As the adrenaline in my veins receded, my body began giving out.
My only hope was that the begging worked and Orin let me go.
His grip loosened so that the very tips of my toes touched the ground. Inch by inch he continued to lower me until I could fully stand on my own he held my arms to keep me from running.
“What are you doing here?” he demanded, his voice rougher, sharper than he’d ever spoken to me before.
Words refused to form in my mouth when I tried to answer. Instead, I stood there with my lips opening and closing like a fish out of water gulping for air. The fear took over my body and nothing else worked.
Everything about him softened. His eyes when he saw the terror in mine changed from the animal in the woods to the man I thought I knew.
“Lizzie, what are you doing here?”
I pulled my arms toward my body. This time he let me go and I started to cry.
“I didn’t see anything,” I said with a sob. “I promise. Just let me go.”
“Lizzie.” Orin took another step closer. “I’m—I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Please,” I said again barely able to bring my eyes up to his.
I had no more fight in me. Nothing left to give. I could only hope he’d take pity.
He saw that in me, my terror and lack of fight because he nodded his permission.
As quickly as I my body allowed, I turned and pushed myself to take one step after another until I knew for sure he was no longer behind me.
I didn’t look back.
Somehow I found my way home with no idea how I actually got there. I walked but saw none of the familiar landscape along the way. I walked in a haze and when I arrived, realized I’d been gone for hours. Half expected to see my father waiting with a punishment ready to be laid with an iron fist but he was nowhere to be seen.
And I wasn’t going to go looking.
Instead, I shut my bedroom door and locked it, something I wasn’t supposed to do but somehow it made me feel safer.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t fall asleep. My body begged to be taken into the dark yet still I aid there listening to the breeze outside hit the windows.
The room heated up so I pushed open the window nearest my best for air.
Still, I could not sleep.
Especially with the wind whistling against the house.
It had to be the wind.
Yet the wind wouldn’t whistle a familiar tune. It wouldn’t have a rhythm.
When hopped off the bed and peered out the window, trying to remain in the shadow so that if someone was down there, they wouldn’t see me.
Orin lingered where the garden meets the backyard, bathed in the white light of the moon. Something was strange about him. He shined brighter under the moonlight than anyone I’d ever seen. Most had their skin tone washed out by the bright hue but for him, it was almost as if it enhanced everything.
When I blinked hard, thinking my eyes played a trick on me, he was gone.
He probably hadn’t meant to be seen.
Then someone tapped on the balcony door.
My body froze as I fell back against the wall and held in a large breath as if the person on the other side would find me if I simply breathed.
He tapped again.
I didn’t know what to do.
Drawn to opening the door and hearing what Orin had to say, the vision of Noah Underwood dead on the ground played behind my eyes. Something I’d never forget and I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t open the door and let Orin in.
Finally, the tapping ended.
In the morning, as the sun came up, I still laid in bed staring at the ceiling.
I’d fallen asleep eventually but hadn’t stayed that way very long. Too many thoughts running rampantly through my head. But not regret over Noah’s death.
Did I want him dead? No, of course not. Could I bring myself to cry over the fact that he was? Also no.
“Elizabeth,” my father’s voice boomed through the door after one loud knock.
Ignoring him wasn’t an option, so I got out of bed, straightened my dressing gown, and opened the door.
“I’ll be in the city for a few days. Mrs. Atherton will be here for you.”
Meaning she had money if I needed anything, the same arrangement whenever he left town. No idea why he needed to remind me every single time.
“Yes, Father.”
Without a good-bye or a kind word, he trudged down the hall, turned the corner, and disappeared.
I dropped back onto my bed, wrapped the blanket all the way around myself so tightly I could barely breathe.
Then I cried.
Orin had been the one bright light in my otherwise lackluster life. I’d fallen in love with him and it had happened so quickly. I always imagined love to be something that took time to grow like a small ember growing into a forest fire. And that was probably true. My feelings for him would have probably grown even stronger if I’d been allowed to let them.
Another knock on the door broke that momentary solitude. I ignored it.
“Elizabeth, I’m going to the market,” Mrs. Atherton called from the other side.
“Thank you,” I mumbled because it wasn’t her fault I felt the way I did.
There was a long a pause. “Elizabeth, are you feeling well?”
“Yes, Mrs. Atherton. I’m just tired.” I listened as she clunked down the hall until I could no longer hear her.
Two days passed with me on that bed inside my own little world. No one came to check on me and for which I was thankful. At least until the maid came to clean the room and I realized what day it was. I also received a not so gentle reminder from his secretary that my presence would be expected at a dinner. To represent him in his absence and to not embarrass him with my behavior nor by failing to show up.
Bradley would also be at the dinner.
He was a decent enough man, much better than Noah and I knew he’d give me a good life. A life I didn’t want but still a good one.
I had to fight my way out of the hole I’d masterfully created to put myself together enough that I’d be considered presentable.
The pale blue dress my father had recently given me—not out of love but rather because others had noticed how often my dresses had repeated themselves—was actually the most beautiful dress I’d ever owned.
One last look at myself and I left my room.
Then the house.
I was on a mission to find Orin Vilkatas.
Chapter Eight
When I got to Orin’s house, I didn’t even bother with the front door, instead going right around the back. If I’d learned anything about Orin it was that he wouldn’t answer. He never had before.
The knob on the back door turned on the first try.
I stepped inside and paused, listening for any noise or slight movement that would tell me Orin was home. The air was completely still, silent almost eerie.
Alone in his house for the first time, I walked from room to room taking in his space. Orin spent his time here, though he hadn’t done much to personalize the space. It remained a normal house that gave no indication of the murderous beast who lived there. Maybe what I saw was a one-time occurrence.
Even so, could I get over that? Act like it never happened. That Orin hadn’t killed a man I’d grown up with. A man I hated but still knew.
I stopped roaming and took a seat on the sofa to wait. I’d started to feel like an invader of his privacy.
Hours passed.
The summer sun heated the living room but I didn’t know if I should open a window so I didn’t. I sat there letting a fine sheen of perspiration form on my forehead. One drop ran down the back of my neck.
I’d almost hit my limit of patience when the lock on the front door disengaged and the door opened.
Orin walked through the small entryway and turned left into the kitchen carrying several grocery bags as if they weighed nothing.
I watched without moving as he set th
e items on the counter. He didn’t look my way or acknowledge my presence.
He went about unpacking the groceries not knowing I watched his every move.
“Do you have a habit of breaking into people’s houses, Elizabeth?” His voice startled me but melted my body at the same time.
“The door wasn’t locked.” Which wasn’t really a reason.
No one locked their doors much. We lived in a small, safe town. Which didn’t mean a person should enter anyone’s house without permission.
“I guess it wasn’t.” Orin continued working, opening one cupboard then the other than the icebox.
“I thought we could talk.” I stood and walked toward him.
He didn’t turn immediately then his shoulders slumped a little and he let out a small sigh.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“Actually, I am. I haven’t had a thing to eat in days.”
Orin began to work on making me a sandwich with left-over chicken.
If nothing else, it would give me something else to do than awkwardly stare at the man. Seeing him wasn’t helping me understand what I was feeling anyway.
The meat stacked bread tasted delicious, however, even with suck small bites, the food hit my stomach like a brick. I didn’t want to vomit right there in his kitchen.
“So... ” I trailed off still unsure of how to start this.
“What do you want to ask?” Orin removed my plate and his, dropping them into the sink as he spoke.
“Orin. You know.” I moved to stand in front of him.
“Right,” he said quietly.
I tapped my toes against the bottom of a nearby chair as butterflies took over. I wanted answers but I didn’t want answers. Whatever he said could change everything but I didn’t know if I wanted that change.
“Did you kill him?” I finally asked.
His eyes bore into me but it didn’t feel aggressive. More like reluctance over whether to answer or not. Or how to answer.
“Yes,” he finally said quietly.
I’d already known the answer yet actually hearing him admit it was so much worse than expected.
“Why?”
“I didn’t mean to.” He never flinched, never looked away. “What I mean to say is that I didn’t intend to. I just wanted to scare him off, make him leave town. Get him to leave you alone. You said you’d like him to disappear.” One corner of his mouth turned up as if trying to put a joke on the end of it.
But dear god, I did say that.
I closed my eyes and took two breaths trying not to react before getting all of the information.
“Then what happened?”
“Damn it, Lizzie.” His voice rose and hands slammed the counter causing me to stumble back slightly. I was standing in front of a man who just told me he committed murder. Seeing my reaction, he relaxed his body and brought his tone back to normal. “I’d rather not give you all the details.”
“What were you doing in the woods?”
He turned his back to me because I was asking about Noah’s body.
“Orin, I want to know.”
“I was burying him.”
Did murders bury their victims?
“Is this... was this the first time you’ve done that?” I couldn’t even bring myself to say the words.
“No.” He sighed. “But I only meant to scare him. He’s been drinking and... inappropriate with a very young woman when I found him and I lost my temper.”
He lost his temper. That wasn’t a reason to kill someone but the stories about how inappropriate Noah could be with women. On at least one occasion, he’d hurt someone. Noah’s father had to pay for silence but still, the rumors always swirled around him.
After moving closer to Orin, I laid a hand gently on his shoulder. He didn’t react, didn’t flinch at the closeness or my touch. He stood there waiting for me to decide what I wanted to do.
“I love you, Orin. I’ve spent these last days going over this again and again. What I saw, what I thought you did. Now I know that I don’t care. You won’t have me as your wife, but I’d like you in my life as long as possible. I need something good at least for a little while.”
“It isn’t a good idea.” He turned to look me in the eye.
“Will you hurt me, Orin?”
“Of course not.”
“Then I’m sure.” I pushed up on to my toes and quickly kissed him on the cheek. Supposed to be quick, once my lips touched his skin they stayed there longer than they should’ve. “So we’re clear. No matter what I say, don’t ever do that on my account again. Understand?”
He smiled sadly. “I understand.”
“Good. Now I have to find Olivia to see if she hates me now.” I started walking toward the door with my arm threaded through his. I didn’t want to let go. This was as close as I’d ever get to him and I didn’t want it to end.
“Why would she hate you?”
“She had hoped to marry Bradley Johnson but got promised to someone else. Bradley turned out to be my father’s second choice for me. Now with Noah…” I wet my lips and wanted to kick myself. “Bradley has now been chosen for me.”
Orin stopped me at the door. “Is he a good man?”
I sighed. “Yes, he is kind and decent. I could do worse.” We faced each other with an awkward silence hanging in the air. “With my father out of town, you could take me out properly.”
“On a date?” I didn’t know what that meant and I pinched my face together in confusion. “It’s the new way of courting.”
“Tonight?”
It must’ve been the hopeful sound to the question that made him smile.
“I’ll pick you up,” he said still smiling.
“No.” I stopped him. “We’ll meet. I don’t want the staff to see you. A few would definitely tell my father.”
He nodded with a smile.
On my way back home, I searched each face I passed for Olivia. I didn’t want to have to go to her house but I would if necessary.
Instead, I found her alone in a window seat of a small café sipping on a glass of lemonade.
“Olivia.” I approached her quietly from behind. “Can we talk?”
“I can’t imagine you’d have much to say.”
My best friend didn’t look up at me but I slid into the booth across from her anyway. She could be mad at me for something I had no control over or we could talk.
“I don’t have a choice in this decision, Olivia. If I did do you think I would choose someone you wanted for yourself. I like Bradley the way I like Mrs. Atherton.”
“But not the way you like Orin, right?” She finally glanced up at me.
“Yes, exactly.”
Olivia sighed, her eyes changed from those of anger to those of resignation. “I know, Lizzie. It just took me by surprise and my brain got the better of me imagining... never mind.”
I swallowed hard because I knew exactly what she was thinking. The same thing I’d imagined a hundred times myself. As wife I would be expected to share not only a life but also a bed. I’d imagined the things Noah liked to do to women and every single time I thought of it, my stomach threatened to revolt. Less so with Bradley but I still didn’t want to be with him.
“So we’re all right then?” I asked.
“Of course,” Olivia finally gave me the forgiveness I didn’t actually need.
The waitress swooped in filling Olivia’s glass and bringing me one without me having to ask. We spent a lot of time here over the years.
“I haven’t seen you in town for a while,” Olivia said with a raised eyebrow.
“I’ve been dealing with some things.”
“Orin?” She gave me this smile. Like she knew a secret. She did though I never told her anything specific.
“Among other things.”
“What is going on with the two of you? Your father’s going to be angry if he finds out you’re seeing each other.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I know but I’m doin
g everything he has ever asked of me and I will marry Bradley as he wishes. Right now is the only time in my life that I can do even a little something for myself. I’m going to take the opportunity.”
“You’re making it harder on yourself. You’ll fall more in love with him and still have to give him up.”
“I’m willing to take that chance.” I slid out of my seat to stand. “I have to get home.” Hugging her quickly, I left to make the walk back. It was slow, liberating even.
Time was something I usually had far too much of but tonight I was very thankful for it.
I didn’t need to rush as I prepared for my evening with Orin. Went through dozens of outfits before deciding on one. Put my hair back into a proper bun and even smeared a bit of cosmetics across my face. Father hated the “face paint” which I mean I so rarely had the opportunity to wear it.
I carried my shoes in one hand as I made my way to the front door. Didn’t want the smack of heels against the hardwood flooring to alert the staff that I left and force them to make a report to my father.
Almost to the door, Mrs. Atherton appeared from nowhere, not only scaring the wits out of me but also causing me to second-guess the sneaking out part of my plan.
“Are you out for the evening?” Her gray hair speckled among the black, twisted into braids and pinned to the back of her head. Her face wrinkled with time yet retained a soft smile that had always lifted my spirits. I hadn’t grown up with a mother, Mrs. Atherton was the closest thing.
“Yes,” I said back. “With Father away, I thought I’d take in a film.”
I shifted my weight from foot to foot and my palms began to sweat. Lying or not saying the complete truth was new to me.
“I think that sounds wonderful.” A smile cracked her face even further. “Enjoy yourself, Elizabeth.”
I gave her a nod then closed the door behind me.
Orin stood, leaning against a brick wall at the corner near the restaurant. Our predetermined meeting place.
He didn’t see me at first. It gave me the opportunity to really look at him.
His short black hair wasn’t tamed into submission like a lot of the men my age. He let his flop a little more naturally. Lean muscles rippled from beneath a short-sleeved shirt making him look more man than boy with his arms crossed casually.
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