by Joanna Sims
“Move it, Luke!”
She needed to find something to do, anything, to take her mind off Daniel’s arrogant, sarcastic, pain-in-the-ass brother. The farther away from Luke she could get, the better off she’d be.
Luke didn’t budge.
“Move!” She reached out and pushed him again. She was being rude and she didn’t care. For some reason, no matter what, Luke always brought out the worst in her. Just when she would start to think they had found some common ground, he went and screwed it all up.
This time, Luke turned to the side and let her by. She sent him a slit-eyed look before she lifted up her chin and breezed by him.
Luke watched as Sophia disappeared in the direction of the kitchen. He stood in the same spot for several seconds and felt as if he’d just been mugged. One minute he was enjoying the fire with Sophia, and the next thing he knew she was picking a fight with him. Why did that woman always have to make everything so damned complicated?
Luke looked at Ranger sitting on the edge of the couch cushion. “What the hell just happened here? Can you tell me that?”
Luke sat back down on the couch to contemplate his next move. One option was to not move at all. Normally, with any woman in his life, that’s the only option that would have been on the table. He would have stayed put and let them come back to him. They always did come back.
But there wasn’t anything normal about his situation, and he wasn’t dealing with just any woman. He was dealing with Sophia, and she definitely had to be handled with care.
What would Dan do in this situation?
He’d follow after her and eat crow! That’s what he’d do. Dan knew how to keep Sophia happy. And now, that was his new mission. Keep Sophia happy.
Luke dropped his head into his hands; that woman was giving him a massive headache. “So, go eat crow, marine.”
He dropped Ranger off in the bathroom and popped a pain pill into his mouth before he went to find Sophia in the kitchen. She was sitting at the table, writing in a determined fashion. She didn’t bother to acknowledge his presence.
She obviously still wanted to wring his neck.
He tried to break the ice by stating the obvious. He felt like an idiot trying to cajole a woman; it was out of character. “Working on your list?”
Sophia glanced up and narrowed her eyes at him. He had just been trying to lighten the mood, but Sophia looked as if she might want to do him bodily harm.
So much for breaking the ice.
Luke sat down at the table across from her.
“What’s on that list of yours, anyway?” Persistence was going to be a key element in this situation. He’d seen Sophia hold a grudge.
Sophia stopped writing and tapped her pen on the table. “Is there something you want?”
Luke rubbed his hands over the top of his shaved head. “God, Sophia, gimme a break, will ya? How was I supposed to know you wanted me to say something?”
She made a face. “Please.”
Luke let his arms drop onto the table with a thud. “Okay. How ’bout this? Why don’t you tell me what I should have said, because I sure as hell don’t know! Tell me what I should say when someone tells me that my face bothers them.”
It didn’t seem possible, but her eyes narrowed even more. She dropped her head and went back to her list. “Just forget it.”
“No. I’m not going to forget it.” God, she was a royal pain in the ass! “You wanted to talk about this. Let’s talk. I’m telling you flat-out—I didn’t know your statement required an answer. You don’t want to believe me, that’s your problem. But that’s the truth. Bottom line.”
Sophia chewed on his words for a bit. She glanced up. “You really didn’t think you should add something? Really?”
“That’s the honest truth. What do you think, that I sit around the campfire with my men singing Kumbaya and talking about our feelings? Come on...I just came out of a war zone, Sophia. You’re the shrink. Shouldn’t you be able to figure out that there may be an adjustment period for me?”
“You act as if you aren’t civilized anymore,” she said sullenly. The man did have a good point; there was no denying it.
“Maybe I’m not,” Luke said harshly without hesitation. “Because I sure as hell don’t know what I should have said to you back there.”
Sophia waved the pen in the air. “You could have said something like, ‘Gee, Sophia, I didn’t know that. I’m sorry that me looking like Daniel is making you feel confused and upset. Thanks for the info. Thanks for sharing.’ Something like that. Anything would have been better than snoring!”
When the woman had a point, she had a point.
Luke rubbed his hands over his face before he dropped them onto the table in surrender. Emotional conversations had never been his strength; that was a fact. He could have done better with Sophia. He needed to do better with Sophia. She deserved it.
“You’re right. I could have done a little bit better.”
Sophia snorted. “A lot better.”
“All right. A lot better.”
“Substantially better,” Sophia added.
Luke got up and pulled a glass out of the cabinet. He filled it up with tap water and chugged it. He turned his back to the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. Sophia was back to her list, and back to ignoring him. It was strange. He hadn’t really gotten a good look at her after she came down from her nap. He could see now, in the light of the kitchen, that her eyes were puffy. Sophia had been crying.
He felt like an even bigger jerk, if that was possible. He supposed it was possible, because he did.
Sophia always seemed so tough. In control. In charge. But right now she appeared vulnerable. He didn’t know quite how to deal with this version of the woman he loved. He’d never encountered it before.
“Sophia.” He said her name softly.
She ignored him.
Stubborn woman.
“Sophia.” He said her name as he always wanted to, like a caress. This grabbed her attention. It got her to look up.
“What?” Still a bite in her tone.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? You don’t even know what you did wrong.”
“Dammit, Sophia... Can you let a guy apologize without crucifying him?”
Sophia put her pen down. Luke took this as a good sign. “First of all, an apology is useless if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for. Second of all, watch your mouth.”
“First of all, it’s not easy switching from marine life to civilian life. I’m sorry about the profanity; all I can say is that I’m working on it.” Luke jammed his hands into his front pockets. He lowered his tone back to an acceptable level. “Second of all, I know what I’m apologizing for.”
Sophia raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yes.”
“What for?”
“For being an insensitive jerk.”
Sophia cocked her head and eyed him contemplatively. “For one thing.”
That’s the Sophia he knew. The woman didn’t give an inch. Then again, neither did he. This time, he raised his eyebrow at her. “Are you going to let me finish?”
Sophia waved her hand. “By all means. Please do.”
Her defenses were still up. Luke could see it plain as day. He had been working to get her defenses down since the moment he had walked through the door, had even managed to make a bit of progress with her, and then in two seconds he was right back to square one. Less than square one!
Nice going, Brand.
Luke knew what he had to do. There wasn’t a choice. If he wanted to see that guarded look leave Sophia’s eyes, he was going to have to open up to her.
“You know, sensitivity isn’t exactly a quality the Marines look for in a man,” Luke began.
In spite of herself, Sophia felt like smiling at that comment. She didn’t actually do it, but she felt like it.
Luke continued. “So, talking about feelings and sh...stuff like that isn’t my are
a of expertise. Never was, really. Dan was the talker. You know that.”
Sophia nodded in agreement.
“I never knew what the heck to say to anyone about anything. Dan always knew. That’s why he did most of the talking for the both of us when were kids. Unless the talking that needed to be done had to be done with a fist...” Luke cracked a smile when he said that. “Then, it was my turn to talk for the two of us,” he continued. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I didn’t know what to say to you, Sophia, so I didn’t say anything. From my experience, sometimes it’s best just to keep your mouth shut.”
Sophia raised her eyebrows again.
“It didn’t apply to this particular situation, I admit. Normally, it works out just fine for me. But just because I didn’t know what to say to you doesn’t mean I didn’t hear what you said, and it doesn’t mean that I didn’t understand why you said it.”
That was the statement that grabbed her total attention. He saw the look in her eyes change. She was listening to every word now.
“I came home early for you, Sophia.”
Sophia was rendered speechless for a moment, which was unusual. Even more unusual was a string of more than two sentences coming out of Luke’s mouth. And even more unusual than that, was Luke saying that he had come home early for her.
“What do you mean you came home early for me?”
“Do you really think I didn’t know you were going to have a hard time being around me? Come on, Sophia...I’m not that much of a jerk. You know that. Or, maybe you don’t, which is my fault, no doubt. You’re pregnant, you’ve just lost your husband, and now here comes his twin? That would screw with anyone’s head.”
Sophia saw something she had never seen in Luke’s eyes before. Or, maybe she had never bothered to notice. Compassion. For her.
“So, I came home early, so we could get this—” he moved his hands between them “—this weirdness between us out of the way without an audience.”
Sophia rubbed her hands over her belly in a circular motion. It took her a minute to respond. Now it was her turn to not know exactly what to say.
Luke watched her closely. He wanted the trusting look she had given him just this morning to return to her sweet, hazel-green eyes.
“I don’t know what to say,” she finally admitted.
Luke chuckled. “You might not believe this, but that’s happened to me before. Just recently.”
He finally got a smile out of Sophia. “Is that so?”
“Yes,” he said, relieved to see the stiff set of her jaw soften.
She twisted her wedding ring and studied Luke. “I suppose it never occurred to me that you ever gave me that much thought. You never seemed to like me all that much. I didn’t think you’d care one way or the other how I felt about anything, much less something like this. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Am I forgiven now?”
“Of course. What else can I do after all of that?” She waved her hand. “You haven’t left me much choice, now have you?”
He winked at her. “That was the plan.”
“Well, it worked.” For several minutes neither one of them had anything to say. Then Sophia said, “It’s really strange being here without him, don’t you think?”
Luke nodded. He crossed his arms over his chest and examined the tip of his boot.
Sophia went on. “Everywhere I go in this house, there’s a memory of Daniel attached. Weird things bother me, too, things that you wouldn’t think would hit you... Like a coffee mug that he used to like to drink out of, or a book in the library he liked to read. And the pictures everywhere, of course.” She continued to twist her ring. “The truth is, I don’t like being here without him.”
In that moment, it hit Sophia that maybe all of this was even harder on Luke than it was on her. She had memories of Daniel in this house only as an adult. Daniel and Luke were born under this roof. Almost all of Luke’s memories of this house were intertwined with his brother. Why hadn’t she thought of that before? Was she really that insensitive when it came to Luke? Did she think he was a man without feelings?
“I’m sure you feel the same way,” she added.
Luke continued to examine his boot. “I expect him to come walking through that door. And when he doesn’t...”
“It makes you feel a little crazy inside.”
Luke locked eyes with her. “That’s right.”
“Me, too,” Sophia admitted. “Some days it’s all I can do to get myself out of bed I feel so lonely for him. But it’s not good for the baby. Taking care of our son has actually given me something to fight for. It’s given me a purpose other than just myself. Just going to work. This is the biggest job I’ve ever had to do, and I fully intend to do it right. That’s why I refuse to let myself get depressed. Of course, I cry. But I won’t let myself wallow. Daniel wouldn’t want me to, anyway.”
“You’re going to be a great mom.”
“I hope so,” Sophia said. “None of this has been easy. And, honestly, having you here has made it really hard on me. And I know it’s not your fault, and I don’t expect you to fix it, but whenever I see you, Luke...” She stopped.
“What?” He didn’t want her to stop.
“Whenever I see you.” Her voice was trembling again. “You look so much like Daniel...I want to hug you. I want to kiss you. I want you to take me in your arms and tell me that you’re okay. And I know that sounds nuts, but that’s how I feel. I know you’re not Daniel, but sometimes...” She stopped again and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes to stop the tears. She regrouped and started again. “Sometimes, my heart forgets you aren’t him, and it’s hard not to reach out and touch you. Or, to want you to touch me, for that matter. Does that make any sense to you at all?”
It took all of Luke’s willpower not to grab her and crush her in his arms. That’s what she needed from him. That’s what he wanted to give her. But she would have to come to him. He couldn’t risk blowing the truce by overstepping some invisible line. And, if he was honest, he didn’t want to know what it could feel like to have Sophia push him away.
“I’m not Daniel,” he finally said quietly.
“I know you’re not...” she interjected.
He continued on. “And I can’t ever be him for you. Even if I could, I wouldn’t.”
“I know that, Luke,” Sophia said, her brow furrowed. “Don’t you think I know that?”
“Yes. I do.” Luke took his hand out of his pocket and put it on his chest. “But do you know that I’m here, Sophia? Do you? I’m right here. Right here. My heart’s still beating.” He emphasized his words by hitting the part of his chest that housed his heart. “I’m still alive and I’m still here. So, if you need someone to hug, Sophia, hug me. You can hug me.”
Chapter Five
For a split second, Sophia stopped breathing. She didn’t move. She didn’t blink her eyes. She encouraged her foggy brain to make some sense of the scene unfolding before her. Luke was opening up his heart to her. He was allowing himself to be vulnerable in her presence, and it was something she never expected to happen. He was offering to comfort her, yes. But she knew that he was asking for comfort in return.
Luke needed her. Luke needed comfort from her. Every cell in her body responded to his request. She couldn’t have turned him down if she wanted to. And she didn’t.
Supporting her belly with one hand, Sophia stood up. Luke had crossed his arms back over his chest, and he was staring at her with a look that Sophia could describe only as suspicious. Why he would be suspicious of her didn’t seem to matter. Their eyes were locked as Sophia moved slowly toward him.
She couldn’t look away.
She didn’t want to look away.
And, for some inexplicable reason, being caught up in Luke’s eyes didn’t make her uncomfortable. Quite the opposite. It made her feel connected to him in a way she had never known possible. And without thought, without reason, she liked it.
Sophia re
ached out and tugged on Luke’s crossed arms. After a moment of resistance, Luke’s arms fell down to his sides. Their eyes were still locked; they were so close that she could see his pupils dilate as she reached out and wrapped her fingers around his wrists. As her fingers made contact with his skin, Sophia watched as his nostrils flared. Her brain registered that he had taken a sharp breath in the moment she touched him. His strange reaction to her touch didn’t deter her; her only focus was to hold Luke in her arms. They shared a common sadness. They shared a common loss. It made perfect sense that they should find solace with each other.
Sophia guided Luke away from the counter and stepped into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressed her swollen belly against his washboard abdomen and rested her cheek over Luke’s rapidly beating heart. His heart was beating so strongly that she could feel the sensation of it against her cheek. She closed her eyes and sighed. His natural scent was so much like Daniel’s. It made her feel safe. It made her feel secure. She couldn’t figure out where Daniel ended and Luke began, and she didn’t care. She just didn’t care.
At first, Luke stood stock-still. Every muscle in his body tensed as Sophia melted against him. He had fantasized about having Sophia in his arms since the first moment he saw her. And now, here she was. He could feel her warmth through the cotton of his shirt. He could smell the sweet lilac scent of her hair. She was so close, he would only have to tilt up her head and he could easily press his lips against her full, soft mouth.
“Hug me back,” Sophia said softly.
He felt her words vibrating through the wall of his chest as much as he heard them. Her wish was his command. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her tightly into his body. He closed his eyes; his body came alive everywhere Sophia’s body touched his. It was intoxicating; Sophia was melting in his arms. The feel of her swollen belly pressed against his body only made the experience more intense, made his desire for her ignite.
He could force himself not to kiss her, but he couldn’t stop his body from reacting to hers. Luke tightened his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. One hand moved up to cradle the back of her head, the other moved down to the small of her back. The distance her belly put between their hips saved him; Sophia couldn’t feel how his body was reacting to her. His body craved a release that only Sophia could provide. His body wanted something that just wasn’t possible.