Panic swelled inside me at the pain. My heart was thundering in my chest and I could barely breathe, waiting for him to answer.
He dabbed his watery eyes again. He looked fragile, exhausted – had I pushed him too far? I could feel it inside, he was on the brink of telling me, I knew he wanted to tell me.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked wearily. I was tired by this whole situation. ‘Everything seems to be shrouded in secrecy and I think I’m the cause of it all.’
His eyes locked with mine, ‘Dear Alice, you aren’t the cause of anything. You have to believe me.’
I swallowed down a lump in my throat. ‘I’m no detective, but I know that people fall out over either money or love. I know I asked the other day, but did your falling out have anything to do with my father?’ It was the only thing that made any sense to me. ‘Because I think I’ve found him.’
‘You’ve found William?’
‘On Facebook, Mum is friends with a William Hall. It may be a coincidence … but …’
‘And what have you done about it?’
‘Nothing … as yet.’ But it was on my list of things to discuss with Mum sometime in the next twenty-four hours.
‘This situation had nothing to do with William. If only he’d been around, things may have been a lot different for your mum.’
I took the plunge, ‘Grandie, she’s coming back.’ There – the words were out in the open.
Connie must have been listening, as she appeared at the door with a pot of tea which she placed on the table before slipping on to the settee next to me.
‘Rose … she’s coming home?’
‘Yes.’
His eyes lifted towards mine, ‘When?’
‘Today,’ I said, my entire body shaking.
For a second there was silence in the room until Grandie began to weep.
‘Here, have some tea,’ said Connie, pouring a mug.
‘Whiskey, I want whiskey,’ he said, dabbing his eyes with his hanky.
Even though it was only just nine o’clock in the morning Connie didn’t argue and hurried over to the decanter on the other side of the room.
Grandie took the glass from her, he didn’t look at either of us but swirled the amber liquid in the glass and sniffed it, before taking a huge swig. Then he closed his eyes and rested his head on the back of the chair.
‘Grandie, talk to me, I don’t know what to do.’ I felt helpless, the same feeling I’d felt as a little girl watching them argue. ‘Shall we leave you alone?’ I asked. It was breaking my heart watching him weep, and it was all my doing. Maybe I should have left well alone.
‘Stay,’ he’d lowered his voice to a whisper, ‘both of you stay.’ He slowly opened his eyes and gestured for Connie to sit back down.
‘It’s time,’ he said, ‘it’s time you knew the truth – or my version of events, at least.’
As soon as Grandie said those words my throat became tight and I blinked back the tears. My lips trembled, and my hands were visibly shaking.
The adrenalin pumped through my body as I held my breath.
Chapter 35
As Grandie took a breath, I felt the reassuring touch of Connie’s hand on my knee. Grandie drained the whisky from his glass and looked at us both.
I’d no idea what I was about to hear but my heart was pounding so fast I pressed a hand to my chest.
‘I didn’t want you to leave, you’ve got to believe me when I say that.’
Anxiety ran though my body. ‘I know.’ That was never in doubt.
‘Florrie was my life, we were a close family unit. The day she died was the day my heart broke and it never mended. Of course, the pain eases in time but no one ever came close to what we had. The dance school was our passion, and our doors were well and truly open to everyone. Some great long-lasting friendships were made on that dance floor.’ He took a fleeting glance towards Grandma’s photograph on the sideboard before continuing.
‘The night of Florrie’s death,’ he took a breath, ‘we were attending the theatre. Florrie had been teaching over in the city that day and we’d arranged to meet outside the theatre with Rose and Connie.’
He dabbed his eyes once more as he cast his mind back.
‘Rose was late and Connie and I decided to wait another five minutes in the foyer. It was the time before all this gadget lark, and we didn’t know what was keeping either of them.’
Connie nodded in agreement. She knew what was coming next and plucked a tissue from her pocket.
‘It was then we heard a screech,’ Grandie said in a trancelike state, staring towards the window. ‘And the bang.’ He shuddered, ‘People were screaming, and Connie and I rushed outside along with everyone else who’d been standing in the foyer.’
He was shaking, the tears freely flowing as he tried to mop them away with his hanky. ‘She died, my wonderful Florrie died in my arms.’ He was clearly distraught.
‘You don’t need to go on,’ I said softly, feeling troubled by his pain.
‘I do,’ he took a moment to compose himself.
We all sat in silence for a minute before he spoke again. ‘Connie, I think we all need a drink.’ He tipped his head towards his empty whisky glass. Connie stood and placed a hand on his shoulder before carrying the decanter over to the coffee table. I watched as she poured out three drinks and I swigged mine back in record time, feeling the brown liquid burn the back of my throat. He’d clearly never ever got over my grandmother’s death, but it still didn’t explain the argument between him and my mum and why we’d had to leave.
‘Florrie was killed by a stolen car. A man was arrested at the scene.’
‘Oscar Bennett? The man in the newspaper.’
‘That’s right … Oscar Bennett,’ Grandie struggled to say his name. ‘They say time is a good healer, but it’s never ever healed where Florrie is concerned.’
Grandie looked pained and I felt my heart sink. I felt guilty and saddened that I was putting him through this, but I wanted to uncover the whole picture, for my own selfish reasons, and wasn’t it time this situation was sorted out anyway?
‘After Florrie, I didn’t think I could go through any more hurt or pain. But then you came along and brought love and hope back into this family at the point when I was at my lowest. You came into this world on Florrie’s birthday and I took that as a sign from Florrie. I know that sounds daft,’ he smiled weakly. ‘I can remember holding you for the very first time, you lay in my arms gurgling away and you looked just like her, the resemblance was so strong. I can remember breaking down and sobbing, knowing that she’d never set her eyes on something so precious …’ he caught his breath, ‘and that’s when I made you a promise that I would look after you forever, love you with all my heart and make sure no one ever hurt you.’
‘So why, ten years later, was I whisked off to New York?’ I probed.
He bent his head low. I knew I was pushing him, but I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to know.
‘I heard the argument, I was hiding behind the curtain in the room. You and Mum were shouting at each other. She’d let you down in some way and you said you were disappointed in her. What did she do that was so bad that you never wanted to see her again?’
The tears flowed fast and Connie took his hand and began to rub it gently. I could feel a terrible sadness bleeding through the room.
‘Grandie, tell me. Why did we leave Brook Bridge?’ I pushed some more, I wasn’t giving up.
‘Because …’
My heart was pounding.
‘Because … I was driving the car that killed your Grandma.’
We all swung round to see Mum standing in the doorway.
A bolt of fear shot through me as the words registered, and my eyes widened with dread. ‘No!’ I gasped, my throat tight, and heaviness surged through my body. I didn’t believe her, I didn’t want to believe her.
‘I’m so sorry, but it’s true.’ Mum looked defeated and slumped into the chair. Grandie was distraught
.
In that split second my heart snapped in two. It had broken, just like Grandie’s had when he’d lost Florrie.
The room fell silent.
All of us were now hurting for different reasons.
The truth was finally out and Mum was home. The two things I’d wanted most of all. But I knew nothing would ever be the same again.
Chapter 36
Mum was trembling, her face pained and her eyes blurred with tears.
‘You’ve got to believe me, Alice, when I tell you I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. The whole thing spiralled out of control that night.’ Her voice was earnest.
I’d never felt so sick to my stomach in my life. I couldn’t look at her and stared at the floor.
‘What night?’ I managed to say, my voice barely a whisper.
She took a second, then drew a breath. ‘You’ve got to believe me when I say it was an accident,’ she pleaded.
I’d no idea what to think, but remembering the newspaper article, I knew what she was saying couldn’t be true … could it?
‘Why are you saying this? That man Oscar Bennett … he killed Grandma. He went to prison, served time. You couldn’t have killed her.’ I dared to glance towards Grandie for understanding, but he didn’t say a word and simply pressed a hanky to his eyes.
‘Because he took the blame for me.’
I was confused and flicked a glance towards Connie, and the look on her face showed that she knew absolutely nothing about this.
‘Why would anyone take the blame and allow themselves to go to prison for a crime they didn’t commit? No one in their right mind would do that.’ I said.
Mum was crying, her hands visibly shaking. ‘I’d been dating a man named William who was emigrating to Australia. He’s your father, Alice.’ She gave me a weak smile. ‘A lovely man, from a great family,’ she paused. ‘I was frightened, being pregnant on my own and before I dated William, I’d had a few dates with Oscar. Shamefully, I’d convinced Oscar he was the father of my baby, but it simply wasn’t true. Looking back, I don’t even know why I’d said such a thing, but I was young and pregnant and frightened, and once it was out there I couldn’t take it back. Oscar and his brothers were a bad sort, had fallen into the wrong crowd, and his petty crimes were already beginning to escalate out of control. Once he knew I was pregnant he promised me he would give up all his criminal activity for me and the baby’s sake, but of course his promises were empty. I’d got in way too deep, over my head, and I even began to feel frightened of him and his friends.’
I couldn’t take my eyes off my mum as she spoke, this was all so surreal.
‘The night in question, I was walking to the theatre when Oscar pulled up alongside me in a stolen car. He’d that menacing look in his eyes, one I’d become frightened of. I’d decided that was it, I wanted out. I remember screaming at him to leave me alone, that it was over between us, but he just laughed at me. The next thing I knew, he’d jumped into the passenger seat and tossed me the keys through the open window and ordered me to climb in. I’d begun to walk away, but then he was suddenly out of the car. He grabbed me, pushing me into the driver’s seat. I was petrified, pregnant, and knew if I fought back there was a risk you’d get hurt … or worse.
‘It was at that very moment I knew I’d made a huge mistake pretending the baby was his. Why had I been so stupid? I knew that with Mum and Dad’s support I could bring up the baby myself. It wasn’t as though I even liked him that much. I knew I loved William but there was nothing I could do, he was gone. Hooking back up with Oscar had been a kneejerk rebound action and the biggest mistake of my life.’
Mum paused and swigged back a glass of whisky from the table. ‘He told me I had to drive to meet his friends who were waiting for the stolen car in a lay-by. I did begin to drive but had no intention of driving anywhere near the lay-by. Five minutes later Oscar realised I was heading in the wrong direction.
‘He demanded to know where I was going and when I told him I was heading for the police station he began shouting at me and grabbed the wheel. I told him to let go, but he wouldn’t. So, I tried to scare him and pushed my foot harder on the accelerator and the car sped faster. He was shouting so loudly at me, screaming in fact, and I was about to blurt out that the baby wasn’t his when I lost control of the vehicle and it mounted the pavement outside the theatre. And that’s when I knew I’d … I’d hit something … someone.
‘You have to believe me when I say I didn’t mean to, it was an accident. My whole world came crashing down the second I saw Mum lying on the ground. I was in shock, I screamed and screamed.’
Mum buried her head in her hands and sobbed.
My whole world plunged into despair and reality hit me. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Listening with absolute horror, I felt battered, bruised and physically sick. My whole body was shaking. ‘But why didn’t you get arrested? Why did he go to prison?’
‘He went to prison because of you.’
‘Me, why me?’ I looked between all of them and waited for her to speak.
‘Because he thought I was carrying his baby. I didn’t tell him you weren’t his. He didn’t want me having a baby in prison. No one saw us get out of the car. Everyone was trying to help Mum, and when the police arrived he held up his hands and said it was him driving.’
‘Why didn’t you own up to it there and then?’ I asked, my stomach churning.
‘I was too scared. I panicked and just went along with it.’
I turned towards Grandie. ‘Did you know she was driving the car?’
The colour had drained from his face, he looked exhausted. ‘Not until Oscar had served ten years in prison and was released.’
I gasped and turned back towards Mum. ‘You kept this all to yourself for all that time? How the hell did the truth finally come out?’
Connie cupped her hand around mine and Grandie picked up the story: ‘When Oscar was released from prison he came here, to this house, demanding to see you. It was the first I knew that Rose had spun him a story. I knew William was your father, but Oscar tried to take you, wanted to claim custody of you. He thought he’d missed out on ten years of your life.’
‘And you never thought to tell him, in all those years when he was serving time in prison, that I wasn’t his.’
Mum took a deep breath, ‘I never went near him in all that time. I didn’t even visit. I wanted it all to go away. I couldn’t live with what I’d done. Every day was a struggle. I was hoping he would forget.’
‘He was hardly going to forget, was he? He served time for a crime he didn’t commit.’
‘He wasn’t entirely innocent. He’d stolen the car in the first place, he forced me into it.’ She took another breath, ‘I know it doesn’t excuse any of my behaviour … but when he turned up here after all those years, I had to come clean. I couldn’t risk him taking you. When I did tell him the truth he was angry, vile and threatening. He made it clear I was going to pay for what I’d done to him, and that’s when I got scared, because he knew people … people that you wouldn’t want to meet down a dark alley.’
‘And when Grandie discovered you were actually driving the car that killed Grandma, that’s when you argued. He told you to get out,’ I added.
‘I knew I had to run and far away. I didn’t want Oscar tracking me down, hurting me or you. I put a pin in the map and that’s when we started a new life in New York. I was praying he couldn’t find us there.’
Mum held my gaze through her tears. ‘I thought New York would be the answer. I was hopeful we would set up a similar business out there … a dance and drama school. I never realised it would be such a struggle or that we’d be so unhappy. Karma. I’m not proud of what I did, it haunts me every day. My careless actions lost me the mum I loved so dearly, and then I ended up losing my dad after devastating his life too. I spent the next few years looking over my shoulder and never letting you out of my sight, until I learnt Oscar Bennett had died a few years ago �
� a car accident on the M6.’
Mum turned towards Grandie. ‘Please, Dad, I’ve no idea how I can ever put any of this right. I’ve hurt you so much and “sorry” doesn’t even come close, but I am sorry, I really am.’
He looked between us both, his eyes were blurred with tears. He’d lost everything through no fault of his own and here we all were, sitting in the same room, finally with no more secrets to uncover.
‘I’ve missed you so much, Dad and … and I want to come home, I want to come home to Honeysuckle Farm. If you’ll have me …’
Silence hung in the air.
Both of us were looking towards Grandie. Inside I was praying he would find it in his heart to allow Mum to come home, but I knew this was extremely difficult for both of them to come to terms with.
Finally, he spoke: ‘I’m not saying any of this is going to be easy …’ He looked straight into Mum’s eyes, ‘I can never forget what happened that night or what happened ten years later, but I can learn to forgive.’
I exhaled, but Mum remained silent.
‘Does this mean…?’ I whispered.
‘You’re my daughter, Rose, and I’ve missed you.’
Mum gasped, the tears were free-falling down all our faces and a sense of relief flooded the room.
‘I am truly sorry, Dad, really I am.’
‘I know,’ he said, ‘you’ve held on to all these secrets for all of these years, and the pain it’s caused has torn this family apart. The lies and the deceit must have haunted you as much as they did me, but then to take Alice away from me too …’
She nodded regretfully, ‘I was scared, so scared. I’m sorry Alice, I really am.’ She turned towards me, ‘I hope over time you find it in your heart to forgive me. I know none of this is easy.’
Looking at the despair and hurt in her eyes, I knew everyone had suffered.
‘I hope so too.’
Grandie mopped his brow with his hanky, profound sadness and tiredness engraved on his worn face. It was only now I understood the depth of pain that had been sitting below their skin for the last thirteen years. As the nausea swirled in my empty stomach and my heart struggled to keep a steady beat, I knew the black cloud that hung over us had lifted slightly, but we all had a long way to go to make peace with the past.
A Home at Honeysuckle Farm Page 26