by Lindsey Beck
Matthew matched his friend’s gait. Quickly, they reached the detail area where Matthew expected to see the bike waiting for him, wet drops gleaming from the glossy paint job, but the stall was empty. Instead, Jake moved towards a second building and Matthew could feel his unease growing. What had Janie done to warrant Jake hiding her work?
Jake pulled a set of keys from his pocket and carefully unlocked the bay doors. He reached down, grasping the handle of the large garage style door and gently cracked an opening tall enough to allow them entrance. Matthew stepped inside and turned as Jake closed the bay door again. Darkness surrounded him and Matthew felt the goose bumps rising on his skin.
Matthew heard the faint clicks of the light switches. He shifted uneasily as he waited for the florescent bulbs to warm. He could already see the outline of his bike at the end of the long corridor through the faint light and he started towards it.
He wasn’t sure when he became consciously aware of the artwork lovingly displayed down the sides of the hand crafted tank or fenders. He wasn’t even aware of the moment that the tears started to pour down his cheeks, but he was aware of the moment his fingers traced the intricate designs. The cold metal rose to meet the tips of his fingers as they followed the lines of the upturned face of an angel.
And then his eyes found the small, delicate wording etched imperceptibly into the wings of the angel.
“Jesus…Redeemer, Savior, Lion of Judah, Lilly of the Valley, Lamb of God, Prince of Peace, Jehovah Nissi, Jehovah Jirah, Jehovah Shiloh…” Despite his hushed tone, his voice vibrated in the empty bay. Matthew reverently read each name and the echo continued until he reached the last engraved name. Omega.
Matthew stared at the bike as the echo dispelled and silence settled around the two men. His eyes locked into the angel’s gaze. Her eyes were filled with such compassion and tenderness that he felt he caught a glimpse of eternity in the deep portals.
Jake had been right. This was the best work that Janie had ever done and it was lovingly displayed on his bike. Matthew slowly withdrew his hand. Janie’s painstaking sacrifice was evident in every line of his bike. She had captured the essesence and soul of his bike in a way that he could have never imagined; and, yet, it perfectly described everything this bike meant to him.
And there was something else displayed within the artwork. Something he had tried so hard to avoid encouraging. Janie had given him more than he could have ever asked for. How dare he ask for more? And, yet, here it was. Blended into the intricate designs was an expression he had been trying to avoid…for her sake.
“She shouldn’t have done this,” Matthew whispered, standing and reverently backing away from the bike. “It’s too much. She feels too much.”
Jake stuffed his hands inside the pocket and quietly replying, “I know.”
“Where is she?” Matthew asked, glancing to Jake.
“We had a fight,” Jake’s face flushed.
Matthew rubbed the back of his neck and groaned as a new reality hit him. “How am I ever going to pay you for this? I could barely afford the basic paint job.”
Jake’s flush deepened. “She told me to take it out of her last paycheck…”
“What!”
“She started the argument…”
“You let her leave!”
Jake exhaled slowly. “I couldn’t stop her. Apparently, she’s been thinking about leaving for awhile now. She’s found an art school she wants to attend. She basically told me where to stick her job and rode out on her bike a few hours ago.”
Matthew swallowed hard. “She can’t do something like this for free.”
“She’s part owner…”
“I have to pay her for this, Jake. I can‘t accept something like this for free.”
Jake shrugged. “You’ll hurt her more, Matthew, if you don’t just accept it for what it is - a gift.”
“I don’t want to hurt her.”
“You already have,” Jake’s temper flared as he walked away from his friend. “We both know that you will never return her feelings. Don’t cause her anymore pain.”
Chapter Three
Janie read the acceptance letter again. Reverently, she folded the letter at the appropriate places and tucked it away into her leather coat pocket. Finally, she was going away to college.
It had been tough after her parents had died. She had put off going to college four years ago to help her brother, Jake, with the family business and to keep his dream alive. She had pulled long hours in that miserable paint booth, custom painting thousands of bikes with artwork that outshone any other painter in the area. As a result, the small family bike shop had catapulted to one of the top shops in the state.
But she longed for freedom from the paint booth and she longed from freedom of the pain being so close to Matthew Chambers brought her heart. At the beginning of last year, Janie had applied to art school and after four years of delayed gratification, she had been accepted.
Janie glanced up at the traffic hurling by the small side street and sighed. Well, she hadn’t handled telling her brother very well. She had put off telling him for months. She had kept the acceptance a secret, hoping for some sign from Matthew to keep her at home where she belonged. She was now three weeks out from the beginning of the fall semester and today her secret had shamefully tumbled out of her own mouth.
She cringed as she remembered the harsh words she had shared with her brother.
“Is the bike done?”
Janie nodded towards the booth. “Just needs clean up. I did the build up myself so Matty should be able to pick it up today.”
Jake stepped into the booth and appraised the work with an expert eye. “He’s not going to be happy with you.”
“I don’t care,” Janie answered, her chin rising slightly in defiance.
“Still…We shouldn’t be doing free favors, Janie. We can’t afford it.”
Janie shrugged. “He deserves it. You know what a hard time he had, Jake. I wanted to do something for him.”
Jake was studying the artwork on the fenders now and Janie held her breath, praying that he didn’t notice to the detail work. But she could already see the color creeping up his neck and pouring into his cheeks. She could already feel his anger building and she felt her own temper rising in defense.
“Look at this! Janie, how could you! How many hours did you spend on this!” Jake yelled. “We have paying customers!” She cringed as her brother’s rant continued with expletives she knew he would be ashamed of later.
“Jake…”
“You’re impossible, Janie. Absolutely, the best painter I’ve ever seen, but impossible to work with. Matthew wanted a simple gray metallic….and you’ve…you’ve….”
“Done what I do best. Turned it into a piece of artwork. It’s what you pay me to do.”
“But we didn’t get paid for this!” she cringed again as he cursed. “Matthew couldn’t even afford this if he worked ten years!”
“Take it out of my check.”
“Your check?”
“Yeah, my check, Jake. You know the one that I get every two weeks for being the best painter you’ve ever had….”
“Oh, you bet I will. DO you have any idea what this cost me in materials, labor, not to mention the other work that could have been pushed through while you worked on this?”
“You mean us, don’t you Jake? What it cost us? Or did you forget that I’m an equal partner in this business venture? Did you forget that Mom and Dad left half of this shop to me?”
“Well, I don’t think Mom and Dad would have approved of their daughter throwing away profits trying to get Matthew Chambers to notice her? I don’t think that Mom and Dad would have approved of you throwing yourself at Matthew Chambers any way you could! What do you think is going to happen when he sees this bike? You think he’s going to come groveling at your feet and fall madly in love with you. Do you think he’s going to confess his undying affection for you because you painted his bike? Face reality
, Janie, Matthew Chambers is never going to see you as anything but his best friend’s annoying little sister.”
The fight had eventually attracted a crowd. Jake hadn’t noticed the other techs gathering around, but Janie had. Every muscle in her body had tightened as her brother had continued to parade her feelings around in front of her co-workers. She felt like exploding, but what good would it have done? He was right.
So she did the only thing her anger and common sense would allow her to do. She had shoved her acceptance letter in his face.
“I know. It’s why I’m leaving. It’s time for me to get away from you and Matthew. I need to see if there’s anything else out there for me. And I need to see if I can live without Matthew Chambers.”
Janie had walked to her toolbox, quietly and efficiently locked up her toolbox and pulled her helmet down from the top shelf. Then she uttered the words she never thought she would be able to say.
“Take the shop materials, labor and whatever else you think is fair out of my paycheck, Jake. I quit.”
Janie blew out a rush of air. Jake’s face had quickly drained of its reddened color, but Janie didn’t wait. She walked outside and started her bike, driving it outside of town and towards a small park she had played at when she was a child.
She knew that Jake was right about Matthew. She would never be anything more than a sister to him, but it didn’t stop her from doing what she felt was right with his bike. Matthew had wanted just a plain metallic gray paint job…no frills…He couldn’t afford anything more.
But Janie couldn’t do it. Not to that bike. She couldn’t have simply paint the bike a gray metallic if her life depended on it. How could she explain it? The bike had spoken to her? No one would believe her…and yet, when she had looked at the bike that meant so much to Matthew, an image had arrested her own soul. The image of angels had refused to be dispelled until she had laid it down on the cold hard metal.
“At least it still has metallic gray.” She smirked through her tears again, ashamed at the irony. The materials alone had far exceeded what Matthew could have afforded, but it was her final gift to him…before she left for art school.
She hadn’t planned to just blurt out her plans to her brother, but she was glad Jake finally knew. She had been searching for a way to tell him for months now. She was grateful to at least have that behind her. She knew interrogation awaited her tonight, but she could live with that. She already had her plans worked out. The money she had been saving would pay for her tuition and living expenses for the next few years. And she could always work part time for extra cash. She was sure there would be at least one shop in need of an experienced painter.
She suddenly didn’t care what Matthew Chambers thought of her work. This time next month, she would be nearly five hundred miles away from him. What did she care?
The bike was finished. He had worked two years on that bike and she had helped finish it. She would not let two years of hard work go to waste. That bike had helped keep Matty’s mind off of drugs after his release from rehab. That bike had given Matty’s hand’s something to do rather than mix the lethal combinations of Meth and Coke. That bike had been like an angel to Matty. And Janie felt it only right to give the bike its proper homage…Angels.
Janie slipped her helmet back on and revved the bike’s engine. She had been here long enough. She had work to do at home, including breaking the news to Matthew. Janie slowly released the clutch and allowed her bike to move forward to the red light. The light turned and Janie repositioned her right foot, revving the engine as she shifted gears. She didn’t see the Nissan passenger truck swerving into her lane until it was too late.
Chapter Four
The soft cadence seeped into the heavy darkness. She struggled to make sense of the words, but couldn’t. The oppressive blackness was threatening to engulf her again. She wanted to fight against it, but it was too strong. So, she instead settled on listening to the deep voice. It was a soothing balm, washing away the dull ache she couldn’t identify.
She knew she should recognize the voice. It was familiar to her. The words were familiar to her. They called to her. Her heart knew them and silently it fell into rhythm. It pounded repetition with the words, washing her soul with calming verses that she had memorized.
When her mind finally caught up, she realized that it was the Psalms. Someone was reading the psalms to her. She wanted to thank him, but she couldn’t respond. Her lips wouldn’t move. Her eyes wouldn’t move. She didn’t have the energy or control.
“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me — a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my rock, ‘Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?’ My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long ‘Where is your God?’”
Where was God? Where was she? She fought against a moment of rising panic, but the cadence was changing again. It was shifting focus. The voice was reading another Psalm. The semi-consciousness would only allow her to latch onto a few phrases, but they stayed with her - helping her fight against the panic.
But I call to God and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. God, who is enthroned forever…
She wasn’t sure how long the battle for consciousness wore on, but the voice never tired. It never went away. When she grew too tired to fight against the oppressive darkness, she rested in the soothing tones. She clung to the words when moments of clarity seized her. The verses gave her hope - rays that illuminated and pierced the night.
The words gave peace to the images that sometimes waged inside her head. The broken scenes didn’t make much sense. Somehow she knew she didn’t want to piece them together.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God…
Matthew.
It was Matthew reading to her. She recognized his voice now. Why hadn’t she recognized him before? But she already knew the answer. She had never heard him like this before…His voice was tinged with such sadness…such despair.
She wanted to touch him, reassure him that everything would be alright. No matter how hard she tried, her limbs refused to obey. How long had he been reading to her? Days? Weeks? Would she even be able to thank him?
Unconsciousness claimed her before she was ready. For a moment, she wondered if she would ever gain enough strength to fight it off. She wondered if she would ever have the power to wake up from this nightmare.
Part of her wanted to surrender. She wanted to give up…Part of her knew that when she did, she would be at home with her Savior. But before the darkness could drag her under again, she heard the words she had waited a lifetime to hear…
“Janie, you fight. Do you hear me? You fight this. I need you here, Janie. I NEED YOU. I can‘t live without you. Please, I…Janie-bug, I love you.”
And suddenly she knew that God was not calling her home…yet. Matthew was.
Matthew replaced the ribbon into the folds of his bible as nurses wheeled Janie back from recovery. It had been her third emergency surgery. He had nearly lost her three times in the last two weeks. Each time, he felt his carefully constructed world was crashing down around him. Each time her heart stopped, his own heart ceased beating.
Jake stepped back into the room, having finished his conversation with the doctor. His face was ashen as he studied his sister. He wasn’t really surprised. There had been no color in Jake’s face since the phone call he had received two weeks ago.
Matthew had been helping Jake close up the shop when the hospital had called. A drunk driver had crossed the center lane and struck Janie’s bike head-on. Janie hadn’t seen the truck, had no chance to lay the bike down o
r swerve to safety. Instead, her body had been catapulted over the cab. Her chest had struck the tailgate before her body hit the asphalt.
Her helmet had protected her against brain injury and her jacket had protected her from most of the road rash, but nothing could have protected her heart. Janie’s aorta had torn.
She had other injuries. Injuries to her spine, her pelvis, her right leg, and her spleen, but the heart injury threatened her life.
When the nurses had finished hooking Janie back up to her life-giving machines, Jake sank down into a nearby chair. He raggedly drew in a breath. Matthew could already tell that the news wasn’t good.
“They tried a new experimental procedure this time,” Jake whispered. “If this doesn’t work, I’ll have to make a decision…”
Matthew’s breath caught in his throat. His mind rebelled against the words. His own heart sputtered. Please, God. Not Janie. It was all he could pray. He already knew he didn’t want to live if she wasn’t here. He couldn’t imagine his life without her…without her smile…her encouragement…her love.
Wait patiently on the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.
The quiet words echoed in his mind. He had read that psalm weeks ago. Was God answering him? As if in response to his weary question, peace stole through his soul. It was a quiet understanding. God knew the desire of his heart. God knew he wanted Janie. He wanted her alive and whole.
Matthew bowed his head in reverence. Silently, he relinquished his will to his Heavenly Father. All right, God. If you want me to wait, I’ll wait patiently for You. Matthew opened his bible and began to read aloud again. A feeling of purpose and contentment settled over him.
Matthew sent Jake home that night to rest. He was breaking under the stress and Matthew couldn’t blame him. The whole ordeal was reminiscent of when Jake and Janie’s parents had died. Jake had received the phone call then. Jake had waited by his parent’s bedside and it had been Jake that made the life-altering decision to remove his parents from life support.