Once we got to church, we waited in the car as usual. Father put on his mask and filed in with the rest of the men. We were not allowed to see their faces. At exactly 10:10, Mother and I followed the rest of the women into the back of the church where there were no pews. I took my place in the last row with the rest of the unwed girls, while Mother went to the end of the second row, closest to the door. We all kneeled on the ground, put our faces to the floor and stretched our hands out in front of us. The men taught us that a woman’s place with God was always worshipping and we were unworthy to look, so we had to keep our faces plastered to the ground. There we would stay for the next two hours while the Master ranted and raved about death and destruction. The sermons were different sometimes, but they were always dark and scary. It was quite common for some of us to fall asleep during the sermon and at the end we would stretch and tap the women on both sides of us, so that no one was punished for sleeping.
Once we were all the in the required position the preaching began.
“First, let it be known that one among us is missing today. A most grievous sin. He will be punished for that. Mr. Brown, it will be your task to track him down and make sure he does not miss the next meeting. Perhaps today we should explore the punishments Mr. William might receive if he does not return next week. Let us read from the good book today. In Leviticus we read the punishment for many sins.
“And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. And the man that lieth with his father’s wife hath uncovered his father’s nakedness, both of them shall surely be put to death, their blood shall be upon them.”
On and on he went for the next two hours about sin and punishment. Was anyone else awake? I’d never dared to peek before, but something about the last week made me a bit more courageous. I turned my head ever so slightly and looked down the row. Everyone had their eyes to the ground. Lifting my head a little, I looked up at the first two rows. Not a soul had their head up, but something caught my eye. The spot at the end of the second row was empty. Mother was gone.
Then something very strange happened, almost at once, every girl and woman rose their head and looked at me. Me. A few smiled, but most looked as confused as I felt. A salty taste filled my mouth and an eagle call sounded in my ear.
The Master was still preaching, but I wasn’t listening until his voice changed slightly and rose in volume.
“Who among us has sinned? Who among us is brave enough to bear the punishments that God has promised?”
We all snapped our heads back down.
The Master asked the same question every week and every week the pattern was the same. A man would volunteer some sin or another. This week it was a boy with a squeaky voice. “Please Master, I have sinned. I have had bad thoughts about a girl.”
The Master laughed. “That is perfectly natural Boy. God will allow you some thoughts. Otherwise, how would we ever produce children?” The rest of the men laughed with him. I didn’t think it was funny at all. “Don’t mind your thoughts Boy. Let’s find us a real sin.”
Then like always, he came to the back of the church and picked a woman. He pulled her up by the braid and dragged her to the front.
“Women, rise, and see what happens to those of you who are unfaithful.”
This time it was a girl around the age of fourteen. She was thin, short and shaking.
“What is your sin?” he asked, stroking her chin.
“I have none,” she said. She wasn’t lying. It was impossible to lie to the Master. Most weeks, I had no sins either. I obeyed my parents, did my chores, and watched my thoughts. It’s a good thing I didn’t get picked this week. I’d only had to go up there twice in my life. I don’t like thinking about those times.
“No sin?” He laughed. “We all sin. Your sin this week is arrogance and pride. You must be taught humility. To be taught humility it must be taken from your flesh.”
I cringed. Most of the time the punishment was a whipping. The woman would turn around, flip her dress up and pull down her underwear. Then she would grasp her ankles and receive a few whips on the buttocks for whatever sin she committed. It was horrible, but bearable. The other punishments, not so much.
I wondered where he would take the flesh from.
“Sins of pride begin in the heart and must be taken from there.”
Of course he wouldn’t really cut her heart out, but I imagined at that moment she wished her breasts were larger.
“Unbutton your dress down to your bellybutton.”
She did as she was told, revealing tiny budding breasts. I nearly cried out for her. The girl standing next to me grabbed my hand and held tight. I didn’t look at her, but did the same for the girl standing on the other side of me. She grasped my hand hard. This was the first time we’d ever done that for each other. In fact, most of the time we didn’t even bother looking at each other. None of the rest of them went to school with me. They were all homeschooled.
The Master took out the wicked looking, razor sharp, curved blade. He pierced the skin just above her left breast and carved down towards her shaking arm. Blood trickled down her chest. Her eyes were clenched tight. The Master held up the bloodly knife.
“Is it enough?” he roared.
“NO!” The men shouted back. “MORE!”
Tears poured out from the corners of the girl’s eyes. I was surprised she was still standing. The Master took the knife and carved another line across her chest, forming a bloody X. The girl let out a howl and fainted.
“Remember my faithful followers, that pride and arrogance are most grievous sins. You are dismissed.”
As usual, we left first so that the men could do whatever it is that they did when the women weren’t watching.
I found Mother waiting by the car.
“Father will come home later. He has some things to take care of.”
I sighed in reflief. No Father meant that we could relax instead of sitting on the couch listening to him continue the earlier sermon.
When we got home, I quickly escaped to my room, trying to forget about the horrible scene during the sermon. I wanted nothing more than to be able to take a nap and dream of my brown haired savior. At least I hoped he had brown hair.
When I got to my room I found a pink envelope on my bed with a post-it note stuck to it.
I found this in the attic.
It belongs to you.
—Kai
A warm feeling flowed through my veins. He had a name.
“Kai,” I said it out loud, savoring the sound.
He’d been sneaking around in my attic. Why? My name was written across the front of the envelope in large loopy script. It bore no return address but was postmarked from Las Vegas a few weeks ago. A voice in my head urged me to tuck away the envelope, hide it where it would never be found. It felt like I had done something wrong. Something I could get whipped for. Then a new voice arose. The same one that had urged me to flip Dwayne off on Monday. This voice told me to embrace possibility. I turned the envelope over, slid my finger under the flap and pulled out a card. Glitter stuck to my fingers like thousands of tiny seeds. On the front, amongst flowers in a gorgeous script read, To my niece on her birthday.
I slid down onto the floor. My ugly green dress gathered in waves around my knees. I had an aunt? My vision blurred a little and my head spun. A fifty-dollar bill fell out of the card. A short poem was etched on the inside, but I ignored it and read the note in purple ink.
Naomi,
Sixteen, how exciting! Is your mom letting you drive? You should hop in the car and come see me. I’ll pay for your gas. Vegas is lonely without family.
I miss you fiercely. The last time I saw you, you were three years old and covered in chocolate ice cream. Are you still a chocoholic? Tell your mom I miss her. If you ever need anything, you know where to find me. Remember that I love you.
Much Love,
Aunt Ginny
Where on earth did an aunt come from? Grandma never spoke of another daughter. Excitement and fear buzzed through me. Another person who shared my blood. For years the only family I knew was my mother and father. And Grandma. No one ever spoke of anyone else. But an aunt. Who loves and misses me. What did this mean for me?
Ten minutes ago I had been trapped in a future I couldn’t bear to face, but now everything was different. Now, I had an aunt who wanted me to come visit her. Another member of my family who might be able to help. I grinned, happy to know that someone out there loved me.
I changed in a hurry, not really paying attention to what I put on. One denim skirt was just like the rest. If mother was napping I could sneak up to the attic to see if I could find the other letters she mentioned.
My roses eventually became not only my friends, but my family as well. Having no connections with any of my relatives aside from my mother, father and grandmother, I created my own. In the center of my garden resides Sister Jane, Brother John, Cousin Essie, and few others. Aunt Sally became my confidant. They smell like an old woman’s perfume. I spend hours spilling my secrets to bright pink blooms. The rosebush, now taller than me and ever blooming, will be the rose I miss the most.
THE LETTERS WERE SCATTERED about the attic. I gathered them up and brought them back to my room to read. I put them in order by postmark date. Only one had a return address, but a mouse had chewed through the name.
The address read 1100 Vegas Blvd, Las Vegas, Nevada. Las Vegas! Father calls that place sin city, but to me it sounded glamorous and exciting. I wondered if she’d let me come live with her.
Each letter contained between fifty and a hundred dollars. I took the money and hid it in a pair of old tennis shoes in my closet. If I ever had to make a run for it, the shoes would already contain everything I needed. A few years were missing, but they began the year after my grandma died.
Dear Naomi,
Happy ninth birthday! I bet you are getting so big. I miss you. I wish I could’ve seen you while I was there for Grandma’s funeral, but your mom said you didn’t want any visitors. Your Grandma called me a couple of days before she died and said she was planning on a visit and she was going to take you with her. Come see me sometime and have a wonderful birthday.
With love,
Aunt Ginny
Dear Naomi,
I’m so sorry I missed your birthday last year. My client list tripled and I barely had time to breathe. I was thinking about your Grandma this morning. I miss her and wish I had spent more time with her. She was always so cheerful. But I suppose you knew that since she lived with you. I hope you have a good birthday and I doubled your money this year, because I forgot. Have fun being twelve.
Love,
Ginny
Dear Naomi,
The years are simply flying by. I can’t believe fifteen years ago you were a baby. I wish you’d call me or write or something. Vegas is lonely without family. Do you have a boyfriend yet? If you look anything like your mother, I’m sure the boys are just falling all over you. Take care of yourself and buy a cute outfit or something. Tell your mom I love her.
With all my love,
Ginny
A thought wiggled its way into my brain. A thought that perhaps my aunt could rescue me from my impending nuptials. Surely she wouldn’t want me married off so young.
I took the letters to school with me so that I could analyze them in peace, without worry that my parents would see them. At lunch I showed them to Ruth. After she put down the last card, she creased her ginger eyebrows.
“Why would your dad hide them?” she asked, nibbling on the edge of a double chocolate chip cookie. The big ones that you get at Subway. She gave me half.
I shrugged. She shuffled through the cards again and put them in order.
Then a putrid stench filled the air like cow manure mixed with vomit. I turned just in time for Dwayne to slide a grimy hand around my waist. Flies buzzed in my head again. Why did he always have that effect on me? He buried his face in my shoulder, nipping my neck. I gagged and slid towards Ruth.
He held tight. “Naomi, why don’t you introduce me to your friend?”
“Dwayne, this is Ruth. Ruth, Dwayne.”
Ruth stared at me with wide green eyes. She gathered up the cards and began to push them towards me, but I shook my head slightly. Thank heavens she understood. Instead, the cards made a smooth move into her backpack. I could get them back after school.
“Well, Ruth,” Dwayne drawled, “I haven’t gotten any alone time with my dear Naomi for awhile so why don’t you get lost?” Fear sliced across my insides. I wanted to stick up for her, tell Dwayne to get lost, but he reported everything to my father. So far I’d been able to keep my friendship with Ruth quiet, but if I suddenly got defensive, Dwayne would go racing home to Father and tell him. I just looked at Ruth and nodded, knowing she was hurt.
She didn’t even look at me as she whisked away her backpack and moved on.
Dwayne kept a firm hold on my waist, placed his other hand on my thigh and leaned into my ear. “If I ever see you with that slut again, you will pay. I might even have to convince my daddy to move up the big day. Stay away from her and all the other girls too. Friends are no longer necessary for you. We only have three weeks until you are all mine.”
I squirmed, but he held on tight. “Do you understand?”
I nodded and closed my eyes, trying to keep the tears in. His stench was so overpowering I nearly threw up on him, but then the bell rang and he sidled away from me. For a minute or two, I didn’t move. I’d have to tell Ruth I couldn’t be friends with her anymore. Until I had a way out, I couldn’t allow Dwayne to move up the date.
Before he showed up, I was so excited by the prospect of my aunt and the possibilities she presented. How was I going to find Ginny without help? I suppose if all else failed, Kai would take me away and I’d never have to see my parents or Dwayne again.
The problem was, I couldn’t talk with Kai and a note was risky. The next bell rang and I realized that the lunchroom was empty. I scurried upstairs and tried to creep in the back of my English class when my teacher noticed.
“You are tardy,” she said loudly in front of the whole class.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered and took my seat. She moved on with class, but I couldn’t concentrate. What would I do without Ruth? It had only been a few weeks, but she was my lifeline, the one bright spot in my otherwise worthless life.
I tried very hard to forget about it. To find something happier to think about. I had seen the brown haired boy in the lunchroom again. My mind drifted off, this time Kai and I were on a beach in Florida, watching the sunset. His arm was around me and we were talking about the future. I wondered if I would be disappointed the first time I saw his face. To me, he’d been the boy with the curly hair for so long that I couldn’t really picture him as someone else. What if he was blond? That would be weird.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. I didn’t understand anything the teachers said, but at least I made it. After my last class, Ruth waited for me outside the door like she always did. Her teacher let them out early because he drove a bus. I met her eyes for a millisecond then brushed past her and ran to the bus. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks and I didn’t bother to try to hide it. Who was I kidding? Escape was pointless. I’d spend the rest of my life planning it, but I wasn’t a doer. My only hope at that point was to hope that somehow I pissed Dwayne off bad enough that he’d kill me. Wherever I went after that he couldn’t follow.
I felt Ruth sit down next to me, but I didn’t turn to look at her. My tears wet the window. She didn’t say anything, but she put her hand on my shoulder and left it there for most of the bus ride. The touch was comforting, which was bizarre for me. When there were only a few kids left, Ruth reached over and turned my chin so I would look at her.
“Tell me. Now.” She had a way of extracting things from me that I never
understood. Her wide blue eyes and her forceful command was enough for me to spill my guts when I never had the nerve to tell anyone before.
I whispered. “My father, he’s forcing me to marry Dwayne. As soon as school gets out. And they said I can’t be friends with you or they’ll move the date up. And Dwayne, he’ll probably kill me.”
She took the news surprisingly well. I suppose after her own horrors, mine didn’t seem that farfetched. She thought for a moment and then cocked her head at me. “But you’re sixteen. You can’t get married.”
“I can with parental permission.”
“Refuse.” She looked so eager, like I hadn’t thought about that.
“I won’t. I can’t disobey my father, I never have.”
She nodded, looking away. “Okay. We’ll only talk on the bus. We’ll figure this out so you don’t have a wedding.”
She dug in her backpack, pulled out the letters and handed them to me. “Here, Ginny will help too.”
I sighed. Hope was gone. I admired her positive attitude, but there was no way it would happen. Father and Dwayne were just too powerful. I trudged home and tried not to think about the future.
Later that evening, just before dinner, my father called me into the dining room.
“Naomi, we need to talk.” He tugged at his tie and undid the first button on his dress shirt. My mother took her seat next to him and looked out the window, away from me. My stomach tightened.
“It seems you have been disobedient.” The floral place mat in front of me held an empty glass, two forks, and a butter knife. My plate was missing. Ruth. My palms began to sweat. The last time he threatened me about Ruth he nearly chopped off my fingers. What would he do to me now?
“Your mother tells me you stole letters hidden in the attic from her heathen sister.”
The Thorn Chronicles-Books 1-4: Kissed, Destroyed, Secrets, and Lies Page 4