by M E Whiter
A nervous rush of restless energy, pulses through me, as I wait for Louise to arrive. I have no idea when Sebastian plans on arriving this morning. I just hope we manage to leave, before then.
The thought of never seeing him again, weighs heavily on my heart. I guess my conscience isn’t feeling too light either, knowing I’m running away from him, again. He’s been nothing but kind to me and generous to a fault. I just can’t afford to let another man, try to control my life.
Louise returns just on time. With her pushing me in the wheelchair through the hospital, it only takes eight adrenaline-filled minutes to reach the carpark. Fortunately, Louise had managed to time our exit perfectly, so that we avoided running into security guard posted outside my room, while he was off getting his morning coffee.
Louise helps me get into her Nissan hatchback car, and then folding the wheelchair up, she stows it in the back, along with my two suitcases. Slumping down in the front passenger’s seat, my nerves are frazzled after all the nervous excitement, of making our escape.
The hotel is only a few minutes drive away and when we arrive, Louise pulls up outside the entrance doors to the reception. While Louise gets the wheelchair out, I take my first glance at the hotel. At least, it doesn’t look shabby and rundown from the outside. A welcome relief, considering the reasonable rates they are charging.
The quaint art deco style, two-storey building, is painted white with blue and yellow trims around the open-air balconies, that surround the attractive internal garden courtyard. My room is on the first floor, but there is a small elevator. It’s a tight squeeze, but there is just enough room, to fit us all in.
Chapter Twelve
SATURDAY, 16th August
Rachel
WHEN LOUISE WHEELS me through the door of my hotel room, I get a pleasant surprise. It’s the size of a moderate, one bedroom unit, complete with a small kitchenette, combined dining and lounge, and a separate queen sized bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. A quaint balcony leads off the main living area. It overlooks the large tree-lined park next door.
For the next couple of hours, Louise stays for a couple of hours, long enough to help me settle in. She gives me a quick tour around the unit, to show me where everything is located. When she opens the fridge door, I'm surprised to see that it's stocked with food.
"I didn't think you'd feel like eating take-out every night," she explains, closing the fridge. "So, I bought you some frozen meals. All you have to do is, heat them up in the microwave," she explains, opening up one of the kitchen cupboards. When I look inside, I see it's stocked with a variety of basic food items. I’m overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness, and generosity, and for a second, I don’t know what to say, but “thank you”.
After she helps me to unpack my clothes and put them away, we sit on the balcony drinking a hot cup of tea, watching some kids playing on the swings below.
“Well, you’re all settled in now. Is there anything else, you need, before I go?” she asks, taking our empty cups into the kitchen.
“No, I think you've covered everything. Thank you Louise, for everything you’ve done for me. I’m so very grateful. You’re a true friend.” When Louise pushes the wheelchair over towards the door, I follow her on my crutches, feeling suddenly teary, at seeing her getting ready to leave.
“Rachel, it’s been my pleasure to help you. I know it can't be easy for you, being so far away from family and friends, at a time like this," she says, giving me a warm hug. "Anyway, who knows, you might still be here, when I come back. If you are, then we will definitely have to catch up, okay?”
“Yes, I’d like that very much.”
“If you’re not, you have my contact details. Promise me, you’ll keep in touch, and let me know how you get on?”
“Yes, I promise,” I say, following her over to the door. “Enjoy your cruise, and don’t forget to send me a postcard.” She opens the door, and pushes the wheelchair out into the hallway. Turning to me, she gives me a last big hug goodbye.
“Thanks again, Louise,” I utter into her ear, giving her a gentle squeeze.
“Bye Rachel, take car now,” she says, letting me go.
I stand in the doorway, and watch her push the wheelchair down the hallway. As soon as I see her step into the elevator, I give her a wave as the doors close. I then turn around and hobble back into the room, thinking to myself. It feels like it’s been forever, since the last time I was alone in a hotel room. So much has happened since then.
As much as I like the idea of being on my own, again, the reality isn’t anything like I remember. But, then I hadn’t met Sebastian at that stage. I wonder how he will react, when he finds out, I’ve already left.
MONDAY, 18th August
Rachel
THE WEEKEND DRAGS on, slowly, one monotonous hour after another. I quickly learn that, being on your own isn't much fun, when you're nursing an injured knee, and needing a pair of crutches to get around on. It’s like I’ve replaced one cage for another, not being able to go out side, and with nothing much to do, besides killing time.
The one pleasure of my new daily routine, comes just after midday, when the sun shines onto my balcony, I can sit outdoors and enjoy Vancouver's almost perfect autumn weather. Lots of warm sunshine and not too cold. I also have an uninterrupted view over the park, so I can watch the activities while I’m sketching. Drawing is the only thing keeping me sane.
The worst time of the day, is when darkness falls. I’m forced to go back indoors, where the space is filled with shadows and lonely isolation. Sleep doesn’t come easy. The restless hours, of being alone and lying in a strange bed, fills me with an unsettling feeling.
Every little noise or footstep outside my room, throws me into a heightened state of panic, thinking that someone is coming to get me. It’s a new irrational fear, that I’ve never suffered from, in the past. Usually, I love spending quiet hours on my own, but now, it terrifies the life out of me.
By the end of the third evening, I feel so strung out and miserable, that I have trouble falling asleep, even with the lamp left on. Laying on my back, I clutch the small teddy, my friends had sent me, crushing it to my chest.
When dawn appear outside my window, I'm still half awake, and totally exhausted, from battling through the insomnia, denying me sleep. I’ve reached my lowest point, where my emotional state is at it’s most vulnerable. Self-doubt creeps in and causes me to question my sanity. Why on earth, did I choose to put myself through this torment? I should have just accepted Sebastian’s offer, to let me stay with him.
When sunlight peeks in through the curtains, I drag myself out of bed, to take my morning dose of anti-inflammatories. I usually hate popping pills, but these seem to help ease the swelling on my knee. But, not so much, with the pain. This morning,
The ache in my knee, feels particularly painful this morning. Without thinking about the consequences of mixing medications, I take three strong painkillers as well. I’m hoping they'll make me sleepy. Enough to make me sleep. The pills have an unpleasant taste, and I have to drink a full glass of water, just to get the bitterness off my tongue.
Slipping back into bed, I settle down under the cover, hoping to get a couple of hours sleep, before breakfast. One of the advantages of staying at this hotel, is that they offer a complimentary breakfast. They even deliver it straight to my room. I always choose the latest time allocated on the menu, so I can sleep in longer. The irony of that decision, comes to bite me this morning, as I haven't yet been to sleep.
An hour or so later, I wake up, not even realising I fell asleep. My head is groggy, and I feel extremely sleepy. But now, I can’t go back to sleep, because my breakfast will arrive in another thirty minutes, so I need to get up.
Dragging myself out of bed, I hobble into the bathroom to take a shower, hoping it will help to wake me up. I turn the water on, making sure the temperature is just right, before I strip off and step behind the glass partition, separating the shower, from the rest of the bathroo
m.
Feeling too tired to move, or even to wash myself, I just lean against the tiles. It feels soothing, having the warm water streaming down over my naked skin. I could almost go to sleep here, standing up. It’s tempting, but I know I need to get out soon and get dressed, if I don’t want to answer the door, wearing just a towel.
Not that I have much of an appetite this morning, my tummy still feels sensitive from yesterday, when I felt ill, and could hardly eat anything at all. I just hope I'm not coming down with something. Getting sick is the last thing I need.
I linger for a few more moments, and then I turn off the water. When I go to step out of the shower, a sudden wave of nausea rolls over me. I curl over, grabbing hold of the vanity for support, as I wrap an arm around my tummy. I don’t move, waiting for the feeling to pass, but it doesn’t. I start feeling dizzy, as the pain grows worse.
Sweat drips from my forehead, and rolls down my face. I don’t have the will to wipe it away. When the pain starts to ease, I grab hold of a towel, and start drying myself off, as quickly as possible. Getting dressed after that, is a slow process, trying to balance on one good leg, and not throw up at the same time.
I struggle to pull the blue knitted top over my head, without getting my arms stuck in the sleeves. My head starts to spin, when I bend over to pick up my skirt, and then stand up again, to slip it over my head. It has an elastic waist, so it doesn't sit too snuggly around my poorly tummy.
When I finally get around to brushing my hair in front of the mirror, the room starts spinning around me, the dizziness in my head flashes sparks of light before my eyes, sending me almost blind.
Suddenly, my wobbly legs give out beneath me, but this time, I’m too slow, to stop myself from falling. The last thing I see, before I black out, is the blurry vision of the porcelain tiles, on the bathroom floor.
Chapter Thirteen
TUESDAY, 19th August
Rachel
I OPEN MY eyes, squinting a little, from the sunlight, peeking through the blinds, shining onto my face. By the time, my eyes readjust, I realise I'm back in the hospital again. I have no memory of how I got back here, or how long ago, but my head aches and there’s a dull pain in my right shoulder. My tummy starts to growl almost immediately, so I assume I must have missed breakfast. When the image of bathroom tiles, flashes before my eyes, the visual is disturbing, but at least now, I remember what happened. I had fainted on the bathroom floor, in the hotel.
A low mumbling sound beside my bed, startles me out of my thoughts. Twisting my heard sideways, I’m shocked to find Sebastian asleep in the armchair beside me. His face looks so peaceful and even more gorgeous, than I remember. He’s wearing a denim blue shirt, that fits his broad muscular frame like a glove. His legs are open and relaxed, his snuggly fitted jeans, hiding nothing of his manhood. I tear my eyes away from his crotch. I don’t need a reminder, of where my hand has touched him.
Sebastian must sense me ogling him, because his eyes open, looking straight up at me, through his dark hooded brows. I gasp in shock, noticing the shadow of anger in his gaze. He’s not in a good mood.
I want to ask him how I got here, but I'm too afraid to speak. Looking away, I run my tongue over my cracked lips, hoping to soften them, but my throat feels too dry, to produce enough moisture. When I reach for the water bottle, next to my bed, a sharp pain shoots through my head, halting my movement. I flop back on the pillow, closing my eyes, waiting for the pain to subside.
Sebastian stands up and walks over to my bed. I keep my eyes closed, when I hear him speak. “I’m very upset with you Rachel,” he says, and I can hear him pouring some water into a glass. When he taps my shoulder, I open my eyes. “Still, I am glad to see you are all right,” he adds, handing me the glass. “You have certainly given everyone here a scare, disappearing the way you did.”
I’m shocked to hear, I’ve caused so much fuss. I drink the entire glass and hand it back to him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any trouble,” I reply, my breath quickening when he sits down on my bed. The scent of his woodsy citrus aftershave, fills me with a familiar sense of yearning, that only seems to happen, when he’s around me.
“How did I get here?” I ask him, my throat still sounding croaky.
"When you didn't answer your door for breakfast, the duty manager, was alerted. He's the one who found you on the bathroom floor, and called the ambulance. The medics saw your prescription bottle with the name of this hospital on the label, so they knew where to bring you.”
He refills my glass, and passes it back to me. I take a couple of sips, while he continues talking. “Why the hell did you leave the hospital without telling anyone? You seem to make a habit of running away,” he says irritably, still sounding angry. Only around you!
“I didn’t run away. I tried telling you, I already had somewhere to stay, but you wouldn’t listen. Louise had already agreed to help me, before you said anything.” I can’t very well tell him, he’s the main reason, I didn’t want to stay with him.
“How do you think I felt, when I turned up here, only to be told, you had already left?” he asks, the sentiment in his words touches a nerve, causing me to turn and look at him. The pained expression in his eyes, causes my heart to shatter, knowing I put it there.
“I have been worried sick, not knowing what happened to you, or if you were safe. How did you manage to get past the security guard?”
“I think Louise timed it, so we left, when he went off to get his morning coffee,” I answer, chewing on my bottom lip.
“I had to fire him. Obviously, he wasn't doing his job properly.”
“What!” Why do I feel guilty, like I’ve done something wrong?
“I first thought, you had gone to your cousin's place, but when I called her number, and there was no answer, I knew you weren't there.”
“How did you get her number?” If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was a stalker.
“She’s registered as your next of kin, it’s on your hospital admittance form.”
“Oh right. I forgot about that.”
“I had people looking everywhere for you Rachel. It was not until the hospital called to let me know, you had been readmitted, that I learned why no one could find you. Louise had booked the hotel room, under her name.”
“Sebastian, I had no idea you’d be out looking for me. Especially, after the way things ended, the last time we talked. I didn't think you were coming back.” I try to explain, without getting frustrated.
“I thought I had made my intentions perfectly clear, before I left,” he scolds, giving me a pointed look.
When Sebastian places his hand on my thigh, my body tenses a little, in anticipation of what he's going to say next. “Please Rachel, promise me, you will not do something like that again?”
I can feel my cheeks growing hotter. There are so many mixed emotions rolling around inside my head at this moment, I'm struggling to keep up with them. “I’m sorry, I should have left you a message, so you’d know I was safe.”
“Well, that would not have been true now, would it?” He frowns, narrowing his eyes at me.
“What do you mean?” I ask, the feathers on my defences flapping. I pick at the dry scab on my arm, trying not to let his bad temper, get to me.
“Rachel, you being here now, only proves you were not safe, staying in that hotel on your own,” he argues, rebuking my earlier statement. “You fainted. How long would you have laid on that floor, unconscious, if the manager hadn't had the foresight to investigate, when you didn't open the door?"
“I don't know. I only fainted because I hadn't eaten the night before and I took my medication on an empty stomach when I probably shouldn't have. I'll be carefully not to make that mistake again,” I reply, feeling like an idiot.
“Yes, and I am going to make sure you do, because you young lady, are coming home with me, and I'll hear no arguments, this time.” he warns, wagging his finger at me.