I went right home and changed into gym clothes. The gym was open, but no one spoke to me as I lifted weights. I pushed hard, adding extra weights on every set. These feelings inside me were so intense and I needed an outlet.
What the hell was this? I didn’t just want Viv anymore, I needed her. She made me feel good enough for the first time in my life. She wanted more from me than my body, and I’d never experienced that feeling.
Now I knew what she meant when she said she wanted everything. So did I. And I knew for sure that she could be my everything. Hell, she pretty much already was. But I had serious doubts about whether I could be hers.
Viv
The next month flew by in a blur of blissful time spent with Kane several nights a week and days spent working, mostly on Henley Cartwright’s case. Marcus had left the chasing of Henley to me, and he wasn’t an easy man to get ahold of or get straight answers from.
But all that was forgotten when I’d get an unexpected text from Kane. Some days I didn’t even feel tired after only a couple hours of sleep due to a late night dinner and sleepover with him. Incredibly, the sex just kept getting better. Kane had figured out exactly how to drive me wild, and he did, every single time.
He did things to me in bed no one ever had, and I was discovering what got me going right along with him. Kane kept me guessing, sometimes taking me hard and fast and other times stretching it out for hours at a time. I’d never realized how sensual it was for a man to go so slow I begged for release.
I’d slept in this Saturday morning, catching up on the sleep I’d lost this week. Every orgasm had been worth it, of course, but it was nice to feel rested when I got up. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and smiled when I saw two texts from Kane, both sent in the middle of the night.
Kane: U up? I know I said I wasn’t coming over tonight, but things are under control here and I might.
Kane: You must be asleep. Call me if you want to have lunch tomorrow.
I sighed softly and set the phone beside me in bed, wishing he was here. He wasn’t the affectionate type most of the time, except when we were in bed together. After sex and before I had to get up in the morning, he’d run his hands through my hair, say sweet things in my ear and hold me close against his hard, warm chest. He liked to play a game where he drew letters on my back and I had to guess what word it was, but every single time he spelled the word fuck and accused me of trying to get laid again when I guessed it. And every single time, it made me laugh.
After some coffee and a shower, I went to my hair salon for a blowout and met Cara for an hour of shoe shopping. By then it was after eleven and I decided it would be okay to call Kane. He often went on just a few hours of sleep and I didn’t want to wake him up on one of his only days to sleep without being woken up by my alarm.
His voice was low and sleepy when he answered. “Hey.”
“Hey, sorry I woke you up.”
“No, it’s good. I can’t believe I slept this late. I went to bed at four.”
“You needed some sleep. I did too.”
He gave a skeptical grunt. “What I need is you beside me in this bed.”
“That can be arranged.”
“Yeah?”
“Text me your address.”
There was a pause. “My place is small and . . . bare bones.”
“Kane. Send me the address.” I smiled at the thought of him in his bed waiting for me. “I’ll be there soon.”
He sent me the address and I took a cab there, walking around to the alley where he’d told me his door was. When I knocked, he opened it wearing nothing but a pair of black sweatpants.
“Get that fine ass in here,” he said, stepping aside.
He was right about his place being small and bare bones. But it was neat and felt just right for him. A king-sized bed anchored the room, its white covers a mess. A leather couch sat at the foot of the bed across from a big-screen TV, so he could watch from the couch or the bed. The kitchen area had compact, stainless appliances and dark granite counters. The kitchen table was small, with just two chairs. The smells of coffee and leather filled the air.
“I like it,” I said, my gaze wandering to the bicycle hanging from the ceiling in one corner.
“Thanks.” He handed me a mug of coffee and I took a sip. “Did you get some sleep?”
“Yes. I’m sorry I slept through your texts last night.”
“Don’t be, you needed the rest.”
I looked him up and down, arousal making me warm between my thighs. The intimacy of seeing him here, in his place, was affecting me. His defined upper body muscles didn’t hurt, either.
“See something you like?” he asked in a teasing tone.
“Yes.” My cheeks warmed as I admitted my ogling. I set down my shopping bags and cup of coffee. “Sit down on that couch for me, would you?”
“How ‘bout if you sit on my face instead?”
I smiled. “Sit down.”
He did, his legs spread casually as he looked at me, brows arched in a what now expression. I got down on my knees in front of him.
“Oh, Viv . . .” He groaned as I wrapped my hand around his shaft through his pants. After a few seconds, I reached for his sweats at his hips. He arched up so I could pull them down, and his erection sprang out as I did.
“Mmm, this is what I want,” I said, licking the head of him gently. His exhale was long and soft, his eyes watching me.
I ran my tongue over his veined shaft, teasing him for a couple minutes before finally taking all of him into my mouth. His sharp breaths and deep groans helped me quickly discover exactly how fast he liked it.
Having him in the palm of my hand was intoxicating. His fingers wove through my hair, pulling as I sucked him faster and harder.
“Jesus . . . Viv.” He groaned as I added my hand, working him up and down with my mouth at the same time.
Though I didn’t want it to end, I felt him at the edge of release. His muscles tensed and his pull on my hair was hard.
“Fuuuuck.” He tried to pull back as he started coming, but I took him all the way to the back of my throat, tasting his release.
It stretched on until his muscles slackened and he released my hair. I eased my mouth away slowly and climbed onto the couch beside him.
“You just get more and more amazing,” he said, pulling me against him.
I kissed his chest, contented by the warm strength of his body.
“Don’t get too comfortable,” he said in my ear. “We’ve got stuff to do.”
“We do?” I looked up at him, surprised.
“Yep. And all of it’s happening in my bed. We’re gonna make the guys in the gym next to us so fucking jealous of me.”
Nothing sounded better than spending the next few hours in bed with him. Kane picked me up, carried me to the bed and tossed me onto it. Delicious anticipation coursed through me. Whatever he had in mind, it would be good.
Kane
I had time sheets spread out across my desk when Jeff knocked on my door and walked in.
“What’s up?” I asked, glancing at him.
He sat down in a club chair in front of my desk. “Just haven’t talked to you in a while.”
“The suites have been booked solid for a couple weeks now and I’m down two servers.” I looked down at the time sheets, where I was working on covering the server who’d quit without notice a couple days ago. “And I haven’t been working as many hours.”
Jeff smiled and pulled two cigars from an inner pocket of his suit jacket, passing one to me. “Yeah, about that . . . must be going good with you and Viv.”
I held the cigar a few inches from a nose and inhaled its woodsy hazelnut scent. Nodding my approval at Jeff, I took my cigar cutter from a desk drawer and cut a wedge from the end of my cigar. Then I passed the cutter to him.
“It is going good with Viv,” I said. “And I’m keeping tabs on what’s happening here when I’m gone. Rosie’s my second set of eyes on the floor.”
“I’ve been telling you since we bought into this place that you were working yourself into the ground. I’m glad you’re working less. And it’s nice to see you with a girlfriend for once.”
I grunted and ran my cigar near the edge of my cigar lighter. “I guess that’s what you’d call her. Does that make me her boyfriend?”
Jeff smiled. “Yep. You guys are like two high school kids in love.”
I glared at him. “You just keep your goddamn eyes off her, you got it? She’s not like Jen Winslow.”
“Ah, Jen Winslow.” Jeff grinned. “She was hot as fuck. And having both of us at once was her fantasy. How could I deny her that?”
“You ever walk in on me and Viv with your dick out and I’ll break your pretty fucking nose. I’m serious. She’s mine.”
Jeff raised his hands in mock surrender. “Got it. Nothing like having an attorney on standby, right?”
“I don’t need an attorney these days. Neither should you. You’re good, right?”
“Hell yes. You know I’m straight now.”
I nodded and watched my cigar end take on an orange glow. I’d met Jeff in prison, and we’d vowed to go straight and start a business together after we got out. I was released before him, and I’d used that time to work and save some money for us. He was like a brother to me, and even though he’d never shared my bad habit, he supported me in my recovery. I’d been forced to be clean in prison, but after my release I’d had to make a conscious decision every day not to use.
“I’ve got good news,” Jeff said, taking the lighter I handed to him. “Grissom and Katz are ready to sell their shares in the club to us.”
“No shit?”
“No shit. When we buy them out, you’ll be one third owner and I’ll be one third. Together we’ll control a majority.”
“And hopefully we can buy out the last two shares soon.”
“I think we’ll be able to, but it’ll cost us. The club’s making a shitload of money. Grissom and Katz were happy to take their buy ins and a nice profit and get out, but the other two are gonna be tougher.”
I shrugged. “Even if we never buy out the rest, a one-third stake means I’m doubling my take.”
“Right.” Jeff took a puff on his cigar. “Damn, that’s nice.” He gave me a questioning look. “You’ve got the money, right?”
“Hell yeah, I’ve got it.”
“Good.”
We smoked in silence for a couple minutes before Jeff spoke again.
“Grayson Marceau got the shit kicked out of him last night. Apparently we’re not the only ones he owes money.”
His words hit like a punch to my gut. “Who does he owe? Is he okay?”
“Jackson.”
I cringed inwardly. Jackson Prince was not a guy to fuck with.
“Heard he got some teeth knocked out and bled like hell, but got up and walked after somehow,” Jeff said.
“Stupid asshole.”
“Yeah. I don’t know what his drug of choice is, but maybe it’s meth. That shit makes people invincible.”
I cringed again. “Ah, fuck. He’ll end up with sores all over his face and the rest of his teeth will fall out.”
“What do you care? Guy’s into us for six grand.”
“He’s Viv’s brother.”
A pause. “Oh. Shit.”
“Yeah. Find out how much he owes Jackson for me, will you?”
“Yeah.”
We smoked in silence some more. I was lost in my own thoughts. I didn’t give a fuck about Grayson, but he was Viv’s brother. What mattered to her mattered to me. For Viv, I’d do just about anything. Even give her worthless brother the help he obviously needed.
Viv
I was warm, sleepy and happier than I’d ever been. Kane was wrapped around me under the covers of my bed, my back to his chest. His arm was tucked beneath my breasts and his leg was thrown over mine. I loved being this close to him, with nothing between our bare skin. The smells of sweet cigar smoke and leather were on me now, and I didn’t want to wash his scent away in the shower.
For now, I didn’t have to. I wasn’t going in to work until noon today, and Kane and I were making the most of our lazy morning. The brush of his lips and beard on my neck, as well as the thick erection resting in the crook of my backside, told me he’d be ready for a break from relaxing soon. And I was always ready for more of him.
“Be right back. I gotta piss,” Kane said gruffly, his warmth sliding out from next to me.
I pulled the covers tighter around me to make up for the loss of him. My apartment got drafty in the winter. I’d never had a sexy man in my bed to make up for it on cold mornings.
Kane walked back into my bedroom and I drank him in. Damn. He was nothing but tall lines of cut muscle, dark swirls of tattoos and a trail of black hair that led from his chest down to the impressive semi-erect member between his legs.
He saw me looking and his gaze darkened hungrily. My eyes stopped on the ‘B’ over his pectoral muscle.
“I saw her picture in your office,” I said softly. “Brooklyn, I mean.”
He nodded. “Cori sends me pictures.”
I turned to my side and faced him, shivering as he pulled the covers aside and slipped back into bed. “Have you ever asked to see her?”
“No. Seems like a dick move when I’m a stranger to her.”
“That’s because you couldn’t have seen her from inside a prison.”
He sighed heavily. “Yeah, but that’s no fuckin’ excuse, Viv. You think a kid gets that her dad’s never been around because he was in prison? She just knows I’ve never been around.”
I leaned up on my elbow. “So try. If you’re able to talk to Cori, ask. It’s clear you love Brooklyn and want to be in her life.”
“I haven’t talked to Cori in ten years.” Kane was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling, his voice hard and cold. “I send her money and she mails pictures back to the address I sent the money from. That’s it.”
“I know it would be hard to ask,” I said, reaching out and laying a hand on his chest. “But you can—”
“You don’t know.” His bitter tone made me withdraw my hand. “You don’t have a fucking clue what it’s like to let your own flesh and blood down on a level like this. It feels so simple to you because you’re good. Who have you ever disappointed?”
He turned and gave me an accusatory scowl. I pulled the covers up over my chest.
“I’m far from perfect,” I said. “And I see cases like this in my job. I don’t think you’d ever be sorry you tried, even if it doesn’t work. When you come face to face with Brooklyn one day, don’t you want to be able to at least say you tried?”
His expression darkened with an anger I hadn’t seen since the first night I met him, when he confronted Eric in the alley.
“She doesn’t need a fuckup like me in her life. What the hell kind of father would I be?”
“It’s not a hypothetical. You are a father, Kane. And I think you’d be a lot better than you think, if you’d just try. All children should know their parents want to be with them.”
He shot out of the bed and I drew back with surprise.
“Stop fucking pushing me,” he said in a raised voice. “I never asked you to save me. That’s not why I told you about her.”
“You told me because you thought I’d push you away when I knew. You tend to assume the worst about people.”
“Yeah, well, live and learn.” He picked his jeans up from the floor and stepped into them.
“You’re leaving? Over this?”
“I need to go anyway. I’ve got shit to do.”
“Kane.”
He glared at me. “What?”
“I said it because I care. Not to piss you off.”
He sighed with exasperation. “I know. But thinking about calling Cori up gives me serious heartburn, Viv. What the fuck would I say? Hey, I know I’ve been absent for ten years, but can I pick Brooklyn up this weekend? She’
ll tell me to fuck off.”
“She doesn’t have to give permission. If she refuses to let you see your daughter, you can take her to court to exercise your rights. You’re her father, and you have rights.”
He shook his head and pulled his t-shirt on over his head. “I wouldn’t know the first thing about any of that.”
“I do. Perks of sleeping with a family law attorney.”
“Drop it, Viv.” He wouldn’t look at me as he sat down and laced up his boots. “I don’t deserve to be part of her life.”
“She deserves it, though.” I said it so softly I wasn’t even sure he heard me.
“I have to go.” He slid into his leather jacket, still not looking at me.
I laid back down and pulled the covers up to my chest. “I’m not saying goodbye to you like it’s okay for you to go. It’s not. You can’t keep walking out on me when things are emotionally tough.”
“It’s almost ten. We’ve been in bed since three. I’ve got shit to do.”
“Guess I’ll see you when your mood clears,” I said in a clipped tone.
“Whatever the fuck that means. I’m leaving.”
He walked out then, the sound of the door closing making me sigh sadly. I wrapped myself up in a blanket to go lock it and then laid back down, my bed now feeling cold and empty.
Kane
THANKSGIVING WAS STILL TWO WEEKS away, but the city was covered in wreaths and bells and fake Santas. I scowled at one who was holding a bucket out toward me in hopes of a donation.
“For the needy,” he said, his voice slurred. Between that and the brown paper sack sitting with his shit in front of a downtown building, I knew he was looking to drum up cash for the next bottle of booze.
“Fuck off,” I snapped. “Go sleep it off and take the suit off, for Christ’s sake. You want kids walking by to think Santa’s a drunk?”
He waved a hand and moved on to the next passerby.
I jammed my hands into the pockets of my leather jacket. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any shit to do. Viv had seen through my lie but I’d left anyway. And now I was pacing the streets in the freezing ass cold.
I’d be a disappointment to Brooklyn. Hell, I already was a disappointment. I’d missed everything. Failed her at every turn. Every picture Cori sent me was like opening an old wound, and it cut a little deeper each time. She got older and prettier. No more ribbons in her hair and gaps in her teeth in the most recent photo. Brooklyn was growing up, and I’d still never once hugger her or even looked into her eyes.
Barely Breathing Page 11