Chasing Desire

by Joya Ryan

  “Huck…” she murmured. “Huck…”

  All she said was his name. She kept herself wrapped around him, and Huck knew he was in trouble.

  …

  Autumn relaxed back into the couch. After staying the night, then having morning sex, she had realized that neither of them was running. They’d eaten a breakfast of cold pizza and hung out.

  “You said noon,” Huck said as he grabbed hold of Autumn’s ankles, which were resting on his lap. “Which means I have you for another hour.”

  She had nothing more on than a one of his T-shirts, and he was in a pair of low-slung sweats.

  It was casual, simple, and the best morning she’d ever had.

  “I work at noon, which means I have to go back to Jenna’s house to shower and change and get ready.”

  “You could shower here.”

  She wagged her finger at him. “Remember when I reminded you that I didn’t bring a change of clothes?”

  Huck frowned her direction, but it was more of a pout than anything else. Truth was, she kind of liked this. Her pink tipped toes were on his lap. Yes, still pink from Jenna’s wedding. But what was sexy was how his tan hands clutched her foot, how his thumbs gently pushed on her instep, like he might try to stop her from leaving.

  She’d never experienced anything like this. Was this how a couple acted? They weren’t even close to a couple, not unless you could count something as temporary as this a relationship. The truth was she’d never had anyone really want her around long enough to know the difference.

  Maybe Huck’s issues were what had compelled him to keep her here. Maybe he was still stuck on not letting her leave first.

  She closed her eyes for a moment. She’d stayed last night knowing that was a possibility, and soon she’d have to face it.

  She could be the bigger person about it. If this was what he needed, she’d let him have it.

  “I know this is your place, but if you don’t want me to leave first, you can,” she said. “I don’t care.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She looked at him. His muscles looked cut even when he was relaxed.

  But suddenly, he wasn’t relaxed. Now he sat there tense and staring those green daggers at her. His chest and abs flexed, and she felt a sickening rush of heat.

  “I mean the whole leaving thing,” she said. “If that’s why you’re trying to get me to stay, you can just leave first.”

  “This is my house.”

  “I’m aware.”

  “Why would I leave?”

  “Because this is a game, and you can’t have me leaving first because it bothers you.”

  The hand on her foot squeezed, then let go. “You’re impossible,” he murmured.

  “What?”

  He sat up, and Autumn tucked her legs under herself and faced him. “I want you to stay because I like spending time with you.” With one arm resting on the back of the couch, he looked at her straight on, those tattoos looking as lickable as his whole chest. “So, tell me how you got into working on cars.”

  It was an odd turn of subject, but she wasn’t sure where this game was going anymore, so she didn’t see a better choice but to play along. Besides, it was hard to resist his invitation to open up a little.

  “My grandfather. I spent more of my time with him in his shop than anywhere else. When I was young, my dad was gone a lot, and the shop was where I went. He kept an eye on me. Taught about cars and bikes.”

  “You talk like he’s not around anymore.” His voice was soft, like he knew tidbits of information already. Jenna had probably filled in her gang of friends, but she didn’t know how much.

  Not that Autumn had ever told Jenna the details. Especially the fact that her father had lost the shop and her home. She’d just said she’d fallen on some “hard times.” She didn’t want handouts or people making the connection that she was technically homeless at the moment. Pity wasn’t an emotion she wanted thrown her way. That just made it hurt all the worse when pity ran out and she found out people’s kindness wasn’t genuine.

  “He died several years ago.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She shrugged, but the words came out before she could stop them. “I loved him. I was young and didn’t understand why I had to lose him. I was actually angry with my grandfather for a while for dying and leaving me.”

  She scoffed, hating her young mind and remembering being a kid who was suddenly all alone. All she’d had was a father who hadn’t shown up or given a damn most of the time. She’d never been as important to him as gambling or drinking. Whenever it had mattered, he’d never chosen her.

  “That sounds hard,” Huck said.

  “I didn’t deal with losing my grandpa very well. But obviously it wasn’t his fault. Cancer doesn’t care who it hits.”

  Huck just looked at her. Listening. His expression was filled with compassion, and her ribs felt like they were shrinking.

  “What about your parents?” he asked.

  “Mom took off when I was young. Dad’s around somewhere.”

  “You don’t talk to your dad?”

  “No.”

  He scooted closer, and his arm slid along the back of the couch until his fingertips met her cheekbone. Then he simply waited. Like he was taking in every word. Wanting to actually know her.

  This was dangerous, because she was starting to think her worth was increasing. She could be a good time, but in the end, she was still temporary. Yes, Huck was being sweet and wanted to know her. So she’d enjoy it for what it was, for however short of time it lasted.

  She’d never talked much about her dad or her situation. But the way Huck looked at her, she felt very heavy and wanted to get rid of the weight of all the bullshit that she’d been carrying around.

  “He has a gambling problem,” she said. The first time she’d ever said that out loud. “It’s why my mom left and I stayed with my grandpa a lot growing up. My dad was off to the track, meeting bookies. He bet whatever was in his pocket.” And sometimes a lot more than that. Her shop and home didn’t fit in his pocket, but he had no problem putting the deed up.

  “I’m sorry, honey,” he said and stroked her cheek.

  She gave her best indifferent smile, but she had a feeling he could see through it. Still, she tried to play it off.

  “It’s fine.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I know. You’re strong. Everything will always be fine.” He cupped her face and brought her lips to his. “But you deserve better than fine. You deserve amazing.”

  His kiss was soft, but it hit her heart hard.

  “What about you?” she breathed. He leaned back just enough to look her in the eyes. “Mr. It’s Cool.”

  “I guess we have some similarities.”

  It was her turn to look at him, because she was desperate for him to tell her something. Anything that connected them a little bit more. Maybe it was a bad idea, but she couldn’t help it.

  “As you know, my last girlfriend left me.” He glanced down. “I wanted certain things. Certain permanent things. And I was caught off guard. I feel stupid for not seeing it coming.”

  Her chest split in half. This strong man was a mystery to her. He’d wanted permanent things? Nothing about Huck screamed “permanence.” From his demeanor to his house, he seemed a bachelor at heart. Was all of that a disguise to keep himself safe?

  “What about now? Do you still want those things?”

  He looked at her for a long moment. “I try not to think about it. Nothing’s permanent. So I just roll with it. One day at a time…”

  “One woman at a time…” she finished for him.

  He stared at her, and finally he said. “Yeah, something like that.” He touched her chin. “I’m not interested in anything permanent anymore. It’s a pipe dream.” He paused. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a woman while she’s here.”

  He kissed her again and, god, she wanted to believe him. Wanted to get lost in him and his
kiss.

  This was a terrifying game. But instead of caring, she kissed him back. There was more at stake than the usual disappointment, because at some point last night, the rules had changed. And now she had no idea what to do or what to feel, other than worry.

  The bottom would fall out. It always did.

  She caught sight of the clock on the wall. “I’ve got to go.” She’d be pushing it to get to work on time, and she didn’t want to lose a temporary job she was lucky to have in the first place.

  Huck groaned, then let her up. She shimmied into her skirt and pulled on her boots. She went to grab her tank top and bra, but Huck stopped her.

  “Keep the shirt.” He looked her up and down, like the sight of her messy hair and his shirt on her skin made him hot. Judging by the bulge in his pants, she wasn’t too far off.

  “Thank you,” she said, then shoved her stuff in her purse. She leaned down and kissed him.

  It was meant to be quick, but he caught her. Nipped her lip and shoved his tongue in deep, like he was drinking her down.

  Then he pulled back. Reluctantly, it seemed.

  “See ya later, honey,” he said, and when she turned, he slapped her ass and smiled.

  She looked over her shoulder to find him leaning back against his couch, both arms outstretched. He remained still, tense, but simply watched her walk away.

  She couldn’t bear the thought of him hurting. He was trying to move past the pain and watch her do the one thing that scared him: leave him. So she did the only thing she could. For him. And for herself. She tried to convince him that she’d return.

  “Yes, you’ll see me later.” She put a little strut in her step and swished her ass. She couldn’t help it. She’d been “Auto” her whole life, but this man made her feel all…girly.

  She glanced over her shoulder again, and Huck looked less tense and more lusty now. Exactly what she was going for.

  “Ah, honey, don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You’ll be punished for that later.”

  “Whatever do you mean?” she said innocently as she reached the front door.

  “Tempting me with that ass. Swinging it so I know exactly what I’m missing.” He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his bent knees, which made those strong biceps bulge. “Trust me, I know what I’m missing, and I’ll rectify that soon enough.”

  She believed him. And she found herself looking forward to whatever it was he could deliver.

  With her eyes fastened on his, she repeated her words, because they seemed very important. “I will see you later.”

  He nodded once, as if struggling to believe her. She stepped out the front door. His eyes never left her, and the last thing she heard before shutting the door was his voice.

  “Yes, you will.”

  Chapter Eleven

  “Why don’t you walk over to Penny’s BBQ to get some dinner?” Pete said to Autumn, wiping off his greasy hands.

  “I’m okay,” she said and returned her attention to the open hood of the Dual Giah. Over the last couple of hours, she’d helped with tune-ups and one tow, and now Pete had given her permission to work on the classic car. She was so happy that she would stay all night if she could. But Pete was gearing up to leave, and she doubted he’d be okay with her staying here alone. She wasn’t just a new employee. She was a temp.

  “I’m calling it a night, kiddo, and I won’t leave you to lock up with an empty stomach,” he said.

  She glanced up at him. “You’re letting me lock up?”

  “Well, yeah. You can stay as long as you like. I trust ya.”

  Her entire face flushed with happiness. Already he trusted her and had been nothing but kind.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  He held up his hand. “But first you need to eat. Go on, get some food, then you can come back.”

  She gave a slight smile, and her stomach grumbled. It was almost seven in the evening, and yeah, she could eat. Pete came to stand behind her and examined the work she’d done on the engine.

  “That’s looking real good, kid.” He nodded in approval.

  The smell of aftershave and oil wafted off him. She checked the urge to inhale deep. He smelled like her grandfather. Like home. Not just him—the whole auto shop. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed the work, the smells, the community. She would miss this place when she moved on. Because no matter how wonderful certain moments felt, every one of them would end. Her time here, the people she knew, even her job, were temporary. Huck said it himself, he didn’t do long-term, but he enjoyed the woman while he had her. She wasn’t wanted longer than the random encounters they’d have over a couple of weeks.

  Pete handed her the keys to the shop. “Whoever taught you how to take on engines is a damn fine person.”

  “Thank you,” she said then turned to face him. “For everything.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad to have someone around who likes to be here.” His eyes were honest, and nothing but hard work and truth lay behind them. Reminded her of a similar pair of green eyes she’d been looking at lately.

  “Can I ask…why doesn’t Huck work here? You said this was handed down to you from your dad?”

  Pete nodded. “It is a family business. Huckleberry can fix anything…unless it has a motor. I swear, that boy can build a house in his sleep, but he can’t even figure out a lawn mower.”

  Autumn smiled. He was good with his hands. She could attest to that. “Well, I can’t construct a house. Guess there’s different types of building.”

  Pete smiled and nodded. “Yes. Looks like you two have each other’s weaknesses covered. Between the two of you, you’d never be homeless or motionless.”

  That struck something deep in her soul that she hadn’t realized was even there. They may share some similarities, but reality would do them in. No matter how many nights of fantasy they lost themselves in, the real world would always win out.

  Maybe if they weren’t broken, they could work. But they were. She wasn’t worthwhile enough to stay for…a while. Huck wouldn’t take a chance on her and she wouldn’t stick around for someone who didn’t believe in her, merely on a hope that one day he may tell her she’s more than a casual fuck.

  She couldn’t help but wonder what it would mean to stay? That was her pipe dream, and she let herself ponder it for a moment. It was surprising how badly she wanted that idea. That completeness. But that would mean relying on him. Trusting him with more than the moment. She’d have to trust him with her life.

  The thought sent bile into her throat. She’d trusted her living situation to a man once, and look where that had gotten her. If she couldn’t trust her own father, how was she supposed to trust a lover?

  Nope. She couldn’t do that again. She needed something that was completely hers. Something she could rely on for herself alone. The bottom couldn’t fall out if she held all the water in her hands.

  “You ran your own shop, right?” Pete asked. “Ever think of running one again?”

  “I’ve got a good shot at a job in California. But running a shop again?” It was her dream. But that dream required money, not to mention a place where she was interested in setting down roots. All of those things were in short supply. “It’s not in the cards for me right now.”

  Pete nodded and looked her over for a moment. “I can see why my son is so taken with you. You’re strong. I can tell.”

  That made her perk up. “I don’t know about that. We’re just…” She thought for a moment and went with a safe word. “Friends.”

  “Sure you are. I know my son, and I can tell you right now he doesn’t look at his friends the way he does you. He also doesn’t carry on and on about them.” Pete’s words made shivers of hope stick to her spine. Was there a chance Huck wanted more from her? Could possibly want her to stick around?

  “Carry on?” she asked.

  Pete chuckled. “Oh, so you’re interested in what he’s said now?” She shrugged, but the old man’s smile on
ly widened. “I like you. You don’t give much away and probably don’t take my boy’s crap. I can tell because you’re giving me nothing right now. Stubborn girl.” He hugged her shoulder. “You’re just what he needs.” Autumn opened her mouth to protest, but he held up his hand. “And before you go denying it, I’ll tell you right now that I’m right in this. He said you were special.”

  “He did?”

  Pete nodded. “I love my son, but that woman did a number on him a few years ago, and he hasn’t quite been the same since. It’s nice to see him happier.”

  “I can’t take credit for that. I think I annoy him more than anything else.” Lord knew he annoyed the pants off her. Literally. No matter how bratty they acted, how they fought or huffed, her pants came off. It was the one thing she knew she could rely on Huck Galvin for. And to be honest, that was the only thing she was asking for.

  “Go get some food, kid. You can stay as long as you like.” He patted her shoulder, and his green eyes looked at her with a kindness she hadn’t seen in a long time. “As long as you like,” he said again. Something in his words made her own eyes prick.

  She looked down at the keys in her hand. “Thank you so much.”

  He nodded. “I’m glad you’re here, young lady.”

  She watched him leave. His words toiled in her mind.

  As long as you like.

  Huck made her feel warm and wanted. And now she saw where his charm came from. It ran in the family.

  But that didn’t mean she could stay. Her ex had seemed warm and caring, too. At least at first.

  Anyone could be counted on in the short term. But when it mattered? When it came time to show their commitment and their love was true and forever? When it came time to choose her above all else?

  Now she knew better.

  Her boundaries were what kept her safe.

  Still, those words rolled over in her mind again. Stay for as long as she wanted?

  Her phone rang and she dug it out of her back pocket. The number was from the west coast. Los Angeles to be precise. Her breathing stalled. This was the call. She knew it deep down. And as soon as she hit the “answer” button, she’d also know if she got the job.