Heart of the Raven

by Susan Crosby

  Nearly an hour later she saw Heath pull up in front of the apartment house. Directly in front of it. She got out of her car and slipped into the passenger seat of his.

  “You couldn’t have parked where she might not see you?” she asked, craning her neck to see Danny in his car seat. He was asleep.

  “She won’t recognize the car.”

  “She might recognize you through the windshield.”

  “You haven’t seen her?” he asked.

  “No.” She touched his shoulder. “How was the drive?”

  “Fine.”

  He might as well have told her to shut up. He had no intention of telling her if he’d been nervous or scared or whatever. She admired him for that.

  “I’ll do the talking,” he said. “You can stand there and look…nannylike or something.”

  She laughed. “Should I put my hair in double braids?”

  “Yeah. And act meek.”

  “Uh-huh.” She grinned at him, enjoying the banter. “Like that’s gonna—”

  “Shh.” He angled sideways, blocked his face by resting an arm on the steering wheel. “There she is.”

  She’d gotten her figure back in a hurry, Cassie thought. To look at her, no one would know that she’d given birth less than three weeks ago.

  Heath grabbed the door handle.

  “Wait. Let Darcy get here,” Cassie said. “Eva needs to be inside the apartment so we can catch her there, see if she’ll talk. Get Danny’s car seat undone and ready to go. I’ll watch for Darcy.”

  Two minutes later the black-haired, nose-studded woman arrived. By the time they got Danny and followed her up to the third floor, the apartment door was closed and an argument between the two young women filtered down the hall.

  Cassie knocked. Darcy swung open the door.

  “She’s all yours,” she said.

  “What—?” Eva froze, her eyes wide. After a second she made a run for the door.

  Even cradling Danny’s car seat, Heath caught her and moved her back. Cassie shut the door, then leaned against it.

  “Do you want to leave?” Heath asked Darcy.

  “No way.” She plopped into a chair and crossed her legs, bouncing her foot. “This I gotta see.”

  Tension cocooned them in expectant silence.

  “Sit down,” Heath said to Eva.

  She did, although looking belligerent at the same time.

  “I am not this boy’s father,” he said. “Who is?”

  Fourteen

  Heath watched Eva’s eyes shift to the baby carrier, her expression mutinous. She was not going to make this easy on any of them—or herself.

  Playing to whatever maternal instincts she had, he set the carrier on the floor close to her and crouched beside it, his hand on Danny’s legs. He was aware of Cassie behind him, knew she probably didn’t like him getting Danny close to Eva, but he was making the decisions this time.

  Danny opened his eyes. He’d just begun focusing on Cassie and Heath if they got their faces close to him. He’d just begun to develop a personality all his own…. Heath drew a slow, quiet, calming breath.

  “Look at this innocent boy and tell me how you could be so cruel as to deny him his father.”

  Her lips thinned even more.

  “It’s Brad Torrance, isn’t it?” he said.

  “Your boss?” Darcy screeched. “Eeuw. Icky.”

  “Isn’t it?” Heath repeated.

  Eva crossed her arms. “What if it is?”

  “Have you been in touch with him at all? Does he know Dan— Does he know his son has been born?”

  Heath waited. Her stony silence infuriated him. “How could you do that?” he asked, frustrated.

  “You know what? It was easy. It was nothing.”

  “He deserves—”

  “He’s crazy! And his wife’s crazier. You think I wanted to turn him—” she jabbed a finger toward Danny “—over to them?”

  “So his wife knew about your affair? Knew the baby was his?”

  “Affair?” She laughed, the sound hollow. “There was no affair. I was their surrogate. His sperm. Her egg.”

  Darcy gasped.

  Heath sat back on his heels. He looked over his shoulder at Cassie. She gave no outward sign of reaction. Was she as angry as he, but just better at not showing it?

  “They paid me,” Eva said. “It was a job. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, ever. It wasn’t like it was an adoption or anything. It was really their baby.”

  “You said his wife was pregnant.”

  “See? She’s crazy! She got this…thing to wear, to make her look pregnant. She could make it bigger a little bit at a time. She kept matching me.” She shuddered. “Insane.”

  “But this child is theirs, Eva. You had no right not to hand him over. You had no right to deceive me, to let me think I was the father.” To let me love him, care for him, have hopes and dreams for him.

  “You know what?” She flung an arm wide. “You were the only sanity in my life during that pregnancy, that horrible, awful pregnancy. They started in on me right away. What I ate. How much sleep I got. Where I went. They micromanaged my life from the day the conception was verified. I was their possession.

  “And then, then when I got to be about eight months along, they expected me to move in with them for the last month. Become their prisoner. No way. I would’ve suffocated. I was doing the job they paid me to do. I didn’t have to give them more than that.”

  “Why didn’t you cash Heath’s check?” Cassie asked, coming forward.

  “I took the check because I needed him to believe my story. I wasn’t ever going to cash it.” She started to cry. “I didn’t know what to do. I got attached to him—the baby—right away. I hadn’t planned on that. This tiny thing inside me, moving around, scaring me when he was quiet for too long, kicking me in the ribs, waking me up. I got attached, okay? I meant to tell you right away, Heath. I did. I was going to tell you when I left him with you. Let you give him to them, so I never had to see them again,” she said plaintively. “But I saw the look on your face when you saw him and thought he was yours, and I chickened out. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “That doesn’t account for the deception throughout the pregnancy. For telling me he was mine when he wasn’t.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. They were just driving me crazy, but to them it was all about the baby. I was just a test tube or something. You treated me like a person. A special person.”

  So he was too nice to her? “Did you never intend to tell the Torrances that he’d been born and where he was? Were you going to disappear?” Cassie asked.

  “I told them right before I came here.”

  Silence whooshed in, hot and desolate.

  “I called them,” she said. “They’re probably at your house by now.”

  “You could be in serious trouble for what you’ve done,” Cassie said when Heath couldn’t put a sentence together.

  “She’s a P.I.,” Darcy said, excited. “You’d better listen to her.”

  Eva zeroed in on Heath. “Look, I know what I did was wrong. The Torrances’ craziness rubbed off on me. You would’ve gone nuts, too, I swear you would. But my intent when I started this was good. It wasn’t about the money. Well, maybe a little, but not much. They gave me this sob story and I bought into it. She couldn’t carry to term. They were in their forties. No time left. Yada, yada. I felt sorry for them.”

  Heath stood. Fury snaked through him. She could’ve saved everyone so much heartache. “Cassie, may I borrow your cell phone, please?”

  “What are you doing?” Eva asked in a hurry. “Who are you calling?”

  “What’s Brad’s cell phone number?”

  Eva heard the tone in his voice and didn’t hesitate for long. Heath dialed the number as she gave it.

  “Brad, it’s Heath. I’ve got your son. He’s fine. He’s healthy.”

  “He’s got him,” Heath heard him say. “Oh, God. He’s got him. Where are you?�
��

  “Are you at my house?”

  “Yes, we just got here.”

  “Stay put. I’ll bring him to you. It might take an hour, depending on traffic. But what I need to know now is if you want to press charges against Eva.”

  Fear ravaged Eva’s face, as Heath intended. She would feel a little of what he had felt—and Cassie, and the Torrances. Tears poured from her eyes. She shook. Just then Danny started to cry.

  “Is that my son?” Brad asked in a rush.

  No, it’s my son, Heath wanted to say. His heart fisted painfully as he said, “Yes. That’s your son.”

  “Just bring him. Forget Eva. We just want our baby.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’d like her to rot in hell for all the grief she caused us, but we want this kept quiet. Eva knows that. Leave her behind and come now, please.”

  “Okay.” He ended the call and passed the phone back to Cassie. “You got lucky. Damn lucky. For now. And while he may not want to press charges, Eva, I still might,” he added.

  She reached into her purse and took out an envelope. He saw it was addressed to him.

  “What’s this?” he asked when she passed it to him.

  “I cashed your other checks so you wouldn’t be suspicious, but I kept the money to give back to you. It’s all there. You were the best thing that happened to me during that time. Thank you for being so kind. Most men wouldn’t have been.”

  The fight was starting to go out of him. “You’ve been hanging out with the wrong men.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  He knew what he was going to do, but he didn’t want to let Eva off too easily. He looked at Cassie. “Can we talk in the hall?”

  She opened the door and stepped out. Heath followed with Danny, who had stopped crying.

  “You’re letting her go, scot-free,” she said, her eyes cool.

  He couldn’t read her expression, but it didn’t matter. He’d made his decision. “It’s not scot-free. She has to live with what she did for the rest of her life.”

  “So do you.”

  “I’m angry, don’t think I’m not. But I’m trying to think this through to the end, not just for the moment. In some ways I should be thanking her. She gave me the push I needed to start living again. And how much harm came from loving Danny? He changed my life.” He brought me you.

  The thought nested in Heath’s mind, but this wasn’t the time nor place to explore that revelation.

  “It’s up to you, obviously,” Cassie said.

  Heath slipped a hand around her neck and pulled her toward him. He kissed her hard, then he opened the door to return to the apartment.

  “Since Brad is willing to let it go, I will, too,” he said to Eva.

  She folded into her herself and started to sob. “Thank you. Thank you, Heath. I’m so sorry. I really am.”

  He watched her for a minute, then he crouched in front of Danny’s car seat and unbuckled him. He lifted him out. She’d gotten attached to him, but she’d still given him up. He gave her credit for that much. “Would you like to hold him?”

  Her face was blotchy and tearstained, her eyes wide and filled with disbelief. Her nose was running. But she reached for Danny then tucked him close. “Hi,” she said in a little voice. “I’m Eva. You lived in me for a while.”

  Darcy sprang out of her chair and threw her arms around Eva and Danny, tears streaming down her face. Heath glanced toward Cassie, but she was looking out the window. Her throat convulsed. His burned.

  After a few minutes Eva put Danny back in Heath’s arms.

  “You need to apologize to Brad and his wife,” Heath said.

  “I know.”

  “Probably best to do it by letter.”

  She laughed, a shaky sound. “Okay.”

  He needed to get home, to do the next job, the harder one. He buckled Danny into his seat. Cassie said nothing as they walked down the three flights of stairs. When they reached the front door she said, “I’ll follow you.”

  “All right.”

  She never looked at Danny. Never talked to him or put her face close and smiled at him. She’d already broken the ties.

  Cassie saw the Torrances run across the yard as Heath pulled in ahead of her. She parked next to him. By the time she got out of her car, the couple had flung open the passenger door and were trying to figure out how to get Danny out of the car seat.

  “Let me,” Heath said gently.

  Mrs. Torrance had her hands pressed to her mouth and was crying. Heath set Danny in her arms. She cried harder. Danny joined her. Brad hugged them both.

  Heath came closer to Cassie, but she couldn’t look at him. She was filled with an emptiness so huge it echoed inside her, bouncing around, but like shards of glass cutting her up at the same time.

  “I have clothes and…other things,” Heath said.

  “We have everything he needs,” Mrs. Torrance snapped.

  “Anna,” Brad said softly. “He did nothing wrong. I’m sorry, Heath. We’re just…emotional. We didn’t think we would ever see him.”

  Heath nodded. He could only imagine their terror. “He does well on the formula you’ll find in the diaper bag. If you want to know his schedule or anything else—”

  “We’ll learn it on our own, thanks,” Brad said as his wife shook her head.

  “I want to go home,” she said.

  “The car seat?” Heath pointed in the direction of the car.

  “We have our own. Maybe I can call you later,” Brad said.

  “Anytime.”

  They started to walk away.

  Cassie felt poleaxed. “We don’t get to say goodbye?” she asked, her voice rising, panic gripping her.

  The couple stopped and stared at her. Anna clutched Danny tighter.

  “Cassie.” Heath put an arm around her.

  She shrugged it off. “After all we’ve done, we don’t get that much?” She’d thought she could keep herself together, but she was unraveling so fast she couldn’t even feel her legs. The emptiness in her was replaced by one huge, beating heart with cracks running through it. “Danny—”

  Heath put both arms around her. “They have to go, Cassie. They need to take him home.”

  The couple walked away, gravel crunching beneath their feet, the sound excruciating to Cassie’s ears. All the splits in her heart widened into red-hot fissures. She squeezed her eyes shut, struggled to breathe.

  The noise stopped suddenly, then started again, getting louder, coming closer.

  Anna Torrance stood in front of her and set Danny in her arms. “Say goodbye,” she said, tears still fresh in her eyes.

  Cassie didn’t hesitate to gather him close. Don’t cry. Don’t cry, don’t cry. She wanted to be able to see his face one last time, to memorize it.

  “I love you,” she said close to his ear, then pressed kisses all over his face. “You be a good boy.”

  She started to pass him to Heath, but he shook his head. He’d already let go.

  “Thank you,” she said to Anna.

  “I don’t even know who you are,” the woman said.

  “My name is Cassie.” She put Danny in Anna’s eager arms, took a step back, then another, deciding she couldn’t watch them drive off. She didn’t have a key to the house, though, so she headed around to the back. After a few minutes she heard them leave. Soon Heath joined her.

  All he did was look at her and she fell apart. An inhuman sound came from her, low, keening, desperate. Then the tears fell, long, hot, endless streams of desolation. She pummeled his chest until he caught her wrists and stopped her, yanking her into his arms, imprisoning her there, holding her so tight she couldn’t breathe. It didn’t matter. She didn’t want to breathe.

  She didn’t know this person, this Cassie, except that she acknowledged she wasn’t just grieving for Danny but for her mother and her grandfather and her broken childhood, and she was grateful to be in Heath’s arms.

  He didn’t hush her, did
n’t speak at all, but his body was like steel. After a long time, she relaxed against him. “I need a Kleenex,” she said.

  “Use my shirt.”

  She smiled a little. The muscles in her face still hurt. Had he cried? She didn’t know. She angled back to see for herself. No. He hadn’t. His face was lined with loss and pain but he hadn’t found comfort in tears, as she had.

  He kissed her, a long, tender, sweet caress, then held her close again, looking toward the west and the setting sun. With the land cleared they could see forever. It seemed apropos. The sun set as their chapter closed. It just shouldn’t be so beautiful, she thought. But dark clouds were on the horizon, absorbing the color, in magenta and orange and a majestic purple.

  Now what? Where to go from here? she wondered. Where did this leave her and Heath? She’d just let go of someone she loved. Could she let go of another one so soon?

  “Let’s go inside,” he said.

  She would have her answers.

  Fifteen

  The door to the nursery stood open. It was the first thing Heath saw when they entered the house. That and a pacifier looking achingly forlorn in the middle of the coffee table.

  He didn’t move. Neither of them did. Finally he said, “Go get in the spa tub in my bathroom, if you want. I’ll join you in a few minutes.”

  She nodded, looking beat. He watched her trudge up the stairs, then he walked through the house, finding bits and pieces of Danny, evidence he’d been there. His bouncy seat, a burp cloth, a fluffy blue blanket. The damned pacifier. He tossed it all into the nursery and yanked the door shut. Empty baby bottles he threw out. A pediatrician’s appointment on the calendar he x’ed out.

  He didn’t want Cassie to see any of it. He would wipe out Danny’s existence so she wouldn’t cry anymore. He’d never heard anyone cry like that.

  No, that wasn’t true. Mary Ann had when Kyle—

  He locked his fingers behind his head and stared at the ceiling. He was numb. Cold. Empty. And his penance wasn’t done yet.

  What was left? How much more punishment was there after being given another child to love, only to snatch him away? Take Cassie away, too?