turn to. She slammed the door in my face, but not before she told me you’d moved on. I… Fuck, that hurt, Alexa. I didn’t want to believe it, but I had no way of knowing if it was true or not. So I went back to the Army and focused everything on my career. I’ve never been able to find anyone like you. I know it probably sounds dumb and creepy because we only had that night, but I’ve never been able to get over you. You were my best friend. The first girl, the only girl, I’ve loved,” I confess, not looking away from her eyes as I watch them fill with silent tears.
I finish speaking and Alexa stares at me with her jaw open. She grabs the whiskey bottle out of my hand and takes a long swallow. Recapping it, she throws it back on blanket before making a move to get up. I watch her get to her feet and turn away from me towards the shore. She puts her feet in the water as she runs her hands through her hair, and I wonder what in the hell she’s thinking.
I’M FEELING waves of shock roll through me as I listen to Jace’s confession. Completely, utterly, rug-swept-out-from-underneath-me shocked. Over the past ten years, I’ve always thought that he’d made a conscious, heartbreaking decision to let me go. I thought that one night was enough for him and he didn’t need or want me anymore. I thought that I’d lost my first love and my best friend all in the same day, and I’ve felt that heartache for the past ten years, no matter how much I tried to deny it. Breathe, I tell myself as I get up off the blanket and head towards the water. I have no idea how to wrap my mind around his revelation. Why? She was my best friend for years and she knew how I felt about Jace. Why would Kristin keep him from me?
I can hear Jace walking up behind me as I stare out into the vast ocean. This feels so familiar, and my heart pulls at his closeness. Before I know what’s happening, he wraps me up in his arms and buries his face in my hair. I can’t help but think of how right this feels, and I’m not sure how to process that feeling. Embarrassed, I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks and I squeeze my eyes shut to stop them from falling.
Jace pulls back from me, turning me around to face him. Giving me a small smile, he brushes his thumbs across my cheeks, wiping away my tears. He looks at me with such tenderness and love, and I feel a tug at my heart that I haven’t felt in a long time.
“Alexa, I swear to you. I never, ever meant to hurt you. I thought of you every single night as I lay in my cot in Boot Camp. You’re what got me through those long, hot-ass days when I had a 250-pound meathead screaming at me constantly and dropping me on my face to do another set of pushups. When Kristin told me you’d moved on and couldn’t even stand to be in the same town because of my memory, it about damn near killed me. But I loved you enough to let you go. As hard as it hurt to do it, she made it sound like you were happy. So I decided that’s all I wanted. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. For you to be happy, even if it was without me,” Jace whispers, both melting my heart and infuriating me at the same time.
I push back from him, pissed because it’s taken us ten years to get to this point. I’m excited because, for the first time, I’m not scared. I’m just confused. He grabs my arms and brings me back in for another hug as he awaits my reaction.
I pull back from Jace’s embrace and head back towards the blanket for another sip of wine. This situation definitely calls for it, even though I know I’ll be regretting it in the morning. How in the hell could Kristin have told Jace that I’d moved on? It wasn’t until Tyler that I even ever looked at another man!
“So you really did come back all those years ago?” I ask, taking a drink of wine, not sure I really want to hear the answer, but using the liquid courage coursing through my blood stream to get the words out. I rejoin him on the shore as I wait for his response.
“Like I said, the realtor told me you were gone. I got the brilliant idea to go ask Kristin how I could find you. She basically told me to go fuck myself. She said that I broke your heart and you were happy to leave a town that reminded you too much of me. And then the door slammed in my face before I could protest.”
My heart broke at his words. He’d really come for me. The past ten years I thought that he’d had his one night and was done, but I should’ve known better. This was Jace. My best friend. My first love. He’d come for me, and he was blocked from ever finding me. All of the sudden, I became furious. I picked up a handful of sand and threw it at an unknown assailant knowing full well that I was throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old. I couldn’t be more infuriated. Ten years. He came back ten years ago and neither of us knew that the other was still aching to be together. Wiping my hands on my jeans, I look up to meet his eyes. I can tell he’s trying not to laugh at my antics, and I feel even worse about this whole misunderstanding.
“I promise you, Jace, Kristin had no idea what she was talking about. I didn’t move on. I didn’t want to leave. I knew deep down in my soul that you’d come for me. But that night was so special, so amazing, and I didn’t want to share it with anyone. I kept it a secret. No one, not even Kristin, knew about our night together.” I suck in a deep breath before continuing. “Damn it! That must be why she never told you where I was. It’s my fault, Jace. I was devastated when you left. Not just because you were gone, but because I’d had feelings for you for so long, and we only had a short time to express ourselves. So yeah, I was a depressed, mopey girl that summer. Kristin must’ve assumed it was because of you. I could kill her!” Sighing, I shake my head before I continue. “I know it wasn’t her fault, but dammit, she knew how close we were. She should’ve known I’d at least want to hear from you.”
Jace gives a small laugh as he pulls me into him. He wraps his big arms around me and I feel…home. All is right in the world with me in his embrace. I run my hands up his back and get a little excited when I feel his hard muscles rippling beneath my palms. I immediately imagine removing his shirt so I can provide further inspection. I shake the thought away, because even though he’s kissed me, I have no idea if he still feels the same intense connection between us. It could’ve just been the heat of the moment, so I refuse to put myself out there, letting him know how badly I’m wanting him right now.
It’s also confusing to me. After Ty died, I swore I’d never feel that way for someone again, and in all honesty, I probably never will. Jace is different. We had that chemistry before I ever met Ty, and it’s almost like our relationship has been at a standstill for the past ten years and now that we’re back together, nothing has changed. It’s unnerving, and if it weren’t for the alcohol, it’d probably be scaring the crap out of me.
“Oh, Alexa, you have no idea how good it feels to hear that. It killed me. It tore my heart apart when she told me you’d moved on. I mean, I was happy if you were happy, but…fuck. It wrecked me knowing you could be happy without me. I know that’s selfish. But damn, I’ve always wanted you. You have to know that.”
I’m caught off guard by his admission. I know I don’t need any more alcohol, but I press the wine bottle to my lips and down a little bit more, knowing it’ll help calm my nerves. I’m a seventeen-year-old girl again, tugging rope with the twenty-seven-year-old widow who’s been mourning for nearly a year and a half. My mind is breaking at the conflict of wanting my past to be my present but feeling the guilt of moving on.
I close my eyes and make the mistake of picturing Ty’s smiling, gorgeous face. I can’t do this. Can I? The thing is, I want this, and I haven’t wanted anything in so long that I want to just grab it and never let it go. Ty would want me to be happy. He was always the guy who lived his life to the fullest. He’d hate to see me wasting away. Screw it. I remind myself of every bit of encouragement Brady’s given me. This is my life. I’m going for it. I need Jace McAllister back in my life in some way, shape, or form.
&
nbsp; “I have about a million thoughts and emotions going through my head that I don’t even know where to start. I’m sorry. I’m so, so freaking sorry that Kristin did that. She had no right. To be honest, she didn’t know the full story, and I’m guessing she thought she was protecting me. She never told me that you’d stopped by, so I kind of just thought you forgot about me. It damn near killed me, too,” I emphasize, knowing that I’m sounding dramatic.
Jace takes a few breaths before responding. I watch as he closes his eyes, and I wait curiously to hear what he’s going to say. His eyes open as he looks at me, his gaze penetrating my soul, as if he’s ready to finally bear his whole heart to me.
“Alexa, I’ve never forgotten about you. I’ve never had a connection with any other woman like the one you and I had—that I know we still have. You were my only. You were it for me. My homerun. My grand slam. My perfect game. I’ve never, I will never, ever want anyone but you,” he confesses.
My heart races at his words. Can this be real? Can feelings like this really exist for over ten years? I know that I’m feeling the same pull to him that I did in high school, but that’s crazy, right? I need to change the subject. I need to know this newer, older, mature Jace McAllister.
I head back, slightly stumbling, to the blanket and park my ass on the sand. Jace looks at me inquisitively before following me. He holds the whiskey while I clutch the wine. We both stare at each other as we take drinks from our respective bottles. A few moments pass by without either of us speaking, and the buzz in my head is starting to slowly sound like bumblebees in my brain. I know I need to lie down because the alcohol is definitely going to my head.
“I’m sorry I never knew. Sierra always told me where you were, what you were doing, but I was afraid to contact you,” I admit.
Jace lies back on the blanket and rolls me onto my side so I’m facing him. He brushes the hair off of my face before settling his hand on my hip.