by J. Judkins
Once they were home, Kim decided to cook lasagna for dinner. It wasn’t quick, but it was easy. Frozen food was her favorite of the five food groups, the others being fast, homemade, canned and junk food. Heating up pre-prepared food was the practical extent of her cooking skills. Years ago, she once critically failed making stroganoff and for weeks carried the burns to prove it.
Seeing as they had over an hour to kill, Kim decided to get some answers out of Angel. She sat down across from her at the dinner table. “Why did you come to see me at work?” she asked.
“We were going to have lunch together. You suggested it after our date.”
Kim blinked. Ah, yes. Now she remembered.
During the drive home that night after their unofficial date, Angel mentioned enjoying herself and wanting to do it again the next day for lunch. Kim had agreed, not thinking about it.
She’d never realized it before, but apparently her skills at blocking out embarrassing information were greater than she ever imagined.
What kind of an ability is that? I can block out entire memories, but not permanently? That only leaves me vulnerable to making the same mistake twice!
“In the future, could you not ask other people about me?” Kim asked.
“Certainly.”
“Also, I don’t mind if you want to come to see me at work, but please, never do it again? Ever?”
Angel frowned. Her right eye twitched slightly.
"I also wanted to talk to you about the shower thing,” Kim continued. “You told Marsha you knew it wasn’t a local custom. How long have you known?”
"I didn’t at first. I am a tourist from a foreign place and you are a native. There are bound to be cultural differences between us. I conducted research the following day, as I wanted to identify the reasons behind your actions which confused me."
"Where did you go to find your answers?"
"The internet. I used your computer.”
“Why not ask me, instead?”
“You were working at the time.”
"And that’s where you found out taking showers together wasn’t...normally done? If you knew, why didn’t you say something before we did it a second time that night?"
"That wasn’t my conclusion.”
Kim waited.
Angel also waited.
At the precise moment Kim’s patience ran out and she opened her mouth to speak, Angel interrupted her. “I discovered two people taking a shower together is a perfectly acceptable social behavior given certain conditions."
"What are you talking about?"
"Your friend at work told me--"
"Marsha is a milk-drinker!” Kim interrupted, using an insult from Skyrim which she’d always wanted to use but never had the opportunity to try. “She’s not my friend."
"Your co-worker at work told me you were into books, movies, video games, and geek-related things," Angel amended without missing a beat. "She also admitted your interests were not hers, and didn’t know enough about those specific subjects to make an accurate assumption. I’ve concluded your behavior is perfectly understandable if your goal was to forge a romantic relationship with me."
Wait, Angel thought this was her idea?
"You took me home with a minimum of verbal communication,” Angel continued, “admitting it was a first-time experience for you. You provided food and clothing and asked for nothing in exchange. The next night, we went on a date together. We shared an ice cream sundae. After the date, you brought me home and invited me inside to stay the night with you, although I had no expectations we would engage in sexual activities.”
“Why would you expect that?”
“I did not expect it,” Angel corrected her.
“And of course I invited you in!” Kim cried, exasperated. “Why wouldn’t I? You live here!”
“I have further additional evidence. We showered together twice, and I noticed you paid extra attention to my breasts, touching them and holding them in such a way that I concluded--"
"No, I didn’t!"
Angel regarded her curiously.
Kim’s panicked brain sought a reasonable explanation. It never found one. "I...I just never felt them before. I mean, I never did it before, so I wasn’t used to them. I was just being thorough when I touched them. Washed them, I mean!"
Angel continued to look at her, silently judging her and accusing her of being a pervert behind an impenetrable mask of complete indifference.
"It isn’t as if I was playing with them or anything!"
"When I asked you about the matter directly, you claimed shyness and embarrassment. Is my conclusion inaccurate?"
Kim remained silent, but her internal voice was raging. Of course it was! I only invited you into my house because I knew you weren’t human! I thought you were an alien! Nothing more! That was it!
But of course she couldn’t say any of that. If she told Angel the truth, or even hinted that she suspected her true alien nature, Angel would pack up and leave. Worst case, she’d tie up loose ends and then leave!
"There can be no other reasonable explanation,” Angel concluded.
Kim was stuck. She couldn’t deny it. She just couldn’t. Angel would leave if she did. Her mind whirled and spun and crashed into things as she struggled for something to say, to find an answer that explained everything while concealing everything.
There was nothing.
No explanation, except one.
That was the only choice, wasn’t it? Kim needed to lie. Lie and confirm Angel’s theory. That alone would solve the problem.
And yet, how could she say such an embarrassing thing out loud, even knowing it was a lie?
Kim tried to reason it out. What was the harm? What was the downside, other than embarrassment? True, it was a lie based off a series of misinterpretations, but couldn’t she just agree to it and tell Angel her guess had been right?
After all, what would actually change? Nothing. Nothing at all. No one needed to know. She could deny it at work, and they could keep this between themselves. After all, agreeing with Angel didn’t mean she had to sleep with her or anything.
There was only one possible true downside she could see. By telling Angel her conclusions were correct, Kim would in essence be giving permission and encouragement for Angel to further things along.
That would have been a danger, if Angel were actually serious about her. It was a good thing she wasn’t. Angel was only pretending. By “admitting” her theories were correct, Kim would be pretending, as well. Angel wanted a relationship to blend in and meet Kim’s expectations of her, and Kim would be doing the same thing in order to make Angel believe she’d been successful.
At least one thing was clear. Kim now understood why Angel had taken the second shower with her, knowing only couples did such things. During their date, Angel had become convinced they were in a relationship. Kim hadn’t corrected her, and because of that, Angel saw no reason to avoid taking a shower afterwards.
In fact, that shower probably solidified the idea in Angel’s mind that they were dating.
Kim admonished herself for not seeing the clues. Angel even admitted it the next morning with her ‘teasing is normal among couples’ comment. How could she have missed it?
But none of that mattered. Angel wasn’t truly interested in her. Kim could finally put those fears to rest, knowing there was no danger of things getting worse. After all, why would Angel want to escalate it? She’d probably prefer it if things were left the way they were.
Kim breathed a sigh of relief. That meant she was safe. Nothing else would happen. There was nothing to fear.
What else? The showers. The showers could continue. That was bad. Right?
Well, I can think of one or two benefits to--
Of course it was bad!
The bottom line was, nothing would change. No one was going to escalate anything. No one else was going to find out about their arrangement. They were just saying it, and those were words, nothing more. This was
between her and Angel. She could keep it a secret.
No one would ever find out.
Kim took several deep breaths as she mustered her courage, then spoke in a rush. "Yes, you were right. I was too embarrassed to say so before."
Angel reached out and took her hands, smiling brightly. "I’m glad we’re officially a couple now."
Wait, what? What!
"Would you like to take a shower now, or have dinner first?" Angel asked her.
Kim pulled her hands free. If she was going to get into a fake relationship with another woman, it would be on her terms. All of this romance nonsense had to stop. No more showers together. No more casually touching each other or playing with each other’s breasts. Not that she did any of that, but assuming she did, she was going to stop it.
This time, Kim was going to put her foot down. She was determined. No budging on this. She’d lay down the rules and make it clear and leave no room for misinterpretation whatsoever.
Instead, Kim said, "I’m still new at this relationship stuff. Would you mind if we take things slow?"
"Of course."
She sighed in relief. Taking it slow was a good way of saying never. Fortunately, Angel bought it. Everything was going to be fine. "Good. That’s good."
"Would you like to take a shower now, or have dinner first?" Angel asked again.
Kim gaped at her, incredulous. "You realize it is possible to take a shower separately, don’t you?"
"Naturally, I realize this."
"Good."
"I would still like to know."
"I’ll take a shower alone."
"Yes. You could. Or I could take a shower with you."
"We’re not taking a shower together!"
"Your reluctance is illogical and annoying," Angel said with a huff. "It has already been established at this stage in our relationship that--"
"Our relationship begins today,” Kim interrupted, “and our relationship isn’t a normal relationship. Do you think we could go on a few dates first before we hop into bed or start taking showers together?"
"If that is what you want," Angel said dubiously.
"Yes, that’s what I want. Now, I’m going to take a shower. Alone."
"Are we having a lover’s quarrel?"
"We’re not lovers!" cried Kim. She slammed the bathroom door behind her.
Chapter Ten
"Kimmie! Your girlfriend called! She wants you to bring home some Chinese food!" called Marsha, loud enough for the entire building to hear.
Kim froze, her hands poised over the keyboard.
"Will you keep your voice down," admonished a voice in a loud whisper Kim recognized as Tom's. His was the cubicle closest to Marsha’s at the end of their row. "Kim is a friend of ours, and as far as I know she’s never been in a relationship."
"It’s just some good natured teasing," Marsha told him.
"Kim isn’t used to it," Tom continued. "You’re going to ruin it before it even gets started."
"So it’s true, then? Kim has a girlfriend?" asked Joe, the resident pervert. Other offices had two or three of them. Kim’s workplace only had the one, which forced him to work overtime to make up the difference.
"I think so," replied Tom, "and we shouldn’t discourage her."
"I’m not gonna discourage her. Lesbians are hot."
Kim sunk deeper into her chair, trying to disappear.
"Joe, keep your voice down. She can probably hear you."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said Lucy, inserting herself into the conversation. Her cubicle was on the other side of the building, but Kim wasn’t surprised by her presence. Lucy could smell office gossip brewing from down the street. "Yes, I was as shocked as anyone. It took us all by surprise to learn Kim is seeing someone, but Tom’s right. We shouldn’t tease her about it or talk about her behind her back."
"I’m only looking out for Kimmie’s best interests," said Marsha, sounding defensive.
"You’re the worst one!"
"I wasn’t here yesterday, so I didn’t get to see her. What’s she’s like?" demanded Joe.
"It’s all probably a misunderstanding, anyway. Kim isn’t a lesbian," said Andy from the cubicle adjacent to Kim’s.
The fact that Andy joined the debate surprised Kim. The others at least had an excuse, arguing far enough away by Marsha’s desk that it was at least possible Kim couldn’t overhear every word they said.
But Andy sat in the very next cubicle. He had to know Kim was listening. Marsha certainly knew it. She wouldn’t have made the announcement, otherwise.
If Andy had half a brain, he would have figured out…
Oh. That’s right. No brain.
"You’re just saying that because Kim wouldn’t go out with you," said Lucy.
"No, not going out with me would be evidence she was a lesbian," Andy clarified. "Kim never goes out with anyone. She loves her solitude too much."
"That doesn’t mean she isn’t waiting for Mister Right to show up. Or Miss Right, in this case. I think it’s wonderful she found someone," gushed Lucy.
"What’s she look like?" Joe demanded, once again. Everyone continued to ignore him.
"That doesn’t mean we can’t tease her just a little bit," said Marsha.
"You go too far," said Lucy.
"Will somebody please tell me what she looks like? I’m dying here!"
"Blonde hair, almost platinum, as if bleached out from spending too much time in the sun. No idea what color her eyes are. Slim, a little shorter than me," said Lucy.
Kim could picture Tom shaking his head. "Please, don’t encourage him."
"Are her breasts as nice as yours?" asked Joe.
"They’re about the same, actually.” Lucy seemed amused by the question. “I think she fills out her clothes very nicely."
"Lucy, you do realize you’re not--” started Tom.
"I’m straight, but I might be willing to bend for this one. If Kim doesn’t want her, maybe I’ll take a shot."
"Oh, my God, that is so hot," gushed Joe.
"She's only teasing, you idiot. And I think you’re all making a mistake," said Larry, speaking up for the first time, his gruff voice easily recognizable due to a thirty year smoking habit.
"There’s nothing wrong with Kim being a lesbian. The heart wants what the heart wants," said Tom.
"I didn’t say anything was wrong with it,” Larry clarified.
"Yeah, if Kim wants to have hot, lesbian sex all night long, we should encourage her," put in Joe.
Lucy spoke up again. "If she has a girlfriend then yes, we should encourage her, but not for your perverted reasons."
"There’s nothing wrong with my perverted reasons." Joe defended himself.
"No wonder Kim keeps everything to herself, working around you people all day," Larry remarked.
"Kim isn’t a lesbian," Andy insisted once again.
"You didn’t see them,” said Marsha. “She told me herself. They were living together, and she was wearing Kimmie’s clothes. They’re definitely a couple.”
"No, you only think they’re a couple," Andy retorted.
"I don’t think, I know."
"I don’t think you know either."
"Ooh. Good one," laughed Joe.
"Anyway, could we just drop it? Kim is probably listening to us,” Andy pointed out.
The voices mercifully stopped.
Kim didn’t look. She didn’t have to. She remained exactly where she was, clinging to the illusion of shelter.
It took all of three seconds before the conversation started up again. "I don’t see her in her cubicle," said Tom. His voice was slightly subdued, but not nearly enough.
"Do you think Kim’s slept with her yet?"
"Joe, keep your voice down," hissed Andy.
"You keep your voice down!"
Larry peered over the wall of Kim’s cubicle. "She’s been here all along,” he called to the others. “The rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves.”
&
nbsp; Kim sunk further into her personal pit of embarrassment and mortification.
"Sorry, Kim," sang Marsha in a sing-song voice. "We only talk about you behind your back because we care about you."
"And some of us can’t help themselves," finished Lucy, also in a sing-song voice.
"I blame Marsha,” groused Tom. “She started it."
Not to be outdone, Joe appeared at Kim’s cubicle entrance. "Kim. This is me being completely serious, now. As your friend, I want you to know I fully support your decision. I encourage you, I’m behind you, and I think you should continue to have hot, lesbian sex with your girlfriend as often as humanly possible. And if you haven’t yet, why the hell not?"
Kim glared back with fire in her eyes. "She’s not my girlfriend!"
There was a moment of silence.
"Told ya," said Andy.
"Doesn’t matter. I’m still going to tease her about it," said Marsha.
Chapter Eleven
Kim was feeling uneasy about dinner as she left work that night. What she would like to have done was talk to her new girlfriend about the matter, but she had no means of reaching her. Kim didn’t personally own a landline. She never had. Not much point to one, really, since the invention of the cell phone.
Now she was paying the price for her lack of vision, she thought in an internal raspy voice that sounded eerily similar to the Emperor from Return of the Jedi.
How did Angel call to leave a message without a phone, anyway?
A mental picture popped into her head that made her regret wondering. She pictured Angel visiting her neighbors one by one, introducing herself as Kim’s new girlfriend under the pretext of asking to use their phone.
Hopefully she didn’t introduce herself to the entire building.
Since she couldn’t call Angel back for clarification, she resigned herself to picking up the Chinese food as requested. She considered stopping at the store and getting Angel a cellphone of her own, but decided against it. Someone as obsessed about a low profile and ‘avoiding local authorities’ as Angel seemed to be didn’t seem the type to take it with her.
She pulled up to her garage and reached over to press the remote. It didn’t work.
Huh. The power must be out.