Adam said nothing but took his bedroll and went down to his bike. She just stood there watching him for the last time, trying to take all of him in her memory. Then he turned to her,
“All right, all right—I can do that much for you. If you promise you won’t try to change my mind and that you won’t cry. If you cry, I’ll take you to the nearest airport and leave you. You have to promise. Are you sure you really want to do this?”
“Yes, yes, thank you. I promise. If these are the last days I will ever see you, I promise I won’t ruin them. I will just be with you and try to let go.”
Chris was already with the boys and wouldn’t be back till evening. She would write him a note and then call him later to explain that she would be gone for two or three days. Two of those days would be a weekend; she thought it would be all right. When she came back, she would tell him everything about Adam and finally start to weed through all this mess and try to figure out if there was any salvaging her marriage to him. Probably not, but for right now, she would savor these days and say good-bye to the love of her life. She had to do this, no matter what the cost. She thought, maybe it’s not that great to love somebody that much that you would throw yourself against the railroad tracks, but she did and that’s all there was to it.
“I have to get going, Arianna. I don’t want my Mum or Patty Jo to show up. I have to go right now. I’ll follow you to your house so you can drop your car off. Hurry up and get your food and balloons and stuff.”
On the ride back to her house, she was sure he would just ride off. Why wouldn’t he? She would have no way of controlling that. She kept looking in the rear view mirror and he stayed with her. Every mile further, she was sure he would dart off and leave her but he didn’t.
He came with her into her house, like a wooden statue with a grim look. She hurriedly took the belongings from her car, the balloons now floating around her family room. She grabbed some clothes and wrote her note, knowing Chris would believe she had lost her mind completely. She had some extra cash she had put away and had her Visa that she would use to get her through. She would live these next days as though they were her last, because for her, it felt like that was true.
She centered herself on the back of his bike and gripped her arms around his waist. For now, she would cling to him, as if she were on life support. She had these last days, they would have to last her a lifetime.
“Don’t be breathing hate down my back. If you’re going, Arianna, you have to somehow act normal. I know it’s not going to be easy, but you promised. We can’t travel on a bike safely if you’re going to be too messed up. We have to move together and react together or it will be too dangerous. Are you sure you can do that?”
“Yes, I promise. If this will be the last time I am with you, I want to have great memories. It will be an adventure.”
“Let’s go, I want to put Florida as far as I can behind me.”
She held him tightly, hanging on like a noose was tightening around her neck. Knowing every mile they drove took him further away from her on their ride of good-bye. She had finally found him, her true love, her every fantasy, now she would have to let him go somehow.
Chapter XIII
Fleeing Tampa Bay
Driving on I-4, he picked up speed and the wind violently pushed against them. She felt that if she released her tight grip, even for an instant, that she would fly backwards like a ping pong ball to certain death. She wondered how long she could endure to travel like this. Emotional and physical panic had set in. By the time they were nearing the Florida border into Georgia, her skin was tingling with sunburn. Three hours had passed and they had not stopped even once. She hoped soon she could rest her arms and have a drink of water somewhere.
He drove tirelessly, despite the intense heat. Finally she saw the sign that said Georgia 2.5 miles. He motioned to her to look at the sign, that he patted her leg affectionately. It felt good to have him touch her again with any type of kindness.
After entering Georgia, he took the first exit for food and gas. She jumped from the cycle and lifted her bug stained helmet, glad to be finally stopping. Adam took his helmet off and started wiping it down, then he looked up at her and said,
“I’m nuts, aren’t I, girl?”
“Don’t even get me started—never mind—just don’t ask me that question twice. I might tell you what I really think.”
They both started laughing and he seemed more like himself. There was some barrier he broke when the escaped the Florida border into Georgia. Some overwhelming relief came over him. He put his arm around her and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Anyone observing them would never have suspected anything was amiss.
“You know you’re going to be the death of me, Mr. Ryder. You’ve got so many sides; you should come with user instructions.”
“Don’t make me laugh. I don’t want to laugh. I got the Dylan blues and that’s the way I like it. I’m never going to be happy again.”
Even as he said this, he was smiling. The Adam iceberg had begun to thaw. He started to laugh again at himself.
“I guess it’s ok that I can laugh now. We’re out of Florida. We can talk now. I guess it’s time to decide where the hell I’m going now.”
“How about New Orleans? You would love it there Adam. There are all kinds of eclectic people and places. Everything is colorful and interesting, nothing even remotely resembles mundane. Witches and everything, I’ve been a couple of times and it’s a fascinating place.”
“New Orleans, I’ve never been and it sounds as good as any place to start. It will be good to get lost in a crowd of flamboyant people and one that has such a rich history. New Orleans it is then. If I flip out in New Orleans, sounds like no one would notice. That’s perfect for right now.”
“After New Orleans, then I’ll be on my way alone. We’re clear about that, right?”
“Yes, I’m grateful you took me along. I’ll take whatever memories I have with you and keep them in my pocket forever. Just like Arlo Guthrie says, “Heading for the city of New Orleans”, except he was on a train. I guess I wish we were on a train right now, it would be a lot easier.”
“Girl, you’re never going to make it if you think like that. We have a long way to go.”
“My sunburn hurts when the wind hits my skin. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying, I promise, no regrets.”
“Whatever happens, I love you.”
“That’s an incredible thing to say considering that you’re leaving me but I’ll always love you. I’ll carry you around in my heart no matter how many miles separate us. No one could ever take your place. No man will ever touch me again. If I can’t be with you, then I won’t be with anyone.”
“I’m really screwing up your life. Maybe you should go back and try and fix things with your husband.”
“No, it’s too late for that.”
What were they doing here? She had known he was in turmoil over all events that had taken place but this, this was borderline schizophrenia. For her, it didn’t matter if it made sense; she was all in for whatever happened next.
“New Orleans it is then, ready girl?”
“Yeah, I’m ready, ready for anything.”
The sun had gone down offering them relief from the blistering rays, but now she was shivering from her hot skin under the cooler air. The wind was piercing; she would have to tolerate it. There was no other choice.
After another 100 miles, there began a light rain but they still soldiered on. He had injured his right eye in a motocross accident years before and it made it difficult for him to focus when riding in the rain.
He exited and drove into a small restaurant next to a gas station called “The Peking Moon”.
“Chinese?”
“Are you kidding, that would be awesome. It’s been a hell of a ride so far, I’m glad we’re stopping. I feel like a deep fried slimy clam.”
“I told you it wasn’t going to be easy, I can get you to an airport if you want.”
“No, Babe. I’m going to N’Orleans and I’m going there in style. As long as I’m with you, that’s what I want. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
The air conditioning had them huddled together as they were both wet and miserable.
“Adam, what the heck are we doing here?”
“It does seem a long drive just for Chinese.”
“You are crazy. I guess I never realized how crazy until now. Are we going to sleep outside in the rain?”
“If we drink enough Rum and Cokes, maybe we’ll just pass out.”
“I brought my Visa; I’ll pay for a motel if that’s OK with you. We’re soaked; we’ll both end of sick if we don’t get inside. I don’t see how we could sleep outside tonight in the rain and on the wet ground and be ok tomorrow.”
“I know but it’s the principal of the thing. I said I was going to rough it.”
“Once I’m gone, you will be roughing it for a long time. Couldn’t we please get a motel while I’m with you?”
“Let me think about it. Don’t look so sad, girl, I’m actually glad you came along. You must really love me to do all this. No other chick would be sitting here right now.”
“Tell me about it. I know I’m just as crazy as you to be doing this. We both allow each other to go to extremes. But it’s wonderful to hear you say you’re glad I’m here.”
“I didn’t think I would be when we set out. I was sure we wouldn’t even make it out of Florida before you would want to go back or that you would get hysterical. Now, away from everything and everyone, all I see is you and I remember how much I love you.”
“All this stuff that’s going on, it’s tough; it’s tough for both of us.”
Smiling, he leaned over and kissed her, salty kisses that made her hunger for him. She would love him every chance she got, her time was limited with him, she would enhance every moment she could.
“Well, chick, let’s go find us a dingy little dark bar with a pool table. I gotta’ watch the bucks till I get a job somewhere.”
“I’ll pay for everything while I’m here. I don’t mind. I made some good money lately. I can afford it.”
“No, that’s not right.”
“Ok, I’ll play you for it, the drinks and the motel. If I win, we go to a motel.”
She knew he couldn’t resist the challenge. He loved to beat her.
“You know I’ll beat you. I’m on a mission, remember?”
“Adam, are you one of the Blue’s Brothers or Dylan?”
“I’m me, chick, just me, but I’m still on a mission. I’m not going to try and save the world, I’m going to let it try and save me. And it will be great watching them think they have.”
She thought she would win, that fate was on her side, but he did. It seemed he was always in control.
Chapter XIV
New Orleans in the Rain
Adam was on the outside of the world looking in. Like the narrator in Great Gatsby, he observed the world and had lots of opinions about it. He liked watching people at a distance. He thought most people were extraordinary liars, had dark secrets and mostly only thought of themselves.
A flickering neon pink flamingo sign tilted over the Starlight Lounge. The peeling paint and disarray appealed to Adam’s nature. Where things were unpolished and broken, that’s where he felt most at home. There were several bikes outside; far outnumbering the cars, so he was certain this was the place to stop. Atmosphere fill noir, this was Adam’s valley wick.
A single guitar player was blues singing. It was the big easy, Woodstock crowd. Arianna and Adam looked homeless and hapless with their wet clothing clinging to them, their hair falling in wet tendrils.
A scrawny, lanky woman with tied back hair and a peasant dress caressing the floor strolled up to them. Leather sandals slapped the floor as she extended her hand, a small rose tattoo visible on her wrist.
“Hi, I’m Heather. I don’t mean to disturb you guys but you look pretty beat up. Had a rough day?”
Adam smile like an angelic boy. She knew what he was thinking, that it was already happening, a religious chick trying to save him.
“We’re headed to New Orleans, we’re short on bread and we ain’t got nowhere to stay. We just came in here looking to get out of the rain.”
“My live-in rides a bike, too. He’ll be here later. Maybe he can join y’all. I’m the manger here and he comes by later to pick me up at closing. Look—y’all are welcome to stay at our house tonight if you don’t mind waiting until 2:00AM, that’s when we close. Your girl here looks like she could use a place to rest. Child, you got bad sunburn and with all those wet clothes, you must be miserable.”
“Well, I kinda’ am. I would be happy to be inside. Thank you for your offer but I think we’re going to get a motel.”
“Actually, Heather, I think it’s mighty fine of you to offer us a place to stay. My girl would love to get cleaned up an all. We accept.”
“Adam, I thought you said you still wanted to get some miles behind us before we stopped for the night,” she said with pleading eyes.
“I know, but look we’re wasted, tired and a mess.”
Heather responded, “Great, we’d love to have you. Well, back to work—I’ll catch up with you guys later.”
“I’d say you’ve lost your mind, but I already know that. You know, they could be ax murderers or sexual predators or just freaks. I’m not staying with that hippie girl, no way.”
“Look, she works here. How much of a threat could she be if she manages a business, come on now?”
“Why can’t we just go to a motel?”
“Chick, this is like an adventure, remember? That’s what I set out to do, have some new experiences, throw the normal stuff out. It’s Karma.”
“This is serious; we don’t know anything about them. It scares me.”
“Trust me, we’ll be fine. I won’t let anything happen to you. It will be a kick to observe these guys. Besides, it’s better than sleeping in the rain, remember you lost the pool match and you agreed.”
“Well, I know but I’m a nervous wreck already and we haven’t even left the safety of the bar yet. I’m going to call the kids.”
“Joshua, it’s Mommy.”
“Where are you, Mommy, come home?” He started crying and her heart broke. What was she doing here? What kind of hold did he have on her that she would have done this foolish thing?
“Oh, my little boy—I will be home—real soon, I promise. Mommy just went somewhere for work and when I come home I will let you and your brother buy something at the toy store and we’ll go to Chuck E. Cheese too. Please forgive me my little one but Daddy will take good care of you until I get home. I’m going to bring you both some gifts too.”
“Bunches and bunches.”
“Yes, bunches. I love you so much and miss you. I promise I won’t go away again, only this one time.”
“I miss you, Mama. I’m scared that you’re not here.”
“I’m sorry, baby; I promise I will never go away again. I promise, not ever—ever. You make a list of special things you would like to do when I get home.”
“Ok, Mama. I will. It will be soon when we see you.”
“I want to talk, give me, give me,” said Brent.
“My little boy, how are you. Mommy loves you very much and will be home real soon. We will have lots of special things we will do when I get home.”
“Ok, Mama. I love you.”
When she went back to the table, guilt and anguish had swollen her mind with pain. Why couldn’t she have the man she loved and her boys? Why couldn’t she have made a better match to begin? The why’s were killing her and she knew there was no sense in thinking about it now. She would have to fix one thing at a time.
“Everything all right?”
“The boys were crying because I’m not home and I feel so guilty and awful for leaving and yet helpless to not have done it. How could I not have tried to see you for a few more hours in this lifeti
me?”
She put her head in her hands, but she did not cry. She had promised him that and herself, there would be plenty of time for crying when he was gone.
“Girl, it’s going to be all right. You’ll be home soon. They’ll survive a couple of days without you.”
“No, no, it’s not just them. You know I thought we had worked everything out between us. It seemed as if there were only blue skies ahead. I thought you loved me and it was so damn real. Did I just imagine all of it?”
“Everything I said to you was the truth. I never meant anything more in my life. I’m sorry I’m nuts. I didn’t mean to do this to you. At first, everything was so damn easy, then the complications started and I felt trapped. I couldn’t make a decision. Ever since my Dad—ahh— never mind, we’ll talk another time. Let me hold you, you’re shaking.”
His arms comforted her and she relaxed a little. Heather’s boyfriend had arrived and befriended Adam. They went outside and talked that talk guys do about their bikes. Heather had suggested that her boyfriend, Denny could take them home so they didn’t have to wait.
She was a jangle of nerves as she entered Heather and Denny’s house. It was a dingy commune. There were at least ten people living there. Filthy and chaotic, clothing, bedding and discarded food were everywhere. The dank smell of mildew permeated everywhere. She wanted to run.
Adam, however, was feeling none of this and seemed to revel in this new development, like a scientist with a new discovery. He wondered what kind of people lived like this.
“Arianna, this is great. It’s like stepping back in a time machine. These guys are real hippies and they live like mongrels.”
“I’m going to take a shower; will you stay outside the door?”
The bathroom looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in a year and she kept wondering why they weren’t in a nice, antiseptic warm motel somewhere together. When they both had showered and dried their clothing, Adam continued to mingle with the throng living there. They had all drifted outside and started a campfire. Couples, sitting around arm and arm and singing, looked to her like a scene from an old 60’s movie.
Sweet Sins Page 10