"We wouldn't dare." Mickey said.
"Would we ever!" I said then kicked off my Vans, picking them up and setting them on the bench next to Mickey's Adidas high-tops.
"Oh… my… God, your feet are so small." Mickey squeaked, so I hit him.
"Aw!" Morgan cooed, I hit him as well. "What size are you?"
"No! Shut up. Leave me alone." I squeaked at the both of them, being too distracted to stop Mickey picking up my shoes and turning them upside down.
"A five!" Mickey declared, "that's too adorable." He added, I punched him just a bit harder.
"I have female feet. It's a sensitive subject." I whined, crossing my arms and making Mickey laugh as he placed my vans back on the bench.
"You can have my elevens, if you want." Mickey said, I looked at him rolling my eyes.
"My nines might be more approachable." Morgan whispered, making me laugh before he swapped our shoes for the iconic uncomfortable bowling shoes. It took three gutter balls for us to admit that we had to put the bumpers up.
"The big balls are too heavy." I said, standing by the ball rack thing, waiting for my small ball to return.
"Excuse me!" Morgan said, so I looked at him then began laughing.
"BOWLING balls." I stated before a blue ball was held in front of me, I looked at Mickey who grinned at me then stepped out of the way to let me bowl.
We had a major debate between our two bowling games whether we were going to use my ID to get alcohol, we decided not to in the end and all went for soft drinks.
"Alright Mick, we can't lose to Casey, again." Morgan stated, Mickey laughed then bit his straw.
"I always lose to Casey, since he appeared, I don't win anymore." He said, I laughed.
"You used to win?" I asked, he scoffed at me before picking up the bowling ball.
"Tell me about Isabelle." I said as a box of chips were placed in front of me.
"No." Morgan said, so I groaned at him.
"Is she Irish?" I asked, he stared back at me, telling me I was an idiot with his look. "No then, I'm going with no." I said mostly to Mickey who sat with a hot dog and a slushie.
"No, she used to be in youth group with me." He said, "We got together when we were sixteen then she moved away with her family to do college and uni. Happy?" He asked, I nodded slowly.
"What's she like?" I asked then looked at Mickey, he shook his head.
"I've never met her; he won't let me."
"He's your best friend." I said, pointing at Mickey, Morgan shrugged.
"So, he's not meeting Iz." He said, "I can't tell you what my girlfriend is like, because obviously I'm going to be like she is amazing." He stated, Mickey laughed.
"Oh yeah, because I'd say that about Casey," he said, I gasped.
"Rude." I said, making him laugh. "I gush about you. My Mum thinks you're the light of my life." I said and got a handful of chips thrown at me.
"You're not meeting Iz either." Morgan stated.
"RUDE!" I repeated, making them both laugh.
"To be fair, he doesn't meet my boyfriends." Mickey said, I frowned, "well, I didn't know him when I had my first boyfriend, my second went to a different school to us and well, you're just this strange exception." He said.
"You're the weirdest best friends ever." I stated, making them both laugh. "But happy to be the strange exception. I accept that." I said nodding, although the nod went on for too long.
"Arcade!" Morgan declared, and that stopped my too long nod, and started a quicker one.
"I am the smallest." I said whilst collecting the pillow and duvet I was being offered.
"You're also the newbie." Morgan said, "newbie law dictates you get the floor." He continued, I looked at Mickey who was perched on his designated couch, hugging his knees to his chest, a smirk on his face, he apparently got more attractive the longer I knew him.
"You get the floor." Mickey said then grinned, so I sulked whilst throwing my duvet and pillow down then sitting on it as Morgan turned the light out.
I was impressed, usually I fell asleep straight away, I was like a parrot, as soon as it goes dark, I go to sleep. I didn't tonight. Morgan fell first, I could tell, even though I was laying looking at the ceiling, I warily sat up and I heard Mickey's laugh.
"He is asleep." Mickey whispered, I grinned, "newbie rule does not exist when the host is asleep." He whispered, I covered my mouth as I laughed, "come on over, there's room." He said then lifted the duvet, so I raised my eyebrow at him, "Well?" He whispered then shuffled about in the duvet until I could actually move. I stood, took a step and froze because Morgan moved, so I looked at Mickey mouthing 'shit' as I did, he laughed, although his laugh seemed jagged.
"Shh." I heard from Mickey. "He's still asleep." He added, so I began to creep, trying to be as quiet as I could until my knee collided with his coffee table, sending a can flying. "Case-eeeeey." Mickey moaned, I laughed again, having to hold my stomach because it hurt to laugh with no sound.
"I bet when we wake up, that was your can." I said, pointing at him, he grabbed a hold of my arm, pulling me and making me fly through the air and land on top of him then he grinned up at me.
"That worked." He murmured then deposited me next to him, so I had my back against the couch and his chest flush against mine, we took a moment to fully appreciate this position before he covered me with the duvet.
"What do you have planned for me then?" I whispered and heard the click in his throat as his reply. "You intend to be naughty?"
"Hardly." He whispered, I smirked.
"How unfortunate, I was looking forward to it." I murmured, I saw his eyebrows raise even through the dark, then turned his head because Morgan moved again.
"Shit, why can't he just be asleep?" He whispered, I almost giggled whilst burying my head in his shoulder.
"Can we go back to naughty stuff?" I whispered.
"I didn't think you'd be so sexual." He whispered, I tutted at him.
"Why?"
"Trans." He whispered, and I could just about see his wide eyes and 'obviously' expression on his face.
"So, I'm gay and trans. I'm not asexual, God I'm not asexual." I said, he laughed, "just because you're not allowed in my pants, doesn't mean I can't ask for entry into yours." I continued.
"Fuck." He breathed, I grinned then looked over his shoulder as Morgan moved again.
"So? Or do I have to speak parsel tongue."
"Parsel tongue?"
"To get into your Chamber of Secrets?"
"Oh Casey, no, no Casey no." He said, too loudly, Morgan groaned, we both swore. "Why so horny?" He whispered; I shook my head at him.
"Duh, boy." I said, "I'm a boy in a makeshift bed, with the most attractive being I've ever seen, what do you think?" I said, I saw his grin, "I'll let you have that ego boost, just once." I added, resting my finger against his chin, feeling the soft prickles of his beard.
"Not even most attractive boy, most attractive being." He repeated, sounding cocky, I groaned at him. "Go on, enjoy my nether region."
"Ew. So unsexy." I replied, but still slid my hands into his pants.
"Casey!" He squeaked.
"What? My hands were cold." I replied, trying to sound innocent.
"I know. They're freaking freezing." He replied then began laughing, which made me laugh as well before he kissed me. He kissing me made me remove one of my hands and slide it into his hair, he groaned against my moan.
I wished I could get an erection.
I was almost too tired to function, I'd decided I was far too tired to function and it was technically my fault, so I used Mickey's bed for my own gain and fell onto it, snuggling into a pillow.
"Can I ask you some questions?" Mickey almost whispered, so I looked towards him, watching as he changed his clothes, he was topless when he asked, so I took in his chest, I took in the line of hair that lead towards his waistband, I took in how his chest looked, it almost made me jealous.
"Sure." I replied then watched as he rem
oved his pants, changing into jogging bottoms, before he came and lay opposite me, laying on the pillow next to me so I had to look down at him, as he looked up at me.
"It's about last night." He whispered, I frowned.
"We didn't do anything last night." I replied, keeping my voice the same volume as he did, "Well, you warmed up my hands and we kissed, other than that."
"I know, I know, but I figured I enjoyed it." He said.
"I felt that you enjoyed it." I replied, he laughed.
"No, I mean, I'd like to do it again or maybe do more. But I mean, until last night I didn't even know you had a sex drive, so…" He said then looked down, his eyes trailing down my body, "I figure you must have boundaries." He said, I nodded.
"I have a lot of boundaries." I said then cringed, "but I get really horny as well." I said then looked at him, "I can be honest with you right? You won't get childish about it."
"I promise." He replied, "if I giggle, you can refuse to tell me more." He said, I nodded, closed my eyes to inhale then I looked at him.
"My injection really makes my sex drive act up, so I have as many urges as most guys our age, the problem I have is I don't really have an outlet for it." I said then met his eyes. "Like I wouldn't feel comfortable enough to touch myself. I can barely look down there." I said then swallowed.
"Is it that bad?" He asked, I nodded.
"It makes me really sad, and really angry at the same time. Until I had my chest toned, I felt like that too. I mean I still won't really go topless. I'm happy with how my chest turned out, but, topless is just a push too far right now." I explained, he bit his lip, "but either way, I can't get rid of the energy appropriately, which is beyond frustrating."
"So, you're an eighteen-year-old, sexually frustrated gay." He said, I laughed whilst resting my forehead on his.
"Basically, yes." I replied, he laughed very briefly. "With you." I said then nudged him with my nose, "I'd say, well, you've probably guessed, I'm very happy to lick your tonsils." I said, he nodded, whilst grinning, "but you will never get in my pants. After the surgery I'll let you know but until then, no."
"I completely understand that." He said then nodded. "You can go in my pants if you'd like."
"Thank you." I said, half-jokingly. "The only slight problem with that is the fact you have what I want." I said then sighed, "which sounds ridiculous. Sometimes I'll be able to follow through and fool around with you. Sometimes I won't even want to feel it, other times I might just want to look at it." I said and felt the blush on my cheeks instantly.
"That's okay too." He said, so I nudged him with my nose again, mostly because I couldn't put into words how incredible he was.
"It won't be for long, soon I'll have my own to play with." I said, he laughed whilst lifting his head and rubbing his nose against mine. "Any other part of my body, I'd say I'm happy for you to touch, really. Just…"
"Pants is a no-go zone." He said then nodded as if confirming that fact.
"And I probably won't be getting changed in front of you any time soon." I said, "some things are just difficult." I added, he nodded, "thank you for not getting up and running in the other direction." I said, "especially when you found out." I added, he kissed me again.
"I wouldn't." He said then smiled, "you had me wrapped around your little finger from your first day." He added whispering slightly, I buried my head into his shoulder and kissed his neck. "Are you tired?" He whispered lightly, I hummed back at him as I decided his neck was the warm and dark place that I needed for sleep.
"We can't sleep too long." He continued to whisper, so I continued to hum. "You're not listening to me anymore are you?" He asked, I shook my head, he laughed, "fine, I'll wake you up for lunch." He said, I kissed his neck again, making him laugh.
⚧
6 Weeks to Go
There is a picture that sits in our hallway of Abi, it's a massive canvas that takes up most of the wall and it is a nine-month old Abi sat with a big pink dress on, in front of a white background and she looks quite happy.
There is another white background picture of both Abi and I a bit further down the hallway, her still in the big pink dress and me in a white shirt and blue V-neck jumper. But this single picture that sat at the bottom of the stairs, was an almost identical replicator to a picture of me at nine months, down to the dress and all.
I used to sit at the bottom of the stairs and beg my Mum to take the picture down. Once I was old enough to know my true identity and knew I was a boy through and through, I begged whenever I was near my Mum and the picture was in view. The picture came to a nasty fate at a family party when I was eight, my older cousins were throwing a ball around the hallway waiting for another cousin of mine to come out of the toilet, when one threw too long, hitting the picture square on, tearing a hole in it and making it fall off the wall, I rejoiced.
My Mum scowled and swore I had something to do with it which surprisingly I didn't, I wasn't even involved in the game. Mum fell pregnant around the time I started in therapy, when we found out it was a girl, I joked with her that it was her second chance at a girl, she laughed along but I often thought she genuinely believed what I was saying to her and has therefore showered Abi in everything I ever kicked and screamed at.
The picture was one of the first she'd even taken of Abi that wasn't on a smartphone and was the first she'd ever taken of me as a boy. Mum cried at that photo session; my transition has proven to me that we're a very emotional family.
That picture of me was the only one she refused to take down when I asked, any other overly feminine baby pictures were removed within minutes of me asking, although most of the pictures from my childhood didn't include dolls or dresses, so I deemed them suitable to stay in the multi-frames that Mum seems to have an obsession with.
I was sat on the stairs looking at Abi encased in her pink parachute waiting for the doorbell to ring, I'd been sat on the stairs for at least fifteen minutes and if the doorbell rang now, he'd still be early.
"Scoot." I heard, so I turned then stood moving out of Mum's path as she carried the washing basket down the stairs. "Why are you waiting here?" She asked, I shrugged, "Casey."
"Mum." I replied, she rolled her eyes.
"I've got to pick Abi up from football." She said, "when did he say he was coming?"
"Ten minutes." I replied, she hummed.
"Can I trust you two alone in your bedroom?" She asked, raising her eyebrow at me, I tilted my head back at her. "Fine, fine, just trying to be a normal mother." She said, I choked.
"Normal." I repeated, "in what realm of possibility are you normal?" I asked.
"Rude." She stated then continued down the corridor to put the washing on, that was when the doorbell rang. I answered it far too quickly.
"You're early." I said, Mickey laughed.
"You were waiting." He replied, I rolled my eyes at him.
"Are you nervous about your house?" He asked, I pushed the front door open further, proving that I so wasn't. "Wow." He murmured, I let him in, noting that he took his shoes off by the door.
I thought of our new house as a show home, it was all clean cut with light brown laminate flooring, white walls and open-plan living spaces. There were no doors downstairs you could weave in and out of the living room, kitchen and back room without hesitation.
Every room was perfectly decorated, we have the wooden shapes that spelt out family on the fireplace’s mantle in the living room, there were of course candles either side. We had the sandy coloured couch and armchair and the little coffee table, everything looked like an IKEA catalogue’s page.
"Bedroom." I said, Mickey looked at me then smirked. "Stop." I added then pointed up the stairs, directing him into my bedroom, walking into his back as he stopped suddenly to take my room in, I let him, I decided to just walk around him instead.
"So why have you called me here today?" He asked, I frowned back at him, crossing my arms over my chest until he laughed, "I know I technically invited
myself." He added.
"You interrupted my relaxation day." I declared, he laughed.
"You look more masculine out of your uniform." He said, I frowned and looked down myself, I'd thrown on a baseball top and jogging bottoms.
"Are you trying to sweet talk me?" I queried, he laughed, I took a seat on my bed, he followed.
"Not sweet talk no." He replied, "I didn't think I needed to sweet talk you." He added, whilst running his hands over the knees of his jeans.
"Confident. Or is it cocky?" I said, he smirked.
"I came with a question." He said, "Two technically." He continued.
"About me?" I asked, he nodded.
"About you and for you."
"What was for me?" I queried.
"Do you want to make out?" He asked, I began laughing whilst also relaxing, that meant the question wasn't something like 'can we do this' or 'is this too weird'
"Yes." I replied, he grinned, "and about me?"
"It's about your surgery. I asked Morgan, and Morgan told me to man up and ask you myself." He said then looked at me, seeming concerning.
"What do you want to know about my surgery?"
"How do they do it?" He almost whispered, I bit my lip.
"Really?" I asked, he nodded, "how squeamish are you?"
"I guess we're about to find out." He replied, so I smiled at him.
"They basically take a skin graft from my forearm and use the skin to form a penis." I said, he shivered lightly.
"Doesn't it hurt?"
"Apparently it's like being hit by a bus." I said, "but I have a feeling the pain is worth it."
"Why your forearm?"
"It's one of the most sensitive parts of your body, along with your thigh. It means that when I'm ready to, I'll have feeling when I have sex."
"Shit, they can do that!" He exclaimed, I laughed, "do you get to choose your inches like? Can you decide that?" He asked as I fell onto my bed beside him, "can I choose it?" He added, I hit him.
"Mickey! Size doesn't matter."
"Let's be honest." He replied, I pulled him down so he'd lie next to me.
"I won't be able to get hard for a year." I said, he met my eyes, "they have to wait until there is feeling in it to inject it," another shiver, "so I can get an erection."
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