‘Where will you stay?’ She raised her tear-streaked face to look dully at him.
‘Never you mind that. I’ve got friends.’
The conversation rang in her ears for days afterwards. She carried it around inside her like an invisible weight.
Except it wasn’t one.
Just the opposite. It was like a fog that had suddenly begun to clear, and maybe it was her growing optimism that she could grasp her life and take control of it that attracted the attention of Lady Luck.
Lady Luck in the form of a potential job, not through the employment agencies as she had expected, but through Harriet Newton, the formidable course co-ordinator, who called her in because, in her words, she had a pleasant surprise in store for her.
‘Naturally, it’s not a given,’ she warned. ‘But an interview is a vital step and you…’ she looked critically but kindly at her most enthusiastic student ‘…should have no problem impressing any potential employer…’
And her luck just ran on and on until she had to pinch herself just to make sure that it all wasn’t some delightful dream from which she would awaken and find herself back in her wretched, stalemate situation.
True to his word, Frankie got in touch only by phone, seemed a lot happier than he had been living with her, actually congratulated her on her job offer and sounded as if he meant it.
She almost expected him to come over so that they could discuss the business of her moving out, and when, ten days after she had been accepted by Devereux Group, she heard the peal of the doorbell she sprang to her feet, knowing that this conversation now would not be half as painful as the last one they had shared face to face.
She was momentarily shaken to find Dominic standing outside, as devastatingly handsome as she recalled. Then, oddly, she felt a calm acceptance that he had come. She had known, somewhere inside her, that he would, and had been waiting for him. How on earth was that possible?
‘Well, do I get an invite in or shall we simply stare at one another for a few more minutes?’
That dark, velvety voice! The same one that had invaded her dreams every night, the same one she had had conversations with in her head, telling him about what she had been up to.
‘Sorry.’ She stepped aside and he brushed past her and into the small hallway, but instead of walking into the sitting room he remained where he was until she had closed the door.
‘You look…different,’ he murmured, looking at her. It felt like years since he had set eyes on her. In fact, he had had to restrain himself from coming over to see her, knowing that whatever had transpired between her and Frankie would still be too raw for her to tolerate the sight of him.
And he wasn’t going to risk scaring her away. Not when he had made his mind up that he would have her, come hell or high water. And have her on his terms, with her compliance freely given rather than being dragged out of her because her body was temporarily not obeying her mind. He wanted her to yield to him without any barriers in place, with every ounce of her being.
He needed to wait.
‘Different?’ Mattie laughed a little nervously. ‘I’ve had my hair trimmed.’ Don’t you like it? she wanted to ask. ‘That long hair was fine for the nightclub but…well, actually I don’t work there any more…my last night was a week ago…’
Dominic lowered his eyes for a fraction of a second, then he looked at her once more and smiled.
‘I take it a lot has happened with you. Why don’t you tell me everything over dinner?’
All the old misgivings reared up into place, but then they were replaced by something she hadn’t felt before in his presence, a sense of self-worth. Stupid, since she was still the same old person, but true.
‘Sure. Why not?’ She glanced down at her jeans and jumper and then grinned. ‘Fast food somewhere, or do I have to make myself a bit more presentable?’
‘Fast food?’
‘You know what I mean. Dodgy chicken wrapped up in batter, semi-cold chips, plastic cutlery, fluorescent lighting, queuing system…’ He looked so appalled at the prospect of that that she had to smother the instinct to burst out laughing.
‘Bottle of cold Chablis, halibut, skate, pommes frites…’
‘Oh. Fish and chips, in other words.’
‘But grown-up cutlery,’ Dominic grinned. ‘I know a very good seafood place. You do like seafood, don’t you?’
‘My favourite. I’ll go and change. Why don’t you go and wait in the sitting room? Frankie…’
He watched the shadow flit across her face and insanely wished that out of sight was a little bit more out of mind. Correction, a whole lot more out of mind.
‘Frankie won’t be bursting in…’
She dressed quickly and carefully. Nothing at all sexy, nothing to remind him of the girl she had been. Chic, or at least as chic as she had been able to afford on her limited budget. Black skirt snugly fitting but reaching to her knees, a silky pink vest top with a matching cardigan, fairly flat black shoes which she had bought in preparation for her job, sheer black tights because summer was giving way to autumn and there was a nip in the air that hadn’t been noticeable a few weeks ago.
When she finally looked at her reflection in the mirror, there was an excited gleam in her eyes that made her hesitate for a few seconds.
Then she was walking into the sitting room, feeling like a teenager on her first date.
He hadn’t sat down. He was standing by the window, half looking out, his hand in his jacket pocket, and he turned as soon as she walked in.
‘Better?’ Mattie asked nervously. Her! Nervous! ‘Or should I wear my diamond tiara?’
‘The tiara might be just a little too much,’ Dominic told her gravely, but heavens, she looked edible. The shorter hair suited her, gave her a tailored beauty that was even more alluring.
‘So,’ he murmured as soon as they were in his car and heading out towards Chiswick, ‘no more Frankie?’
‘No more Frankie.’
‘Pleased?’ He wished he could watch her, see the expressions on her face so that he could gauge what was going through her mind, but he needed to concentrate on the road and she was far too much of a distraction for sensible driving.
‘Yes and no.’
‘What does that mean?’ His hands tightened on the wheel but he kept his voice low and steady.
‘Things weren’t right between us. I mean, it’s good that…that we’ve both reached the same conclusion, but…he was a big part of my life for such a long time that it takes some getting used to…’ Mattie cleared her throat. ‘He let me have the use of his house until I found somewhere of my own, and guess what…?’
‘What?’ A twinge of guilt made his jaw tighten but it only lasted a second.
‘I’ve been offered a job and…’ she paused to add drama to what she was about to say next ‘…part of the deal is that they’ve offered me an apartment! Can you believe it? I couldn’t, to start with, but this company is spearheading a marketing campaign for a massive complex in south London. Apartments, health facilities, shops, the lot! And while they’re involved in the marketing, there’s a perk afforded to some of the employees of an apartment on site. I can’t believe how it all happened at just the right time. Isn’t it fantastic?’
‘Fantastic.’ Another twinge of guilt but he consoled himself with the thought that she would have got there anyway. She had the dedication or else how could she have persevered with her course against all odds? And she had the talent. Top of her course from the minute she had stepped foot in the classroom.
‘You don’t sound very pleased for me.’ And for some reason, that was hurtful.
‘I’m incredibly pleased for you,’ Dominic said abruptly. ‘How did Frankie react after I had gone?’
‘Not as I’d expected, actually. You don’t think I’m capable of doing this job, do you?’
‘If you’re capable of studying by day and working nights, then you’re capable of becoming the next prime minister.’
&nbs
p; ‘Yes, well, I’ll think about that. Although I don’t suppose my background would work in my favour.’
‘What do you mean that he didn’t react as you’d expected?’
‘He wasn’t jealous. Just sort of resigned, really. In fact, he was the one who dumped me.’
Which was better, Dominic thought. That way, she would never wonder what might have been, and he didn’t want her wondering what might have been. He wanted her free, free for him.
The restaurant appeared in front of them without him even realising that they had arrived. It was quaintly old-fashioned on the outside, but as they walked in he heard her brief intake of breath as she absorbed the luxurious surroundings. A lot of glass, a lot of chrome, home of the beautiful people who felt more virtuous when they were eating fish as opposed to meat.
‘Don’t say it,’ he warned, leaning towards her so that his breath was a warm whisper in her ear.
‘Don’t say what?’
‘That this isn’t the sort of place you’re used to.’
‘This isn’t the sort of place I’m used to,’ she informed him, dutifully. But no one would have guessed. Heads turned, but there was just curiosity there, the curiosity at seeing two good-looking people entering a restaurant, and Mattie felt as if she had somehow taken a step into the bright new future lying in front of her like a Christmas parcel waiting to be unwrapped.
And when she caught Dominic’s eye she felt as though he had read her mind and was amused at the conclusions she was reaching. That the lines between people had only ever been in her head. Weird.
Then they were fussed over, shown to their table, handed menus that were like scrolls and required rolling down.
‘Mmm. Scallop mousse!’ Mattie feigned sophistication. ‘Halibut, seared, with a drizzle of wild-mushroom compote! All my favourites!’
Dominic sat back and looked at her with amusement. He could have watched her forever.
And, under that languid gaze, Mattie felt suddenly and unexpectedly shy. Where had the tough, hostile woman gone? He certainly hadn’t changed. He was still out of her league and she told herself firmly that it would be better all round if she remembered that.
‘So,’ he said lazily, ‘halibut, seared, with the mushroom compote today. What tomorrow?’
‘You must think I’m a little ridiculous. All this fuss just because I’m getting out there in the real world. Well, not real, but…’
‘You’re grabbing your opportunities. Nothing ridiculous about that.’
‘I guess the women…you socialise with have never had that dilemma.’ Mattie smiled and was relieved when his attention was diverted by the arrival of the waiter to take their orders.
‘No,’ Dominic said truthfully. ‘Most of them are just content to squander their opportunities. Naturally, I meet women in the course of work, career women who have worked damned hard to make their way to the top, women who command respect at the highest level, but equally I meet those whose ambition in life is to meet and marry a rich man who can support their extensive shopping habit for the rest of their lives.’
‘And which do you prefer?’ Mattie asked curiously.
It was a question that was spared an answer as wine was brought to their table, the Chablis he had promised, and poured into glasses.
‘I don’t categorise the women I find attractive.’
‘Well, that’s a non-answer if ever I heard one,’ Mattie said dismissively, and Dominic grinned. ‘And don’t forget we made a deal…’
‘A deal?’
‘That’s right.’ She finished her glass of wine and watched as he poured her another.
Mattie had never been much of a drinker. She could feel the first glass go pleasantly to her head, eating away at the nervousness she had felt earlier on.
‘I gave you my potted life history when we last met. Or, should I say, when you last appeared uninvited at the house? And you promised to give me yours.’
Starters were brought to them, which she barely noticed because she was so busy concentrating on the man sitting opposite her.
Dominic caught her eye over a mouthful of smoked salmon and looked at her. ‘I thought you’d already summed me up. Or so you insisted on telling me every time we met. I thought you knew my potted life history.’
‘Where did you grow up?’
‘Greece and England. Greece for the holidays, England for the schooling. I was boarded from the age of eleven.’
‘What was it like?’ School had been a nightmare for her. She had loved the work, had been good at it, but the necessity to bend to peer pressure had been acute and she could see, in retrospect, that she had wasted her education. Reading books and studying were things that had had to be done covertly. Not that her parents hadn’t encouraged her, but she sailed past their lectures on the importance of a good education with the blithe disregard of someone who was the lynchpin of teenage social life. The prettiest girl with the cutest boyfriend.
Now she listened enviously as Dominic chatted about his own school experiences, making her laugh as he told her stories about the other pupils there. Even at that age, he had already learnt to take for granted the fact that he would achieve at school, move on to university, reach the highest echelons of professional life.
And she found herself telling him about her own school days. The girls who had smoked behind the bicycle shed. The boys who had drunk. The truancy. The teenage pregnancy that had caused such a stir at the time. No knives, no actual violence, the school really hadn’t been that rough, but a lot of giggling in the back at the cool kids who made a point of slouching in their chairs and making ridiculous remarks just to see how far they could push a teacher.
Somewhere along the line, she realised with a little start, they had managed to finish the first bottle of wine and were now well into the second.
She hadn’t felt as relaxed as this in a long time. She ate her fish, told him that it was not really any better than fish and chips from a certain place she knew in Shepherd’s Bush.
‘And will I get to make that judgement myself?’ Dominic asked lazily.
‘Oh, no!’ Mattie laughed, looked at him from under her lashes in a way that she knew was provocative. ‘It’ll all go downhill if the posh set decide to descend on it.’ But there was no rancour in her voice, and when he laughed she heard herself laughing along.
‘I could dress down,’ Dominic told her with exaggerated gravity. If a nuclear bomb had been detonated he would have been unaware, because all he could see was this exhilarating creature sitting in front of him, with her mobile, animated face and her expressive, slender hands.
‘Hah. I bet you’ve never dressed down in your life before.’
‘Jeans? Sloppy shirt? Running shoes? I could do that.’ He stroked his chin thoughtfully. ‘’Course, it would require a shopping trip…’ He knew she would be amused, would laugh, and he wanted to hear her laughter.
He signalled for the bill, still keeping his dark eyes firmly fixed on her face.
Mattie regretfully thought that the evening was over. ‘I could get a taxi back to my place,’ she said as he signed a credit-card slip. ‘You don’t have to drop me back.’
Dominic looked up at her and their eyes met with an understanding that sent a charge of electricity running through her.
‘This has a déjà vu ring about it,’ he murmured, standing up and waiting as she followed suit.
‘We can’t…’ No use pretending that she couldn’t read the intention in his eyes. Or, for that matter, understand the answering response it aroused in her. But alarm bells were ringing in her head. Bad enough enjoying his company because that was only one dangerous step away from becoming addicted to it. But to sleep with him…
‘Why can’t we?’ Dominic murmured.
She felt the gentle pressure of his hand on her elbow as he escorted her to the door and had to clutch the wildly scattering strands of her common sense with an excited, frightening, hot feeling of being sucked under.
‘Fra
nkie and I have just finished with one another,’ she said, pleading to herself and to him as well. ‘I’m not on the market for another relationship.’
‘Why should we fight what we feel? I’m going to call a taxi for both of us. I’m over the limit.’
‘What about your car?’
‘It’ll wait here. I’ll send my driver to collect it.’
‘Which is why we can’t become involved with one another!’
‘Because I have to leave my car here overnight?’
‘You’re deliberately misreading me!’
‘And you’re deliberately trying to find excuses. Why?’ He bent towards her so that she could breathe him in, that clean, masculine scent that made her suck her breath in sharply. ‘Why are you so scared?’ There was dark amusement in his murmured question.
‘I don’t want involvement,’ Mattie protested weakly. Now the taxi was slowing down for them.
‘What sort of involvement are you talking about? A man hanging around your neck like a dead weight? Having your freedom of movement restricted? Or, worse, dictated to? You had that with him, or have you forgotten? Believe me, I’m not looking for involvement either.’
The taxi stopped and Dominic’s head dipped for him to give the cab driver his address, then he looked at her and shot her a slow smile that made the insides of her stomach curl.
“‘To be or not to be…?’”
Mattie shuffled into the seat, sliding along to accommodate him. Hot, slick excitement was pulsing in her veins. She didn’t quite know why she was arguing. For every argument she raised, he countered it with a response that was utterly reasonable.
‘Do you prefer the safety of living with a man you pity and shutting yourself off from all other experiences? Habit can be a destructive thing, Mattie. In your case, the habit of being put down, stepped on, having your wings clipped.’
‘Frankie didn’t…’ Oh, but yes, he had. He had wallowed in his own misfortune and used her pity as a battering ram against her. He had exhausted her, laughed at her aspirations and watched her slave to make money to grab a career for herself while he drank away whatever earnings that he could, without bothering to rouse himself enough to go and look for a job. He had been selfish, although his selfishness had had the same quality as a child’s selfishness. That was probably why she had been able to handle it.
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