“I’m not going to warn you again.” I lowered my beer and gave him a stern glare. “You need to give it a rest.” I waved my hand toward the house. “Have Goose make you a cup of coffee.”
The men were respectful regarding Andy, because each of them knew she was Baker’s Ol’ Lady. I suspected they saw Kimberly differently. Considering my past when it came to relationships, it was hard to fault them for forming their opinions.
Nonetheless, Reno was pushing his luck.
He shrugged. “I was just saying the obvious--”
“She’s got pretty teeth,” Ghost interrupted. “They’re straight as fuck. Must have had some good dental insurance as a kid.”
“She’s got nice flowers, too,” Goose said. “Third house from the end when you’re leaving. Have a look for yourself.”
Baker chuckled. “Only you would appreciate her flowers, Brother Goose.”
“Easy to appreciate,” Goose said. “She takes care of them.”
Reno’s eyes remained fixed on Kimberly. “She must work out, too. Her legs look like--”
The back of Ghost’s hand slapped against Reno’s bicep with a thwack!
“God damn,” Reno stammered. “What the fuck was that for?”
Ghost arched an eyebrow. “She’s Brother Cash’s Ol’ Lady. Be respectful.”
Reno looked at me. “Is she your Ol’ Lady, or is she just some chick that swallows your dick?”
I didn’t know how to answer, so I took a drink of my beer instead of responding. After downing half the bottle, I still didn’t know, so I drank the other half.
I lowered the bottle and belched. “Let’s say, for the sake of this conversation, that she’s my Ol’ Lady. There ain’t nothing official that’s been decided, but I’m tired of you looking at her like you want to see her naked.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “So, she ain’t your Ol’ Lady?”
I crossed my arms in a mimicking fashion. “Define Ol’ Lady.”
“Ol’ Lady, motherfucker. An Ol’ Lady is an Ol’ Lady. Are you claiming her, or is she free game?”
“She ain’t free fuckin’ game,” I hissed. “I can tell you that much.”
“Then she’s your Ol’ Lady.” He lowered his arms. “Why didn’t you just say so?”
I looked at Baker.
He shrugged. “He’s right. If she’s not free game, she’s your Ol’ Lady.”
I turned toward Tito. “Damn, son. You’re being quiet. Oh, wait.” I chuckled as I slapped my hand against his arm. “You can’t talk, can ya? Or eat barbeque. Maybe Goose’ll make you a smoothie. How’s that coming along, anyway?”
He nodded.
“Saw you over at the neighbor’s house last night,” I said. “You poke that shit yet, Brother?”
He glared.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
He pulled his phone from his pocket, tapped his fingers against the screen, and then pointed it at me.
DIDN’T TAKE YOU LONG TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
He typed another message, and then poked the phone in my face.
BAKER SAID SHE’S YOUR OL LADY AND YOU STFU. EMBARRASSED?
“We were done talking about it,” I said. “At least I answered the question. You poke your pork in that neighbor’s twat yet?”
He pecked at the phone, then turned the screen to face me.
AN ASIAN ELEPHANT WEIGHS TWICE THAT OF AN AFRICAN FOREST ELEPHANT, 12,000 POUNDS
I chuckled. “It’s gonna be like that, huh?”
He nodded.
“That’s fine,” I said with a laugh. “She’ll tell me. She comes over and gets all jacked up on wine and spills her guts. Hell, I’ll just walk across the street and ask her tonight.”
He pushed his phone into his back pocket and shrugged.
“Food will be ready in about fifteen,” Goose said. “Smoked ham, smoked ribs, and smoked pork loin. The ham’s uncured, I think you’ll like it.”
“I’m ready,” I said. “Haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
“Why the fuck not?” Ghost asked.
I grinned. “Been busy doing other shit.”
He glanced at Kimberly, who was still talking to Andy, and then looked at me with both brows raised. “That gal’s gonna give you a heart attack.”
I chuckled. “Not if I give her one first.”
“She’s good people?” he asked.
I gave a nod. “She wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t.”
His eyes narrowed. “Is she built for this shit?”
“You find out who the tough guy in the bar is when someone comes in with a gun,” I said. “Time will tell, I guess.”
He patted me on the shoulder. “I suppose you’ll find out. Sooner or later.”
I tossed my empty beer bottle and grabbed another from the ice bin. When I returned to the deck, Reno and Baker were gone. I searched the yard and spotted Reno talking to Kimberly and Baker talking to Andy.
Fifteen minutes earlier, it would have bothered me to see Reno with Kimberly. After Baker’s determination that she was my Ol’ Lady, I knew he’d be respectful of her, and of me.
“Been trading off with Tito listening to that guy in Encino,” Ghost said. “He’s an interesting fucker.”
“How so?”
“He finances a pot farm in Colorado, owns a car dealership in Kansas, and runs a card game in LA. Game costs five hundred grand to get a seat. Sounds like he has everyone from ball players to politicians playing poker. Then, he sells smack on the side. No wonder he beats the drug charges. Prick’s probably got the cops on his payroll. Prick only leaves his home about once a year, and that time is coming up in about a week.”
I glanced toward Kimberly, and then looked at Ghost. “We going to hit him?”
“Baker’s gonna decide after Tito gives him the transcripts. If so, it’ll be while he’s out of town. Next week, late, is what it sounds like.”
“Gonna be big?” I asked.
“Not as big as that diamond dealer, but it’ll be close.”
I sipped my beer and gazed out into the yard. Kimberly stood beside a deck positioned in the middle of Goose’s yard. She admired potted flowers while Reno babbled at her side.
Every now and again, she’d look up and smile.
“He’ll be fine,” Ghost said. “Don’t worry. He’s probably telling her about the money he lost.”
“Just afraid he’s going to say something stupid. He always says dumb shit when he’s drunk.”
He looked at him and chuckled. “He says some dumb shit, doesn’t he?”
I trusted Reno but viewed him differently than the rest of the fellas. He was an outsider that we’d allowed into the club. Although he’d been with us for a decade, I still felt he was earning his stripes. As the five of us had been together since childhood, I suspected Reno would always be playing catch up.
“Yeah,” I said. “He’s good at blowing shit up, but he’s bad at being subtle.”
“He doesn’t have a subtle bone in his body.”
I raised my beer bottle in mock toast. “Agreed.”
I was relieved to see Reno walk away from Kimberly, leaving her to talk to Baker and Andy. While she laughed at something Baker said, Reno meandered to where we stood.
After getting a beer, he stepped between us and took a drink. Then, he took another. Wearing a shitty smirk, he looked right at me and held my gaze the best his drunken eyes would allow.
“What?” I asked.
He twisted his mouth to the side and took another drink. “Can’t decide if I wanna tell ya.”
“Tell me what?”
He shrugged.
When everyone was drunk, it was always a good time. When one person was drunk and everyone else was sober, it made me wonder why any of us ever got drunk.
“Got good news and I got bad news,” he said. “Which you want first?”
Ghost chuckled. “Give him the bad news.”
; Reno teetered from side to side while he waited for me to respond.
“Bad news,” I said.
He glanced out at the yard. “It’s pretty bad.”
“I’m a big boy,” I said jokingly. “Let’s hear it”
“Found out the gal you’re fucking is a nigger,” he whispered. “Thought you’d want to know.”
It took an instant for what he said to register. When it did, my ears began to ring.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d blacked out, but it had happened in the past. When it did, the outcome was never favorable.
When things came back into focus, Ghost had me in a choke hold, and the sound of people screaming seemed to be coming from everywhere.
I glanced down. Reno was at my feet. Goose was leaning over him. Blood was splattered all over the wooden deck.
I raised my hands in surrender. “I’m done. Get your arm off my fuckin’ neck.”
Ghost released his grip. “You cool?”
I rubbed my neck. “I’m good.”
“God damn it, Cash,” Baker stepped onto the deck. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“He deserved it, Bake,” I said. “Cocksucker’s lucky I didn’t kill him.”
Baker pushed Goose to the side and looked Reno over. “Call an ambulance,” he shouted over his shoulder.
“Fuck,” Ghost said under his breath.
Baker stood and waved his hand toward Reno. “Look at him, Cash. You’re telling me he deserved that?”
Ghost cleared his throat. “Hate to say it, but you’d have done the same thing, Boss.”
“What’d he do?” Baker asked.
Standing just beyond the deck, Kimberly gawked at the group with wide eyes. Wide eyes that were filled with fear.
I looked at Ghost and shook my head. “Tell him later. When we’re gone.”
As I stepped off the deck, I slowly filled with regret over everything that had happened. From punching Tito to pummeling Reno, however, one thing had been made crystal clear. So clear that there was no denying it.
Kimberly meant more to me than I was readily willing to admit.
I had my doubts, however, that she’d be willing to continue. I could apologize all I wanted, but Baker was right.
A tiger couldn’t change its stripes.
TWENTY-SEVEN - Kimberly
Cash wasn’t simply the man I was fucking. The pain I felt proved there was much more to the relationship than that.
I ached.
The same mind-numbing pain that took possession of me after the death of my parents returned. As much as I loved the way Cash made me feel, I knew I couldn’t live a life with a man who used violence as a means of resolve. By his own admittance, he was the MC’s muscle.
It was his job to do just that.
Seeing it happen twice over a one-month period caused me to realize a lifetime of exposure to such violence would be more than I could handle. Each time the club required him to use his violent nature, the tables could easily turn. One day, he could be the man who was on the ground in a pool of blood. Continuing any kind of relationship with him would only prolong the inevitable. One day, he would be taken from me.
I knew I could handle another relationship.
I simply couldn’t handle another loss.
I stepped into the living room. “I think I want you to go.”
He lifted his hands and turned his palms to face me. “Give me a minute to explain,” he pleaded.
He hadn’t spoken in the ten minutes that had passed since the lop-sided fight. I didn’t know that I wanted him to, either. I wanted him to leave. Without argument or explanation. I hoped the pain I was feeling would leave with him.
“There’s nothing to explain,” I said dismissively.
“There is.” He lowered his head. “I just don’t know if I want to do it.”
“Well, I don’t want you to.”
He looked up. “Do you really want me to go?”
I didn’t. I wanted him to stay. To hold me. To lay in bed with my head on his chest. To sit and enjoy a meal together and talk about American history. To tell me of his Irish mother and listen to stories about how my father taught me to fish in the streams in northern California.
“Yes,” I said.
He took a few hesitant steps toward the door, and then paused. “I want you to know something before I go.”
A sigh escaped me. “I don’t want--”
He faced me. “I’ve never been scared of anything in my life. There’s a reason Baker chose me to be the club’s muscle. I’m either been too dumb or too damned tough to know what it’s like to fear something.”
He swallowed heavily. So much so, I heard it.
“Until tonight,” he said. “I’m scared to fuckin’ death that I’m going to lose you. The fact I’m willing to admit it scares me, too. You make me feel like there might just be a life beyond this.”
He raised his clenched fists and studied them. Dried blood covered his knuckles, and a trail of blood that had dried on his forearm blended in with one of his tattoos. His eyes shifted from his hands to me.
He appeared defeated.
The pain in my chest worsened. I wanted him so badly that it choked me from breathing. I simply didn’t know if I could live each day knowing that one night he might not come home.
“I want to find out what that life is like,” he said. “There’s only one way to do it and there’s only one person to do it with. That person’s you.”
He turned toward the door and pulled it open.
I wanted to tell him to stop. To turn around. That I was ready to take that journey with him, because I felt the same way.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I listened to him start his motorcycle and ride away.
As the sound of his exhaust faded into nothing, my eyes welled with tears.
The pain of knowing that I’d never feel him in my arms again began to squeeze me and didn’t stop until I was sure I was suffocating.
I sucked in a breath. The sudden rush of air choked me, causing me to cough. With the cough came tears.
I lowered myself to the floor and blubbered.
I cried until I was exhausted. Somehow, I eventually managed to stand. With swollen eyes and an aching heart, I glanced around the empty home. I couldn’t imagine sleeping in the bed without him at my side.
I fell asleep on the couch fearing I’d never be able to return to that bed.
Or, to Cash.
TWENTY-EIGHT - Cash
On my back in bed – staring at the ceiling – I held the phone far enough away from my ear that her voice wasn’t deafening. Being shouted at by a woman wasn’t on my list of favorite things to do, but I learned early in life to allow it.
“Tell me he’s going to be okay,” she said.
“They said he’ll be fine,” I said. “It’s mostly dental work.”
“You and those boys were always acting the maggot in school, but I never thought you’d do something so savage to anyone close to you,” she said, her voice thick with her Irish heritage. “Brock Cashton. I’m ashamed of you.”
“I’m ashamed of me, too, Ma.”
“You’re not a bogger any longer. You could get away with your foolishness here, but in the city, it’s different. If you end up in real trouble, I’ll come down there and give you a clatter myself. It’ll take more than a dentist to fix it, too. Don’t think I won’t.”
“I know you will.”
“Did Graham put you up to this?” she asked. “He was always a cute hoor, that one. I wouldn’t put it past him.”
“It wasn’t Baker, Ma. I did it on my own.”
“Care to tell your mother why you’re always a feckin’ chancer?”
“I’ve been seeing this girl, and she--”
“You’re what?” she shrieked. “You’re courtin’?”
“Not really.” I sighed.
“I nearly had a heart attack. Who is she?”
Considering her degree of e
xcitement, I didn’t have the heart to tell her Kimberly wasn’t speaking to me. Hoping that repair of my relationship was possible, I decided to explain who Kimberly was as if she were still active in my life.
“I’ve been seeing her for about a month,” I said. “Both of her parents passed from a car wreck ten years ago. She doesn’t have any family here, but she’s got some in Texas. She’s beautiful, smart, sweet, and she’s a great cook.”
“You need to bring her to meet your mother. I’ve been here on me tod since you left.”
“Ma, I’m trying to tell you what happened.”
“And, I’m trying to listen to you.”
“This new guy, he’s always getting drunk and saying dumb shit. This girl I’ve been seeing is biracial. Her father was black, and her mother was white. This new guy found out, and he called her a nigger. That’s why I hit him.”
“Brock Cashton!” she bellowed. “You can’t beat sense into someone. He’s entitled to his opinion no differently than you. You don’t have to agree with how he thinks, but beating him over his belief makes you the worse man…”
“Ma, he--”
“Houl yer whisht,” she snapped. “I wasn’t finished speaking.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“If he believes the color of her skin makes her different than him, all you can do is show him he’s wrong. Is she a good woman?”
“She is.”
“Is she polite? Respectful?”
“She is.”
“You have nothing to fear. Take her to him and let him see who she is. Let him make his own decisions, will ya? Hatred is a difficult thing to overcome, but ignorance is impossible. I’ll pray he’s filled with nothing more than hate.”
“He might be a little of both.”
She chuckled. “So might you, you feckin’ eejit.”
“I love you, too.”
“Apologize to your friend, and hope all isn’t banjaxed. Does this lass have a name?’
“Kimberly.”
“Bring Kimberly for dinner, will ya?”
“First things first, ma. I need to apologize to Reno.”
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