by J. Judkins
“Okay,” said Angel, and started to walk away.
Kim quickly caught up with her. She just knew Angel had the wrong idea. “Listen to me, I wasn’t staring at you and thinking you’re beautiful, I was thinking something about you was beautiful.”
Angel paused and turned to face her, silently questioning.
“I didn’t mean to say it,” Kim grumbled.
“You’re not as shy as you used to be.”
Kim’s blood ran cold. “Not being as shy as before” was exactly what she feared. Angel’s words confirmed Kim’s theory. It was one thing to have a theory, but quite another to have that theory confirmed so openly.
“That’s all because of you, you know,” Kim accused.
Angel’s hands reached out and took Kim's despite her frantic last-second attempts to avoid them. “Then I’m glad it’s working.”
“Well, don’t think you’ve succeeded just yet. You’re going to have to work a lot harder than that.”
“I intend to.”
“You’re not seducing me that easily.”
“I think you’re beautiful, too.”
Kim blinked. She felt like Angel skipped ahead several lines in the conversation. “I don’t think you understand. I only said beautiful about you in a non-specific and general sense. I wasn’t trying to be romantic.”
“You never have to try with me, Kim. Everything you do and say tells me what I need to know.”
“This isn’t about me. This is about you.”
Angel kissed her without warning. Kim jerked away. “What was that for?”
“I told you why. Because you’re beautiful, too.” Angel leaned in for another kiss. Kim leaned away.
“Not here,” Kim admonished her. “You're attracting too much attention. We need to get inside.”
“Eager to get back home?”
“Yes, but only because of you.”
Angel gave Kim her most brilliant smile yet and released her. Kim breathed a sigh of relief.
The long walk home continued in silence. Angel didn’t attempt to take her hand again, for which Kim was grateful, but as time wore on she wondered if it would be such a bad thing.
Naturally, she wasn’t thinking this way because she wanted to hold Angel’s hand. There were justifiable reasons for doing so, and all of them made logical sense.
While it was true simple gestures might make her more malleable over time, as Angel intended, her method was far from perfect. It also worked against Angel, as well. Kim felt she could turn the tables and further twist the technique to her own advantage.
But it was risky. By doing so, Kim eventually would become used to it, and that was an unavoidable downside. But Angel didn’t realize that with each exposure Kim's resistance grew in a comparably proportionate rate. Kim’s blatant vulnerability to the physical would become less of a weakness.
She could even see the parallels to exposure to hard radiation.
Casual touching and kissing were safe enough in low doses, but both had a cumulative degrading effect on her overall resistance. Prolonged exposure to either would be disastrous.
Unlike prolonged exposure to radiation, however, Kim could build up a tolerance to Angel. Continuous exposure didn’t make it less dangerous, however. In fact, it was doubtful she’d ever become fully acclimated at all. Any exposure involved risk in greater or lesser degrees.
Kim understood enough about seduction to know the art centered on encouraging the victim to give in, to surrender a little bit more, and a little bit more, until finally inhibitions crumbled and the victim became lost in the pleasure of the moment. They started off not being interested, or not thinking about it, but ended up convinced they wanted to do it. Simply put, the will to resist became a will to continue.
Now that she thought about it, Kim wondered if she’d already been compromised.
Earlier this week, she’d been all about stopping Angel from achieving any success at all, no matter how small. Last week, kissing had been on her top ten list of things to avoid. Now the situation had changed. Because of Angel’s influence, Kim was seriously considering moving kissing to a new list of acceptable things she could do to boost her own resistance to a manageable level.
That alone proved Angel achieved at least a partial victory, and it worried her.
Kim considered the danger. Now that she knew of the underlying trap, was kissing still acceptable? Could something both erode her resistance and build it up, all at the same time?
Angel thought physical contact was the key to Kim’s eventual seduction. Kim needed to play along, to endure the things Angel wanted, but only long enough immunize herself against the process and turn Angel’s plans against her.
Resistance was relative. It changed, moment to moment. There was danger if both resistance and willpower degraded in the heat of the moment, but if she emerged from the experience without falling into the pitfall of seduction, her base resistance in general would grow. She’d emerge better equipped to survive her next encounter.
As a lifelong roleplaying gamer, Kim was well aware of the value of experience. Experience was key. Nothing else truly mattered beyond that. Finding gold and upgrading equipment were important, too, but only a means to gather more experience. If Kim could reach a new plateau of understanding, then all at once those lesser concerns that were once a problem would cease to bother her.
Tricky, but it could be done. As long as she remained on guard, she should be okay. Whenever Angel tried something, Kim’s own heart rate and irregular breathing would serve as an effective Geiger-counter. She’d know the instant she’d been exposed for too long and needed to break contact and get some distance.
All she needed to do was pay close attention to the early warning signs and get out before her willpower became compromised. If she lingered for too long and her willpower degraded past a certain level, she’d find herself unwilling and therefore unable to escape. Similar to radiation, too much exposure to Angel would destroy her. If she ever succumbed and lost all control, nothing would be left of her but a smoking pile of clothes on the floor to mark her passing. She’d be lost forever, nothing more than a pathetic love slave held in thrall to Angel’s will.
Too much exposure at one time would prove her undoing, but kissing, a little bit of touching, and even being around Angel while she was naked could improve her tolerance. Minor doses were the key to her survival. Taking a shower with her, for example, wouldn’t be worth the risk. Kim could benefit from the experience, but the risk of disaster was too great.
While it would be nice to achieve full resistance, she shouldn’t be in a rush to achieve it. Angel might think Kim was interested if she started volunteering to kiss her more often.
Of all the possible options, only holding Angel’s hand offered no danger to her whatsoever. Everything else was suspect. Seeing Angel naked caused her to become self-conscious. Kissing threatened a loss of control, her desire to resist devolving into flat out desire.
There was only one problem with the holding Angel’s hand solution. Angel wasn’t offering to hold her hand. At least, not at the moment. If Kim wanted to do this, she needed to do it herself.
Kim needed to...volunteer.
That would mark another minor victory for Angel, but only on the surface. In a rough comparison to decide who benefited the most, Kim believed she would come out on top. Angel would certainly see the act as interest on her part, in addition to romantic and sweet and a bunch of other rotgut, but that couldn’t be avoided.
What was truly important was using the technique as a means to build her tolerance. Eventually, such actions wouldn’t even bother her. She’d build up much needed experience and become better able to resist kissing and touching and what came after.
All she needed to do was reach out and take Angel’s hand.
Simple.
So reach out and take it, Kim told herself, but still she did nothing.
Why was she delaying? Holding Angel’s hand was the safest path ava
ilable, and inarguably the most innocent. Once they were home, Kim would lose her chance. She couldn’t very well find an excuse once they were inside, now, could she? If she tried it then, Angel would most certainly intentionally misinterpret the situation and twist it into making it look as if Kim wanted to do it as a prelude to something more.
The sidewalks became less and less crowded with each passing minute until only the passing car remained to keep them company. The wind picked up noticeably, and still Kim couldn’t make herself take that final step. They were thirty minutes away from home. If she wanted to do it, she needed to do it now. This was her last chance before the narrow window of opportunity escaped her.
So do it! What are you waiting for? Just do it!
Kim steeled herself and stretched out her hand. It took all her bravery, but she did it. Her hand felt clammy with nervousness as she slid it into Angel’s own, then gave it a gentle squeeze and didn’t let go.
Angel stopped at once. Kim tried to keep walking, but Angel refused to be moved. Kim likewise refused to turn around. Her gaze remained fixed on the distant horizon.
“Kim?”
“I just wanted to. That’s all.”
Angel stepped in front of Kim, refusing to be deterred. Her intense blue eyes met her own. And then she reacted in a way that was completely unexpected.
Kim had been expecting surprise or even elation, concluding Kim had given in somehow. Instead, Angel gave her a bright smile of such light and joy it stunned her with its radiance.
Dear God, she’s beautiful. Kim’s heart skipped a beat and she completely forgot she was supposed to be embarrassed.
Angel tightened her grip and pulled Kim along with renewed vigor and a noticeable bounce to her step. Kim had no choice but to follow.
She wanted to tell Angel she got it wrong, to explain it to her, to justify her actions and make it clear there was no hidden underlying romantic meaning behind her actions whatsoever, but she couldn’t find the words.
For a moment, there was no thought in Kim’s mind of plots or hidden agendas or plans within plans. From all appearances, Angel seemed genuinely delighted Kim had finally come out of her shell and made her desires known.
None of it was true, of course. Kim was doing it for one reason and one reason only, because she intellectually feared a growing physical and completely non-emotional addiction to Angel’s touch. Cold logic and reason guided her actions. They told her she needed to do this to retain control. She did it only because she wanted to avoid involuntarily succumbing to a phenomena that might be defined as passion or desire in others. This clearly didn’t apply to her.
Kim shook her head to clear it.
I don’t feel any sort of strong attraction to Angel. I don’t! The very idea of it is preposterous, and absurd, and...and...and other synonyms I can’t think of that mean ridiculous!
What was wrong with her? Angel’s happiness was downright infectious. She didn’t want to let go.
This wasn’t like her. Something was wrong. Had she made a mistake?
She knew this was the least dangerous option, but this simple act of holding Angel’s hand wasn’t as innocuous as she thought. It was a gesture that should have meant nothing, but instead was making her self-conscious and fully aware of what she was doing, as if Angel’s emotional state were directly influencing her own.
She couldn’t understand it or make sense of it.
She should end this now. She needed to pull her hand away and rethink her options. But she couldn’t. The early warning signs were clamoring for her attention, but she ignored them all and did nothing to stop them. Angel seemed so dependent on it, and she didn’t want to disappoint her.
When exactly did Angel’s happiness become so important to her?
She wasn’t doing this because she liked Angel. This was all to build experience. She had good, justifiable reasons for doing this. This wasn’t the addiction talking, because she wasn’t addicted. She could quit anytime.
Even she had difficulty believing that.
Chapter Thirty-One
One would think a simple, half-second kiss in the morning would be sufficient to say goodbye, but nooo, that isn’t good enough!
Kim stood at the front door of her apartment with Angel pressed up against her, effectively pinning her in place as she rained kisses upon her with a passion that had become disturbingly familiar. She was in Angel’s arms. Angel was not in hers. Kim clung to that distinction with all her might. Her hands were fisted at her side because she didn’t trust them, and there they would stay until they learned to behave themselves.
The fact that they had a time limit made things safe in Kim’s mind. It was possible Angel was trying to erode her willpower again, but her alien girlfriend hadn’t even attempted to escalate the situation beyond the extended marathon kissing session.
Then again, why would she need to bother? She had what she wanted. Angel didn’t even have to try to trick her this time!
Everything was already a foregone conclusion. Kissing goodbye? Going to happen. Can’t be avoided. Not merely acceptable, but expected. Kissing for minutes at a time? Again, going to happen. Kim herself had bargained for it the previous morning. No way to change it now.
Angel had taken it upon herself to combine the two, and the only reason Kim didn’t have to worry about doing it all over again tomorrow morning was because tomorrow was Saturday!
They continued to kiss. And continued to kiss.
This is getting ridiculous.
Through an effort of will, Kim pulled away. “I think the kissing has gone on for long enough!”
“We haven’t got time for anything else,” whispered Angel.
Kim blinked. Did Angel just quote The Empire Strikes Back at her?
“How much time do we have?”
“Not enough.”
Kim had to turn her face away to reply, which did nothing to deter Angel. “I didn’t ask to see if we could do more, I’m asking in order to find out.”
“Less than a minute,” Angel murmured against her. She continued to kiss the side presented to her and down Kim’s neck.
Less than a minute? That isn’t so bad. Kim glanced at the door and the heavily curtained windows, thankful no one could see.
What would she do if the door opened? Once again, her mind flashed back to The Empire Strikes back, picturing the scene where Threepio interrupted Han and Leia’s romantic moment. ‘Sir! Sir! I've isolated the reverse power flux coupling!’
Kim smiled to herself at the thought, then immediately clamped down on it. Angel didn’t need any encouragement.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kim sat at her desk at work, staring at her screen. She was in a foul mood. Throughout the day, she’d been planning on uncovering all the details of what she’d discovered about Angel yesterday after getting off work. Those secrets laid bare would determine Angel’s immediate future. Her innocence or guilt would be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.
And Kim hated the very idea of it.
Nevertheless, she felt determined. Angel was on Earth for a reason. She was up to something, probably something nefarious, and Kim needed to find out what.
But as the day progressed, her uneasiness grew. She felt determined now, but also recognized she was at work and couldn’t do anything about it at the moment.
Years before, Kim had wanted to learn Japanese and ordered a set of language lessons, a series in MP3 format burned onto compact discs. In her mind, simply ordering and paying for them was a step in the right direction. She’d made progress, which gave her a sense of accomplishment. That was enough in her mind.
But the moment the CDs arrived, she lost all her motivation. Her desire to learn a new language hadn’t been enough to motivate her to do any of the actual work necessary to achieve those desires. Those disks now sat gathering dust on a shelf, all but forgotten.
And yet, the experience wasn’t a total loss. It enlightened her. She’d walked away recognizing she had a difficulty
following through. Today, those lessons were coming back to haunt her. She recognized the parallels in what she was doing.
At work, she could make plans and preparations all day long, trying to fool herself into thinking nothing would stop her once she was free to act. But talk was cheap. Once those answers were within reach, would her current pressing desire for information abandon her as before? Would she have the strength to follow through?
Angel is my friend. If she turns out to be guilty...
No. She needed those answers. She had to know.
As the day wore on, Kim’s mood didn’t improve. It got worse. Her fellow employees kept their distance. If they had anything to say about her dour disposition, they kept those opinions to themselves.
Kim was beyond caring what they thought. Mostly. Mostly beyond caring. It still annoyed her that she remained the subject of their conversation, and this did nothing to brighten her day.
After being freed from work, Kim sped off in her car. She spent the next hour shopping and picking up what she needed, and arrived at the pawn shop a little after six in the evening.
The shop was smaller than Kim expected it to be. On either side of the shop were two glass counters, one fully devoted to guns and the other miscellaneous jewelry and trinkets. The store clerk sat behind a third multilayered counter which faced the main door. Behind him were numerous shelves holding various electronic devices of every sort. He was bare armed and heavily tattooed, looking like an older biker minus the leather.
The man seemed pleasant enough when Kim walked in as a potential customer, but his mood shifted from pleasant to significantly less than pleasant as he, too, picked up on Kim’s grim demeanor.
“There was a woman who came in here yesterday,” Kim began, getting right to the point and ignoring how the man scowled at her. “Blonde, shoulder-length hair, almost white, slightly taller than I am. She would have been carrying a duffel bag?”
“Let me stop you right there. I’m not going to talk about my customers. What they do is their own business.”