by ERIN BEDFORD
“How dare you,” my voice came out low, dangerous, and full of power. “How dare you walk into my house and insult me. Talk as if I am not here and lie to my face.”
“I—”
“I’m talking,” I cut him off, using my powers to push him back a bit, breaking his connection to Jewels.
Jewels fell over, gasping. Then he stumbled forward and took off out the back door.
Coward.
With the bastard out of the way, it was just Dorian and I. Once again, like a few days ago, we were alone in my little kitchen about to fight. It seemed all we did was fight now. Though, I had been trying to keep my Fae life separate from my human one, it seemed parts of her kept creeping in. That part of me still wanted Dorian’s approval.
I could remember a time where I thought we would never disagree. That we would always think as one, but back then I had assumed a lot of things. Thoughts of what we once were, what we once had, were like a bucket of ice water to my fiery anger.
It was easy for me to get angry, to act like he didn’t matter, because those feelings weren’t what they were anymore, but for him, they were as real as the day I died. They were etched on his soul as a reminder that he failed, and I was the price for that failure. Though it had been a misunderstanding, my forgiveness only went so far.
So instead of fighting, instead of letting my magic unleash upon my already beaten kitchen, I took a deep breath and let it out. I turned back to my tea. My disgusting, cold, tea that I was going to swallow every sip of if it killed me.
While I chugged the vile liquid, Dorian had the good smarts to keep silent, but his presence loomed in the background, ever present and alive. I couldn’t forget him even if I wanted to.
I set down the now empty teacup.
“We can’t keep doing this,” I murmured and turned back to him, weariness in my eyes. “I can’t keep doing this.”
“You don’t have to.” He took two large steps over to me, grasping my hands in his. “Come back to the Underground. Where it is safe, and you can forget all of this.” He waved his hand around the room. “You do not even have to go back to the Seelie Court. You could just come back to the UnSeelie Court. I am sure mother would be thrilled to have you amongst us.”
I quirked my eyebrow at him.
“Or not,” he added quickly. “You could stay anywhere. Anywhere you want. At Seer’s or at that Opalaught’s home. Just come back to us.”
The thought of staying with Seer was not a pleasant one. While the blue skinned, blue haired pixie had her fair share of powers and would be better company than any troll, the thought of so many hands to watch out for kind of put a damper on things. Not to forget the constant smoking.
Trip, on the other hand, sounded like a better idea. I loved the little white devil, but he was one of those friends that you could only take so much in one setting before you needed to go away for a while. Far, far away.
Neither of the options would work, if I was even considering going back in the first place, which I wasn’t.
“I don’t mean I’m done being here.” I removed my hands from his and locked eyes with him, to show how serious I was being. “I mean…this.” I gestured between us. “Us.”
“I do not understand.” He tilted his head, his hair falling over the stagnant markings on his face, making him more handsome than ever.
“I know you don’t, and that is the problem.” I blew out an exasperated sigh. “I can’t figure out who I am. Who I need to be with you here. Everyone wants me to come back.”
“For your safety,” he interjected.
“Right,” I drawled out. “For my protection and because my mother doesn’t want my unpoliced powers to get into the wrong hands. Which would be anyone but her.”
Dorian eyes cast down at my revelation.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what she wanted. While beating the Shadows was all good and well, she wanted more than that from me. What she wanted that power for I didn’t know, but I was sure it was more than I was willing to give.
“She only wants what is best for the kingdom, like she always has.” Dorian’s attempt to defend her would have been endearing had I not been trying to break up with him.
“My mother aside.” I took a deep breath to steady my heart that was breaking by the minute. “I don’t want to see you hanging around anymore.”
“You do not want to see me?” His eyes filled with hurt and confusion and my aching heart sang for him.
“Not don’t. Can’t,” I corrected myself. “Seeing you is hard. While I have forgiven you for what you did, I know it was a trick and everything; it doesn’t change how I feel. How I felt. And having you here now, constantly trying to get me back when I don’t know enough about me to know how I feel about anything, makes it that much harder.”
“What are you trying to say, L—Kat?”
I smiled slightly at his catch. “See, you still see me as the girl you fell in love with. Even with a different face, you can’t see past that. And while part of me does love you…” My chest ached a bit more when his eyes filled with joy. “That part is buried under all the baggage between us and the rest of the worlds. So, what I’m saying is that I need space.”
He was quiet as he tried to comprehend my words. “Space?”
“Yes. Space.”
“All right.” He nodded his head. “I will keep my distance, but if that cat comes back I’ll—”
“Do nothing because you won’t be here,” I interjected.
“Where will I be if not here?” He seemed genuinely confused as if the concept of giving me space was something he had never heard of.
“You will be home. In the Underground, spending time with your mother who you haven’t seen in years and taking care of your realm,” I offered up, hoping reminding him of his duties would somehow make what I was saying easier to swallow.
“And while I am there, you will be…”
“Here, in the human world, where I live.”
He frowned hard. “But it is not safe here. What if the Shadows get over and come for you?”
“Then it is a good thing I am some all powerful half-breed, right? Plus, Chess will be here, and I highly doubt that will happen, anyway.” I shrugged.
“So, that’s it, is it?” His voice lost the understanding tone and turned malicious.
“What?” I stared up at him, confused.
“You just want me out of the way to be with him.” He grabbed me by the shoulders, his grip bit into my skin. “Tell me, do you talk of all the Fae who have come to him as payment for his servitude? Do you curl up in your bed while he regales you with tales of his mass orgies?”
I gaped at him, not really believing the words that were coming out of his mouth. How could he flip suddenly from one emotion to the next? I had thought the spell on him was broken, and he would be his old charming self. Maybe the spell had only been a part of it, and this was the real him I saw now.
“Tell me what do I have to do to get you to give me a chance?” His grip was hurting now. He pulled me against him and jerked my face up to look into his eyes.
I knew what he was going to do the moment our eyes locked. I prepared for the pressure that came with his gaze, the pressure that was my body telling me he was trying to use his pheromones to control me. I hoped he wouldn’t. I hoped I was right, that he was better than Jewels. I didn’t push him away because a part of me wanted to know. Needed to know if he had fallen that far.
So, when my heart rate sped up and my thighs clenched, my heart sank into my stomach. I wasn’t the only one who had changed. This wasn’t my Dorian anymore. Either time, or the spell, had wrought their vengeance on him, and he was too weak of a Fae to resist the pull into insanity. I wanted to be angry with him. The logical side of me told me I should be, but all I felt was numb.
My magic shot a little spark out, enough to break his hold on me. He gaped and held his hands up in midair as if h
e couldn’t believe I had stopped him. I took a step away from him and then another until I was at the kitchen door leading to the living room.
I gave him one last look, one that was full of regrets and wishes for happier times. And then all of the love that had lingered in my heart for the man I once knew faded away.
“Goodbye, Dorian.”
I didn’t have time for past loves. Or for regrets. All my focus had to be on the here and now. And the enemy I knew wasn’t going to wait much longer for me to make my move.
Chapter 15
Fucking Faeries
THE MOMENT I stepped into the library at five past ten, Brandi was all over me.
“You’re late.” She crossed her arms over her primly pressed blouse, and her brows scrunched down as she frowned at me.
“I know. Sorry, time got away from me,” I called over my shoulder as I passed by her to head to the main circulation desk. I could feel Brandi’s eyes drilling holes in my back as I put my bag up and clocked in. I waited for her to say her piece.
“If that boyfriend of yours is making you late, you might want to rethink your priorities before you don’t have a job to come back to.”
I looked over to where Mrs. Jenkins was already set up at her computer and rolled my eyes before turning back to Brandi. “I’ll get right on that.”
Apparently, I didn’t hide my sarcasm well enough, because her frown deepened and then morphed into a smirk. “David called in sick, so you’re on nonfiction today.”
I tried to suppress my groan.
The library was broken up into four sections. The main circulation desk, which was the first and last place people saw as they maneuvered the library. Usually, Mrs. Jenkins and I worked that desk. It was the busiest part of the library, and usually, that meant time went by quicker. With Mrs. Jenkins as my wing woman, it made the day just a little bit more bearable and a lot more entertaining.
After the main desk was the children’s section, where a petite brunette named Tammy worked. She had a sweet smile and more patience than the Pope. I hadn’t really ever thought of having children, but just walking by the children’s section would deter me from having them anytime soon.
The second floor wasn’t quite as busy as the first floor, since all the fiction books and movie rentals were downstairs. This floor had the computer center where a nerdy guy with glasses that spent way too much time at the gym worked. I hadn’t gotten his name yet. He kind of kept to himself, and really, he just freaked me out. If you’d ever seen him catch someone trying to watch porn on the library’s Internet you would be scared too.
Beside the computer center, there was the Teen Center, where all the manga and young adult books lived. They also had a closed off room for teen nights and had video games and Magic card fights. I wished they’d had that kind of stuff when I was a teen, then again, I probably wouldn’t have come, anyway. People and such. But being in the teen section was only the second place you didn’t want to end up. Who wanted to referee a bunch of horny, rambunctious teens?
Lastly, there was the nonfiction desk. Technically it was in the middle of the second floor between the computer center and the teen center with the nonfiction section split up around the rest of the space. But for lack of imagination, we called it the nonfiction desk.
No one liked working that desk. Why? Because it was boring as fuck. Unless you got a huge influx of students needing a reference for their school project, which never happened with the card system on the computer, you pretty much sat there twiddling your thumbs and catching up on your reading. The occasional cart of books would need to be shelved, but that was the most excitement you could expect from it. Which was the exact amount of excitement I gave Brandi.
“Who’s going to help Mrs. Jenkins? Can’t what’s his face watch both?” I gave her a closed mouth smile, hoping to get out of it.
“No,” she snapped. “Henry cannot watch both. He has a hard enough time with the section he has. Besides, could you imagine him working with actual people?” She didn’t wait for my response before continuing, “That is a lawsuit waiting to happen. I will help Mrs. Jenkins today, and you can handle nonfiction since you have so much on your mind to think about nowadays.”
“Great.” I hoped she didn’t hear the sarcasm dripping from my words. I gave Mrs. Jenkins an apologetic smile and mouthed good luck.
She shooed me away. “Don’t you worry about me, girl. I’ve been managing this desk for years even without help. I’ll catch up with you later, and you can tell me all about this new boyfriend the boss lady here has been droning on about.”
A smile crept up onto my face, but I stifled it when Brandi shot Mrs. Jenkins a warning look. Apparently, Chess had left an impression, and a big one, at that. Too bad he was nowhere to be found. I could have used his help this morning. Though, with the way things were going, he might have been more hindrance than help.
I grabbed my bag and phone and pointed a thumb toward the stairs. “Well, I’m going to head up then. If you need anything, you know where I’ll be.”
But all that didn’t compare to having to work the front desk with Brandi. I would rather be bored out of my mind than listen to her drone on about the latest gossip going on in her little clique. I was lucky to have gotten away without her making some back ass comment about my eyes being back to normal. I could only hope that I could keep the glamour up, and no magical hiccups would come my way.
Though, several long and torturous hours later, I was dying for a magical hiccup. I was so bored. You would think in a library full of books, I would be able to find something to keep me entertained in between shelving, and the rare and random reader needing help finding something, but that wasn’t the case. When you were basically living a fairy tale, it was hard to get into anything else.
So, after lunch, when I couldn’t take it anymore, I found myself in the self-help section. I was bound to find something I could use against my mother—my Fae mother, that was—that would help me stay in the human world while helping her do whatever it was she wanted me to do.
I pulled a few books off the shelf, like How to Win Any Argument and Manipulation 101, and made my way to the law section to freshen up on moderators and verbal agreements. I’d already paid my dues to Teeth, but I had promised the Shadow man to come back. I needed some leverage on how to go about completing that agreement.
On my way to the law books, I passed the medical section where I stopped when there was a giggle followed by a moan. Great. Just what I needed. I wanted some action, and now I got it. The words be careful what you wish for definitely came into play here.
Setting my books down on the nearest table, I prepped myself for what I was about to do. No one liked to be that person. The party pooper who had to break up all the fun with logic and societal rules. I was all for having fun, especially the recreational orgasm inducing kind. But I had never been the adventurous type when it came to sex in public places. Give me a soft bed and easy access to a bathroom for clean up any day.
“God, please let them have their clothes on,” I muttered before rounding the corner of where the sound was coming from.
My eyes half closed in case I came face to face with someone’s butt, or worse, the full Monty, I cleared my throat. Through my eyelashes, I saw an attractive couple, both thankfully clothed, but just a few seconds away from being on top of each other. The girl gave a little squeal. She turned away to, I assumed, put her bra back into place.
“What the hell, man?” The guy asked as he buckled his belt. “Couldn’t you have, you know, just ignored us?”
“Just ignored you?” I crossed my arms over my chest, my eyes fully open as I took them in. “You have to be what? Seventeen?”
“Nineteen.” The boy smirked, so proud of his age.
Only a little bit older, and I already felt like an old woman. Even in Fae years, I was still a baby at a century-and-a-half.
“And you?” I eye the girl that didn’t look ol
der than fifteen.
The girl hesitated, before quietly saying, “Sixteen.”
Frowning hard, I glared at the two. “And you thought the library was a good place to what? Commit statutory rape?”
“Hey!” The nineteen-year-old stepped up to me, trying to intimidate me with his height. “What we do is none of your business, lady.” He grabbed his girlfriend’s hand, giving her a loving smile. “Besides, it’s called the Romeo and Juliet clause. Look it up.”
He glared at me before pulling the girl out of the aisle.
I stood there shocked that the boy could be so loving one moment and then nasty the next. All these flip flop emotions were giving me whiplash. I had a hard enough time controlling my own, let alone dealing with others.
I shook my head, wondering if I should have minded my own business when my eye caught what section we were in. Right there, plain as day, was a sign for sexually transmitted diseases. I started to laugh so hard, I had to put my hand on the shelf to catch myself. It wasn’t really that funny.
With a little bit more pep in my step, I made my way back to my pit of despair. I opened up one of the books I had grabbed and started looking through the index for anything that might help me. A moment later the sixteen-year-old stepped up to my counter.
Glancing up to the blushing teen, I waited for her to speak up.
“I’m sorry about Jeremy.” She thumbed back to where her boyfriend was waiting by the stairs with a scowl on his face. “He’s just upset because I haven’t told my dad about us yet. He really is a good guy.” She got that dreamy look on her face that I remembered getting whenever I used to think about Dorian. The very thought of him made my little bit of pep die.
“Do you love him?” I inquired, staring down the boy until he finally glanced away. I smirked inwardly at my small victory.
“Yeah.” If possible, she blushed even more.
“And he loves you?”