by Annie Groves
‘Well, your young man does have a point,’ she felt obliged to say, forced to confess, ‘When your auntie Vi accused me of putting your dad before her I’m afraid she was right. When a girl gets married it’s only right that she puts her husband first.’
‘It was different with you and Auntie Vi, though, Mum. Auntie Vi isn’t like Sash. Sash has been through so much and I didn’t even know. But I should have known, with us being twins. I feel really bad about that…’
‘And you want to make it up to her for not knowing. I do understand, love. I’m a twin myself, remember.’
Mother and daughter exchanged a look of mutual comprehension, and then Lou went and sat down again, leaning across the table to tell her mother fiercely, ‘I can’t marry Kieran if Sasha secretly loves him too, Mum. And I can’t marry him if she hates him because of falling into the bomb shaft, or because he’s got both his legs and Bobby hasn’t.’
‘You’re being a good loyal sister, Lou, but do you really think that Sasha doesn’t love you enough to want you to be happy? If you were in her shoes would you want her sacrificing her happiness for you? Of course you wouldn’t.’
‘I’m stronger than Sash, Mum,’ Lou said simply.
‘Well, I don’t know what to say except that if I was you I’d wait to make up my mind until I’d seen Sasha and spoken to her. Sasha’s stronger than you think, Lou, and this terrible accident to Bobby has proved that. It’s as though it’s brought out the best in her, and given her strength. And as for her secretly being sweet on your Kieran, well, I wouldn’t know about that, but it seems to me that she loves her Bobby very much indeed.’
Your Kieran. How wonderful those words were, but was Kieran still hers or had he given up on her?
‘What time does Sasha leave the hospital, Mum, only I thought I might walk down and meet her? I could see Bobby as well, if he’s up to having visitors.’
‘And if Sister will let you.’
‘…and the doctor says he’s pretty sure that it’s twins and that’s why I’ve been feeling so tired all the time. I suppose I should have thought of that for myself, with twins being in the family and me being so big,’ Grace smiled ruefully as she relayed what the doctor had told her to Seb, who had nipped home from work especially to see how she was, knowing how miserable feeling so tired had been making her.
Seb was having to work long hours now in the run-up to the invasion, of which no one knew the full details other than the top men involved. He wasn’t just listening for enemy messages any more but was picking up highly secret messages from agents dropped behind enemy lines in preparation for the invasion, and that meant that Y Section was on high alert and working round the clock. With Grace just over six months pregnant and beginning to feel the strain of carrying what they now knew could be two babies, Seb was hoping that the invasion would be well underway before the babies were due.
The reason Grace had been to see the doctor today was because Seb had come home earlier in the week to find her crying over the ironing, because she was so exhausted, her pretty face pink and blotchy and her normally delicate ankles badly swollen.
It would be much easier for Grace if she had family living close to her here in Whitchurch, Seb felt, but of course she didn’t, and the train journey to Liverpool in wartime conditions to see her mother was not something Seb would want Grace to undertake.
‘You need to rest more,’ he told her now. ‘I’ll ask around and see if we can get someone to come in and do the cleaning, and the washing can go to a laundry.’
Grace was horrified. ‘No, Seb, I don’t want you to do that. People will think I’m not a proper wife to you if I have to have someone in to clean and do the washing just because there’s to be a baby.’
‘Babies,’ Seb reminded her. ‘And you are the best and the only wife I could ever want.’
Grace gave him a wan smile. The truth was that she was feeling very poorly and tired indeed, but didn’t want to make a fuss. After all, her own mother and her grandmother before her had both had twins, and her mum had had her and Luke to care for as well. Grace couldn’t ever remember Jean complaining of tiredness and bursting into tears over a bit of ironing.
‘I’m glad it’s all been sorted out between Francine and Emily about Jack,’ she told Seb instead. ‘Mind you, I don’t think I could have done what Francine did and give him up.’
‘I think that, like Francine, you would have done whatever you thought best for your child. Jack – Tommy – loves Emily and anyone can see how well she looks after him and how much he means to her.’
‘I like Emily,’ Grace admitted. ‘I didn’t think I would but I do. She’s kind, and although she’s younger, in a way she reminds me of Mum. I’m not sure I’ll be able to remember to call Jack Tommy, though.’
In the end, mainly because she had been mistaken for Sasha, Lou suspected, she was allowed onto the ward, where she found her twin sitting at Bobby’s bedside, the two of them talking, not having seen her. Then Sasha’s laughter rang out, a sound Lou had not expected in view of the awfulness of Bobby’s injury.
Sasha looked up and saw her, a wide smile lighting up her face as she got up from her chair and hurried over to hug Lou.
‘I was going to wait in the foyer for you, but then one of the nurses must have thought I was you and she told me I could come onto the ward.’
‘Come and say hello to Bobby. He loves having visitors, especially when they make a fuss of him,’ Sasha instructed her.
‘I don’t want to intrude,’ Lou began, but Sasha laughed and shook her head, linking her arm through Lou’s as she said, ‘How could you be intruding? We were just talking about our wedding, weren’t we, Bobby?’ She drew Lou towards his bed. ‘I’ve told him that I don’t intend to wait until he can walk down the aisle so he’d better make his mind up to that.’
‘And I’ve told her that I will walk down it, and up it again, even if I have to have a couple of mates to hold me up so that I can,’ Bobby insisted, smiling warmly at Lou.
They were so relaxed and natural with one another, so apparently happy together and so…so accepting of what had happened that just listening to them brought a lump to Lou’s throat. Or was Sasha merely playing a part she felt she had to play for Bobby’s sake?
‘Do Mum and Dad know about this wedding yet, only I seem to remember Dad saying no wedding until the war is over,’ she teased them, trying to match their light-hearted manner.
‘Ah, well, because Dad keeps saying that when this invasion finally happens, that will be as good as the end of the war, I’ve decided that means that once the invasion does start then me and Bobby can get married. I had a word with Bobby’s landlady after his accident when I went to tell her what had happened and it turns out that a cousin of hers has a flat she wants to let out ‘cos she’s moving to Manchester to be with her daughter, and I’ve put a deposit down on it, and me and Bobby have got first refusal on it.’
Lou was impressed.
‘Have you told Mum about any of this yet?’
‘No, but I’m going to tell her now that you’re home, and we can make some proper plans. It’s not going to be a big wedding. Bobby’s doing very well, but I don’t want him getting set back with a big do. I want only one attendant, Lou, and that’s you, and one of Bobby’s pals will be our best man.’
‘She’s only rushing things ‘cos she wants to make sure she’ll get a widow’s pension if I pop me clogs,’ Bobby grinned, but Sasha’s face went white.
‘Don’t you dare go tempting fate by saying things like that, Bobby. You know perfectly well that I don’t think I’d be able to go on without you. You’re my hero. You saved my life. You are my life, Bobby.’
Discreetly Lou turned away to give them a bit of privacy. Either her twin was a far better actress than Lou had ever thought, or she genuinely did love her fiancé.
‘Bobby seems to be taking things very well,’ Lou told her twin after they had left the hospital.
They were walking arm in
arm up Edge Lane on their way home.
‘Well, he is now,’ Sasha agreed, ‘but he wasn’t at first. He was all for breaking off our engagement on account of feeling that it wasn’t fair on me being tied to someone so badly injured, but I wasn’t having any of that, and like I told him: he saved my life and there was no way I was going to turn my back on him.’
‘It won’t be easy, Sash,’ Lou felt bound to say, but to her surprise Sasha contradicted her immediately.
‘It will be a lot easier than waking up every day not knowing whether Bobby would still be alive the next day. I was so afraid of him being killed, Lou, and me being left without him. I couldn’t bear that. Not having Bobby to keep me safe. He means everything to me, Bobby does. I knew when he took my place in that bomb shaft that he was the one for me, and nothing and no one will ever change that. Lou…’
Lou looked at her twin.
‘There’s something I want to tell you but I want you to promise you will never tell anyone else, or mention ever again after today.’
She was going to tell her that secretly she still loved Kieran. Lou’s stomach muscles cramped with misery and despair.
‘I promise,’ she agreed.
They had stopped walking now and were standing apart and facing one another.
‘And I don’t want you thinking badly of me either,’ Sasha warned her, ‘but I’ve got to get it off my chest, and there’s only you I can be honest with about it.’
Lou waited.
‘The thing is that when I first heard what had happened to Bobby all I could think was that he would never have to go back working with those bombs again and that he was safe.’
‘Well, of course you would think that. Anyone would.’
Sasha shook her head vigorously. ‘No, you don’t understand, Lou. What I mean is that I was glad that he’d lost his leg because that meant that he couldn’t go back and couldn’t be sent somewhere to fight. I was glad, Lou. And I still am. I’d rather have him safe with me the way he is now than have him with his leg back and in danger.’
The two sisters looked at one another. Lou tried to imagine feeling as Sasha did and couldn’t. Kieran had planned his future, their future round his ability to fly – Douglas Bader might have proved that it was possible to fly without legs, but Kieran wanted a job in civilian flying and he would be competing with other men for it. Without a leg Kieran too might be safe, but he would never be satisfied or happy if he didn’t achieve what he wanted to achieve. Her peace of mind would mean his despair.
‘What are you thinking?’
Lou looked at Sasha and told her honestly, ‘I’m thinking that you are very brave, Sash.’
‘I’m not brave at all. I’m just so relieved that Bobby is safe. When you fall in love yourself, you’ll understand what I mean.’
Lou took a deep breath. ‘I understand already.’
It took several seconds for the meaning of her statement to dawn on Sasha but once it had, her twin grabbed hold of her and demanded, ‘Tell me. Tell me all about him – how you met, when you met, who he is…Tell me, Lou.’
This was it, and it was far, far worse than her first solo flight, worse in fact than anything she had had to do before.
‘It’s Kieran Mallory.’
There was no need to say any more. After all, Sasha knew who Kieran was and when they had met.
‘I knew it. I knew you were still sweet on him, even though you always said you weren’t.’
Sasha was laughing and hugging her, her reaction so different from anything Lou had imagined that she was left struggling for words, able to say only, ‘You don’t mind then, about me and Kieran?’
‘Mind? Why should I mind? Oh, you mean because when I was upset after we’d fallen out I sort of blamed him?’ Sasha gave a dismissive shrug.
‘I was just being silly, like we both were before we grew up, Lou. Of course I don’t mind.’ Sasha’s expression softened. ‘I’m pleased for you, Lou, truly I am.’
Her face suddenly lit up as she pulled on Lou’s arm and begged her, ‘Let’s have a double wedding – that way Mum and Dad will have to give in. Say you will, Lou? What’s wrong?’ she asked when she saw the misery in Lou’s eyes.
‘We’ve had a bit of a falling-out and I’m not sure that me and Kieran will be getting engaged now, never mind married.’
Determinedly Sasha coaxed the whole story from her twin and by the time they had finally reached home, they had confessed so much to one another and shared their feelings that Lou felt as close to Sasha as she had done when they were children.
And Sasha was right: all Lou had to do was tell Kieran that she had been wrong, and how much she loved him, and then they could put their differences behind them.
Only it wasn’t as easy as that. When Lou returned to Thame Kieran was on ops – flying night missions, which meant that they couldn’t meet up. What Lou wanted to say to him she wanted to say in person and in private. By the time he had a day off Lou had been back from Liverpool for over a week, she was on tenterhooks and desperately anxious to see him and to clear the air between them.
They’d arranged to meet at the usual pub, since they could both get lifts there, but when Lou arrived Kieran wasn’t there and she’d actually begun to think that he wasn’t going to turn up by the time he did arrive.
Just seeing him made her want to fling herself into his arms, but of course she couldn’t in a pub full of RAF and ATA pilots.
Even the garden outside the pub was busy, giving no privacy for what she wanted to say to him.
‘I’m sorry about us falling out, Kieran,’ she told him. ‘I should have listened to you.’
Was that a smile she could see beginning to warm his eyes. Impulsively Lou reached across the table and covered his hand with her own.
‘I was wrong.’
Kieran’s fingers slid between her own and her heart lifted. It was going to be all right. Thank goodness. She couldn’t have borne to lose him.
‘Sasha laughed when I told her what I’d been worrying about. It’s Bobby she loves and…Kieran, what is it?’ Lou asked anxiously as he pulled away from her, releasing her hand.
‘So it’s all right for us to be together now, is it, because your sister says so? Well, that might be good enough for you, Lou, but it isn’t good enough for me. The girl I want, the girl I marry, won’t need her sister’s permission to love me, like I’ve already told you. She’ll be woman enough to make her own decisions. I was a fool ever to think that you and me could work. After all, I’ve seen how it is with you and Sasha.’
‘Kieran, it isn’t like that. I do love you and I can make my own decisions.’ Lou was beside herself, too upset to worry now about their being overheard.
‘You say that now, but what about the next time I want us to do something you think Sasha might not like? What then, Lou? Will you go running to her again for permission, leaving me looking like a fool? I’m sorry, Lou, but I’m not prepared to take that risk.’
‘Kieran…’ Lou protested, but she knew there was no point and that he had made up his mind that it was over between them.
So this was what a broken heart felt like, Lou thought miserably as she sat dry-eyed in the open lorry transporting several ATA pilots back to Thame. It hurt too much for tears, too much for there to be room for anything else at all other than pain.
TWENTY-SEVEN
It was here at last, according to the news. The invasion had begun. Francine looked at the empty pillow next to her own. The large bed felt so empty without Marcus here to share it with her.
Two days ago, whilst the country had slept, men, including perhaps Marcus, had been fighting to establish beachheads on the Normandy beaches in the pre-dawn darkness.
Francine looked towards the window, trying to imagine what it must be like on those beaches and then wishing that she hadn’t. She was wide awake but she knew that if she tried to sit up in bed she would feel sick again, just as she had done for the past week, and if she did, would it mean wh
at she hoped and prayed: that she was pregnant? A baby. Her and Marcus’s baby. A gift, a reward for letting Jack go? One child could never, ever replace another, and for as long as she lived there would be an empty place in her life that Jack should have filled, but to have Marcus’s child would be so wonderful.
Marcus. She wished so much that he was here and that she could share her hope with him.
Please God, keep him safe. Please keep them all safe, she prayed.
Bella could feel her heart thudding heavily. Through the kitchen window she could see how blue the sky was. As the kitchen faced north there was no sunshine coming in to strike through the room’s chill. Unusually she’d had the morning off from the nursery. She’d been listening to the wireless when the telegram boy had knocked, hoping for more news about the invasion. The Polish squadrons were taking part, and of course Jan would be with them, but it wasn’t her husband that Bella was thinking about right now as she sat dry-eyed, staring down at the telegram she had just opened, it was Charlie, her brother. Charlie was dead, killed in action. It was ridiculous, given that it wasn’t that long ago that she had last seen him, that she was having difficulty picturing his face. She could hear his voice, smell his scent, remember how irritating he had been when they had both lived at home, but she couldn’t see his face and that bothered her.
For some reason he must have named her as his next of kin since the telegram had been addressed to her. Had he done that to protect their mother? It would have been out of character for him to have thought of someone else, and now of course it was too late for her to be able to ask him why he had done it.
How typical of Charlie to do something one wasn’t expecting and then not be there to explain why.
It was just as well that her mother was out at a WVS meeting.