“Yes, I gladly accept your invitation; anyone who could go on being so kind and thoughtful when I have not responded to your affection must be an angel inside.”
“I’m made some reservations in the hope you might have accepted. Pleasure Island in Orlando has a place there that is having a big bash. I bought 8 tickets in the hopes that Chloe and Ashton and they’re beau’s would also attend and I’ve asked one of my buddies, Carl and his girl to come.”
“If you bought the tickets, I can almost say for sure they will come. They‘re low on funds and to go to Pleasure Island, that sounds great especially with all of us there. I truly am excited at the thought of it. You are turning my world around, little by little, bringing me back to the living. If you were here right now, I would kiss you.”
“Hey, now we really are making progress. I will hold you to the promise and look forward to responding to it.”
Damon’s exit from her life was short lived. Once again, she was sure he would not contact her. She was certain her constant refusals would have made him furious, but it hadn’t. Instead, he had brought them Christmas gifts. Perhaps she should start thinking a little more about this mysterious stranger who wanted to give her and her boys so much.
Ashton and Chloe agreed immediately to the New Year’s Eve celebration.
“Finally,” Ashton said, “You are going to give this guy a chance. His arrogance can be a little off putting but the other stuff he does makes up for it. I’m glad we’re all going. You have an official date with a man after all these months, at last.”
“What if everyone meets here and we go in two cars?”
“That’s cool. It will be more fun that way. I’ll see you later at the agency.”
Driving to the office, she was unsettled. Happy for what Damon had done and thinking of their upcoming outing, she was internally destroyed. Accepting his invitation seemed to be putting the last nail in the coffin of her relationship with Adam. She had done the unthinkable, the thing she said she would never do, be with another man. Was this the end then? Should she finally go and get a divorce under the grounds of desertion? Maybe it was time.
“Ashton, so what do you think about me going out with Damon? Honestly, what’s your candid opinion of him?”
“He’s a little rough in some ways, loud, crass and pushes people’s buttons but he genuinely seems to care about you and the boys. He has money and is generous. I guess I think there are more pluses than minuses. The boys like him, of course, that’s just because of all the things they buy him, but that’s not a bad thing. Why don’t you just give it a shot and see what happens? You still haven’t even heard from Adam and it’s been almost six months. I think it’s time for letting go.”
“Enough talk of him. Did you like the new commercials we did for Rooster’s? I wrote them and performed them. The owner of the club, Scott, wants to meet me. Will you come along? Maybe we can figure a way to promote stuff from there. Perhaps we can talk him into doing a few fashion shows?”
“I loved the commercials. I couldn’t believe that was you. Your voice sounded good on the radio. I’d like to come with next time you go to the recording studio.”
“You got it. Anytime when I can introduce you around, I’m happy. Something’s going to click for you, I just know it.”
Stan and his date, Andrea were also going to Pleasure Island. Things were slow during the holiday week but the gang of friends spent time at the agency planning their New Year’s Eve outing.
She was wearing one of the outfits he had bought her for Christmas. Daring and glamorous, the black dress was gathered in the middle, with a sexy slit up the side. Each side decorated with crystals that flashed in the light. The sleeves had little wisps of feathers that fell onto her shoulders.
“Sweet, I don’t want anyone else to see you. I wish I could keep you all for myself, for today and always.”
“I hope you’ve had a few drinks and that’s the alcohol talking. You are one interesting guy. It’s amazing the words that come from your mouth. You look pretty good yourself.”
Wearing a black sport coat, he sported a beige leather vest beneath and had a beige and black striped tie. She liked it when guys wore vests. His pleated tailored black pants gave him a rather nicely put together picture. For the first time, she realized he was handsome. Not like Adam, but he was attractive.
As the others starting piling in and they were set to go, she took him by the hand, “Hmm, progress.” He said.
It was a glorious time of laughter and friendship. They had all grown close and she was grateful for this moment of the celebration of life and that she had made it through despite her total breakdown after Adam had left.
When midnight arrived, she began kissing the girls and Stan on the cheek and thanking them over and over again for their assistance. Damon came up from behind her and pulled her to him, kissing her passionately.
“You owe me this kiss. I’ve waited a long time for it.”
All chains falling to the ground, the impossible had happened. She was in another man’s arms and returning his kiss. Nothing could ever be the same now. Her wall of resistance was shattered.
“Damon, I do care about you. I just don’t know what I’m doing right now. A girl would be lucky to have the attentions of a guy like you. I just need time, if you want to take a chance on me. I’m a messed up girl, you’d have to be patient.”
“Those are the words I have been waiting to hear from you. A chance is all I ask. I’m willing to risk that I might just make you fall in love with me that way that I am with you.”
Shocked at his words, she felt it must be the midnight hour and the New Year’s atmosphere. What reason had she given him to fall in love with her? None that she could think of, it was just the opposite; she had discouraged him at every step.
Damon pressed something into her hand.
“Damon, no, you have been too generous already. I can’t accept anything else from you.”
“It isn’t for you. It’s for me.”
“What?”
“Just open it, please.”
Opening the velvet box, she found a diamond engagement ring.
“Don’t say anything. Just think about it. I have been carrying that around with me since the second week I met you. I know it’s crazy and impulsive but whatever hold you have over me, it’s real. Nothing you have said or done to send me away has worked on my heart. I love you and I love the boys too. Please let me prove it to you and give you the life you deserve and the support for your business.”
“Damon, we just kissed for the first time and I have known you for several months now. What would make you believe that this could work out between us? I am so flattered by your lovely words but honestly, just shocked also.”
He called everyone over to see the ring. Looks of amazement crossed over everyone. They all knew how she felt about him and more importantly her utter devotion to Adam.
Chloe and Ashton ran over to her and Ashton said, “Well, woman, you’re really in it now. What a mess. To even begin to take this guy seriously, you’d have to get a divorce and I know you, you’ll never divorce Adam. He’d have to do that. Damon’s kind of growing on me though with as nice as he’s been to you, you almost can forgive his bull shit.”
“You’re right. I can’t think, this is just too much, too fast and yet a part of me wants to cling to him and say “yes” just for the protection it would afford me and the boys. We could have someone to be there for us and help us out in life. But what the hell, am I Liz Taylor? I’m on my second divorce and already thinking of marrying someone else. How did my life get so out of control?”
“Just give him a chance. If Adam doesn’t contact you soon, you have got to start divorce proceedings. You can’t live like this. You have to move forward or Paramount will collapse around you. Take it slow and see what happens.”
“You’re right. I will.”
Life went on with Damon taking care of her as he promised. She began to have some
feelings for him but she believed they were more of gratitude than love. She needed him and it would be hard to say good-bye but he pushed her to think about divorce and she could not relent. The ring he gave her still remained in her dresser drawer and she had never even considered wearing it. Damon had told her that it was time for her to choose between them and that if she could not, he would not come around anymore until she had chosen him.
Handing him the ring she said, “I will never forget you and what you have done for me and the boys. I do love you in my own way for the kindnesses you have done and for caring about us. I wish I could have fallen in love with you the way you wanted me too but I know some other girl will and you will have the happiness you deserve.”
“I still wish it were you but I can see it will take a long time for you to get over Adam, maybe never. That’s a shame because all he does is perpetuate your life of pain that I feel I could have stopped. I was sure I could have changed your mind. I love you and if you ever get over him, call me.”
So for now, she could not choose him. She was alone again.
Chapter XXIV
Sweet and Sour
The children were sad to hear that Damon would not be coming to visit them anymore. Confused they looked to her for answers that she didn’t have. She did not know why her decision making process regarding men was so flawed. All she could do was love the boys the best she could and keep trying until she got it right. She swore that someday she and they children would never go hungry again, no matter how hard she had to work or how little sleep she would have. She would make it somehow.
She had started four new classes and had hired additional teachers and began an acting class. The class would consist of teaching potential models how to improve their chances through better auditioning tips and presentation. It was well received as most of her new students were nervous and unsure in this area. Ashton, Chloe and Stan all received a moderate wage increase but she was determined to increase the agency’s monetary gains so she could provide them with the money they deserved.
Arianna took Ashton on a shopping excursion and bought her some new outfits. Ashton glowed as they went from store to store. They accessorized and glamorized her to look more like Arianna thought she should look. Up till now, Arianna was not financially able to do anything special for her but things were picking up and she wanted to do something for her.
“Thank you, woman—now that I have some new threads, I can think about getting a new companion and then, well then, next stop Hollywood.”
“I agree that’s where you should be. You’ve got the style, the looks and the personality. I hope somehow I can help make that happen for you. I could never have survived without you. I promise I will do anything I can to help make your dreams come true.”
“I can’t wait to be seen in some of these new things. Let’s celebrate and do the club thing. I’ll tell Charlie I’m staying the night at your house. It’s Saturday and I don’t want to do the same dreary eat out and a movie with Charlie. I want to party.”
“You know, you’re going to lose that guy one day. He probably hates me for taking up so much of your time.”
“Yeah, he doesn’t like it very much that we’re together so much. He complains and barks about it all the time but he’ll never leave me that much is sure. I might leave him but he will never leave me. It’s probably not good that I know that because sometimes I know I treat him like crap because of it. Besides, Charlie doesn’t have any cojones, not like you. You’ve got more cojones than any guy I’ve ever met.”
“You’re crazy, girl. I guess I just know I can’t let go of this dream and I’ll do whatever it takes not to let you guys down, the boys and myself—whatever it takes.”
Ashton was true to her word and had brought home to her house a curly headed boy named Sam. She wasn’t comfortable with it, but it was Ashton’s decision. She went to bed alone, like all the other nights since Adam left. She promised herself that never again would she give her heart away and that her new mission in life was her children and Paramount.
The next morning, Ashton looked radiant and happy.
“Now that’s what I call a party.”
“Ashton, you have lost your mind. He was cute, but what about Charlie? You are going to get caught one of these days and it’s not going to be pretty.”
“Please, just go with it and don’t worry about me. You’re my best friend, just be happy for me. Since I met you, I’ve had the best times of my life, everything has changed and I’m finally going for my dream and having a ton of fun doing it. I’d rather be around you and the kids than Charlie, I have a better time. If we break up, I don’t really care.”
“That guy adores you in an honest good way. These other guys just want to be with you because of your looks but I don’t know if any of them could worry or care for you the way he does.”
“Whatever, let’s go over to Paramount and I’ll help you with your paperwork. Maybe we could catch up on our phone calls.”
“That sounds good to me. Sunday’s are a good day because I don’t have to worry about the boys but I think if you hang out with me another weekend, Charlie will come after both of us.”
“Are you still going to repaint the runway room?”
“Yeah, I bought some white and red. I’m going to paint one wall red for an accent and to pop the room a little bit. That office beige isn’t working for me.”
“I wouldn’t mind going with you and helping but, you’re right. I don’t want to tempt fate and have Charlie get any more suspicious. I guess I better head on home now.”
“Yes, go home, girlfriend.”
“OK, woman, hang in there. It’s getting better all the time.”
After several hours, paint splattered in her hair and jeans, she decided to take a break and go out for a cold iced tea and some food. There were eateries near the office but she didn’t want to go back to work that quickly and just started driving. She had automatically found herself driving in the direction of his Mother’s house. She hadn’t been by there in two or three months but felt compelled to go, to just drive by the place had many happy memories together.
As she turned onto his Mom’s street, her heart beat like the beginning of a Bond movie. Within seconds, she was so dizzy; she could barely hold her head up. There, in the driveway, was his car. Then, as if in a surreal dream, she saw him walking out of the front door towards his car. He didn’t see her and she just stared at him, blinking to be sure it was him.
“Adam.”
He turned and stared at her incredulously, “What the…what in the fricking world are you doing her? You must be a true psychic, I was kidding before about it, but this is fricking crazy. I’ve only just arrived. I haven’t even been here twenty minute and you’re here. You’re not going to kill me, are you? You don’t have a gun or anything, do you?”
He was trembling slightly and shaking his head. Neither of them knew what to do.
“I…I’ve waited for this moment for so long and now I….I don’t know what to say.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t. I know that sounds lame but I didn’t. Let’s get out of here and get some coffee. This is just unbelievable. You were the last person I thought I would be seeing today and yet…something about the way you always show up made me think there would be a slight chance.”
As they walked into Johnny’s Café, she realized again just how awful she looked. She had imagined this moment a thousand times but never had this scenario entered her mind. She always thought she would be dressed to the nines and doing a show somewhere and he would walk in, something like in Rick’s Café in Casablanca. She was so sure of it; it had become real to her.
He was wide-eyed, dressed in black, his hair longer and hanging slightly in his eyes. His skin was darkly tanned and he appeared to have scratch marks on his face and some bruising. He reached inside his shirt pocket and pulled out a cigarette pack.
“I’ve started smoking since I seen ya’.”
/> He put one cigarette into each of his five fingers and proceeded to light each one, taking drags off each cigarette like he was playing a musical instrument. She was stunned.
“No, I don’t always smoke five at a time but you know—it’s a different kind of day today. I don’t know what’s going on right now.”
“How are you? Are you home for good?”
“I don’t think I’m here to stay. I wanted to get some stuff and check in with my Mum. Did you destroy or sell my motorcycle?”
“I still have it and you should know me better than that. All your stuff is just as you left it, including me.”
His gaze looked down at the table, his shoulders slumped.
He put out three of his cigarettes and said,
“I don’t know what to say to you right now. There is such a wide divide between us, I’m sure we have both changed a lot in the last 7 months. It’s seems a lifetime to me now. I’ve been all over towns and cities, been with a hundred strange people who took me in and had a lot of unusual experiences. We’re different now. We’re not the same people we were when we met.”
“Yes, a lot has happened. At least I still have the agency and it’s doing well. I’m surviving with the help of some great friends and my parents helped me out financially. The kids still talk about you and miss riding on your cycle and going for walks with you.”
“How are the little rug rats? I missed them too and thought a lot about you guys and if you would make it, but somehow, knowing you, I was sure you would you’re a lot stronger than you think you are—stronger than me. It was pretty rough on you what I did, it was the coward’s way out and maybe that’s why I can’t look at you right now. I know what I did but I couldn’t help myself. It’s a poor excuse but that’s the truth.”
“Why didn’t you call me or at least say good-bye? That was unbelievably hard, crazy hard. I couldn’t understand why you didn’t just call me to talk.”
Sweet Sins Page 19