“But you’re comfortable around me.”
“Extremely so.” She replied, “genuinely, I knew both that you wouldn’t look and if you happened to see you would laugh.” She said.
“You’ve been laughed at?” I whispered.
“I was stealth to my friends.” She said, “Well, I say friends. We went to the bathroom; you know how girls go in groups and one got quite angry about the fact I wouldn’t let her in the cubicle with me. I got angry back because for God’s sake I want to pee in private.” She said, I nodded because I agreed.
“I came out to a different friend that night afterwards, when she was acting all soft with me acting as if it was okay what happened and I was right I needn’t feel bad.”
“Really?” I asked cautiously, she looked down.
“She went to the group and told them all quite openly that I had a penis and that was why I didn’t want them in the cubical.”
“That’s shit.” I said, she nodded.
“It was, I went home jumped in the first taxi I found and just went home.” She said, I cuddled closer to her making her laugh lightly.
“You should move down here.” I whispered, “come to university here, with me.” I said then yawned again although tried to hide it.
“I’ll think about it.” She whispered back.
I sat fascinated on my bed as I watched Aoife doing makeup, she kept glancing at me in her mirror, smiling to herself as she changed the piece of makeup she was using. She finished with her lips, looking over her shoulder at me once they were done. I smiled back. She was wearing a dress that stopped just above her knee, a full galaxy print over the dress, all orange and pink, she’d matched it with white Chuck Taylors.
“Intrigued sweetie?” She asked, I laughed.
“You’re fascinating to watch.” I replied, she smiled.
“I hope you meant that as compliment.”
“Oh nothing less.” I said, taking her hand, walking her out of my house and to the bus stop that’d take us to Mickey.
He was at the bus stop on the other end, just sat on the bright yellow bench, his head down and his headphones in. I stood for a moment, to take him in as I’d seen him in his actual own clothes on three occasions, I was frequently seeing him in school uniform and in a pair of pyjamas, so I just looked at him. He wore simply a t-shirt and jeans, with hi-top Vans and a leather jacket.
“You know it’s love when you think he looks amazing when he isn’t trying.” She whispered, I rolled my eyes at her and went to stand in front of Mickey, it took him a minute.
“Casey.” He said, looking up at me, he pulled me towards him to kiss me, I heard Aoife’s giggle so I hid because I was embarrassed, then he stood. “He told me how I pronounce your name and I’ve forgotten I’ll be honest.” He said, Aoife giggled, “I’ve been trawling Google for it for a while now.”
“Ee-Fa.” She replied, holding her hand out, he kissed the back of it winking at her, she practically melted, maybe Morgan had a point, introducing Isabelle to Mickey could end badly for him.
“So, you’re his girl-friend?” He asked, Aoife nodded.
“And yes, you should be worried about me.” She said, they both looked at me, I stuttered.
“Morgan. Where is Morgan?” I asked, Mickey laughed.
“He’s coming.” He said nodding, “he was just cramming some last minute business.” He added, whilst taking my hand, making me walk, Aoife soon fell into step beside me. “So, you guys go back to tween years.” Mickey said.
“We do indeed, we spent the awkward years together.” She said affectionately, I clutched my heart at her.
“She was my only friend, really.” I said.
“That’s almost sad.” Mickey said, “but then it’s like awesome, because look here she is. I also get it; Morgan was like my only friend until you came.” He said.
“Why?” Aoife asked, Mickey shrugged.
“Who knows? Maybe people didn’t want to be friends with the gay kid.” He said, I squeezed his hand, he squeezed mine back.
“I think it was your beard.” I said, Mickey gasped at me. “Repelling powers.” I added, Aoife laughed loudly and happily.
“Now, I’m guessing but is this quite attractive boy one of yours as well?” Aoife asked, I looked up then at Morgan.
“Oh yes, he belongs to me.”
“We need to talk Casey; I can’t be leaving you surrounded by such attractive men.” She stated.
“Aoife.” Morgan said, she smiled.
“Oh he’s Irish.” She whispered, I grinned as they shook hands.
“Pleasure.” He said, she battered her hand at him, “Casey told me lots about you, not one sentence was about how pretty you are.”
“Casey!” Aoife squeaked at me, “how dare you leave out that detail.”
“You’re ego’s big enough.” I replied, “besides Morgan’s got a girlfriend so I wouldn’t go there.”
“But try, do try because I want to see what Morgan does in moral conflict.” Mickey said, Morgan scowled him.
“It’s good of Casey to finally befriend cute straight boys.” She said, “far too many of his friends prefer males.” She said accusingly.
“And your problem with that is? I had to keep doing it until I got a boyfriend.” I said, she grinned as Mickey gasped behind me.
“Food?” Morgan said, “might be a good shout right about now? No?”
“Pizza.” I said, Aoife gasped at me.
“Pizza of course.” She said, I smiled noting Morgan and Mickey’s almost confused look, Mickey shook it off quite quickly when I tugged on his hand.
“Pizza is therapy food.” I said, he frowned again, Aoife smiled.
“If ever we went out after sessions it was for pizza, or to order pizza…”
“We made it once too.” I said, “that was quite therapeutic.” I said thoughtfully.
“That was the best pizza we had, to date.” She said, I looked back at Mickey.
“What?” I asked, after I’d noted his extra smug smile, he shook his head.
“It’s kind of nice seeing what you were like before you came here.” He said, I tilted my head, “not that you’re that different but you know.” He shrugged dramatically at me.
“Aoife’s nice.”
“Of course, she took pity on me.” I said, “I’m sure that’s why she’s still stuck around.”
“That and the fact he’s so emotional, it’s great makes me feel a bit better.” Aoife said, I rolled my eyes, “haven’t you noticed how all his story end with someone crying.”
“Told you.” Mickey said.
“I don’t like Aoife and Mickey as a pair.” I stated, Morgan shook his head.
“This was your call. They didn’t have to meet.” He said simply, “you brought this upon yourself.” He said as he opened the door to the pizza restaurant.
It was a nice restaurant, very clean cut and big and there weren’t many people around, given that it was a Tuesday afternoon during school time. We were seated quite quickly, ordered two pizzas between us then sat with our drinks.
“So, as this is the prime question for current eighteen year olds...” Morgan said, Aoife raised a curious eyebrow at him.
“University?” He asked, she laughed.
“I have a few ideas floating around, a few offers here and there.” She said, he nodded.
“What do you want to study?” Morgan asked.
“Veterinary science.” She replied.
“That’s amazing.” He said, she nodded.
“I’ve always wanted to be a vet or work with animals at very least, I’ve had a few offers, one is for here, unconditional. So we’ll see what September brings.” She said, looking at me, I grinned back at her, “what are you doing sweetheart?” she asked Morgan.
“Business.” He said, she seemed intrigued, “I… just like business.” He said, although sounded shy.
“You’re good at it I presume?” Aoife said, Morgan shrugged, “good luck.” She sai
d, grinning at him, he smiled back.
“I’m quite excited. I’ve been accepted, already but Isabelle has just been accepted onto her course too, so we…”
“Can live together.” Mickey said, Morgan nodded.
“Isabelle’s his girlfriend.” I said, Aoife began nodding.
“Remember there’s two things that begin with S, the most important one is…”
“Yeah, yeah study I know.” Morgan said, Aoife tutted at him.
“No, no sex.” She said then winked at him as he laughed into his drink. “And what are you thinking of doing?” She asked Mickey, I looked at him as he played with his glass.
“Maths.” He said, “conditional offer here and there.” He shrugged, “might push it back a year though, take a year off, don’t think I’m quite ready to go to Uni yet.”
“Maths, you must be clever.” She said, I nodded.
“He’s so clever it’s scary… especially given he doesn’t look it.” I said, he didn’t seem too amused by that, Aoife giggled as our pizzas came.
“If you don’t think it’s rude, I’m just going to go to find the bathroom before we eat.” Mickey said, we all nodded to him as he stood and went on a search.
He had to fight for a piece of pizza when he returned, I slid a little closer to him when he got back to the table.
“Is there a disabled?” I whispered; he shook his head then frowned.
“Well there must be, but not where I went.” He whispered back, I whined lightly, “it was just a toilet you know.” He said, I frowned, “just one toilet, behind a door with a man on.”
“Really?” I asked, he nodded.
“I’ll go with you sweetheart.” Aoife said, I glanced at her, “well I need to go and freshen up my makeup don’t I.” She said, I took her hand, walking her around the table then not letting go as we walked across the restaurant, it struck me as stupid about halfway, but I didn’t let go, I didn’t want to.
“Aoife.” I said, she shook her head.
“I get it sweetie, I do.” She said, I sighed, “I never used the girl’s until I got my new special underwear. I understand more than you’ll ever know.” She said, squeezing my hand slightly.
“There’s nothing to be scared of.” I said mostly to myself. “It’s a toilet, not a urinal.” I added, she nodded.
“Exactly, exactly.” She said then kissed the back of my hand, “and there’s only one.”
“So, no one will know if I sit or stand.” I whispered, she nodded.
“Go on Casey.” She said, letting go of my hand so I did, although I paused before pushing the door open, I glanced at Aoife as she pushed the door she was going through open so I did.
I stood on the other side of the door, slid the lock over then exhaled because Mickey and Aoife were right, it was just a toilet, I could work with that, that was actually ideal. I jumped out of my skin as I washed my hands as someone knocked on the door, I panicked, drying them on my jeans and opening the door keeping my head down as I walked past him.
“Sorry mate.” He said, as he caught the door once I’d opened it, I glanced up slightly, “didn’t realise someone was in there.” He said, I shrugged.
“No worries.” I said as I stepped aside as he went in.
“You passed.” Aoife whispered, I looked at her, “using both the men’s and not being called out, you passed.” She said, I high-fived her. “That is an ice cream achievement right there.” She said, I grinned at her, which obviously didn’t drop by the time we got back to the table, Mickey almost cheered, as I sat back beside him.
“Told you, one day you’ll pee like a boss.” He said, I shook my head at him as the dessert menus were given to us.
“Such motivation.” Aoife said, “I think I want a Mickey.” She said.
“Kaiden could be a Mickey.” I replied, she kicked me under the table and my God it hurt.
“What?” Morgan said, I shook my head.
“Don’t she kicks and she hurts.” I said as I rubbed my shin, I glared at Mickey as he began to giggle, it didn’t stop his giggle at all.
Aoife seemed to bond with Morgan, so we let them walk ahead, Morgan leading the way to the train station to take Aoife back home. I held back with Mickey, earning his leather jacket because I’d shivered and he felt it necessary, so I cuddled closer to him.
“Did I upset you when I said you didn’t look as if you’d be that clever?” I whispered, he laughed deeply into my ear.
“No. Besides, you were just showing off in front of your friend.” He whispered back; I rolled my eyes. “You didn’t upset me at all.” He said, I looked up. “Honest.” He added, so I kissed him, ensuring he stopped walking as I cupped his cheek, he laughed into my mouth slightly.
“You can snog later.” Aoife said, I turned my head to look at her, “although I know it’s been difficult not being attached all afternoon.”
“You have no idea.” Morgan said, Aoife smiled as she put her hand out to me, so I went to her, letting her walk me ahead of them. I looked over my shoulder, seeing Morgan waiting for Mickey quite amused as he walked towards him.
“I can’t believe I didn’t ask the important question.” She said, as she wrapped my arm around hers, holding onto my hand.
“The important question?” I repeated, she nodded.
“Sex?”
“No.” I said quickly then coughed, “not yet, I can’t, I couldn’t. We have fooled around though.”
“Oh my.” She said, looking over her shoulder at Mickey, “I can imagine that to be truly satisfying.” She said, I grinned. We waited for her train with her, it wasn’t too far away, so we sat, looking at the little board that had all the destinations on it.
“I’ll be back after your surgery. Of course.” She said, I nodded, “I’ll come and visit you.”
“Thank you.” I said, whilst hugging her, “I’ll keep in touch better, I’ve been a bit of a crappy friend.”
“Yes, but I won’t hold it to you.” She said, grinning at me before she hugged Mickey, then Morgan. “You two look after my Casey you hear? If I hear anything that tells me otherwise there will be big trouble.” She stated, they both nodded. “I’m glad he’s finally got some decent friends for once.”
“Aoife.” I said, she blew a kiss to me, so I blew one back.
“I’ll see you very soon. Let me know how your surgery goes, whether it’s through you or Mickey… I need to know.” She said, I nodded, smiling at her as she waved then walked to the platform, putting her big headphones on as she went.
⚫⚫⚫
“What’s your thoughts on you doing this from now on?” Mum asked, as I sat on my bed watching her as she put together the pieces of the needle.
“Don’t you want to do it anymore?” I asked.
“It’s not a case of want, Casey.” She said, I shrugged. “You’re eighteen, I thought you might want to start doing this like this without me.” She said, I shrugged.
“I can do it if that’s what you mean.” I said, “I mean it’s not too difficult.” I said simply then frowned, “why? What’s changed?”
“Nothing has changed.” She said simply, “but I do think we should start talking about University.” She said, I shook my head, “you don’t want to go?”
“Of course I want to go, I just didn’t really think I was moving out.”
“But you do realise Thursday nights will forever be a night in.” She said, I shrugged.
“Not completely.” I said, “I could talk to a doctor, see about changing how I take T.” I said, “you can have it in patches, in tablets or I could just go to the three month injection.” I said,
I had been accepted into University, conditionally, depending upon my exam results, which was truly the reason I hadn’t just given up school although had thought about it. But University had been pushed way, way back in my mind, I would have the surgery then I’d worry about that, my parents seemed to have accepted that, at least I thought they had. “I was…” I began then shook my
head.
“Casey.”
“I was considering taking a gap year.” I said, glancing up at her, she frowned very softly. “I don’t know, I thought about it and I’ll probably be still in recovery after surgery. and I wouldn’t be able to handle going out drinking just yet. I mean, I could but I’d be wary I might become reliant on it again.” I said then sighed. “I was ignoring University until it was too late.”
“You don’t have to go Casey. You know that.” She said.
“I didn’t.” I said, “I thought I had to go, especially given I already had a conditional place.”
“No, no Casey, if you were unhappy you should’ve mentioned it.” She said, I rolled my eyes.
“I wasn’t unhappy.” I said simply, “at all if anything this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. I figure I do want to go at some point just not in the next few months.”
“Then don’t.” She said simply, I nodded, “you will have to get a job though.” She said, I shook my head.
“Unfair.” I replied, “can I just get over surgery first?”
“Yes of course but although this is currently the biggest countdown of your life, remember living goes on after surgery.” She said, I looked at her. “You go to Uni or you get a job, you do not sit at home all day and do nothing.” She said, I pouted she ran the cold cotton bud over my thigh so I’d jump. “Think it over Casey.” She said before she injected me, I sighed very slightly, watching as she pressed the top of the needle.
⚧
1 Week to Go
I think I was starting to like Mickey's bed more than my own, it was far softer and warmer than my own, it was also twice the size. So, as I sat between the two pillows hugging my knees to my chest, it felt as if the bed went on for miles. I was focusing in his whiteboard, he'd written our result day on it, alongside the last day of school, but I was trying to read the little scribble in the corner, I could tell it was a date but I couldn't tell much more.
"Okay?" He asked, I blinked and turned to look at him, seeing he'd returned to his bedroom with pyjama pants on, his boxer waistband showing over the top of them and topless.
"Oh." I replied, he looked concerned.
"Do you want me to put clothes on? I'm happy too, I don't want to make you sad." He said, I smiled.
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