by RH Tucker
“Jen,” Nancy calls out, glancing over at me from her station. “What are you doing here?”
I give her a half-hearted smile as I lift my shoulders.
Nancy is my mom’s sister and took me in when I was almost five. My parents had me while they were both sophomores in high school and I have no idea who my father is. From the little I’ve asked Nancy, and even less that she’s told me, he wanted nothing to do with my mom when she got pregnant. Then he and his family moved away, to where I have no idea.
I guess a lot of people don’t remember much from before they’re five, but there is one memory engrained in my mind I’ll never forget. The night my mother brought me over to visit ‘Auntie Nancy’. I had my favorite toy with me and heard them talking and the words I’ll never forget. She returned to me, knelt down, and gave me a hug. Then she was gone. She didn’t say a word as she hugged me, and for some reason I remember I didn’t make a sound. I cried the entire night, but I never made a sound. Ever since then, it’s been me and my aunt.
“What happened?” She shoots a worried expression at me as I slump in the chair at her station.
“Nothing,” I lie.
She gives me a slight frown, her dusty rose-colored lips turning down. Even though she’s over forty, every year for the past five years we’ve celebrated her thirtieth birthday, and she doesn’t look either of those ages. She gets called my older sister all the time, especially since our frame is very similar. While my hair is long, hers is a pixie crop hairstyle, her bangs falling over her forehead and eyes. The color constantly changes, and recently she’s been going with green. That, combined with both ears lined with piercings, two piercings in her right eyebrow, and a small silver ring pierced on the left side of her bottom lip, she looks anything but unassuming. She’s a force to be reckoned with, which is something I’ve always loved about her. The half sleeve tattoos on both arms only adds to the effect.
“Jen, you only hang out here on the weekends. And you look like you just lost the lead part for an audition.”
I loved being in drama in high school. Acting like I was someone else. Whether it was a drama or a comedy, I loved to pretend that I wasn’t myself. That the character I was playing had a normal life, with people around them that would always care for them. The more time went on, it was a dream I reveled to live in, even though I knew I probably wouldn’t have that in real life. Today’s experience with Franco proved that again.
I shake my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts of Franco, and stare at my aunt. “I’m ready for my first tattoo.”
“What?” She stares at me, shocked.
“Yasss!” Kim calls out, and I look over to see her smiling.
“No,” Nancy contests.
“What?”
“No. You’re doing this because something happened, I can tell from your face.”
“No,” I counter. “I’m doing this because I want to.”
“You don’t get tattoos when you’re emotional. It ends up being a regret.”
I cross my arms, staring at her, but I know she won’t budge. She’s never had children of her own, but you wouldn’t know it by how she raised me. When she puts her foot down, she’s serious.
“Fine.” I jump up out of her chair and walk over to Kim. “Kim, I want my first tattoo.”
Kim’s jaw clenches as she bares her teeth nervously, her bright blue lips curling. Her eyes shoot over to my aunt for permission.
“Hey, no.” I wave my hand. “I’m eighteen. I can decide if I want a tattoo or not.”
“Right,” she drawls out the word, giving me a cautious look. “Except, I work here under Tina and your aunt. So …”
“Fine, then.” I let out an annoyed huff, jumping to my feet, and start toward the door. “If you guys won’t do it, I’ll go somewhere else.”
“Jen,” Nancy calls back in a tone I’ve heard before. A tone that says, ‘don’t test me’.
Tina is chuckling under her breath, while the lady she’s tattooing is watching curiously. Even Sheela is paying attention.
“Get over here.” Nancy waves her arm for me to join her.
I try to keep my head held high, but I know she’s taking pity on me. She starts lining up some supplies on a tray and I sit back in her chair.
“I’m not giving you a tattoo.”
“But—”
She holds up a finger stopping me. “Until, you tell me what this is all about.”
The courage I walked into the shop with is starting to fade and I stare down at the ground.
“It’s not about any one thing.”
“Jennifer.”
“I’m serious.” I look at her, my eyes pleading. “I’ve actually been thinking about the idea for a while, but today … today was a shitty day.”
I say the words before thinking about it and my eyes meet hers. Nancy’s never been a huge stickler about me cussing, at least not in the last couple years as I’ve gotten older, but I still try not to do it in front of her.
“What happened?”
Staring back at the ground, I debate what to say and how much to tell her. She knows I’ve gone out on dates, but I’ve never actually told her I slept with someone before and I’m not really comfortable bringing that up now. If I did, she definitely wouldn’t give me the tattoo, blaming this on my emotions. Yes, I’m emotional, but today proved one thing; I need to guard my heart. And the idea for my tattoo is a perfect symbol of that.
“People just suck, Nancy.” I stare at the floor. Ever since I was little, I’ve always called her by her first name, not using the word ‘aunt’.
“Yeah, some people do,” she agrees.
“How have you done it?”
“Done what?”
“Been okay with people leaving?”
“Jen, people make their own choices. We can’t force others to feel a certain way, even if they should. I know we haven’t talk about her in a while, but I’m sure your mom loves you.”
“No, she doesn’t.”
“Don’t say that.”
“If she loved me she wouldn’t have left.”
“Jen—”
“This isn’t about that,” I cut her off. She raises an eyebrow, not believing me. “I’m serious. Okay, it’s part of it, but not really. It’s about people in general.”
Now both eyebrows go up, as she quirks her head to the side. “Oh, you mean boys?”
Biting my bottom lip, I nod. “And this isn’t even about a certain boy, even though, a certain boy really did piss me off today.” I keep the edge on my tone because it’s better to sound pissed off and mad than devastated and heartbroken. Again.
I wait for a minute, but she doesn’t respond.
My aunt has had a number of relationships with guys that never went anywhere. The first one I remember being serious was with Teddy, when I was ten years old. He was really nice. I think they went out for a couple months, and he even bought me a few gifts. But then, one day I came home after school and found them arguing. I’d never seen that before. Nancy cursed at him, he stormed out of the house, and I never saw him again.
A couple years later, when I was twelve, Jagger came along. Awesome name, right? And he was in a band. Yeah, my middle school heart was totally swooning over my aunt’s boyfriend. That is until, she told me they broke up one weekend. They’d been dating for nearly three months and everything seemed like it was going great. I never heard them argue, or even raise their voices at one another. But when Nancy told me it was over, she was in tears. It wasn’t until a few months after their break-up that she told me she caught him cheating on her. I was shocked, because even though I saw the bad-boy image, he was always so nice. But, it proved to me again that people only think about themselves.
The last guy that my aunt was serious about, she started dating my sophomore year. By then I’d rolled my eyes at her boyfriends and I knew that almost everyone, with the exception of Emma, was going to let me down. And they did. Henry did seem different at the time, but I t
ried my best to not get close to him. I clearly remember Nancy being ecstatic. It was her longest relationship I could remember, nearly lasting a year. He even proposed. Sounds great, right?
I went on spring break vacation with Emma and when I came home, Nancy told me they broke up. She seemed sad about it, but she wasn’t in tears, which I didn’t understand. She’d cried much more for guys worth a lot less. She was quiet about why they broke up and I knew I shouldn’t press her, but it didn’t make any sense. He’d already proposed a month before I went on vacation and everything seemed great. We got in an argument, because even though my aunt was the only person I really trusted for my entire life, Henry seemed like someone she could trust in. I wanted her to be happy. After nagging her over and over, she finally snapped and yelled at me.
“He wants to send you away to boarding school!” she yelled at me, tears welling in her eyes.
“What?”
“He said he didn’t want our first year as a married couple weighed down by you.”
I was speechless. After everyone who’d hurt me, I never thought I’d feel any more worthless than I did when she said that. He didn’t want me around. He’d always been nice to me. Took us out to dinner, to the movies, doing everything that seemed like he enjoyed having me around.
“I told him no.”
“You did?”
My aunt is everything. She took me in when she didn’t have to. When my mother left me and wanted to do whatever it is she wanted to do, she was the only one I could trust throughout my entire life. It shouldn’t have surprised me that she said no, but it did.
“Of course.” She stepped to me, putting both her hands on my cheeks. “Jennifer, you’re my world. I might not be your mom, but you’re my daughter.”
The flood gates were unleashed, and I hugged her tight, both of us weeping. That day cemented two ideas for me. My aunt was always going to be there for me. No matter what. Secondly, people were going to disappoint me. It’d happened my entire life and it should be no surprise when it happens again. I should see it coming. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way this year, I’d forgotten that and Franco happened. Now I had to live with that.
Nancy speaks up, breaking through my memory. “What’d you have in mind?”
“Really?” My eyes widen.
“Yes. It’s going to be small, so your idea better not be detailed.”
“It’s not.” I pull out my phone and bring up a picture of a small sketch Emma worked up for me a while back when I told her the idea.
“Oh, I like this.” She smiles at my phone.
It’s a padlock in the shape of a heart, and in the center of the heart, a keyhole. It symbolizes everything I felt over the years. My heart is fragile and every time someone I think should be the one to hold it, they throw it away. So, I’ll put a lock on it. Hey, I never said I wasn’t dramatic.
“Where do you want it?”
I’ve thought about that, too. At first, I thought maybe on my ankle, but I’ve heard from Nancy that that spot can be painful. Another choice was my hip. But then I saw a few girls who had a nice little tattoo on their wrist and I think that’s the perfect spot for it.
“Right here.” I point to the outside of my right wrist.
“Okay, let me draw it out.”
After drawing and prepping my arm, she gets to work and finishes the small tattoo on my wrist. True to her word, she kept it small, a little bigger than a quarter, but I love it. Both Kim and Tina walk over and nod in approval, as I pull my phone out to send a picture to Emma.
Emma: You got a tattoo????
Me: Yes, it’s perfect right?!
Emma: Jen, I told you I wanted to be there if you ever got one :(
Me: Oops :/
I do feel a little bad but not enough to keep the smile off my face as I stare at the tattoo again.
Chapter 5
Lucas
Graduation day is here. The senior class stands in the gym, teachers organizing us in alphabetical order, as the lines sprawl across the gym floor.
“Okay, everyone,” our vice principle speaks up. “Principal Cooper just addressed the crowd, so get ready. As soon as the doors open, we’ll walk out to our seats, as rehearsed.”
Scattered voices fly everywhere as Jackson and I are standing next to one another. I don’t really know how it happened over the last month, but Jackson’s kind of become a friend. Okay, fine, he’s an actual friend. I think he figured out I hung out in the bleachers during lunch and started waiting for me. After getting him the assignment for our class, he had my number and texted me a few times, inviting me over to his house or to the movies. I had nothing better to do, so I went. I feel like he’s still not super comfortable with me and I have no idea why he isn’t friends with Tim anymore, but he seems cool enough.
“This is it, dude,” he says excitedly behind me.
“Yep.”
“You’re coming to the party this weekend, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I glance behind me to see a worried expression on his face. “Jackson, it’s cool. I’ll be there.”
“It’s gonna be kind of big, so feel free to invite anyone.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, my parents are combining my brother’s graduation from UCLA with mine. I mean, he’s the college grad, so it’ll probably be a lot more college kids, but I’ll have a few friends going.”
“UCLA?”
His brother’s never come up and it catches me off guard, because my brother goes to UCLA. He’s plays for the Bruins and has one more year to go.
“Yeah, why?”
“My brother goes there.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Rich, well, Richard Mitchell.”
“No shit? Rich is your brother?”
“Yeah, you know him?”
“Yeah. Well, I mean, I’ve met him a few times. My brother was a wide receiver for the team. Rich is a linebacker, right?”
“Yep.”
“That’s awesome, man. So, you going to UCLA, too?”
“Nah,” I say, shaking my head as the doors open and we start to head out on to the field. “I didn’t apply. I’m going to UCI.”
“Cool.” He nods as he follows behind.
The crowd erupts in applause and I can see everyone smiling, scanning the bleachers, searching for friends and family. Carter’s on one side of us, and to the other side I catch sight of Matt and nod my head at him.
About ten students ahead of him I see Jen walking along. I haven’t talked to her since the day Franco seemingly broke up with her. I don’t know exactly what the situation was between them, but I’m calling it a break-up. Even though that conversation after was one of the longest we’ve had in years and did not end well, I’m still sticking to a plan we came up with on our first day of middle school.
Pulling out my phone, I text Francine, who’s walking behind her. When we went through the dress rehearsal to organize the graduation ceremony, I saw she was going to be sitting next to Jen, so I got her number. Shooting off the text to her she turns around and sends one back to me.
I look back at Jackson. “Hey, I’m gonna switch spots.”
“What?”
He looks hurt and I kind of feel bad. I shouldn’t have any loyalty to Jen and our middle school plan after years of growing apart, but I do. I still want to stand next to her for our graduation. I still want to give her a hug. I still love her, no matter how crazy that sounds after all the years of the silent treatment.
“Sorry, man.” I shrug. “I promised a friend a long time ago that we’d walk across the graduation stage together.”
His shoulders slump, and his gaze drops to the ground. “Oh, yeah, that’s cool.”
“I’ll catch up with you after the ceremony, okay?”
He nods, giving me a weak smile. “Yeah, sure.”
I look at the line across from us, as we’re moving toward our seats, and nod to Francine. She and I hurriedly run back and forth, switching lines. Jen
keeps walking forward, not paying attention behind her, and we turn around a row of chairs as we start to take our seats. We’re covered in our graduation gowns and hats, but I can tell she’s fixed up her hair. When we were little we’d be mistaken as brother and sister, because of my dirty blond hair. It didn’t really bother me until middle school, after I realized how much I liked her and didn’t want to think of her like a sister. Her hair shines in the sun and I can see strawberry highlights in it.
We stop in front of our chairs and she turns around to sit, when she bumps in to me. Her jaw drops as she stares at me in confusion. Standing as close as she is now, I can smell the honey perfume she’s always liked.
“What are you doing?” she hisses at me.
“What?” I shrug, acting aloof.
“Luc, why are you here?”
I let out a chuckle. “Um, cuz I’m graduating.”
“Don’t act stupid. Why are you sitting here?”
I try not to roll my eyes as I take my seat. “Jen, come on, don’t tell me you forgot?”
“Forgot what?”
“Aw,” I groan, feigning insult. “You did forget. I’m hurt.”
“I said to stop acting stupid. Why. Are. You. Here?”
“What an ovation for our graduating class!” the principal speaks out, and Jen spins around, noticing everyone’s taken they’re seats.
“You might want to sit.” I look up at her.
She blushes a little and takes her seat next to me. “Why are you sitting here?” she whispers, still staring daggers at me.
“Come on, Jen.” I stare back. “Remember, first day of sixth grade? We were so excited to be middle schoolers.”
“Yeah?” She says it like she has no idea what I’m talking about, but there’s something in her eyes. They drift away, looking down at the ground, and I’m sure she remembers.
I continue on, playing along with her. “Remember what you said?”
Her eyes shoot back to me, her cheeks starting to turn pink.