14 July.
A woman was spotted out past curfew last night. The guards were going to enjoy her before the arrest, but I happened to catch sight of her before they could. She was a pretty thing.
I set her up in my wife’s room. It’s empty for now, anyway.
I think they will be great friends. The girl calls herself Julia, and it seems she likes to cry as much as my wife once did. She’ll learn to love me, just as they all do.
Yesterday, we hung 13 people at the public showing. At this rate, I’ll have nobody left to rule if the people don’t start obeying orders. You’d think it would be simple to bite one’s tongue, but apparently, it’s not.
Oh well. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the weekly show.
Perhaps we’ll add another on Thursdays, as well.
We shall see.
A.
Hunter shut the book and felt himself shiver. He’d spent weeks reading an entry or two each night, and yet he couldn’t manage to get over the casual tone of the compound’s leader as he discussed slaughtering civilians.
He knew he had made a good decision when he opened the journal. A reminder of the monster he was planning to take out was all he needed. He put the journal to the side and began drawing out plans for their attack. This time, when they went after him, Governor Alan would not be making it out alive.
***
Rain sat at the back corner of the little room and watched Kayla talk to the children. As it turned out, the nursery wasn’t just for little ones. Children came in and out of the nursery up until twelve years old. Since it was new, a system hadn’t been put in place for what happened after, so that was left up to the parents.
A little girl of about two years old ran up to Rain and raised her hands up. She had curly strawberry hair, freckled cheeks, and brilliantly green eyes.
Rain happily lifted her into her arms. The little girl sat there content as Rain gently bounced the child on her knee.
Kayla seemed to be wrapping things up for the day.
“That’s what we’re trying to do here at the Resistance. We’re trying to rebuild, to protect, and to find a way to take back our homes.”
A young boy raised his hand. “How did the Resistance start?”
Kayla smiled. “Well, many, many years ago, before the Fall, there was a man who wanted to help save our land. He was trained to protect it, and that made him an enemy of the UNR. They weren’t the UNR, yet, though, they were pretending to be something else.”
“What does UNR mean?” a little voice piped in.
“Hm, I actually don’t…”
“Union for National Reform,” Rain answered. “At least, according to them that’s what it means.”
Kayla smiled and nodded to her. “They lied to the people and pretended that they were good, that they were helping, and the people believed them. They gave them power, but this man, he knew differently.”
Rain found herself listening intently, having never heard this story for herself. In the districts, they were told that the people had chosen to put the UNR in power, that they willingly gave up their country for the greater good of the people.
It all sounded fishy to Rain, but she’d never truly known the truth. She wondered if anyone did. Either way, she trusted what was being discussed by the Resistance far more than what was being indoctrinated by the UNR.
The little girl in her arms leaned against her shoulder, and Rain adjusted her arms accordingly.
“After the Fall, this man escaped one of the compounds. He ran for miles and made a home for himself and his wife in the forest. There, they had a baby boy.” The children’s stares were intense. Rain’s probably was, too, though.
“This man, he trained that boy from the time he was little.” Kayla tapped her finger against the nose of a small boy sitting in front of her. “Littler than you.” The children giggled. “He taught him outlawed ways of fighting, how to use advanced weapons that the UNR had banned long before the Fall, how to fight back and sneak and hunt. Then, after years of it just being the three of them, they found others.”
Rain wanted to smile at the “oohs” and “ahhs” that came from the children, but she was too busy holding in her own.
“The men joined together and began planning to fight back, only the UNR found them. Most of them were killed, including that man who started it all. But, his son took that training and brought it right to us. And that’s how he started the Resistance.”
Were they talking about Hunter?
“Are we gonna fight one day?” another boy asked.
Kayla smiled and shrugged. “Maybe. Probably. I’d like to believe that by the time you’re old enough, we won’t have to fight anymore. Maybe by then, we’ll have won.”
“How do we win?” A little girl, this time.
Kayla tilted her head to one side, then the other. Then, she shrugged. “Our leaders will know. We have to trust them. Enough for today, kiddies! Let’s get going!”
The children began running this way and that, grabbing their belongings and finding their parents waiting for them in the hallway. A man walked up to Rain, with a familiar shade of strawberry colored hair.
“I see she fell asleep,” he said.
Rain looked to the child in her arms and chuckled. “Oh! I guess she did.”
He leaned down and lifted her from Rain’s arms, mouthing a thank you as he leaned her against his shoulder and strolled out of the room.
Rain took a deep inhale and slowly released it. Once the room was finally emptied, Kayla approached her.
“What do you think?”
Rain leaned forward in her chair. “You’re amazing with them.”
Kayla laughed and turned away. Then she looked back to Rain, face glowing. “Do you want to have kids one day? I saw you cuddling up with little Rosie.”
“Oh, gosh,” Rain started. “Me? No. Definitely not.”
Kayla nodded as she began tidying up the room. “I hear you. I never understood how anyone could want kids in a world like this, but after all the time I’ve spent with these little ones, I don’t know. Maybe there’s hope, after all!”
“Well.” Rain shifted, bringing a hand to her chest. “It’s not really that.”
“Oh?” Kayla asked, pausing from her work and giving Rain her full attention. “Then what?”
Rain let out a sigh, lifting her shoulders before dropping them in defeat. “I can’t have children. I, uh, I got hurt pretty badly and it just… I just can’t have them. Even if I wanted to.”
She felt moisture well in her eyes, but shoved it down. When she first found out from the doctor back in her prison, she was relieved. She didn’t want to bring a child into the world at all, let alone with that monster as its father.
Now, though, with Hunter… for some reason, the idea of being incapable of giving him that made her sad. She would never get pregnant, never bear a child, never right the wrongs of her parents by showing a baby the life she’d never had but had always wished for.
Maybe her not having a child was her way of righting those wrongs. Maybe there was no way to do it the right way in this world that was all wrong.
Kayla’s hand on Rain’s shoulder snapped her from her thoughts. “Did you hear me?”
“Uh, sorry,” Rain said. “What did you say?”
“I said that everyone needs a job. It’s a requirement here at the Resistance.”
Okay… Rain thought to herself. “And?”
“Do you want to work here with me? I could use the help and-”
“Of course,” Rain answered, not needing any further coercion. “Of course I want to work here!”
Kayla surged forward and threw her arms around Rain’s shoulders. She was surprised by the action, but quickly gathered herself and returned the embrace. For the first time in her life, Rain had a friend.
The two of them finished tidying up the nursery and left the room, walking towards the center of HQ where the meetings were held and where the most people g
athered. She felt good again, and she felt good to have a new purpose here.
“How was the supply run?” Kayla asked as they walked.
Rain felt involuntary tingles throughout her body as she thought of all the places Hunter had touched. “It was good.”
“You left hating Hunter and came back giddy. I assume our wonderful leader made amends?”
Rain smiled. “He certainly did.”
They continued to walk in silence.
After a moment, Kayla placed a hand on Rain’s forearm and spun her towards her so that they were facing each other.
“I know what you’re doing, and I need to tell you… don’t do it.”
Rain felt her face scrunch up in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“You can’t fall in love with him.”
Rain’s stomach knotted inside of her and lifted up into her throat. “Excuse me? I’m not fa-”
“I know what you’re doing, Rain. I know how easy it is.” Kayla looked to the floor. “Believe me, I get it.” Her eyes rose back to Rain’s. “You’ll see all the amazing parts of them, because there are so many amazing things about these guys, about Hunter. I adore Hunter, I know what a great man he is, but I also know what it means to be a leader in this place. I’ve seen what it does to them. All of them.”
Rain bit her lip and waited for Kayla to continue.
“They’ll be sweet and kind and make you feel safe, and you’ll see a future with them. But there is no future, Rain. Not for any of us. Not if we distract them from what they need to be doing. It’s selfish.”
Silence hung between them, filling the air with tension.
“Which one of them broke you?” Rain asked.
Kayla looked down. “They’re incapable of forming bonds, of falling in love, of wanting more than just fighting. They’ve seen too much, they just can’t do it. I can’t blame them. It just is what it is, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Thank you for your concern.” Rain turned and continued walking, a million thoughts playing out in her head. Just as she went to enter into the main room, she turned towards Kayla, who lacked her usual enthusiastic smile. “For the record, I’ve seen Sawyer look at you. He’s not incapable, he’s just pretending he is.”
She walked out of the room and sighed as she wondered how long it would be before things fell apart again.
***
27 July.
Julia has been providing me with wonderful entertainment lately. What a lovely distraction from my still missing wife.
The prison camp almost had an uprising two days ago, but my public executions have been working. Prisoners were too scared to join in, and guards quickly took out the small group of rebels.
Rats in a cage.
I told them that I’d take their good behavior into consideration when thinking about release. The fools believed it. They should know by now that there is no release.
Anywho… all things are in check. The Commander comes in tomorrow to discuss future conquests. Perhaps we’ll finally be able to recover from the cyber shutdown and regain control of the countryside.
Time will tell.
If my wife does not return to me within the week, I will have no choice but to send a party out. She’ll pay for the time wasted.
A.
Hunter sighed and shut the book, bringing his hand to his chin and rubbing the stubble that was there. All the intel that they had on the governor, and they’d never had anything about a wife. Hunter’s mind starting spinning stories, stories that he should’ve never given thought to.
He placed the journal on his desk and blew out the candles he had been using. They had light bulbs, but for whatever reason, Hunter preferred the candlelight. Perhaps it was his mother’s preference living on through him.
He walked down the hallway, intent on making it to his bedroom and calling it a night. He’d outlined a promising attack plan that coincided perfectly with an excursion the governor would be going out on.
Everything was perfect. They just needed to execute it properly. And hope that their intel was reliable.
Hunter snuck a shortcut and cut across a thin, dark hallway. There were no lights in there, but that didn’t matter when he knew where he going. At the end of the hall, he found a door, which opened up to his hallway. Much better than crossing through the main room.
While Hunter was walking toward his room, he noticed that Rain’s door was slightly ajar, a light coming from inside it. He walked to the door and found her there, sitting on her bed with her hands knotted in her lap.
“Hey, there,” he said as he crossed the threshold so as not to frighten her.
She jumped a bit, then looked up at him and smiled. “Hi.”
“How was your day? Kayla being good to you?” Hunter strolled into the room and sat next to her on the edge of the bed. He put a good foot of space between them, dangerous thoughts still dancing through his mind.
“I’ve really enjoyed working with the little ones,” Rain said. “And Kayla is becoming a good friend.”
Hunter smiled. “Kayla is a great girl. I knew she’d be good to you.”
Rain shifted in her spot, head down as she wrung her hands in her lap. “Were you and Kayla ever…” she trailed off.
Hunter let out an obnoxious laugh. He threw an arm over Rain’s shoulder and pulled her into him. “Baby, no. Hell no. She might as well be my little sister.”
Rain laughed. Hunter couldn’t help but feel good that the thought of him being with somebody else seemed to bother Rain, because the thought of her with someone else made him damn near crazy.
That only led him back to his earlier thoughts. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t seem to force them from his mind.
He sighed and gave in. “You told me that you were sold by your parents to a man who tortured you.” He felt rage boiling beneath his skin just speaking the words. The thought of anyone hurting his Rain… “Who was it?”
Her eyes widened at his question. He stared into those gleaming green eyes and knew that he could get lost in them forever. But first… he needed to know the answer. Because everything inside of him thought that he already knew.
“Why are you asking me that?”
He breathed out in frustration, but held onto his composure. “Please, baby. Just tell me the truth. Tell me who he was.”
She looked down at her hands, biting her lip and driving him mad. He waited.
“He was a prison warden. His name was Joshua.”
Hunter should’ve felt relief, but he didn’t. He pushed further. “A prison warden? You’re sure?”
Now Rain looked offended. “I think I would know the man who spent years abusing me, Hunter.”
He felt her pain and immediately hated himself for pushing her. “I’m sorry, baby,” he said as he opened his arms to her.
She stared, as if thinking of all the reasons he deserved to be slapped in the face, and then finally sunk into his chest. He rubbed her back and muttered more apologies.
After a few minutes, she pulled back, her long lashes moist and her cheeks rosy.
“I don’t want to talk about my past. I don’t want to think about it.” Her voice sounded so fragile, and all he wanted to do was fix it. He wanted to erase her past for her, get rid of all the painful memories and give her a blank slate.
“I won’t bring it up again,” he promised.
She placed her hand on his jaw and smiled. “I just want to think about the future. With you.”
Hunter’s nerves returned. “Baby, don’t be doing that.” He pulled away a bit, not doing so consciously but doing it nonetheless.
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t think about a future with me. I can’t… I can’t promise you that.” His heart was so full that she wanted a future with him and so pained that he couldn’t give it to her.
He looked at her and saw her looking to the floor again. He just couldn’t do anything right tonight.
He moved in cl
oser to her on the bed and placed a hand on her knee, the other behind her back.
“I’m a fighter and I’m a killer, Rain. That’s what I am. I didn’t have a choice but that’s okay, because I’m doing the right thing. I’m helping people, I’m doing what I can to make this world better.” I hope… “Because of what I am, I don’t get the pretty future. I don’t get to want that. I can go out on a mission tomorrow and never come back, and that’s okay. Because me not having that future means that maybe, if I do a good enough job, you will. And that’s more important.”
Her face was twisted with sadness, water welling in her eyes, and all he wanted to do was pull her close and tell her how much he wanted her, how much he cared for her, how she was the first bit of hope to ever enter his life. He couldn’t tell her all of that, but he’d tell her the next best thing.
“I didn’t have a choice. My choice was made for me.” He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and put his hand under her chin, lifting it up towards him. “I didn’t get a choice but if I did, Rain, if I had a choice, I’d choose you.”
Her eyebrows lifted as a single tear spilled over from her eye. He brushed it away and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Then he stood.
“I won’t make you think about your past anymore, and while it’s nice to hope, it can be dangerous to think too much about the future. If you’re not too angry with me, I’d love to share my present with you. It’s all I have and for every moment that it’s mine, I’m yours.”
He waited for her to say something, but she didn’t. He knew she needed some time; him being here would only continue to make things worse. He walked towards the door and lingered at the door frame, turning towards her again before he left.
“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want. I wish that I could.”
He left the room and closed the door behind him.
***
So Kayla was right.
Rain had been sitting in her bed for two hours replaying the words Hunter had said to her. A chill ran down her spine as she finally gave up and laid back onto the mattress. She couldn’t bear to think about it anymore.
Born to Fight (Can't Resist You Book 1) Page 11