by Toni Aleo
She swallows hard, and a look of pure horror covers her face. It’s almost as if she’s about to cry.
“Aviva?”
“I need to tell you something.”
I lift up a bit more. “Okay?” She looks so unsure of herself as she glances away. I take her jaw, bringing her eyes back to mine. “Don’t hide.”
She presses her lips together as her eyes search mine. “Remember when I was talking about that guy I used to be with?”
“The one you changed the subject on?”
“Yeah. Him. Mike.” Aviva’s voice breaks a bit, and her face changes so quickly. Gone is the sex kitten that was about to rock my world, replaced by an anxiety-ridden woman. “He was around when my mom died from breast cancer, and he helped me through that.”
I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. I just watch as she struggles to find her words. “When I said I think he felt sorry for me, it’s because after she died, like only about six weeks later, we found out that I carry the same cancerous gene she had. Then Jaylin was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer.”
“Fucking hell.”
“Exactly,” she says, and when the tears gather in her eyes, I feel my stomach twist. “Well, Jaylin had to get her breasts removed, and since I didn’t want to get cancer because I didn’t want Callie to have to go through everything again, I did the same.”
Her eyes search mine, and I must be an idiot. “Okay, I know this is a serious moment. But I must be super horny because I’m not following. I know that makes me a jackass, but goddamn, you’re so hot. So yeah, what are you saying?”
She swallows hard, and then in the smallest, most shattering voice, she whispers, “I don’t have breasts.”
Nope, not horny. Just an idiot.
Chapter Twelve
Aviva
Nico pulls his brows together as his eyes search mine, and I see the confusion in his brown depths. My heart is jackhammering in my chest, so hard that my vision is shaky. I feel as if I almost can’t breathe. I know I am, but each breath hurts as I draw it in. My chest is tight as I stare at him. I want to look away, but his fingers still hold my jaw, and I don’t think he’d allow me. Since having my double mastectomy, I’ve never had to tell a man about it. I’ve never gotten close enough to a man to allow him to know. With Mike, he knew and we went at it. We never spoke of it, and most of the time, I wore a shirt to bed with him. I didn’t plan on telling Nico, but here I am. I want to live, and for that to happen, I have to share this damaged part about me.
I’m just terrified he’ll be disgusted.
“You don’t have boobs?”
I press my lips together as I look down at his mouth. It’s swollen from our kisses, and damn it, I want to kiss him again. I don’t want to talk about this. “I had a double mastectomy a couple months after I lost my mom.”
“That’s where they cut off your boobs?”
“Yes.”
“So, you have nothing?”
My lips quiver, and I feel the pain of loss all over again. “Nothing.”
I glance up at him just in time to see him look down at my chest, and when he pokes my boob, I want to laugh. “What is this?”
“A fake boob. Rubber, so that it looks like I have something,” I say in almost a whisper. I’m utterly mortified. Why I thought I was ready for this is beyond me. I was so ready to jump with him back at the pub. I wanted to live like Jaylin does, but I forgot what that entails. It means I have to show my whole fucked-up self, and I don’t think I’m ready for that. “Maybe I should go.”
He squishes his brows together as his gaze meets mine. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. But before I can lock my arms tight, he stops me. He pulls my hands away and laces our fingers together. “Aren’t you grossed out?”
“No. Not at all,” he says simply, his eyes burning into mine. “Do you want this?”
I swallow hard. I’m vibrating everywhere. “Yes.”
“Then why the hell would you want to leave?”
I feel the heat all over my face, and I hate the tears that are gathering in my eyes. “I’m embarrassed.”
“By what?”
I shrug, and I refuse to cry. I’ve cried enough over my misfortune, over losing my mom. While this moment, opening myself up to him, may be like ripping a Band-Aid off a wound that won’t heal, I can’t give that wound the power to own me. I meet his gaze with all the strength I can muster as I inhale shakily. “The situation and who you are. You can have anyone with boobs—”
“Stop assuming things about me.”
I give him a look. “Nico, you were on Tinder. A place full of beautiful women.”
“And none of them caught my attention. It was a beautiful woman who rammed her car into my ass who did.”
I bite my lip. “I just feel you’ll be disgusted by me.”
Compassion fills his features as he gathers my face in his hands. “Aviva, I don’t want your boobs. They weren’t what drew me to you. It was you. All of you. I want you.”
My lip quivers as a tear escapes. “No one has ever said that to me.”
“Their loss, my gain,” he whispers as he leans in, pressing his lips to mine.
I squeeze my eyes shut as our lips move together. When he pulls away, he cups my face and runs his thumbs along my jaw. He straddles my hips as he sits up before moving his hands up my arms to my shoulders. His fingers play with the string that holds my halter together, and I can feel every inch of him growing harder by the second. As he slowly unties the top of my halter, his eyes never leave mine. There is something in the way he looks at me and stares into my eyes. It feels as if he is looking into my soul. No one has ever looked at me like that or made me feel like this. As he slowly drags my halter down, I want to stop him, but something keeps me from doing so. I don’t know if it’s the kindness in his eyes, his sweet words, or my horniness. I’m not sure, but I am sure I want this.
I want to live.
I hold my breath as he reveals my chest. I watch his face, waiting for the repulsion as he uncovers my taped-on rubber boobs. I take a deep breath when he reaches for one of them, pulling it off with ease. I watch as he holds it in his hand, squeezing it before a smirk comes across his face. Is he laughing at me?
“Can I borrow this?”
I scrunch up my face. “What?”
“I want to beam Chandler in the face with it. It would be so funny.”
If this was his way of breaking the tension, he succeeded. Within mere seconds, I’m laughing from the gut. He grins down at me before pulling off the other one and tossing them to the side of the bed.
“If they go missing, it wasn’t me,” he says, and I grin. That is, until he touches my scars. I’m holding my breath again as he runs his fingers along the scars. They’re faded and only little white lines, but that isn’t what embarrasses me. It’s the sunken-in part of my chest where my breasts should be. He moves his gaze to mine as he whispers, “You’re so strong, Aviva.”
I shake my head, feeling the rush of shame. “I’m not. I was just scared. I didn’t want to go through what my mom did. I didn’t want Callie to live through two deaths from the same disease.”
“I feel that makes you strong.”
I shake my head once more, ignoring the sensation of his finger along my scar. No one, and I mean no one, has ever touched me like this. I feel so vulnerable but, at the same time, so safe. “No. If anything, I’m a coward because I didn’t try to fight.”
“You are not a coward, not even in the slightest,” he says with such disdain on his face and in his voice. I’ve waited for the disgust, but it wasn’t from how I looked; it was from what I said. “You are a fighter, Aviva. You went through this to protect yourself and your sister. I don’t see that as cowardly.”
He’s got me feeling a certain kind of way, but I won’t ignore the truth. “But I disfigured myself, made it so I can never breastfeed a baby, and then hid behind these scars for years to keep myself
invisible to men. Because I’m a coward.”
He narrows his eyes into slits, and I don’t know why. He doesn’t even really know me, but he cares so much. “Because no one was ever there to tell you that you are perfect just the way you are,” he says with such ease, as if it was what he was born to say.
His words shake me to the core. No man has ever spoken to me like this, with such honesty. I’ve been lied to, cheated on, and stabbed in the back, but there is something about Nico that makes me feel as if he would never do any of that. What you see is what you get with him, and I admire that. He throws off his shirt before slowly lowering himself on top of me. His warm chest feels absolutely perfect against mine. I want to feel insecure that his pecs are bigger than my nonexistent chest, but it’s hard when he is looking at me like this.
Like I’m beautiful.
Nico presses his nose against mine as his eyes burn into mine. I stroke my fingers along his back to his neck, wrapping them around it. “You say what you’re thinking, huh?”
“Completely and with no control or cares.” He looks down at my chin as my fingers dance along his neck. “Does it bother you?”
“Not at all.”
“You don’t think I’m weird?”
I smile. “No. Not at all. I wish I could be like that.”
He pauses for a second, and his eyes…something flashes in them. It’s as if he wants to say something, but he’s holding back. “I’ve always been like this.”
“It’s refreshing.”
“Funny, I was thinking that about you,” he says, kissing the side of my mouth. “Aviva, you shouldn’t be ashamed of your scars. You should be proud. They make you who you are. A strong, beautiful, intelligent, breathtaking woman. You can do and have anything you want.”
Oh, I want to believe him so badly. Not the strong and beautiful part, but the “do and have anything” part. If that were true, I wouldn’t be in debt. I wouldn’t have a father who wants to keep me in the poorhouse, and I would have implants so I could feel like a woman. A woman who can attract someone like Nico. I know I am here, I know I’m in his arms, but I still feel like it’s all a dream. That we’ll go at it and it will be glorious, but then it’ll be over.
“Can I be honest with you now?”
I meet his gaze as my fingers trail over his lips. “Do you know how to be anything else?”
He sends me a smirk. “True,” he chuckles, but then his chuckle dies off. “I’m really weird about mess and fluids.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t like to come on you or anything like that. Chandler and Amelia said I need to be honest with the person I sleep with. And instead of freaking out on you when you wipe my come on my bed, I thought I’d be honest and let you know I don’t like that. So, if you need a towel, I can get one now—”
“Nico.”
He pauses, and goodness, he looks embarrassed. “Yeah?”
“I’m not a fan of come on me either. It’s cool. If we can keep the come in the condom, that would be awesome. I can let you know when I’m about to if you go down on—”
“No. I love doing that. I just don’t like mine all over you.”
Never in my life did I think I would have this conversation. “Okay, that’s no problem.”
“I know it’s stupid—”
I cup his jaw, and I press my lips to his to stop him from talking. I don’t want to talk about it; I just want to do it. His mouth is downright dangerous against mine as it moves along my neck and down my throat. I feel him so hard against my leg, and God, I want him. He runs his mouth along my collarbone, sliding his tongue over the dip as his hands clutch my hips. I tense up when I feel him moving down my chest. I start to feel self-conscious, but when he rakes his teeth down the center of my chest, gone is everything but pure pleasure. I arch up, a guttural yell coming deep from inside me. Mike never kissed my chest—he always ignored it—but Nico does no such thing.
“Fuck, you taste good,” he mutters against my skin, and my heart is out of control.
Desire swirls in my gut, and I feel as if I could come right here, right now. As he dips his tongue into my belly button, he unfastens my skirt and then pulls it off along with my thong. He throws my clothes to the floor with ease. I watch as he gets up on his knees, reaching over to his nightstand. I sit up, undoing his pants and unleashing a swollen cock that is bigger than any cock I have ever seen. I may be biased since he has been really kind to me, but holy mother of penises, Nico is hung. I blink twice, maybe four times, as I run my fingers along the engorged flesh. He’s thick and long, a double whammy.
I lift him into my hand, and while I’m nervous since I haven’t had a cock in my mouth in a very long time, I find myself wanting to please him. I want him to feel as good as I feel. He jumps when my mouth surrounds his head, and when he slips his hand into my hair, I slide my tongue around him.
I’m rewarded with a “Fuck yes” that has my toes curling against the bedspread. I hold him at the base before I move my mouth up and down him. I mix a little tongue and a little teeth, and by the sound of it, I think I’ve still got it. When my name falls from his lips in such a tortured way, my heart soars. I’d forgotten how much I like doing this. I really have a rhythm going, but then he stops me.
“As much as I want to blow right here, I really want to be inside you.”
I lick my lips. “I want that too.”
“Good, ’cause if we do it this way, I’m gonna need a sandwich and a nap before I’m ready for round two.”
I grin up at him as he sheaths himself. “A sandwich, huh?”
He smirks at me before pushing me back onto the bed playfully. He takes me by the back of the knee, pulling me down the bed to him. “I’d rather have a sub than a sandwich, but I have something way better right now,” he says before he pushes himself into me. I’m so wet, there is no resistance, and soon, we’re both moaning loudly. He drops his head to my chest, inhaling deeply as I grasp his back. His cock fills me completely, and it’s one hell of a tight fit. “I swear to God, if you ever make that noise again, I won’t be able to keep from coming.”
I kiss the top of his head. “Fuck me, Nico.”
He looks down at me, his brow perked. “Are you trying to kill me?”
I lean up, kissing his bottom lip. “Yup.”
His eyes darken, and then he is moving into me. With one hand behind my knee, pushing it forward into the bed, and the other at my hip, he’s ruthless. He slams into me, his thighs hitting my ass, and the sound mixes with our own noises of pleasure. He pushes my knee back more, really opening me so he can go deeper. I feel my climax building. I know it’s coming, and fuck, I want it. I look up at him as he thrusts into me, and I swear I’ve never seen such a beautiful man. His eyes are dark, hooded, and only on me. He looks at me as if I have a full rack and a perfect pussy. I mean, my pussy isn’t bad by any means. I keep it rather trimmed up and clean, but his eyes, they make me feel like it’s the best pussy he’s ever had.
“I can’t handle you,” he mutters, and then he pulls out of me. I feel so totally empty without him that I whimper. To my surprise, he drops between my thighs and buries his face in my pussy. I cry out, squeezing my thighs against his head as he sucks me into that dangerous mouth of his. The amount of tongue he uses is mind-blowing. He sucks my clit, then fucks me with his tongue, and finally goes for my clit again. He’s merciless, and when I come, I’m screaming so loud, I’m sure the whole city hears me. I would laugh at the fact that I sound like a yodeler screaming his name, but I’m too spent to give two fucks.
Nico enters me again with such force, and I feel it everywhere. I love it. God, I love it. He grabs on to my hips and slams into me. My body jerks up with each thrust, but hell, I want it. I need it. I feel another climax building, and soon, I’m wrapping my legs around his waist. He must have felt that I was almost there, because he presses his thumb into my clit, sending me right over the edge. I’m lost. Utterly lost. And I don’t want to be found. He doesn�
�t last too much longer before he comes, the sound loud and impassioned against my jaw.
He falls onto me, and I welcome the weight. I move my hair out of my face as I draw breath in deeply, and he does the same. He moves out of me and falls to the side, but his torso stays on mine. I’m covered in sweat, and so is he. I feel like I’ve run ten miles in Arizona.
“Please tell me that’s how you always come,” he whispers against my jaw, and I can’t help but smile. “Fuck, that was so hot.”
I move my lips into his hair and ask, “Which part? The convulsions or the yodeling?”
“I mean, the yodeling was pretty damn awesome.”
“I should enter some competitions.”
“I can help, put a curtain around us, and I’ll get ya going.”
I grin widely as his lips move over my jaw, and I close my eyes. “I haven’t been with anyone in a while.”
“Why? You should be loved on all the time.”
“Because I didn’t want anyone to see me.”
“Don’t hide this spectacular body,” he whispers before kissing my left scar.
He then cuddles deep into me, leaving me feeling all kinds of things. I stroke my fingers through his hair and ask, “No sandwich?”
Nico kisses me once more in the same place. “I don’t need it. I have you.”
I glide my cheek along his hair and feel complete. For once, I feel like I did something for me. Nothing can touch what just happened in this room. Or on this night. It’s all been perfect. Nothing can take that away from me. Not even the fear of tomorrow. I know I could ask what will happen next, and Nico would answer me. It would be a simple, “Will I see you tomorrow?” type of question, and he’d tell me exactly what he is thinking.
Problem is, I’m scared of his answer.
Chapter Thirteen
Nico
The sun warms my face, and I feel the sweet sea breeze as I stir awake. I opened the window before we fell asleep after our really fucking good night together. I wanted Aviva to feel the ocean air when she woke up. It’s my favorite thing about living here. It’s so refreshing, and I hope she likes it too. When she told me she wasn’t a cuddler, I almost screamed out in relief. I told her it was because I get too hot, which is the reason she doesn’t like to cuddle while she sleeps. But really, when I get hot, I sweat, and then it just sits there on us. Freaking me out. It’s fucking gross.