My brain was foggy and I probably wasn’t thinking straight. No one does in the middle of the night.
I padded out of the room and found Kai sitting in the office, staring at the computer. The office still looked the same. Though all the gruesome pictures had been taken down and replaced with smiling Guardians plastered on every wall. With little effort I was able to find both Alejandro and Puck.
I sat next to Kai. He’d changed into flannel pajama pants and a black t-shirt.
“How’d the rest of the meeting go?” I asked.
He grinned. “Fine, no thanks to you. I wouldn’t recommend talking to Jesse anytime soon. He’s out for blood.”
“Is he the one with the harelip?”
Kai nodded. “That was a good play though, something I would do. How’d you know he was hiding cards?”
“I didn’t.”
Kai laughed out loud then looked at his watch and frowned.
“Is something wrong?” He asked.
I shrugged. “No, I just noticed you were still awake. What time is it?”
“About two-thirty.”
“Why are you still awake?” I asked.
He grinned and in that moment he looked a little like Puck. My heart skipped a beat.
“You stole my bed.”
I smiled back at him.
He continued. “I tried sleeping on the couch, but it wasn’t very comfortable.”
Of course not. The thing was about twenty years old and probably uncomfortable even when it was new.
He stretched his arms over his head and yawned. “Besides, after tonight there is too much Destroyer energy. I can barely go in there.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be a Destroyer?”
“Not when I’m alone. As much as I can, I try to stay in the Guardian energy.”
I nodded and checked his energy. Of course it was Guardian, sunny and warm. It made sense that he would want to stay in that energy. At least it made two-thirty-in-the-morning sense.
Time to start doing my job. For some reason it was easier when I was groggy. I got up, took his hand, and led him to my room. He followed without question. When we got to the bed he stopped, but I pulled him in after me. I lay with my back to him, and I could feel his breath on me. My throat thickened with emotion. Puck would be so hurt if he saw this.
It felt so unreal to be back in my old house. I was afraid my father was going to come in at any moment with a belt, or Mother would show up and force me back into my old life. I knew it was irrational. My mother was locked up and my father no longer had the power or the desire to control me.
Another part of me worried I would wake up from this fantastical dream and have to put on one of those horrible skirts.
I shifted closer to Kai, hoping he’d get the hint. He did.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight against his chest. For this to be believable, I had to pretend he was Puck. So I closed my eyes and imagined I was back in Las Vegas. Within minutes, I was fast asleep.
Alejandro taught me how to bleed power into plants. It was fairly easy. I discovered that every time I did, the essence of the plant stayed with me for a while. It was mostly about the smell. Puck loved it when I’d been playing in the rose garden, but he wouldn’t come anywhere near me when I’d been tending Alejandro’s jalapeños.
THE NEXT MORNING, I ROLLED OVER and expected to see Puck. Instead I found Kai, asleep, peaceful. His face was relaxed, childlike. I tried to sense his Destroyer energy, but there was nothing dark. He was pure Guardian, smelling of soap and sunshine. How was he pulling this off? I thought about touching his cheek, but I didn’t want to wake him. I slipped out of bed and found a pair of flip-flops by the door. Kai never stirred.
I escaped out to the greenhouse. The air was heavy with humidity. This afternoon would be hot and unbearable, so now would be the only time I’d be able to work in my garden without feeling miserable. A year ago that thought would’ve never crossed my mind. I’d have been in my garden no matter the heat. But now I had nothing to hide from, so I could be picky about when I went.
I grabbed a couple of clippers and a bucket from the greenhouse and made the short walk to the garden. It was overgrown, but very much alive. This garden felt more like my Grandmother. I found her favorite rose, Maiden’s Blush, which she’d planted a couple of years before she died. As I worked, I focused on feeling its energy. I fed a little of my own into each stem and could smell it coming out of the bloom. I shouldn’t be angry with Kai for bringing me back to this house. I was glad to be with my roses again.
After I trimmed all the plants, I went back to the greenhouse with a few Ruth Alexanders that I wanted to blend with a yellow rose Kai put in the new greenhouse. I hoped to get a color similar to Ruth’s hair.
I entered the greenhouse and found Kai waiting there. My grip tightened on my roses. He smiled, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
“Hey, Beautiful. I brought you breakfast.”
He handed me a plate with a muffin and a banana. I smiled. Last year, his muffins and bananas on Sundays cinched my ability to trust him when I’d never physically seen him.
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Know what?”
“That my father didn’t let me eat on Sundays.”
He sighed and leaned against the table.
“I didn’t know specifically about you, but I knew that the women in the church weren’t allowed to eat on Sundays.”
“I could’ve gotten in trouble, you know.”
He grinned. “No, you were smarter than that. I knew you’d hide it.”
Just like that, the spell broke. I clenched my fists. Kai had taken care of me, but he used me. He wanted me with him because I was an easy energy source. For a second I had forgotten Puck. My sole purpose was to bring Kai back to the Guardians and return to Puck. Not to worry about whether or not Kai loved me. It would be better if he didn’t love me, actually. Then he wouldn’t be hurt when was is all over.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” I asked, changing the subject.
He paused his pacing, but still bounced on his feet. “Not much, chilling at home. Maybe we’ll go down to the creek.”
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Sure, why?”
“You’re jittery.”
He laughed and ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Yeah, I’m like that a lot now. I don’t really want to talk about it.”
I crossed my arms. “Okay, then what do you want to talk about?”
He hesitated. “You need to know how this year is going to play out.”
What an odd way to phrase that. I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my voice. “Don’t I get any say in the way this year plays out?”
He looked at me like I was a little kid. “Forgive me for not asking your opinion, but you spent the last three months on the Guardian council. The Destroyers don’t need your input.”
“Excuse me, then why did you have me at the meeting last night?”
“Because they all wanted to meet you. No one said anything that Puck doesn’t already know.”
Anger bubbled up inside of me and I could feel my mother and Dwayne encouraging me to act. The air smelled of smoke, my anger was bleeding out. I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself and suppress their energy. I hated the Destroyers and everything they did to me, and now I was supposed to pretend to love the Master. This was so wrong.
On the other hand, this Master was Kai. I was so confused.
“Why did you bring me here, if you think I’m working for Puck?”
He pointed the clippers at me, his face hardened. “I need you here with me or I might not make it back to the Guardians when this is all over. You are counting the days until you can go back to Puck.”
He knew. How the hell did he know? He couldn’t read minds. At least I’d never heard of a Guardian or Destroyer with that capability. This was going to be so much harder than I had planned. It didn’t help that my anger wa
s coming up. Damn my mother and Dwayne.
Kai leaned back, scowling. “What was up with last night anyway?”
He was so arrogant. Something in my head snapped. My vision blurred and I could feel my face turning red. I knew I should correct him, make him think that I was here for him and not Puck. But I was so angry.
“Last night was a lapse in judgment. It won’t happen again. Please leave my greenhouse. I’ll be an hour and we can discuss your plans.” I practically spit out the last word. The sound of flies buzzed in my ears. I had to be careful or soon my anger would escalate to rage.
He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but stormed away and slammed the door shut.
I wasn’t playing my part very well. I never was a good actress. Kai saw right through the spy gig. How was I going to get him to understand that I was on his side? That I was here for his own good? He said that he only needed me here to make sure he got back to the Guardians, but I didn’t believe that. He wouldn’t keep me around if he thought I didn’t love him.
I dug deep into the dirt of my greenhouse while I formulated a plan. The soil crept under my fingernails and left a cool coat of grit on my hands. I wanted peace. I gathered the smell of lavender and the taste of honey and released it around me. I inhaled and instantly felt better. I’d never tried to make myself feel something before. It was different, but it worked.
I couldn’t make any decisions until I heard what he had to say. I had to make him trust me and to do that, I had to let go of Puck. At least for a little while. I had to go back to the way I was before I met Puck. When Kai was my whole world. It would be hard, but I could do this.
I washed my hands in the sink outside the pale blue front door of the house. The paint was peeling. I hesitated before I entered. I hated this place. Why did he bring me back here? Was it so that I would be the same girl he sent to Vegas and not the one I’d become? Well, it would certainly make this easier.
I sat next to Kai at the kitchen table and twisted my hands, acting penitent. I didn’t think he was buying it.
“I’m sorry. I was wrong. I’m having trouble readjusting. Ginny gave me a lot of freedom, and this feels like a huge step backwards. You’re probably right not to trust me. But I would like to hear what you have to say.”
He clenched his fists. “Look, I don’t want to lord over you and tell you what to do all the time. I’m pissed as hell that you’ve been with Puck. I know I abandoned you, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. Plus, you’re right that we don’t know each other very well and that makes me nervous. What if it’s not meant to be? For the last six months, all I’ve thought about was what our life was going to be like after I got out of this mess. And it’s always been our life, not mine. I love you so much. I just want you to feel the same way.”
My stomach tightened. I closed my eyes for a second. When this was over he would definitely hate me. But I needed him to believe this lie. It was the only way. I leaned forward and took his hands in mine. He relaxed his fists. “You think I don’t feel the same way? Yes, I’m conflicted, but I can’t help that. I feel like you manipulated me before, when we were together. That you were using me.”
He leaned back and tapped his Adam’s apple. His bright red t-shirt fit snuggly over his chest and I could see the muscles underneath.
“What do you mean?”
“You made me feel all these things that weren’t real.” I almost brought up the fact that Puck was always honest with me. “Then you used me.”
There, I finally said what has been worrying me over the last few months.
His eyes widened. “What do you mean, I used you?”
“You didn’t love me, you just wanted my energy.”
He leaned far forward, flipped his hands over and weaved his fingers with mine. My fingers tingled. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, his face was inches from me, his eyes locked on mine.
“It wasn’t like that. I came to you because you fascinated me. I fell in love with you almost instantly.”
I blinked and tried not to react. If I were playing my part well, this would be the moment I kissed him. But I couldn’t do it. Not yet. Every action felt like a betrayal to both Puck and Kai. Plus, I didn’t believe him.
He let go of my hands and leaned back. “Maybe we need to start over. I can’t force you to feel anything now. You have a bigger influence over me than I have over you. Can we try again?” he asked.
Okay, this was doable. This I could work with. “Of course. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to try.”
“Good. But right now, we’ve got bigger things to talk about.”
“Like what?”
He paused. “You wanna go for a walk?”
We held hands as we walked and I worried that my hands would be sweating soon, but I didn’t let go. I was nervous and it was hot. I wondered what he wanted to talk about. We walked down to creek. The path was well worn and lined with redbuds and dogwoods. I’d walked this way many times over the years. Mostly with my father when I was younger.
Kai spoke. “Only a few of the Destroyers know that I’m the new Master. Most of them are still operating under your mother’s rules or lack thereof. She only told a handful of people that she was the Master. You aren’t the only one who thought your dad was in charge. In fact, that night when I came to visit you for the first time, I didn’t know which one was the Master. I figured it was your dad, Dwayne, or his dad, Mr. Yerdin. I was trying to figure out who I needed to kill.
“The Destroyer council is working with me to change things. I’ve told them I don’t want to do this for more than a year, and the next master should be whoever is the most qualified.”
I let go of his hand and sat down on the rocks. “That makes no sense to me. I thought the Destroyers were power hungry. They’re going to see right through you.”
He chuckled and sat down by to me. “Under normal circumstances, yes. But these are not normal circumstances. Those men recognize the need for balance and they understand how tough it is to be the Master. Plus, there is the fact that sometimes even Destroyers fall in love.” There was that L-word again. At some point I’d probably have to say it back to him.
“Last night you told me that Destroyers don’t normally have relationships.”
“Exactly. Love is so rare that you are my excuse. I told them I want nothing more than to spend my life holed up in a cabin away from everything, with just you for company. The council may not understand that, but they want the power, they like control and they are going to fight for it.”
I was so stupid. Here I thought that for once he wasn’t using me. My heart raced and I tasted cough syrup. Crap, the Destroyer power inside of me was showing and if I wasn’t careful I could hurt Kai. Which I didn’t want. Well, maybe a little. I knew I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I couldn’t help it. “So you are using me again.”
“Geez, Naomi. It’s not like that.”
I crossed my arms and stood up. “Then what is it like? It seems like you only want me around so I can be an excuse for you not to be the Master Destroyer. This wouldn’t be so bad if you were at least open about it from the beginning. Instead of feeding me lies about how much you love me, maybe you should just tell it like it is. Puck always told me when he was manipulating me and when he wasn’t. He always asked me to do something instead of tricking me into doing it. He didn’t try to pretend that he was something else.”
I probably shouldn’t have brought up Puck, but I couldn’t help myself. Kai stood and towered over me. A low buzz began in my ears, signifying that my anger was about to get out of control. I took a few deep breaths to control my anger, but it wasn’t working.
“What the hell, Naomi? Of course I have to pretend. That’s part of the job. I’m sorry if it bleeds into other areas of my life. If Puck’s so good to you maybe you should go back home to him, and I’ll figure out something else here. I brought you here so that I could have something good to hang onto, not to have one more
thing to have to fight against.” He paused and tossed a rock into the creek. “I think I liked you better before you went to Vegas.”
“You mean when I was getting beaten on regular basis and was so desperate to get out of a bad situation that I’d take anything?”
That was low and I knew it. My hands were shaking. This wasn’t me. I had no right to be angry with him since I was essentially doing the same thing. Mother and Dwayne’s Destroyer energy lurking in my blood provoked me. The cough syrup taste turned to blood and I knew I had only seconds before the bombs exploded in my ears. Before I could ruin this even more, I fled back to my rose garden.
I knew it would be the first place Kai looked for me, but I needed to be surrounded by my roses. I sought out the oldest part of the garden, the one with the roses my grandmother planted.
I sat in the middle of the cluster of six bushes and let her energy fill me. She always gave off love and warmth. The roses smelled like oranges and tasted like honey. Oddly, being in that energy left me all the more aware of the different energies floating around in my own body.
I hated the fact that my mother and Dwayne were there. When Alejandro taught me how to bleed my energy into plants, I always used only a little bit. It worked by gathering small bits of my energy into tiny white balls and forcing them out my fingertips or palms. I wondered what would happen if I tried to get rid of Dwayne and my mother the same way. Could I reverse what I’d done?
I didn’t want to try on my Grandmother’s roses. Her energy was almost gone and I wanted to hang onto every part of her I could.
I wandered around the garden. I could name all of the hundred or so bushes that grew here. Listing off their names calmed me and allowed me to focus. Beverly, Celebration, Ebb Tide, Fox Trot, Top Notch, Snowball, Jason. I smirked at that one. The idiot betrayed me. I loved him like a brother until he delivered me right into the greasy hands of Dwayne. Fitting that I might kill his namesake rose with that same energy.
I set my hands on the dirt near the base of the plant and let myself feel its life. I hoped this wouldn’t kill it. Okay, maybe just a little bit. I concentrated on my own energy until I found Dwayne. He felt dirty and creepy. I wanted to start with him.
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