The door opened and Angus saw the mean alien with the pointed ears look inside for him. He mumbled an oath to himself in Gaelic, surprised his mind was sharp enough to recall the words. When the head disappeared from sight to wait on him, Angus shook his head, talking to himself.
“With those mean eyes, ya are going to be one hard bastard to find a woman for, even for the fecking Best Matchmaker in Lisdoonvarna.”
Chapter Nine
While she hadn’t left their quarters in a huff as Angus had half expected her to do, Erin had discovered a flat surface that folded out of one of her walls. She had taken to using it as a table for her meals as well as a place to work. Though the door was open, she still kept to her bedroom, refusing to sit in the common area with him… or to talk to him freely.
Erin had also refused to hear anything about how he’d decided to stay after talking to Director John alone for a bit. He was going to tell her about the castle, but changed his mind when the harpy remained pissy acting with him. Erin had declared his compliance too temporary to merit her acceptance of any real change of heart and gone about her business as much without him as possible. A miserable week and a half had passed since that meeting with them only speaking in those days he accompanied her to the office in the draftee area.
Angus’s frustration over having no one to genuinely talk to anymore had grown so large that he was going to take drastic action with Erin O’Shea if he didn’t find something better to do with his irritation. A couple evenings into the second week of Erin’s freeze out, Angus yanked open the door of their quarters and glared at Darcone, the scary fellow with the mean eyes. He could see he’d startled the alien because both the man’s eyebrows raised as high as his pointed ears.
“Is there somewhere on this fecking ship where a man can do something besides shove his thumb up his arse?”
A shirtless Darcone—the aliens were always shirtless for some bloody reason—met his glare and then tilted his head to stare back at him for nearly a full minute. “Arrgghh,” Darcone growled in reply at last.
Angus snorted at the alien’s answer and wondered if Darcone knew he sounded like a fecking pirate. Probably not, because the alien growled some other things that made no sense to Angus. But there was no doubt the alien was irritated that his silent evening had been spoiled by Angus’s demand for entertainment.
Taking a device from the pocket of his pants, Darcone waved it over the door. Angus heard a lock clicking into place, but he hoped to God Erin hadn’t. She believed the guards were there because there were no locks on the rooms. He ran a hand through his hair, wondering if he should leave her alone and locked in like a true prisoner. Then he recalled she’d been alone for over a month while he was being cooked.
Darcone made some sort of grunting sound and inclined his head down the hallway.
Feck… now he was sort of beholden to the alien. He had no choice but to follow.
They wove through the metal hallways until they finally stopped in front of a door to a common area much bigger than the one housing the draftee women. Darcone pushed open the door and waited for Angus to walk inside. He thought of Erin charging ahead of him into the conference room the other day and it straightened his backbone.
Lifting his chin, he envisioned himself in his favorite kilt, and walked in like he was wearing it. That was really all the bravery he possessed. The sight of all the aliens crowded into the room exhausted what was left.
“Angus!” the ones who could speak called out. The others sort of grunted hello.
Every trepidation he’d been feeling fell instantly away when what looked like more than fifty different kinds of men stood from their seats and bowed respectfully to him. He couldn’t help but wonder what the hell his alternate self had done to deserve being treated like a fecking king by these strange beings from other planets.
The smile lighting his face as he scanned the room was natural enough though. He was the only one who knew it was from being doused with a whole bucket full of relief. As he took in their faces, Angus realized some of the aliens were right ugly bastards even if they were polite. He was also thinking Erin was going to be very surprised by the challenges the scary ones would present to her esteemed matchmaking.
“Hello, lads. What’s a matchmaker got to do to get a fecking drink around this place?” Angus yelled back.
What he assumed was laughter rang loudly in the room. He looked back to see Darcone grimace—smile—whatever. He sure couldn’t tell from any motion the man’s face made, but when the alien closed the door behind him, Angus knew precisely where Darcone was headed. It eased his mind and had him accepting the seat at a nearby table he was offered. It also had him lifting the drink that suddenly appeared in front of him.
Angus took a sip and smiled as his entire wellbeing enjoyed the first respite it’d had in forever… or so it seemed. “Now that’s good for a man’s soul,” he declared, taking another sip.
Laughter, massive grunting, and other forms of verbal acknowledgement to his compliment ensued. Angus smiled as he brought his attention to the decent looking alien sitting across from him.
“What are ya doing these days to pass the time in here?” he asked.
“Games of strength you still can’t play, matchmaker,” the alien replied.
“Didn’t ya hear my good news?” Angus bragged, setting down his drink and lifting his arm. He rolled up his sleeves and showed off his new muscles. It could have been the drink, but they did look pretty good to him today. “Nate’s magic fixed me. I think I’m ready now to give yer games a go.”
There was a low rumbling that spread like a hum across the room. The alien across from him smiled.
“What’s yer name?” Angus asked, picking his drink up again.
“Something unspeakable for an Earth tongue,” he said.
Angus snorted. “Then what do ya want yer Earth woman yelling in the middle of her pleasure?” Laughter and much grunting ensued from his challenge. “Ya need to come up with something that can be pronounced by us.”
The alien shrugged. “Then I would be honored if you would give me a passion name.”
Angus laughed at the oddly stated request and downed the rest of his drink. Another instantly appeared… and best of all… no tab was offered. These were some very friendly lads and not nearly as ugly as he first thought. He pushed the empty container away.
“Okay. I will help ya with that. Did yer mum call ya anything as a child?”
The alien thought. “Seltz,” he finally said.
Angus chuckled. He lifted the second drink, sipped, and then set it down. “Sounds good. A woman can say that name. Let’s try it out.”
Angus slipped the restraint from his long black hair and shook his dark locks out behind him. He’d always worn it longer than was fashionable, but since the cooking box his hair had grown until it nearly reached the middle of his back. It was as close to a female’s in length as he could mimic.
He tilted his head back as he closed his eyes. “Oh, Seltz… Seltz. I need it harder, Seltz. That feels so good. I want more, ya handsome devil. Give it to me.”
When Angus raised his head from his drink induced joking, the alien was staring at him with the biggest smile he’d ever seen on a man’s face. He looked around and saw all the others staring jealously at Seltz.
Hell, if that’s all it took to keep these strange looking bastards happy, he wasn’t going to have any problems at all.
Angus lifted his drink and nodded. He waved at the alien with his other hand. “I dub thee, Sir Seltz. You may now feck yer Earth woman properly.”
Still smiling, Seltz stood and bowed low over their table. Angus chuckled and thought of Director John. Sneaky bastard. John had probably known all about how decent they were. Alien camaraderie was fecking nice, and God knew their drink was pleasant to a thirsty man, but that still didn’t mean he belonged here.
By the time he’d finished his third drink, though, Angus was fairly close to changing his min
d.
Erin heard a dragging sound, then a bump before a groan of pain echoed in the room. She jumped from her bed, grateful she’d fallen asleep dressed. In the common area, she saw two aliens she’d never met before trying to drag a sagging, unconscious Angus across the floor. Even as big as they were, his sagging bulk was still a challenge. In the doorway, Darcone stood with an expression on his face that she knew was the equivalent of a male smirk. She fisted her hands on her hips as she shook her head.
“Angus Ian MacNamara,” she chastised, walking briskly to him.
The aliens dragging him met her gaze. The ability to look completely guilty was apparently another common trait among males of all species.
Then she got a whiff of Angus.
“Goddess save me,” she declared, backing away and fanning the air in front of her nose. She glared at Angus. “Trust yer lousy hide to find drink if it’s available.”
Her statement provoked even more guilty looks from the two dragging him. She shook her head and met their gazes. “This is not yer fault, fellas. The man is too fond of his drink. We’d better call Doctor Nate to come check him out.”
They looked crestfallen at her announcement.
“He just got done cooking in the box… uh,” Erin thought hard trying to remember Nate’s proper name for it, then snapped her fingers when it came. “Angus is only two days out of the rejuvenation cylinder.”
That news got a quick response and a surprising one because it came from Darcone who gasped. Angus’s drinking buddies spoke anxiously to each other, but what they said sounded garbled to her ears.
Darcone stepped into the room and punched a code on a panel next to the door.
Erin shook her head and glared at Angus again. Fecking males. Drink and pussy was all they wanted out of life. Angus unfortunately only wanted one of those. If he’d have wanted the other as much as he wanted a drink, she might be feeling a little more kindly toward his condition tonight.
“Put the drunken arse in there,” she said, pointing to his room. Obliging, as the aliens always were when she asked for anything, the two dragged Angus to the bed and deposited him on it.
“Roll him over,” she ordered, motioning with her hands what to do. They did that too and Angus gave a big grunt before farting loudly. The resulting stench sent them all running from the room.
Back in the common area, Erin bent at the waist and took in deep breaths. “Feck that man,” she said, bursting into laughter. She stayed bent until she’d gotten hold of herself.
When she straightened, his alien drinking buddies looked like they were in serious pain. Wiping away her tears of mirth, Erin tried to find some control. Fecking Angus MacNamara. He was always doing something to embarrass her.
Still laughing, but with tears streaming down her face, she walked to them and hugged each one. “I’m not mad at either of ya. I know ya didn’t pour the drink down his throat. Thanks for bringing Angus back here.”
She felt them wilt with relief in her arms and it made her chuckle. She patted them as they walked slowly to the door.
Nate passed them both as he came inside. Darcone lifted a hand to her and she nodded. “Thanks, Darcone. I appreciate the assist in getting help.”
Seeing Nate relieved her mind so much that Erin walked over and dropped into a chair. She held out her hand to the other seat. “Ya are going to want to sit a spell and let the fumes clear out a bit. Angus is a farter when he drinks. He also thinks it's funny to do it while ya are standing behind him. I’m warning ya because I consider ya a friend.”
Nate sniffed the air and coughed. He smiled when Erin laughed.
“Be grateful it wasn’t Guinness he was drinking,” she said.
Nate sat in a chair across from her. “I take it Angus visited the alien common area.”
Erin shrugged. “I’ve no idea where he’s been. All I know is that he wants to go back home and I don’t. He’s now dead to everyone back there. His wife is dead. Why would he go back? There’s nothing to go back to. Until he stops being so pessimistic, I don’t want to talk to him.”
Nate grinned. “Maybe he’s just having trouble adjusting. Not everyone is as adaptable as you.”
Erin nodded. “I reckon that’s the truth.”
“Angus shouldn’t have been drinking alien ale so soon though. His body wasn’t ready to process that sort of brew yet. He’ll probably feel sick for a while and probably have a bunch of flatulence.”
“Beg pardon?” Erin asked. “What was that medical word?”
“Flatulence… it means,” Nate took a breath and let it out in a chuckle. “It means farting. Angus will do a lot of farting.”
Erin hid her laugh behind her hand. For being a doctor, Nate was sure squeamish about natural things. “Maybe I need to find myself another place to stay until the worst passes.”
Nate laughed at her pun before he could catch himself. He coughed away his discomfort and stared at the woman grinning at him. “Angus doesn’t bother you with his crudeness at all, does he?”
Erin shook her head. “Goddess, no. There were all kinds of men like Angus where we came from. But they were not all so good-hearted. Despite his lack of judgment about drink, he’s a loyal and true man. When he makes ya a promise, he fecking keeps it, even if it brings his death. Of course, that kind of thinking can work against ya too. I’m still mad at him for trying to kill himself.”
“You didn’t know what he intended to do?” Nate asked in surprise.
Erin dropped her gaze to the floor. “No. I’m grateful to Agent Black for intervening. Angus was wrong to think he could take his life and it not affect those who loved him.”
“His children, you mean?” Nate suggested.
Erin absently nodded. “Yes. Them especially. I envied Angus his family and their love. I also envied a dead woman for managing to be the woman he wanted for all those years. So he’s not the only one with fecking mental problems.”
Nate chuckled. “I guess I better go check on him. You can go on back to bed if you want. I’ll stay for a bit to make sure Angus is okay.”
“Be prepared to hold yer breath in there,” Erin warned.
Shaking his head, Nate headed into the room where Angus was snoring loudly. Though laughing only made things worse, holding his breath is exactly what he did while he quickly checked the drunken matchmaker.
Angrier at Angus after his findings, Nate had to risk breathing to get help. He stepped to the doorway and saw Erin was sitting where he’d left her.
“Will you tell Darcone I need his help to get Angus to medical? This is a bit more serious than I thought.”
A worried Erin walked to the doorway instead. “Is he dying again?”
“No, I am. A man can only hold his breath in here so long,” Nate said, liking her laugh at his horrible joke. “But Angus MacNamara needs to go back in the rejuvenation cylinder for a bit. His newly regenerated liver wasn’t ready for that much alien ale. I need to stop the deterioration before we end up having to do a transplant.”
Sighing loudly, Erin disappeared to do as he’d asked.
Nate walked back to the bed and glared down at the drunken matchmaker. “You don’t deserve that woman, Angus.” He laughed when the drunken matchmaker’s eyes popped wide open.
“I know,” Angus said, his words running long. “Why do ya think I stay out of her?”
Nate rolled his eyes just before Darcone appeared. Motioning to the bed, Nate watched Darcone shift Angus’s big bulk over one shoulder. The matchmaker from Universe 6 was more than three-quarters the size of most of the aliens. Darcone seemed almost proud to be carrying him and they were about the same height.
Nate slapped Angus hard on the rear one time just to get even. “That’s for farting and smelling bad. You’re off all inebriating drink for at least six months. No more alien ale until I clear you, do you hear me?”
“How can I not hear with all yer shouting? My head’s right sensitive at the moment. Ya are being fecking heartless, Nate,
” Angus said, groaning against the naked back of the laughing alien carrying him.
Chapter Ten
Erin stared at the frozen man in the box. Someone, probably Nate, had covered Angus’s privates with a small cloth. The rest of his prime body had been left on display. What she didn’t understand is why the sight of him still stirred her girly parts when she saw acres of muscles on nearly naked aliens every damn day. It was like some stubborn part of her saw only Angus McNamara in that manner.
“Tell me something, Nate. Do ya have nunneries here in Universe 1?”
Nate’s head lifted from Angus’s chart. “His liver needs three more days to renew itself. It took a whole day just to detoxify it. He must have drank at least three of the large ales. One would have done any normal man in. That stuff is potent.”
He made a notation, then lifted his head. “Nunneries? I don’t remember that term in my twentieth century history class in college.”
“Back in Universe 6 in our time there are men and women who give up sex forever when they go serve their monotheistic god. The women go to a nunnery. The men go to a monastery. Once there the women, not the men mind you, marry an invisible man representing their god, and then that’s it for their sex life. That’s an oversimplification, but I’m guessing you get my meaning.”
Nate walked to stand by her side. “Yes. I think I do.”
Erin shook her head. “My mother wanted me to go into a nunnery. You’re the first person I ever told that to. I became a pagan to escape the fate she planned for me. I studied all I could find on the old Celtic gods and turned myself into a follower of Brighid, mostly because she had red hair and I’d always fancied being ginger-haired.”
Nate chuckled at her story and hoped it was a proper reaction. Since Erin smiled, he figured he’d guessed correctly. “So I take it you didn’t give up sex forever.”
Erin shook her head. “No, Goddess no, but right around the time Agent Black collected me, I had been feeling like I had ended up with the same fate my mother wished for me all on my own. Standing here just now, I realized Angus MacNamara was the fecking reason.”
Matchmaker Abduction: Aliens In Kilts, Abduction 1 Page 8