by Toni Aleo
Chapter Thirty
Aviva
I can’t replace perfection.
You can’t love me if you don’t love yourself.
Nico’s words roll over and over again in my head as I stare at myself in his mirror. Tears are flowing down my face as the scars on my chest taunt me.
If you want boobs, get them when Callie does.
I close my eyes as the tears leak out. He doesn’t understand. Without pulling up my dress, I head out of the bathroom to find him on the bed, his phone in hand. He looks over at me. “Come to bed.”
I glare. “You don’t understand,” I say loudly. “I have hated this body for nine years. You can’t just demand I stop!”
He lays his phone down, putting his hands behind his head. “Yes, I can.”
I’m flabbergasted. “No, you can’t.”
“I can, because I love it. There is absolutely nothing on you to hate, Aviva. You have this notion in your head that you need boobs to complete you, and you don’t.”
“But that’s my cross to bear, and I’ll get there. But how dare you say I can’t love you—”
“You can’t,” he says so calmly. “You’ll always think I want better, and that’s not fair to me or you. I really don’t want anyone else, I promise. I happen to love you and only you.”
My jaw is hanging open. “So what? You want to end this?”
He rolls his eyes, letting out a sigh. “What in the hell? How does I love you mean I want to end this?”
“Because why do you get to love me, but I don’t get to love you?”
“I don’t doubt you love me, Aviva. I mean, come on. I’m a catch—”
“Your cockiness knows no bounds.”
He nods. “Yeah, so?”
I can’t even argue with him. “Oh my God, you drive me crazy.”
“I’m aware,” he says simply. “But like I said, I can’t keep doing this dance with you. Love yourself, know I’m not fucking around on you or that I want to. I love you. I love that body, and I don’t need you to have boobs. I need you to smile.”
I shake my head, crossing my arms over my chest as my lip quivers. I hate how I am feeling. So defeated, so worthless. “I don’t know how to love myself.”
Something changes in his eyes. Gone is the cockiness, replaced by concern. “It’s easy, Aviva. Just know you are perfection, and the rest will fall into place.”
“How, when I know I’m not? I’m missing a key piece, Nico.”
“Funny, because your key piece to me is your soul.”
My heart is going crazy in my chest, as are the butterflies in my gut.
“Now, come to bed so I can love on that body of yours and show you why you should love it too.”
I just blink. “Why do you drive me crazy?”
“Because it’s fun,” he says, sitting up and pulling me to him. He kisses me in the middle of my chest and looks up at me. “I love you, Aviva.”
I wrap my arms around his neck as he slides his hands down my dress before cupping my ass. I lean my head into his, pressing my nose right below his eye. “I do love you too, Nico.”
“I know.”
My face breaks into a grin, and my heart soars.
But I’m terrified he’s right.
How can I love him when I don’t love myself?
As the sun sets, Amelia slowly walks down the aisle on her brother’s arm. He holds her like she is a flower, and tears threaten to fall from his eyes. He’s wearing a pair of khaki pants and a teal button-down shirt. I was surprised by the minimal decorations for the wedding, but then I saw Amelia’s dress. It’s a showstopper. Made of only lace, it has tons of beads, crystals, and sparkles that have her gleaming in the setting sun. It’s long, dragging on the beach as she walks, while the back is completely bare, showing off her incredible muscles. The lace in the front is cut in a way that shows a lot of skin but also keeps her covered. She isn’t wearing a veil, and her hair is flowing down her shoulders. She looks stunning, and Ryan, he’s an emotional mess.
I met him yesterday, and it’s obvious that his sister and his wife are his life. After losing their dad to cancer, he said walking Amelia down the aisle would be very special to him. It’s sweet. Almost as sweet as watching him with his wife; he can’t keep his hands off her. Sofia is a gorgeous and stunning gymnast whom Callie has talked to and about nonstop. She owns a gym back in Nashville and offered for Callie to come train if we ever go there. She’s apparently pretty badass and has convinced Callie that she needs to go to Bellevue for college. I was hoping she’d stay in state, but let’s be honest, that girl is too talented to stay here.
I look up at where the preacher stands with Chandler, who’s crying like a baby. Tears gush down that man’s face, and it guts me. He looks so handsome in a white button-down and khaki pants. It’s obvious he loves Amelia more than anything. Soon, my tears are flowing, and I know Nico is going to tease us all. He’s standing there with a shit-eating grin while holding Carter, who is wearing a matching teal shirt and khaki pants. Even with how adorable Carter is, my gaze keeps falling on Nico. He looks so damn good, so damn happy, and I can’t wait to cuddle with him later.
His words still haunt me, and I’ve sort of come to hate them. I don’t want to believe that I can’t love him without loving myself, because right now, I feel like I love him more than anything. Which may be the problem. He’s right. After yesterday, watching Shelli’s sister try to get him to sleep with her, and then seeing Shelli, who is basically a goddess in heels, I was riddled with jealousy. How could I measure up? I don’t feel like I’m anything even comparable, yet he only looks at me.
He must know I’m thinking of him, because his eyes fall on me as his grin widens. Carter lays his head on Nico’s chest, and my heart soars. Nico’s going to be a great dad one day, and I pray I get to be the mom. I love that man. When his eyes shift to where Ryan is giving Amelia away, my heart stops.
“I trust you,” Ryan says, grabbing Chandler’s hand. “You’re my best friend and the man who was made for my sister. Protect her, cherish her, and love her.”
Chandler’s a blubbering mess, but he nods. “Done deal, bro.”
“And there is no return policy. She’s yours.”
Amelia laughs through her sob, and I notice her mom is bawling her eyes out. Amelia’s family is all so beautiful. It’s really unfair to have so many good-looking people in one family. Shouldn’t someone have a boil or something?
“All mine,” Chandler says, stealing my attention back. He takes her hand, and for the next twenty minutes, I’m swooning.
Callie leans into me, tears dripping down her cheeks, and I wrap my arms around her. “She’s so beautiful.”
“She is.”
“I can’t wait for you to get married,” she whispers, and I kiss her head.
“Me either.”
She is as surprised by my confession as I am. She curves her lips as she threads her fingers through mine. We watch as Amelia and Chandler stare into each other’s eyes and the sun warms the scene.
“The couple has written their own vows, so Amelia, please declare your love for this man.”
Amelia clears her throat and then presses her lips together as she stares up into Chandler’s eyes. It’s easy to see she is struggling and that the emotion is too much. She blinks away some tears and then brings their hands to their chests. She takes in a deep breath. “I found you young, but it didn’t work out. I went another way, and you did too. I always think about how life would have been if we had tried to make things work, but I now know that we had to take our separate paths to find each other again.” She sniffs, and soon, my tears are flowing faster. “I was bruised and broken when you found me. I felt as if I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love, not even my own. I hated myself. I hated life. I hated everything. I was trying so hard to rebuild my life, but what I didn’t realize at the time was I needed a partner to do it with.”
Yup, pretty sure there isn’t a dry eye on this beach.
>
“Chandler, not only did I fall head over heels in love with you, but I fell in love with myself. I love who I am because of you. You give the gift of your love and your support daily. Carter and Hannah don’t even know how lucky they are to have you as a father yet, but I know how lucky I am to have you as my husband.”
Chandler closes his eyes and drops his head to hers.
“I will love you until the day I die, Chandler Moon.”
Oh, my heart. I watch as Chandler gathers her in his arms, holding her so close, but then my gaze falls on Nico. He is watching them with a dreamy look on his face, and he makes me feel what Amelia is speaking of. I want to love myself. I want to believe I’m the perfection he speaks of. I want to love my life the way Amelia does, and lately, I feel I have. So much is changing, and it’s all because of that man right there.
As Chandler clears his throat, Callie cuddles deeper into me. “Do you remember the first time we kissed?” he asks Amelia.
Amelia grins. “I do. In a dark corner of the Bellevue Bullies’ house.”
“Behind my back,” Ryan calls out, and I snort with laughter. Apparently Ryan had said that Chandler couldn’t date Amelia. I’m guessing that memo was ignored, but I don’t think Ryan can be upset. Their love is overwhelming.
Everyone laughs softly as Chandler nods. “It was so loud in there, but I heard everything you said. That moment is when I knew I loved you, and every moment since we met back up has felt like that moment. There is no one in the world I want to live life with but you. I want to pull the car over and dance with you to every song that reminds us of us. I want to raise our babies and show them what true love is. Because, Amelia, what we have is the real deal,” he says, his voice breaking. “I will always be there for you, supporting you and loving you, so that you know your worth.” He gathers her face in his hands, and his voice is so low as he says, “I love you, Amelia. Let’s do this life together.”
When they kiss, the beach erupts with cheers and applause, which wakes up both babies, and they start wailing. Chandler and Amelia part, laughing before grabbing their babies from Nico and Shelli. When they come back to each other, my heart aches with happiness. Chandler kisses Amelia, and I swear someone better have gotten that picture. But even with the gorgeousness that is their love, my attention drifts to Nico. He’s grinning so widely as he claps, and he doesn’t look too nervous. I can tell he doesn’t want to be there, but he loves Chandler and Amelia. When his eyes meet mine, he winks, sending my gut into a fit.
I love you, he mouths, and my heart soars.
I love you too, I mouth back, and I’ve never meant four words as much as I do those now.
I wrap my arms around Callie and kiss her head. “Hey.”
She looks up at me. “Yeah?”
“I love you.”
She beams up at me, and soon, I feel that overwhelming love. “I love you too.”
As I stare into my sister’s eyes, I don’t want this feeling to end.
When I notice Nico walking toward us, I stand up, and Callie does too. He comes right for us, wrapping his arms around us both. “Big crybabies.”
“Shut up! It was beautiful. I bet you’ll cry at your wedding,” Callie teases, and Nico snorts.
“Probably,” he agrees, and then he kisses my temple.
He looks down at me, and I love his smile. I want to do something I never thought I’d do. “I want to go.”
He nods. “Me too, but I promised I’d stay for the party. Thankfully, no best man speech.” He shudders. “I would freak.”
I shake my head. “No, I want to go to Barcelona with you two.”
Callie’s eyes widen, and Nico grins. “No way.”
“Yes. Can we still go this weekend?”
“The shop?” Callie asks, and I shrug.
“We’ll close it for the weekend. I want to have fun.”
“For real?” Nico asks, and I nod.
“For real.”
He looks over at Callie, who is now jumping up and down, and then calls to Chandler, “Hey, Chandler.”
Chandler looks over at us, grinning from ear to ear.
“Put us on the plane thingy, ’cause we’re going!”
I’m terrified to leave my business for a weekend, but I want to live.
I want to live with Nico and Callie.
Chapter Thirty-One
Aviva
On our drive home, Callie is still trying to pick out a profile picture for her Instagram. “I like the one with the stones on the one little road where Nico started playing the Ed song the first time.”
I nod as I turn into the shop. I swear I would be okay if I never heard that song again. Between Callie and Nico, I think we listened to it a billion times. It was cute, though, watching her dance to it in the middle of the street. I took so many pictures and plan to blow up the one of Nico spinning her while they danced. The trip was worth closing the shop, and I’d do it again if given the chance. I could never have dreamed of the memories we made. It was so much fun.
While the trip was something we will do again, my first hockey game was pretty badass too. I had absolutely no clue what was happening, but the food was good, and Nico was super-hot. The IceCats lost, but we still had a blast.
“I think the one we took at the game tonight was awesome.”
She shrugs, but apparently, it wasn’t. For the last week, all I’ve heard about was how she wants to live in Barcelona and never leave. It was amazing. We only had two days, but in those two days, I have never been happier. The nerves I have that I’ll fall behind are still there. But I’ve been able to save so much money from doing the IceCats catering, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. I did the books the day we came back, and I felt a little better. In true form, though, I stress.
“I think the one of Nico twirling both of us is my favorite.”
I raise a brow. “You have one of both of us?”
She shows me the picture, and my smile grows. Nico is in the middle of us as he spins us. My red dress flows, as does Callie’s blue one. He looks stunning in a pair of shorts and tee, and yup, that’s the best picture ever. “How did you get that?”
“I had someone take it. And I did a boomerang.”
I make a face. “I don’t understand boomerangs, but send me that picture.”
“Done,” she says, and then she tucks her phone between her legs. “Is Nico coming over?”
“Yeah, but he’ll probably be late.”
She nods, threading her fingers together. “Why doesn’t he just move in?”
I whip my head around to her. “What?”
“He’s over all the time anyway, and he has crap at our house and we have crap at his. We might as well just merge our crap together.”
I blink. “Callie, please, be real.”
She glances over at me. “Aviva, we’re a family. I think he should move in. Or us with him.”
I take a deep breath, and while I would love to wake up every morning to Nico, that’s insane. He’d probably laugh in my face. He likes his space, and I like mine. But I like it more when he is around. “Maybe in a year if we’re still together.”
She makes a face. “You know he isn’t going anywhere, right?”
I swallow hard and my heart aches. She is already attached to Nico, loves him, and it makes me nervous. If something does happen, she’ll be crushed.
As would I.
But she’s right, he won’t go anywhere. We’re a cute little family. I don’t answer her, though, as I turn into the parking lot of the shop. We head inside, and I lock the door and set the alarm. Nico is coming over, but I gave him a key to get in the other day and he knows the code, so I head upstairs to shower and clean up. I don’t know how I feel about this jersey. It’s entirely too big. Callie’s swallows her whole, and mine hangs on me like a potato sack. I’m not a fan, but I did enjoy wearing Nico’s number. By the look on his face, I know he loved it too.
Callie heads to bed since she has school tomorrow
, while I get in the shower. Nico is leaving tomorrow, and then we leave Saturday for the conference. I’m excited to go because of how excited Nico is. Even Callie is pumped, but I think it’s because of all the free stuff we’ll get. She loves that sort of thing. As I wash my body, I can’t stop my mind from wandering to what Callie said about Nico moving in. That would be crazy. Right? Yeah, he is here all the time, and we only go to his house on date nights, but he wouldn’t want to live here. I’m insane. It’s been like five minutes; we are nowhere near ready to discuss moving in or anything.
But then, why does it feel so right to want him to?
Once I’m washed, I get out and put on my robe. I wrap my hair up and find myself picking up my phone to call Jaylin. She answers right away.
“Whatup,” she says on a yawn. “It’s late. I need my beauty sleep.”
“Callie said Nico should move in.”
I’m met with silence for a moment. “How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know. It’s only been a few months. Like three.”
“Yeah, but he’s there all the time, isn’t he?”
“He is, but he has the freedom to leave and get away from me.”
She snorts. “I doubt he needs that freedom. Have you asked him?”
“Not at all. I feel crazy thinking it.”
“Ask him, then.”
I wrinkle my face. “Would you move in with someone after three months?”
“If I loved them, I would.”
“Hmm. This is weird.”
“What?” she laughs. “Feelings?”
“Yeah, they’re tricky.”
Jaylin scoffs. “But they’re so much fun.”
When my door opens, Nico fills the doorway, looking tiredly sexy. His hair is brushed back and wet. His suit is fitted, but the first three buttons of his shirt are unbuttoned while his tie hangs loosely. “Nico just got here. Let me call you back.”
“Ugh, I’m so jealous you’re about to bang.”
I hang up, shaking my head. “Hey you.”
He grumbles, but still, he sends me a small smile. “Sorry I lost,” he says, coming to the bed and crawling over me.