by Lauren Wood
It was too late though. I knew she had seen me by the gasp that I heard from my bedroom door.
“Marcus! What happened to you?!”
Angela rushed to the bedside and moved to hug me. It wasn’t near what I expected and I didn’t even care that she was killing my side. To have her in my arms, to smell her again, was worth every ounce of pain that it caused. She squeezed a little tighter and it was only then that I couldn’t keep the groan in.
“Sorry, what happened?”
She stood up and looked at me with those damn eyes of hers. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I just wanted to remember this moment as long as I could. God, I missed her and I didn’t think she would ever get just how much. How could she? If she felt the same she never would have left.
“It’s nothing.”
The bandage was bloody from moving around and I tried to cover it up with a sheet but it was puddled around my waist and I was laying on it.
“It doesn’t look like nothing Marcus. You look horrible.”
“Thanks.” The sarcasm didn’t help persuade her to think of doing anything differently. She was not going anywhere and instead of my attitude pushing her away, Angie just got a pity look on her face and sat down next to me.
“I am serious Marcus. What happened to you?”
“It’s nothing. Why are you worried about it?”
“Cause I care about you.” She stopped and looked away. It was the one thing that I had wanted to hear for longer than I wanted to mention. I wanted to hear she loved me again, something that used to be at the tip of her tongue when we were together. What would I have to do to get that back?
“It has been a long time Angela. We don’t even know each other anymore.”
Angie laughed a little. “I think you knew me better than anyone else in this world Marcus. Not a lot has changed with me. I see that you have changed though. This is new, the tattoos…”
“I was always like this Angela. Isn’t that why you left?”
She sat back a little further from me and it took a few moments to get her to look at me again. What I wouldn’t have given to know what it was she was thinking about.
“I didn’t leave because of you. I left because it was what had to happen.”
After all these years, I wanted a better answer. There was a little medication in my system and it seemed to not help my tongue stay still. I would have never asked her such things if I would have been sober. My pride would have stood in my way, but it was waning as she stared down at me. I just couldn’t hold it in. I wanted to know what the hell made her leave.
“And yet even all of these years later you can’t give me a real reason, can you?”
“It’s just complicated. I was young and I have already admitted that I wasn’t very bright, okay. It was a long time ago. What does it matter now?”
“It matters to me. It took me a long time to get over you Angie. A very long ass time and I always wondered.”
“It seems you have moved on just fine Marcus. What can I do for you? Are you hungry?”
She was not going to give me the answers that I wanted. I should have known better, but I was hopeful. The idea of food sounded good and it sidetracked me from what we were talking about.
“You still cook?”
“Yeah. You still eat like a caveman?”
I chuckled and then groaned at the resounding pain from the action. I had to remember that I wasn’t one hundred percent. I wouldn’t be for a while.
“I guess so. I forgot that you used to tell me that all of the time.”
“If I remember right, you wanted to subsist on steak and pizza.”
I nodded my head. The woman knew me better than Melissa ever could. I had always liked that Angie knew me so well and she accepted me. She didn’t try to change me, she just went with it. When she asked which one I wanted, I told her that I didn’t care. There was a feeling that came over me as she fussed over me. I could hear her in the kitchen and it wasn’t long before she had made a meal for me that was better than I had had in a while.
“Let me help you up so you can eat.”
She was eying the wound and I knew that she wanted to ask about it, but Angie wasn’t going to. She believed in space, even if she was going to force me to take her help. She saw something that needed attention and she did it. That was just the way she was and I wouldn’t have been able to tell her no if I wanted to.
I tried getting up to sit higher on my own, but the growl that came from me was unmistakable and was not preventable. It just hurt to move any muscle in my body and the action made me see spots behind my lids.
“You look really bad Marcus.”
“I know. I was shot.”
“Shot!?”
She almost dropped the steak dinner she had made me and I took it from her hands before she could. Another quick movement that I paid for in pain, but I didn’t want the ribeye to hit the floor. It had been a long time since Angie had cooked for me.
“Yes. I told you that it is not a big deal. Went in and didn’t do much damage. The Doc got it out and he says I will make a full recovery.”
She shook her head. “I hope that is a real doctor you went to.”
“Close enough. Are you going to give me that drink or not?”
“Here.” Angie looked at me sideways and again I could tell she was holding her tongue. For everything that had just been thrown at her, she seemed to be taking it all well.
“So is that where you have been the last week? In the hospital?”
“Something like that. I am surprised that you even noticed.”
“Well you do live next door.”
What she said was true, but I wanted to think that it was something else that made her miss me. I wanted to think that she had even half of the feelings that I had for her. It hadn’t went away and the more she was around, the more the feelings that I had started to multiply again.
“Thanks Angie.”
“You are welcome Marcus. I hate to see you like this. I hope they catch whoever it is that did this to you.”
“They have already been taken care of.”
She nodded and went back into the kitchen. I heard her turning the water on and moving around in there. I didn’t want to rock the boat and ask what she was doing in there. I just like the old familiarity that we used to have. At one time Angie had wanted to be a cook and she was always trying out new dishes for me. As soon as I tasted what she had made for me, I could tell that she was still practicing and learning.
“So did you go to culinary school?”
“Huh?”
I repeated myself and she came into the door way. “No, it wasn’t very practical Marcus. I had a lot of other things going on. I didn’t even finish high school until a year after I left. The last thing on my mind was going to class or college.”
“You were so driven. I can’t see that changing.”
“Well things change Marcus.” She looked away and went back into the kitchen without saying much more to me. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling that she was keeping something from me. I had already decided that I wasn’t going to get a real answer from her yet, but there was something going on with her and I wanted to know what it was. When she came back in, I tried to start up another conversation the ending result still trying to figure it all out.
“Yes they have. I think you are even hotter than you were back then. You haven’t aged a bit.”
“I don’t know about all of that Marcus, but thank you.”
My eyes took in her curves and I knew that she was a lot harder to look away from now. She had been pretty in school, but now she was the kind of woman that made a man stand up and take notice. I certainly was and even though I could barely move, all I could think about was her underneath me in this very bed. I remembered some things far too well.
“I think I am going to go. I will come and check on you later if you want. Is there anything else that I can get for you?”
She was already re
ady to leave and she had just gotten there. It was like before and I wasn’t ready, just like I wasn’t ready back then for her to go.
“Where are you off to in such a rush?”
“Nowhere really. I am off for the day, so I guess I am just going to go clean up and try to get everything set up the way it is supposed to be. I still have a few boxes that I don’t know what to do with. This place is a lot smaller than I am used to.”
“Come and sit with me a while. We have a long time to catch up on. Where did you come from?”
“Dallas.”
“Is that where you went?”
She shook her head and had a faraway look on her face. She was thinking of something, maybe it was playing in her head, but I was not privy to that information.
“No, I went to my grandma’s in Pascagoula first. Stayed there for a while and then moved to Dallas when I finally finished school. Went to college out there for a while.”
“So what made you leave?”
A darkness went over her face and her eyes. “Not much. I guess it was just time for something new.”
I hated to think that the something new hadn’t included me. I wanted her to tell me that she was back because of me. What was it that had her looking such a way?
“I am glad you are here. I have wondered about you through the years. It’s hard not to.”
“Well wonder no more Marcus. Everything is how it always was.”
“How did you not get married?”
“Man, you are full of questions today, aren’t you?”
“I haven’t seen you in a while Angie. A long time ago, you meant a lot to me. I hoped that you were happy.” While I had hoped for her happiness, in the same breath I had cursed her for leaving.
Angie got up and took the plate from my lap and asked if I wanted anything else to drink. I could tell that she was avoiding my questions and I wasn’t sure why. What did it all mattered all of these years later? What was it that she didn’t want me to know? The more she refused to answer, the more I was sure that there was something bad that I didn’t want to know. Even then I was driven to ask. Even as I thought of ways to get her back, just being around her was making that need in me wane quickly. I just wanted to know how she was and where she had been all of these years without me.
“So why didn’t you get married? A beautiful woman like you, smart, sexy as hell. You could have had any man that you wanted.”
Angie giggled and I closed my eyes to the sound. “I can see that you are still full of yourself and full of lines.”
“It wasn’t a line Angie. You have never gotten how beautiful you are to me.”
“It just never worked out that way Marcus. I need to get going. I will come back later, okay?”
I agreed, but I hated to see her go. I worried that it would be like before and I would never see her again. A part of me wanted to get her where I had her before, make her fall for me and to ruin her like she had me. It was like it didn’t matter to her and I just didn’t get it. How could she act like what we had together was nothing? Maybe she needed a taste of her own medicine to see what it was that she had done to me.
I was still thinking that I could get her back. That I wanted to. I went from wanting her, to wanting to make her pay. The damn pills were getting to me and before long I was out for the count. Just talking to her and eating a bit had worn me out. I wished I were better, but it was going to strength to deal with Angela.
Chapter 8
Angela
My heart was pounding in my chest. I hadn’t gone to Marcus’ house thinking that anything would happen. I was worried about him because he hadn’t been home and I just wanted to make sure he was okay. I shouldn’t have, had no right to, but I wanted to more than anything. What I had found was not at all what I had expected to find. I had expected to see that he was fine and that I was just being silly. I had not expected him to be hurt in such a way and I certainly wasn’t ready for all of the questions that he had.
What would be the point of all of those questions now? All of these years later?
The answer was that it wouldn’t help or change anything. What had happened had happened and no amount of anything was going to change that. No matter what I did or explained, he would never understand and until now, I didn’t think he would actually care enough anyways. I was wrong about so many things and I had to wonder if I was wrong about him.
He had always been a man that got in trouble and broke all of the rules, but when it had come to me, he had been sweet and thoughtful. That was the man that I missed and that part of Marcus hadn’t changed. I was comforted by that thought and I liked the idea of it. It didn’t make life easier, but once I had figured out who my neighbor was, I knew that it wouldn’t be simple going forward.
I had promised to come back later to check on him and I was already dreading it. What if he pushed on the answers that he asked? What if he made me answer him? What would I say? Could I really tell him the truth? The secret had been hidden for so long that I wasn’t sure if it should ever see the light of day or not. I certainly didn’t want it to, but I owed him that. If he was telling the truth and my absence really bothered him that much, didn’t I owe it to him to say something? Didn’t I owe it to myself to get out from under the weight that I had been carrying about it for so long?
Occupying myself wasn’t that hard to do. I did have a lot to work on and the house was not at all how I would have liked it to have been. I had to find a place for everything and with work hectic and exhausting, I had been coming home too often and just zoning out instead of taking care of business. Now that I was trying to turn my mind off, it was rather easy to get the house put back together. When it was all done, it was around dinner time and I started to make something to take over to Marcus’. I didn’t even consider that his girlfriend would be over. It was her place after all, but to me he was hurt and I should take care of him. The feeling was as natural as breathing.
I changed my clothes and though I told myself that I was just being a good neighbor and friend, I knew that there was more to it than that. If that was all there was to it, I don’t think I would have been so concerned with what it was that I wore. I wouldn’t have picked out one of the shorter dresses that I saved for going out, as well as swiped a little makeup on my face. The truth was that I wanted Marcus to see me as he had before. He had told me that I was hot and I wanted him to still feel the same way off of his meds.
I pulled my long, brown hair back a little bit to get it out of my eyes, but I didn’t pull it up. Marcus had always liked it long and I was glad that I hadn’t cut it. Late at night while I would lay on his chest, Marcus would stroke my hair. I missed that and even though tonight wasn’t going to go that way, it was about the only thing that I could think about. What would it be like to be in his arms again?
The lasagna was done and I knew that it was close enough to pizza that he would like it. Marcus hadn’t changed that much, not in his appetite and his seeming draw to all things dangerous. But some things had changed. He was thicker and harder than he used to be. He had the same blondish red hairs on his chest, but now the muscles were larger and the skin more taut than they used to be. He was much more man than I remembered.
The thought didn’t help my steps go any faster across the street. The heels clicked and echoed on the pavement. Right before I got to his door, someone came out from next door and waved.
“Are you here to see Marcus?”
I told him that I was. “Are you the new one?”
I didn’t quite know what he meant, but I knew that I wasn’t new or the one. “I am just an old friend. He isn’t feeling very good.”
The dark-haired man nodded and went to his car. He smiled at me so at least he was friendly. I was going to have to introduce myself eventually. All I had been worried about was Marcus and all of the old rushing feelings that were coming back. I wasn’t the new one, I was the old one and I hated to admit how much I wanted that to change. In the course of an hour
or two, I was back to feeling the same way about Marcus as I had felt when I left.
Knocking on the door, I looked over at the dark man that had talked to me before. He was gazing back my way. It wasn’t out of lust or anything like that, he was just curious. I made a mental note that I would talk to him later when things settled down and I wasn’t dressed liked this. I was dressed like I was going on a date.
There was no answer and after a minute I tried the knob to see if the door was locked. Like before, it was easy to open and I called out his name gently. I didn’t want to wake him up if he had managed to get some sleep after all. He looked like he needed it.
So I crept in and didn’t hear anything but something further back in the house. The sound wasn’t very clear, but it was constant. Only when I got to the back and heard the shower turning off that I realized what it was Marcus was doing. I was still standing there with the dish in my hands when he came out.
Marcus had never been one to change in the bathroom. As long as I knew him, he would run into the bedroom freezing and get dressed in there. That hadn’t changed, but he didn’t even have a towel around his waist. The speed at which he left was different as well. It wasn’t because of me that he was going so slowly. He didn’t see me until Marcus was a little too close and right in front of me in the hallway. He jumped a little. “Damn it Angie. You scared the crap out of me.”
His words couldn’t penetrate what my eyes were seeing. He was so naked and so hard. The longer I stared at him, the harder the rest of him got from the attention. It seemed as though even a shot in the side couldn’t stop the need that he would make me feel for him. I felt it to and even though I didn’t want to feel it, it was impossible not to.
“I knocked…”
I couldn’t take my eyes off of him and I should have. Every ounce of decorum told me that I was supposed to, but it had been so long. I was taking in all of the differences. He had several more scars and the bandage was gone so that I could see the new wound. It looked worse than he had made it out to be. It was red and it looked like it was starting to get infected.