by Lipa Nandes
"Don't you even think I'm going to let you go barefoot to the car. There may be glass on the floor or other things that might hurt you." He answered in a voice full of concern as if that
would help me in something, and even if I could hurt my feet, I think I also thanked for something like that happens, it could always be that I felt something else. Because I'm already hurt, and if there was another pain in my body, I could be distracted from the real pain.
"Trust me, Kyle, cut my feet or hurt me is the least of my problems right now." But even with my arrogance in my voice, Kyle did what only a person like him would do.
He took me in his lap to prevent something from hurting me even more, not that it would make a big difference, but... Shit! Why do these things continue to happen to me? In past lives, I must have been an awful person, and now karma has caught me at once making me pay for all the evil things I did.
Fuck!
Kyle opened the GMC, sitting me in the passenger seat. I put my seat belt on and waited for him to get in and get me out of here before my rage broke loose on the wrong people... But I don't think there are wrong people in the middle of this all. Some people made very wrong decisions and see just how far it took me.
Fuuuuck... I hate my life so much, I hate myself so much!
"How do you feel?"
"Please, not now," Not when I'm stuck in your car.
I lowered my head and shrugged, I don't know if he saw or not, but I just hope he stays quiet until we get to my parents' house.
After a few minutes of total silence in the car, I leaned my head against the window and let myself sit there feeling the cold of the glass on my forehead, I closed my eyes for just a minute.
"Clark," His voice calls me. I turn my head to the other side to find out after all that I not in my bed because my head fell into the void. I open my eyes, and when I look forward, I see the gates of my parents' house.
Kyle stood there, waiting for the gates to open. "Did you ring the bell?" I asked him, rubbing my eyes.
Then he looked at me; "What's your code?"
Shit!
"Use Owen's or Tom's," I said in a muffled voice.
"You know I cannot do that; Otherwise one of them will not be able to get in, you know that," He replied in an incredibly calm voice.
"Goddammit, Kyle. Shit! I—" But if I want to get Patrick out of that place; "—1.7.2.8," I told him without creating eye contact with him, but still, I felt the smirk on his lips.
He marked my code, and the gates in front of us began to open.
It doesn't matter how many days, weeks, months, or years pass, entering this house continues to be painful for me.
Kyle park the car right in front of the main door. I get out and go to the doorbell, but even before I can knock, the door in front of me opens. My mother's face appears right behind the door, her wide eyes inspect me from head to toe, her eyes filled with tears. Her expression is priceless, I never had seen her like this, transformed into a total shard!
On the one hand, I felt happy to see her that way, broken, but on the other hand, seeing her means that I have to control myself even more close to her. A few seconds later, my father comes running to hug me, I don't rip to his approach because, well, I think I have more good memories with my father than with my mother. For example, it was my father who taught me how to drive my grandfather's car. He took me to abandoned place, and he taught me how to work with a manual gearbox. He taught me how to listen to the engine car and identify through the sound if everything was fine, or if the engine had a problem. He even taught me how to change a tire! I really like my father, he just got married to the wrong woman. But after my grandfather passed away, things between us were never the same! I think we both suffered a lot with my grandfather death, and that ended up pushing us away and not bringing us closer.
He grabbed my face with both hands and scrutinized my face, he was shattered, completely heartbroken!
"What did he do? Did he hurt you?" He asked me.
Tears returned, and with them came sobs and pain. The unbearable pain of not knowing what to do or say.
"No, he didn’t..." I tried to organize my thoughts, but, my mind's creed is off: "It was Owen dad! Owen went to the police and said that I had been kidnapped by him, and now Patrick is in jail, and I really need you to get him out of there, please." I continued to cry wildly, my mother didn't know how disappeared, and I stayed with my father and Kyle at the house foyer.
When my mother came out of nowhere, she carried those ridiculous clothes with her.
Even though my pain is vast, hell no I'm gonna wear that shit; "Really Martha? Do you think I'm going to use that? You're really pathetic sometimes." She looked at me blankly, tears streaming down her face. She didn't know what to do, and I didn't know what else to tell my father to help me! The longer I stay here, the longer Patrick remains locked in that cage!
"Can I get you at least some sneakers?" She asked me. But does not this woman give up?
Looking at my bare feet, putting on some sneakers doesn't seem so bad at all. I didn't tell her anything, I just waved! I was too tired to talk, I was so buried inside me... I'll never get out of this mess, would I?
She disappeared again while my father was silent, I could almost read in his eyes that he didn't want to help me get Patrick out of jail; "If you get him out of jail, I'll come home," I told him.
My despair was higher than the need to keep me away from this house. My father and Kyle stared at me with wide eyes, the look of surprise at my words was visible on their faces. My father tried to speak, but the words came out more like the air that hovered between us; "You promise if I help you, you'll come back to your house?" He asked me incredulously.
When he said that we heard a bang behind my father. We looked back to see that my mother had dropped the sneakers to onto the floor; "Are you coming back home?" She could hardly believe what she heard. It was all I needed, shit!
"I just—" I sighed and tried not to go through with her, I was tired, exhausted, I felt myself dying with every breath, every word that said. I was exhausted, completely crawled! "I'll just come home if you get Patrick out of jail," I said in a weak voice, almost inaudible.
"What Patrick is in jail? What did he do to you?" She asked me, confused and shuffled.
What the fuck, why is she so worried about this situation? How strange, of all people, I thought she would be glad to know that the reason that drives me away from everyone at this moment is stuck in a fucking cage.
"He didn't do anything to me, Martha, why do you assume that? Because he didn't..." I didn't continue to speak because I didn't know what to say, but on the other hand, I felt the enormous need to defend the Patrick. "Because he's not like Kyle or like my brothers, does mean he's a bad person that everyone assumes he is!" I told her with the rest of the anger that I still had inside of me. I looked at my father hoping he would help me, but he didn't seem to do it for me, even with my promise to return home instead; "Rob, we have to get him out of that place," my mother said, I stared at her with drooping chin, wide-eyed, and extremely confused.
She must be really desperate for me to go home because it's always mistrustful when she tries to help me. My mother is a sneaky bastard, she doesn't give cards without winning. But for the first time, I longed for my father to hear what my mother was saying.
My father looked back, looked at me, was a bit thoughtful; "Okay, okay, but you have to come back home as soon as I get him out, these are the conditions for me to help him."
My eyes almost smile, my tears dried up as soon as my father agreed to take it from there.
After he had agreed to help me, I approached my mother and sat down on the floor and put on the sneakers she had dropped.
chapter twenty-seven
neva
I got up (with my sneakers on), despite all that is happening, those sneakers were able to bring me comfort.
Kyle looked at me, then at the floor, and then looked at me again. What
the fuck is wrong with him?
"What's it?" I asked him while we waited for my parents outside.
"Are you really going to come home if your father can get him out of there? Are you going to keep your promise?" His eyes widened for my answer. I don't know in the first place why I promised my father such thing, but I had to come up with something quick to get what I want. My desperation to free Patrick is enormous, but the despair of my parents in getting me back home is much higher than mine.
But if Kyle is asking me these questions, it's a sign that he also believed that I'm coming back and if he believes that, my parents will.
"Of course, I will keep my promise, Kyle, although what Owen did is wrong, Patrick has to leave that place, I know what it's like to be—" I'd better keep quiet; otherwise, I will talk more, and at this moment, it's not me who is in trouble, it's not me who needs help, therefore; "Never mind, you don't understand," I conclude.
The line of Kyle's lips tightened, and I could see in his eyes something I had never seen before with that intensity— Anger!
It was as if he wanted to make me say what I was going to say. "Okay!" He said, "I will not make you tell me your secrets, or ask you questions," he sighed, "I'll give you the time and space to someday you'll want to tell me about it." He added.
I was utterly taken aback by his words and at the same time, my inner self, the true self, began to melt slowly, as if it were an ice cube under the sun.
What the hell is the matter with me?
I have a boyfriend, I cannot think of these things... Boyfriend, do you believe? What a surreal word it is to me.
My parents finally left the house and looked at Kyle and me; "Shall we go with you?" Asked my father.
"Of course, since we're all going to the same place," I answered with irony.
We all went to Kyle's car and drove straight to the Carson police station where my Patrick has stuck because of a lie and a selfish act of my brother.
Whenever I think about him, I feel like pulling his head off. Motherfucker!
The trip was silent, there was no more space to say anything, I just needed one thing from this family, and I was within minutes of getting it. After having what I want, I go back home with my Patrick, and I never go out again.
He's all I need in my life period.
Around the corner, I could see my two brothers at the front door. And none of them look happy. Kyle parked a few feet from the main entrance, and after we left the GMC...
Looking at Owen awakens all my anger against him, it's as if I have someone else inside me wanting to get out of me to beat him and turn him into ashes!
As we approached the entrance, I felt my legs move faster than I needed to. My mind was walking at the speed of light, and fuck, as I hate when I cannot control any of it. Without realizing it, Kyle's arm grabbed me, keeping me away from Owen. As if he had the power to know what was going on inside my head.
It seems that after all, Kyle knows me better than I thought.
Even after he walked away from me, it seems he didn't wholly forget me as I had imagined.
We were the first to go inside into that painful building, then my parents, and finally my brothers.
"What can I do for you, Sr?" Asked the same cop who brought me here.
"I am Patrick James lawyer, and I think he was wrongly arrested," My father glared at Owen, who in turn did nothing but stare at the floor.
"But we found the hostage, Miss Clark at his house," the police replied, pointing his pen to me.
Without giving room to my father to answer; "Do I look like a fucking hostage to you?" I screamed at him!
My father, completely ashamed of my behavior, looked at me, pulled me aside; "Why don't you go home, try to rest a little and let me solve this mess alone!" He suggest.
Go home? I don't know where my home is anymore!
Sometimes I think my home is next to Patrick, but then, are days when I miss Kyle, talk to Marcus, or just wake up in my room and see the ocean.
Sometimes I feel a great urge to go back to my parents' house and go back to life, but then the pain comes, bitterness fills my heart and gray fades into my world again. And to forget all this, I always resort to the same method; Jack Daniels, purple haze and sex. The only three things in this world that can clear my mind of all the shit I have inside.
The tears began to strike against me, and I could not control myself, I collapsed right in front of them.
"Kyle, take her to my house and stay with her until I call you," my father ordered.
Kyle grabbed my arm, forcing me to go with him. Despite my exhaustion, I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave, I have to stay here for Patrick.
But on the other hand, if I stayed much longer, I would probably be ending up doing something wrong.
What I really wanted were getting Patrick free from the cage.
The front door opened, and without my noticing, my feet knew where to go. I feel completely numb, numb from this sick reality.
This is so fucked up that doesn't even look real.
"Where do you want to go?" Kyle asked me the second he close the driver's door. For a moment, I forgot that I was with him.
"Take me to Patrick's house, I need to get dressed and my cell phone." He looked at me, confused, not knowing what to say or do.
Why the hell is he still getting out of here? What the hell is wrong with him!?
"Can you tell me the way? I do not know where he lives." He concluded.
"Sure," I replied with a shrug.
Finally, the car began to walk, and the whole way between the police station and Patrick's house were done under my instructions.
In less than twenty minutes, I saw Patrick house.
Or should I say, my house?
"Forward that white house," I told him, pointing my index finger at Pat's house.
Near the front door was Miles, sitting on the stairs.
Does he already know what happened?
Kyle parked the car, and I opened the door without even before the car stopped completely.
Miles get up straight away and advance towards me; "Are you okay? What happened?" He asked me, looking at me head to toe.
Why the fuck is he worried about me? Why does he even think that something has happened?
"Yes, I – I'm fine, but Patrick was arrested." The tension in Miles's face build-up and his lips stayed in a firm line.
"But," he cleared his throat, "did he do something to you?"
"What the hell, Miles, you too? What the hell is the matter with you? He's your friend, how can you even think he did something to me?" I yelled at him. Somehow my strength seems to come back to me whenever someone attacks Patrick, it's as if I always have the need to defend him. Even if he had done something to me, I would still protect him.
"You don't understand Clark, you don't..." He ran his hand through his hair to the back of his neck, then began to shake! "Forget Clark, I think you should open your eyes," and with that vague phrase, he turned his back on me and went away.
But before he went too far; "Miles, wait!" I screamed, starting to walk faster, chance him.
But he didn't stop walking faster this time. So I began to walk faster as well; "What are you not telling me?" I pressed behind him when I finally caught up with him. "Answer me, damn it!"
The nerves gripped me, and as I pulled him by his arm;
"You don't have the slightest idea of what's going on around you, don't you? Why do you not pick up on your shit and get the fuck out of here? Let Patrick handle his own shit and live your life!" He told me completely angry and annoyed at everything, I guess. But fuck, why is he telling me this? Why is he telling me to get away from Patrick? "But no Clark, you always have to come back, you always have to appear, you always choose him. It hurts me when I see you giving up your life for him!"
"What the hell, Miles, tell me what the hell is going on now. Why are you even talking to me like that? What's the matter with you?" It all came out of my confu
sed mouth. My mind was not able to fetch all the information that came to my ears; especially from Miles, who was by my side no matter what!
"Clark, listen to me," he said a little calmly, "If you want to be happy if you want to live your life, pick up your things and walk away." Forget Patrick, he is not good for you. I hope you can figure it out before it's too late. "
chapter twenty-eight
neva
This was the last thing he told me before he turned his back on me and walked away.
I stood there for a few minutes watching him walk away from me, taking all the answers to my questions with him.
I was so confused by his attitude that no matter what he said to me, none of it made any sense to me. I really thought he had no secrets for me, that he was completely transparent with me as he always has been.
But it seems that once again, I was wrong.
Am I surrounded by secrets and lies?
When it was no longer possible for me to see Miles, I turned my back and went home to go get dressed and get at least my phone. I want to call my father as soon as I get to the room and find out if he's already got Patrick free.
As soon as I got close to Kyle's car, he left and came toward me.
What does he want from me now?
"Where did he go?" He asked me confused, looking down the street. I shook my head; "I don't know. I just -" I sighed, trying to gather all the pieces of this giant puzzle and full of mazes - "This doesn't even seem like him, you know? He used to tell me everything, and now, he's completely lost his mind, doesn't say a thing to me!" I say to him with my mind completely lost in the dark.
I let all the air out of my lungs to the point where I almost felt lightheaded.
I can't even believe that in the midst of it all, I'm with Kyle, again, and over to vent it with him. I'm so desperate to talk with someone that I don't even care to know who hears my words. As long as they heard, that's okay for me!
"But what did he tell you?" He asked me uncertainty and afraid that I would lose my head too and that he would be the target of my anger again.