by M E Whiter
Should I heed Sebastian’s wishes, and wait for him to return from his trip, or should I leave now? Realistically thinking, whatever my decision is, it won’t matter in the long run, because I will still have to say goodbye to him. It’s just a matter of timing.
Do I make it easier on myself, and say goodbye to him now, before I become even more attached to him? Or, do I heed his wishes, and stay here, until Connor has been arrested, and risk my heart being broken in the process.
When I came here to Vancouver, the one thing I wasn’t looking for, was romance. I certainly didn’t expect to meet someone like Sebastian and I didn’t plan on falling for him either. God knows, I tried everything humanly possible, to avoid it. And, now that I'm forced to make a choice, I realise I don't really want to leave.
Chapter Twenty-Six
MONDAY, 25th August
Rachel
USING THE SLEEVE of my cardigan, I dry away my tears, thinking it must be time, to go face the music. Getting off the bed, I smooth my skirt out, then grab my walking cane, before I head out the door. I walk across to the living room, and take up a position on the sofa, facing the doorway. That way I can see him, when he comes in. I then sit and wait. Claire has the day off, so it's just Sebastian and I in the apartment. Which is a blessing, as it means we can talk without being overheard.
I can feel it in my gut, that this discussion we're about to have, is not going to end well. I know what my heart wants, but I also realise, that it’s something I can’t have. So, as far as I can see, it only leaves me with one option. And, I know Sebastian isn't going to be happy about it. Ultimately, the decision will be his, as to how this situation will be resolved.
Hearing Sebastian's footsteps, echoing off the marble floor, as he walks down the hallway, tells me I won’t have long to wait. I can already feel my heart starting to beat faster the closer the sound gets. When he enters the room, I hesitate to look him directly in the eyes. Instead, I keep my focus, on the strands of black chest hair, peeking through the top of his white linen shirt.
Inadvertently, my gaze slides down to his black denim jeans, noticing how provocatively, they accentuate the bulge over his groin. Despite the warning in my head, I can't stop myself from thinking, how utterly sexy he looks, with or without clothes on. This is definitely not, the time to be thinking of last night, and him making love to me. Taking a deep sigh, I lift my gaze to meet his eyes.
"Rachel, I do not want to argue with you," he says, sitting on the arm of the single chair, near the doorway.
"Then don't," I reply, clasping my fingers together on my lap.
"Listen, I realise you want to go and stay with your cousin. But, I'm only asking you to wait another day or two."
"Why should I wait?" I snap, without thinking.
"For the sake of repeating myself, it is not safe for you to travel all that way, on your own."
"I won't be on my own. There'll be other people on the bus. Besides, how would Connor even know where I was going, unless he's staking out this apartment? Stop worrying on my account Sebastian. I will be just fine." I try to sound convincing, shaking my head at him.
"Hardly fine, Rachel. If you recall, there were plenty of witnesses at the time, when you were pushed in front of my car. Yet not one has come forward. Why can't you just do as I ask, and wait until I return?"
I glare at him, getting myself more worked up by the second. "Because, Sebastian, I can't," I blurt out, my voice growing louder. "Besides, you don't have any right to tell me what I should or shouldn't do."
"Rachel, I am not trying to do anything, other that keep you safe. If Connor knew you were staying here, then he could easily find you, at your cousin's place. If I'm not here, I cannot protect you, if he decides to threaten you again."
"No disrespect, Sebastian, but I think you're being overreactive. I don't believe Connor will be interested in me, now that the police are on his tail." I pause briefly, needing to take a deep breath before I continue. "If I want to go and stay with my cousin now, then it's my decision, and you really can't stop me." I throw the challenge in his face, my anger now, having gotten the better of me.
Sebastian shoots up off the armrest and starts pacing the room, pushing the hair out of his eyes. "You are one of the most stubborn women I have ever met." He stops in his tracks and turns to face me, the torn expression in his intense blue gaze, catching me by surprise. "But, you are right, Rachel. If you want to go, then I really cannot stop you."
A sharp pang of guilt runs through me, hearing him repeat back to me, the harsh words I'd just uttered a moment before. "You honestly couldn’t expect, that I’d be willing to wait around here on my own, when I could be spending time with Mary?"
"Fuck, Rachel! I cannot keep repeating myself," he says, rubbing his fingers across his forehead, as if my words are causing him pain. "Why will you not trust my judgement?" He's looking at me, but I refuse to meet his gaze, this time. "I care what happens to you Rachel, and I am trying my best to protect you, but you do not seem to appreciate that fact?"
“That’s not true, Sebastian," I reply, feeling wounded. Looking into his eyes, I add, "I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. If you hadn’t offered to to help me, I could've been in a really bad position, right now. But, seeing as, I’m back on my feet again, I'm capable of making my own decisions.”
“Then, tell me Rachel, what do you want from me?” he shouts, out of sheer exasperation.
His question catches me by surprise, and it takes me a moment to consider, what I'm about to say. “It doesn't matter what I want. I can't have what I really want, so all I can do, is what's best for me. You are a wonderful man Sebastian, but I have to leave, before I get my heart broken.”
"Rachel. I'm not trying to make things difficult for you. But, if it makes things easier, I won't be here for the next couple of days, so you don't really have to go on my account. You can leave as soon as I come back, if that will help? I just want to make sure you are kept safe, for as long as you let me. Please Rachel, can't you be reasonable about this, Rachel?”
Me reasonable? He almost had me convinced to stay, but after being affronted by his last request, all my ability to think rationally, just went out the window. My cheeks are burning, from the anger boiling through my blood. It's like he just waved a giant red flag in front of my pride. How dare he patronise me! He's the one not being reasonable, if he thinks by insulting me, I'm going to change my mind about leaving.
"No. I'm sorry Sebastian,” I reply, hands on hips. Shrugging my shoulders, I add, “but, you still haven't convinced me to change my mind. I'm leaving today, and if you don't like it, then I guess that's too bad."
“Damn your stubbornness Rachel. If you were mine, I would put you over my knee and thoroughly spank you.” He looks at his watch with a deep frown forming on his forehead.
I squirm on the sofa, my behind feeling the phantom sting of his hand. “Well maybe I just might want to do the same, to you Sebastian.” I rise to me feet, but don’t move from the spot.
“I really do not have any more time, to argue about this. If you are so determined to leave Rachel, then fine, leave. I won't stop you," he says bluntly, his voice sounding harsh. It sends a shiver down my spine. "But, I must warn you. If you do leave, do not expect me, to come running if you get into trouble. And whatever was developing between us this weekend, will be over. Is that what you want?"
"Sebastian, I don't have much choice about that. Don't you understand, It could never be anything more that what it was, anyway? But, if that's how you feel, then fine, because, I'm definitely leaving."
"I'm sorry to hear that Rachel," he says, glancing at his watch. "Listen, I really have to leave now. I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday," he says, walking over to me. He leans over me, placing his hand on top of my shoulder, as he gives my cheek, a brief kiss goodbye. "Stay safe Rachel," he whispers into my ear, before he steps back and turns to leave.
"Goodbye Sebastian," I call out, as he brusquely wa
lks away and out of my life. I sit there like a stunned mullet, unable to move, as I stare at the empty hallway, listening to him storm down the hallway, towards the front door.
A part of me, wants to race after him, to tell him I've changed my mind. But, the echo of the door banging shut, tells me I'm too late. The finality of the sound, causes an anguished whimper to escape from my lips.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I just broke up with Sebastian. Not that ours would technically, be classified as a legitimate relationship, but it was heading that way. A pang of nausea washes through me, as the reality of what just happened, suddenly hits me. I have to make a dash for the bathroom, reaching it just in time, as I throw up the digested remnants of my breakfast.
After I rinse my mouth out with water and tidy myself up, I walk back into the bedroom and sit on the bed. Anger mixed with regret, weighs heavily on my heart. Knowing that I will never see him again, shatters it into a million pieces.
I wipe away the tears, and then pick my backpack up off the bed. Rummaging inside, I look for the bus timetable to Victoria. Lucky for me, it wasn't in my handbag, which I don't have. I will have to remember to phone Detective Beckett, and ask for it back.
I scan through the departure times, to see when the next bus leaves for Victoria. I then grab my phone out, and call Mary, to let her know, what time my bus will arrive. I let out a sigh of relief, when I hear her sweet calming voice.
“Hello Mary.”
“Rachel, it’s good to hear from you. When will you be arriving, I’m dying to see you?”
“I'm catching the three thirty bus. It should arrive in Victoria around seven twenty." Needless to say, Mary can sense something is wrong, probably from the tone of my voice.
"Rachel sweetie, what's wrong, you don't sound happy?"
It's a huge effort, but I manage to stem the tears, giving her a brief explanation of what has just happened. I promise to fill her in on the details, when I see her.
“Rachel, are you sure, you want to travel over here, on your own? What if, Sebastian is right, about it not being safe, if this guy hasn't been caught yet?"
“I promise I’ll be safe. I just want to put all this behind me, so I can enjoy the rest of my holiday.”
“Alright then. I’ll be waiting at the terminal to meet you, when your bus arrives."
“Thanks Mary.”
“I’m looking forward to seeing you. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do."
“Yes, I can’t wait. I’d better go now. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Bye sweetie, see you soon.”
Tears fill my eyes, but I wipe them away, as I hang up the phone. Bending forward, with my elbows on my knees, I clasp my head in my hands, and finally let go, the floodgates on my emotions. Feeling sorry for myself, I pour out all the pain and suffering, into my palms, from what I've been through, since the accident. Now, I have a bruised heart to add to the mix.
A voice inside my head, tells me I'm being stupid, that self-pity isn't my style. Really, I should be happy and excited about seeing Mary again. But instead, those feelings are tainted by a twinge of regret and sadness, that it came at a cost. The price being, I will never see Sebastian again.
Sitting up straight, I take a deep breath, as I rub my eyes dry, again. I need to reign in my emotions for the time being, while I think of what I need to do, now. Picking up the phone again, I call for a taxi, asking them to pick me up in twenty minutes.
I then get off the bed, and fold up my walking cane to store in my backpack. I take one last look around the room, to make sure I haven't left anything behind. When I'm ready, I grab the handles on my suitcases and wheel them out into the hallway.
The echoes of an empty apartment, fills me with a renewed sense of loss. Sebastian is definitely gone. The irritating voice inside my head, chastises me yet again. Reminding me, that I hadn't properly thanked him, for everything he did for me.
When I reach the foyer, a sudden spark of inspiration hits me. Bending down, I unzip my small suitcase, and take out my sketchpad and pencil case. I flip through the pages, until I find the sketch, I did in Kelowna. After tearing it out, I repack the sketchpad back into my bag, and then carry it with my pencil case, to the kitchen.
Sitting on the stool, I place the sketch on the bench, turning it over, so the back is facing up. Then grabbing a pencil from the case, I scribble down a short note:
Sebastian,
This is a picture of my new happy place, because it reminds my of you
It's where you made me feel like a whole woman again
Until you came along, I'd been living in the shadows for so long,
I'd forgotten what it was like to feel alive
Thank you for wanting to keep me safe, even when I didn't accept it.
It may have seemed like I didn't appreciate it, but I did.
I'm sorry we ended things badly, but still, I'm going to miss you
I want to thank you for everything you've done for me
Rachel xxx
I turn the paper over again, so the sketch is facing up. It's not much of a thank you, but at least it's something I tell myself, as I head back to the foyer, to collect my bags and leave.
By the time I push the button for the lift, my eyes are filling with tears again. The finality, that I will never be coming back here, threatens to undo me. Using the back of my hand, I wipe my eyes dry, once last time. Get a grip on yourself girl, I chide myself. I don't want to spend the whole trip to Victoria, with people knowing that I've been crying.
A chuckle escapes my throat, at an unpleasant thought. I must be a fool to think, I could enjoy the rest of my holiday, when I will probably be thinking about Sebastian, the whole time. I know I only have myself to blame, but there's absolutely nothing I can do about it now, except to keep moving forward, one painful step at a time.
At least I still have my art career to look forward to, when I get home, I try to reassure myself, needing something positive to give me comfort. And don’t forget Mary. She will be there, to help me get through my heartbreak. For the second time, in my life. When the lift doors open, I step inside, dragging my suitcases in behind me. Turning around, I push the button to take me down to the reception lobby.
"Goodbye Sebastian," I whisper, just as the doors close on my final vision of Sebastian's apartment. The place that had been my temporary home for the past six days, twenty-two hours and fifteen minutes.
THE END
If you enjoyed Book One - Dark Shadows: Shadows of Knight, please take the time to leave a review about the book as I’d love to receive your feedback.
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Rachel and Sebastian’s journey
continues in Book Two - Dark Shadows: Shadows of Day
The release date will be announced in the next couple of months, but you can read the description of the story below.
DESCRIPTION: DARK SHADOWS - SHADOWS of DAY
Rachel may be stubborn and independent, but Sebastian is wilfully determined and when he receives a blackmail threat on her life, he makes it his mission to protect her at all costs, and hopefully win her back, in the process.
She never wanted to be attracted to a man like Sebastian, even if he is the sexiest man she's ever met. But Rachel has already unwittingly fallen for his irresistIble charms, and when he rolls up, like a knight, driving a shiny silver Bentley, promising to protect her, how can she refuse?
Once again, Rachel returns to stay as a guest in Sebastian's penthouse, promising it is the safest place for her to be. But she soon learns that is not the case. In an act of deception, the blackmailer ends up kidnapping Rachel, and suddenly the threat to her life become vividly too real.