by J. Judkins
What if Angel remembered her past and left her, believing Kim still didn’t trust her and therefore couldn’t love her and never would? She’d follow Captain Kirk’s example. No one would remember poor Kim, unloved and forgotten, abandoned by the wayside. Certainly not Angel. She’d find a new girlfriend by next week’s episode!
This is all my fault! I was the one to set Angel on the dark path of self-discovery. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t insisted Angel tell the truth!
“What are you going to do?” Kim asked. She swallowed against the dryness of her throat.
“Investigate further.”
“I don't want you to. Listen, I don't care about the stories. I never did. They're a part of you, and I wouldn't change it. I like you just the way you are.”
Angel smiled wanly. "No, you don't. You always insisted on the truth."
It hurt Kim to have her own words echoed back to her. “The truth doesn't matter.”
“Any further information I may recall is instantly rejected or, at the very least, called into question. I’d like to include you as an active part of the discovery process so there will be no doubt. I want you to trust me.”
“I do trust you.”
Angel gave her another condescending smile, clearly not taking Kim seriously. "No, you don't, Kim. Not completely.”
“Angel--”
"Would you like to hear what I discovered?"
Kim didn’t. She didn’t want to hear any of it, but she found herself nodding anyway.
“As I said, I’ve discovered competition. In the last several months, prominent businessmen, scientists, and politicians were reported missing. All were found within three days of their disappearance. No ransom demands were made. The police made no arrests. Each claimed they left voluntarily.”
“And?”
“And the matter was quietly dropped.”
“So?”
Angel frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I’m sorry, but, so what? Who cares? I remember how Senator Hawthorne walked away from his job a year ago. It was all over the news. You couldn’t get away from it. Nobody could find him for days, but when they finally did track him down, it turns out he wasn't kidnapped, after all. He told everyone the pressure from his job was getting to him and he had to get away for a while.” Kim shrugged. “That’s it. Nothing ever came of it.”
“I didn’t know about Senator Hawthorne, but he fits the profile. I believe he was taken and replaced.”
“You're talking conspiracy theories, Angel. Conspiracy theories aren't real. People sometimes find random facts and point to them as evidence of a higher power or a group of well-placed individuals manipulating events from behind the scenes, but nothing ever comes of it.
“Besides, what were they replaced with?” Kim spread her hands. “Even if these aliens had exact replicas of the abducted standing by and ready to go, replacements couldn't know their friends and family or their jobs. How could they fit in?”
“I wish to clarify,” said Angel. “When I said replaced, I meant, mentally altered and then replaced. Put back where they were found, in other words. They may or may not have a conscious memory of their abduction.”
“Why? Why would anyone do that?”
“To fulfill their master plan, whatever it may be. Businessmen for financial support, laborers to provide labor, scientists to provide insight on humans or culture or to assist in building something locally, politicians to sponsor projects then shift the blame to their political adversaries and pretend they were innocent bystanders all along when those policies fail.” Angel shrugged. “There could be others. Perhaps the politicians were taken simply because their alien abductors assumed they held value?”
“That sounds pretty thin.”
Angel only response was to add Senator Hawthorne to the list.
“Did their behavior change?” Kim asked.
“I've only just begun my investigation.”
“And you think whoever took them away could be,” Kim’s face twisted into a grimace, “friends of yours?”
“Possibly.” Angel shrugged. “I won’t know for certain until I find them, and perhaps, not even then. At the moment, I'm only uncovering evidence of their presence.”
“What makes you think they have anything to do with you?”
“For one, I believe they have the ability to manipulate memory.”
Kim blinked. That was new.
“If these people were abducted and quietly replaced, this would prove the aliens have the ability to selectively erase or modify a person’s memory. I believe I was one of them. It’s possible I have this ability, myself. I could have used it to erase my own memory to prevent interrogation upon capture. My former allies also could have done the same to me, were I incapable.
“If true,” Angel continued, “it fully explains how my memories literally started only a few months ago.”
“Weeks ago,” corrected Kim.
“Weeks ago,” amended Angel. “This also explains my extraordinary nonhuman abilities.”
“That doesn't matter,” Kim insisted. “You don’t have to do this. You have a new life, now. You're here. You’re here with me.”
“That life is guaranteed a limited future. You cannot trust me as I am. I need to recover my missing memories, Kim.”
“No, you don't,” Kim was getting desperate. “Please, listen to me. What if you do find these aliens? You think they'll let you stay with me? No, you’ll be given new orders and off doing what they want you to do. Why risk it? I thought you were happy here.”
“I am happy here.”
“How would you find them, anyway? You can't just wander the streets looking for them.”
“That won’t be necessary. I am also being hunted by an unknown group of humans. They know or at least suspect what I truly am. At the very least, they should have more information than I do. I'll find them, instead.”
“That's worse!”
“It is the logical choice. They’re looking for me, as we speak. If they find me here, at your home, you'll be taken, too. That's why I need to go alone. I intend to leave tomorrow.”
Kim’s face went ashen. “Go alone? Tomorrow? That's your plan? Are you saying you want to be captured?”
“My hunters are the only source of information. I’ll learn more about them and keep you safe, all at the same time.”
“No. This is stupid!” Kim wanted to scream with frustration. “I don’t need a believable background story from you and I don't want you to remember!”
“But it's who I am," Angel insisted once again. She held up a hand before Kim could object. "I'm not going to lose my feelings for you, Kim. No matter what. They won’t change. I won’t go back to my old life. I want you to trust me. Trust in my love for you.”
“Why risk it?” Kim demanded once again.
“You tell me you’ll accept my story. But with your next breath, you tell me you can’t believe I’ll still love you if I learn who I am?”
“Yes, because you can’t possibly know what you’ll remember. If they can manipulate memory as easily as you say, who’s to say they can’t implant some kind of irresistible compulsion in your brain to force you to obey? Right now, you're free of it. Free of it, Angel!”
“I don’t--“
“You think they have the answers?” Kim gestured at the heavily curtained window. “Why take the chance? You’re risking everything for the opportunity to prove your love for me is stronger?”
“Your argument strengthens my position. If I risk everything and prove my love is stronger, that sends a powerful message you cannot doubt. Even without the physical proof I seek, surely such an example would overcome your trust issues. You’d know for certain I love you above all else.”
“Dear God, I don’t have trust issues!”
“Are you saying you fully believe my background story?”
Who would? “Your background story doesn’t matter to me. How many times to I have to keep telling yo
u that?”
“You insisted I tell the truth--”
“That was before,” Kim interrupted. “Forget about what I said before. Today, I’m telling you it doesn’t matter.”
“I want you to love me in return. That’s all that truly matters to me. I want you to love me, too.”
Kim looked away, suddenly uncomfortable. She’d hoped Angel wouldn’t bring it up.
Yet it all boiled down to that, didn’t it? Nothing else mattered. Angel wanted Kim to love her as she loved Kim.
But for Kim, that single, meaningful act was simply beyond her. She wasn’t driven by lust and desire the way Angel seemed to be.
Kim squirmed in her seat as she thought about it. Not that I feel desire to do that, of course. Because I don't! Thinking about what it would be like once or twice hardly constitutes desire.
Yeah, but what if we called it a really intense kiss? Angel certainly seemed to enjoy--
Kim closed her eyes, her fists clenching.
The inner voice took the hint and backed off.
But all of that was beside the point. Kim had more immediate concerns. Namely, how Angel could possibly think that getting herself caught was a good idea.
“So you’re leaving tomorrow,” Kim stated. “Alone. Do you have a plan?”
“Of course.”
“And?”
“It’s a good one.”
Kim wanted to swear in frustration, then she realized nothing was stopping her. “Tell me the damned plan!”
“I’m sorry, but no. The less you know, the better.”
Kim’s glare intensified. “You’re not going to tell me?”
“Correct.”
“At least tell me something.”
Angel appeared to be thinking about it, then relented. “I plan to extract as much information as I can from the people hunting me. If any of it jars my memory, so much the better, but I do not anticipate this happening. I also intend to sabotage their work and destroy their ability to find us before escaping.”
“Do you know where they are?”
“Not a clue.”
“Do you remember how you escaped the first time?”
“I remember a fire, but not much else.”
“So, you intend to be captured.” Kim ran a hand through her hair. “Deliberately. Have I told you how stupid your plan is?”
“Twice. You also implied it several times. Your arguments haven’t changed my decision.”
“And you insist on doing it alone.”
“Yes.”
“Alone.”
“Yes. Tomorrow morning.”
“Why wait until tomorrow?” Kim replied hotly. “What’s stopping you? You should leave right now.”
For the first time, Angel’s mask of indifference slipped. “Kim--”
“No. Just go.” Kim turned away. “I can’t stop you and my opinion obviously doesn’t matter to you.”
“It does matter. But we disagree.”
“I don’t want to hear it. We could have handled this problem together. But you’d prefer to do this on your own, wouldn’t you?”
Angel’s eyes cast about as if searching for something to say. Then her features hardened into steely resolution. She left without a backward glance, and Kim felt her heart stop.
“Maybe someday I’ll even see you again, but don’t count on it!” Kim called out after her, trying to hold onto her irritation. Angel wouldn’t give up that easy, she reassured herself.
Don’t let her leave!
No. She’s bluffing. She has to be.
Kim held her breath. Listening. She heard the front door open. When it closed again, Kim didn’t even blink. Then she drew in a ragged gasp of air and all the strength in her legs left her all at once. She sank to the floor.
No. Angel didn’t leave me. She couldn’t. She’ll be back. She has to come back.
But her heart knew the truth. Angel wasn't coming back.
Through an effort of will, Kim pulled herself into her chair and sank into it. The computer’s screensaver went off. She slapped the keyboard with more force than was necessary and it went away.
This wasn’t her fault. Angel had been determined to leave, no matter what. Nothing Kim could have done would have changed that. Kim didn’t throw her out, so how could it be her fault? She’d merely shifted the time frame. Angel chose to leave on her own. This was all Angel’s fault for not listening to reason.
If Angel had listened, none of this would have happened.
Kim drew up her legs and hugged herself into a ball. Her eyes were beginning to sting, again.
This wasn’t her fault.
So why do I feel so terrible?
Angel didn’t understand. She refused to. This wasn’t a one-shot storybook romance. The hero and romantic interest weren’t guaranteed to fall in love and stay together despite the odds. This was grim reality at its finest, and in real life, there were no guarantees.
Even being in love didn't guarantee happiness. Half her friends from high school claimed to have been in love two or three times each, although Kim privately believed they were more in lust than love. Wasn’t love supposed to last? To endure? That’s what all the songs said.
Why did she have to go?
Kim steadied herself against the desk. Angel may have said she loved her, but clearly she didn’t value her opinion. She thought love was all anyone needed, which made a novice like Kim look like an expert in comparison. Love wasn’t that strong. Angel gave the emotion too much credit. Without prompting, Angel had decided out of the blue Kim was her one and only. But today, she’d proven it meant nothing to her.
And now Angel was gone. Off to be captured and begin her life as a test subject for some nameless corporation or private organization.
She should feel relieved it was over. Now she could get back to her old life. Reading books. Playing video games. Not having sex two or three hours out of every day. Everything would return to the way it was.
So what if Angel said she loved me or not? She probably doesn't even know what love is.
Kim at least had a passing familiarity of what love meant, having read numerous stories with a subplot of romance. But Angel only had a couple of books and whatever she found off the internet to based her opinions on. And video games, for some odd reason.
Kim even had proof to back up her claims. If Angel truly loved her, she wouldn't have left her. That proved she didn’t love her. They should have been able to find a way. Together. Love should have compelled her to stay.
Let Angel do what she wanted. I don’t need her, anyway.
I don’t.
Chapter Fifty
Kim had a dream that night, one that stayed with her beyond her first waking moments. She stood with Angel in the parking lot outside her condominium building. A nondescript moving van was there, its long ramp stretching to just short of the building’s security door. Three movers were loading all of Kim’s belongings into the van, one after the other.
The movers were unique in that each carried only one, specific item at a time. The item could be small, a lamp or a chair. Other times, a single individual would bear the weight of an entire bookcase or table.
Each mover’s pace was unhurried, but in retrospect, each accomplished a staggering amount of work in a short period of time despite never working as a team. Each would leave the van empty handed, wander into the building at a slow walk, then emerge literally seconds later in possession of something new.
To Kim, the unbroken, continuous line of movers was eerily reminiscent of the resource gathering, real-time strategy game StarCraft. The difference was, these movers weren’t mining crystals or vespene gas. They were mining her house!
As it turns out, mining Kim's home was not only a lucrative business venture, it also reaped an immediate financial reward. Now there were four workers wandering to and fro. Less than half a minute later, a fifth appeared. Each new addition stepped out of the van and strode inside the building with the same unhurried air of nonc
halance as those before them.
Kim never once questioned the absurdity of the situation, but she didn’t feel an abundance of control, either. Instead, she felt like a spectator. She couldn’t quite stop herself from looking about, apprehensive at the possibility of a Zerg rush.
Angel’s calming presence relaxed Kim, somewhat, but she couldn’t entirely dismiss her fears.
"I'm sorry, Kim,” Angel was saying. “Now that I remember everything, they won't let me stay with you.”
The news wasn’t unexpected. Kim understood the reasons behind it, and shrugged in answer. Running a successful invasion was next to impossible when your troops were busy having hot, lesbian sex with the enemy. Such things were frowned upon. People would talk.
"Why can't you support the invasion from here?" Kim asked.
"I'd like to. You know I would, but they won't let us do what we want.” She idly waved a hand. “Evil empire, and all that."
One of the movers walked past carrying Kim’s refrigerator. She looked at it mournfully. She liked that refrigerator. It was a shame to see it go. "Do you have to take everything?"
"You gave me everything when you invited me into your home. Don't you remember?"
Kim remembered nothing of the sort, but she didn’t argue. All of her chairs, one by one. The microwave. Her dishes in a box marked dishes. Her kitchen table. Her kitchen sink.
"I'll always treasure the time I spent here,” Angel continued. “I was alone, and for the longest time I couldn't remember my ultimate purpose to subjugate your people and enslave your entire planet. You gave my life new meaning. While I was with you, I felt love for the first time in my life. I was happy."
Angel took her hand. Their eyes met. Kim could hear sad violin music playing in the background. "I never knew love before I met you. You gave me that."
"I don't remember agreeing to this," muttered Kim, but didn't attempt to pull her hand away. Angel was taking everything she valued, but here and now, at this moment, she didn’t much care. All that mattered to her was the feeling of Angel's hand in her own. She felt at peace.
Several of the movers had stopped at the entrance to Kim’s building. The last of them had finished loading the van. They joined their fellow empty-handed brethren and simply stood there. Their work was done. Nothing remained of Kim's life to be taken away.