People in these fancy stores always looked at poor people sure they were going to steal.. Being poor did not mean her babies shouldn’t have the best. As long as she had the strength, they would get everything they wanted.
Security guards usually followed along, keeping her in sight, but not so much since she got pregnant and started showing. Security might think she was impaired, but she knew better. Martha stroked the great mound of her belly as she reached the checkout stand and put the kitchen towels on the counter. Six months and already big as a house. Martha was sure this baby would be a boy, too, but it sure would be nice to have another little girl. Two boys and two girls would be just about right.
“That will be twenty-five sixty-two.” The cashier shook her head while Martha pulled two twenties from her Hermes leather wallet. The wallet was her present to herself last year and it was worth almost getting caught. Good thing the security guard at Maison-Blanche didn’t check her panties or he would’ve found more than the wallet. Be difficult explaining a 35mm Nikon camera and the four gold set birthstone rings for her sisters. They weren’t cheap rings either, not with emeralds, rubies and diamonds in them. Mama taught her to never go visiting at Christmas without gifts.
Brought up better than most, Martha was poor (Mama said not to marry that no account criminal), but she wasn’t stupid or without class. Mama came from a right good family and taught all her children manners and style. How to get things without money was something she learned along the way. There were no coupons for the kinds of things her children should have. The next best thing to a coupon was ingenuity, and she had plenty of that.
The cashier neatly folded the kitchen towels and placed them in a box, covering them with tissue paper.
“This will make a lovely gift,” she said.
“Yes, that it do.”
The cashier cocked an eyebrow.
“Celia loves fancy little things like this when she entertains.” Martha slipped into a more cultured and educated tone.
The cashier handed back the change and Martha put the money and the wallet in her purse.
“Have a very merry Christmas.” The cashier smiled and waved as Martha waddled through the doors holding onto the cart.
As she stepped onto the sidewalk, someone tapped her shoulder. She turned.
“I think you forgot something, ma’am.” The security guard bent and picked up the television cord trailing behind her. “Would you like to pay for this with cash, personal check or a credit card?”
Busted.
He led Martha back into the store to the security office in the back where he watched aghast while she took the television from between her thighs.
A bark of laughter escaped him before he controlled himself, the smile disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. “You have very strong thighs, ma’am. Do you work out?”
It was Martha’s turn to laugh. “I have three babies.”
Twenty-One
“You know, they say them security guards are mean, but I had that one laughing so hard I thought for a hot second he might let me go. We was laughing fit to bust and in walked the manager, like someone turned up the cold. Pinched, little snipe of a man with a mustache so stiff the ends looked like they was made of glass. His mouth looked like he had a lemon in it and he had beady eyes like a rat behind his fancy gold wire rim glasses. Bet that man never had sex in his life, not with the face he had on him, not less he paid for it. Mmm hmm.
“Well, they brought me down to Central and I called Mama. She went and stayed with my children. We thought I’d get out of here on bond, but that was before the po-lice took that warrant up in my house and ruint Christmas. I make it up to them when I gets out. I sure will. That’s what I told them when Mama brought them up that first time.
“I just hate having them see me shut up in here. Might give Marcus some ideas. That boy is so protective of Danielle.” Martha held her belly with both hands and reared back, laughing until Pearl thought she’d go into labor. “Little as Marcus is, the last time his daddy come at me, he jumped dead in front of him with his fists raised and that little muscle in his jaw just a-jumpin’, and said, ‘Don’t you mess with my mamma or you goin’ to the cemetery.’ My little boy put the fear of God in his daddy that day. I was so surprised his daddy didn’t smack him upside the head, but he didn’t. Sometimes that boy get such a look in his eyes ain’t no doubt he’d take on the devil himself and the devil’d run.”
She worked her feet up over the bench and pushed off the table, heaving to her feet. “I better go take that nap. I’m all kindsa tired.” She took more paper from inside a tatty paperback. “In case you need some more.”
Martha lumbered down the stairs, one hand on the wall and other on the railing, legs spread wide apart. Pearl grabbed the paper and ran to help, but Martha waved her away. “I’ll be fine. Just need to put my feet up. You go on and write what you got.” At the door, she turned around. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
Martha patted Pearl’s shoulder and went into her cell, lowering herself carefully onto the bunk.
“Will you be all right?”
“I’ll be fine. Just got to get off my feet.”
Pearl went to her cell and began writing.
Martha and she were not so different. They both came from good families. They both married the wrong men, but at least her ex-husband had not been a criminal, just tied too tightly to his mother’s apron strings. “Too bad he didn’t choke on them.”
Even though Martha was about to lose her children, she wasn’t afraid to let her mother raise them. Pearl could not say the same.
When it became apparent Pearl’s mother would stop at nothing to take her boys, she had to do something to protect them. Her mother’s complaint was that she was never home and the boys were being raised by a babysitter. It was not as if she had a choice with no child support from their father and the military protecting him and not her boys’ interests. How many times had she gone through government channels to get back child support only to be turned away? Working two jobs was the only answer to a difficult situation, and it was part of the reason she had jumped at the chance to go to California with J.D. Working for a major jeweler would have provided enough money to get the boys back and provide a stable home without working two or three jobs.
The idea of her mother raising the boys terrified her so much she took the only available option, sending them to live with their father and his new wife. They were better off with him than with her mother. Oh, how it hurt to let them go, but their safety and interests had to come first.
Pearl’s mother would not have hurt the boys, at least not as much as she had hurt Pearl, but there was no doubt they would end up hating her. All it took was walking in on one conversation between her oldest boy Joshua and her mother to realize just what was at stake.
When Pearl had walked into the room, her mother and Joshua were sitting on the couch talking. The words her mother had said were still etched in acid on Pearl’s heart. “Your mother and father do not love you. I’m the only one who loves you. Because of you, they had to get married. They resent you. No one loves you but me.”
She should have confronted her mother right then, but that would have ended in an ugly scene, and things with Joshua were already shaky due to the divorce. She knew her mother would turn the situation to her advantage or use it to prove Pearl was unstable. The only choice was to send Joshua and his brothers far away from her mother.
What must it be like to be able to trust your mother and be certain your children would still love you when you came back? Martha trusts her mother and Betty has no choice but to trust hers. Neither of their mothers would turn their grandchildren against their daughters. Pearl would never know. She would not allow her mother to twist the boys the way her mother had twisted her by playing favorites and treating her as though she were less worthy of her love than her brother and sisters. That is what came of being adopted in a family where natural children were bor
n afterwards.
Every time she trusted a woman—her mother, sister Suzanne and some of her friends—they betrayed her. Stealing her boyfriend, her clothes, her school papers or throwing her over for the next best thing, the way her mother threw her over when she had her own children, was second nature. In here, among these women, for the first time, she felt she had someone—several someones—she could depend on. They had already trusted her, even though she wasn’t one of them.
Lainie had said she looked like a nun on parole and the rest treated her differently than they treated each other, with a little awe and some respect, but they accepted her. When she had been vulnerable and scared, Betty reached out and offered her a safe haven. Strange as it seemed, even Tamara, in her bossy way, had helped Pearl.
No, they had trusted her with their stories. They hadn’t dressing them up or pretended to be better than they seemed. No one pretended innocence; they accepted their guilt. No one played the victim. They acknowledged their mistakes and went on with their lives, such as they were inside. They were a community. Look how Maureen took care of Joo-Eun when she was ill and how Maureen protected her from the more predacious women.
Maureen was obviously fascinated by Joo-Eun. It was not sexual, or at least it did not seem sexual. Joo-Eun would not have tolerated it. Pearl chuckled at the idea. If Maureen tried anything, Joo-Eun would have backed her down in a heartbeat. She was tiny, but she was no one’s wimp. Maureen had no authority over her, except the authority inherent in friendship. No, it was respect, two strong women acknowledging each other’s autonomy and becoming friends. How strange that had been, seeing Maureen hovering near and not pressing her claim. She had not even reminded Joo-Eun that a debt was owing. Maureen had depths—they all did.
The change from hoping for attention from Joo-Eun to grateful acceptance was a big one. Maureen had blushed and smiled and all her aggression and attitude melted. Now the two were inseparable. In some ways, Joo-Eun had softened Maureen, or maybe Maureen had realized on some level that what she really wanted was not accolades or worship but true friendship.
I think she found it.
These were ordinary women and yet they were not. Pearl felt honored to be welcomed among them.
“Hey, Pearl, you done yet?” Lainie glanced toward the guard station.
“Almost. What can I do for you?”
“I thought you wanted to know what was in the trunk.” She dangled the bait.
“Y’all better get outta there ‘fore they catches you.” Joy strolled past the doorway and a few seconds later strolled by again, glancing in as she passed.
“I ain’t doing nothing, so just get on out of here.” Lainie stepped into Joy’s way, fist and jaw clenched. “You need to mind your own business.”
“Hey, I’m just watchin’ your back. Lieutenant coming down here for surprise inspection. Seems she got word somebody got contraband.”
“Okay, you gave your warning, so keep on keeping on.”
Pearl stepped into the hall. No sense giving Joy a reason to hold a grudge or cause trouble for Lainie, which seemed to be her obvious aim. She did not know why, but she knew that girl was up to no good. She wished the guards would either move her to another quad or roll her on out. Joy gave her the creeps always sneaking around and spying around corners. Twice the Lieutenant called Joy out of the quad and twice rooms had been shifted and cellmates split up when Joy returned, once going so far as to move one very pretty blonde out and bring someone from another quad. No, it did not pay to get on Joy’s bad side.
“I’m done, Lainie. I just need to give this to Martha.” Pearl turned around and faced Joy. “Thank you for the warning.”
Lainie glared at Joy as if to say she could take care of herself, that she did not matter. The little red-headed, freckled rat was pleased. Her smile said it all as she shoved past Lainie. The last thing needed on the quad was for Lainie to get into another fight. She had already had one warning and pulverizing the girl would put Lainie and Joy in solitary. Pearl had never known anyone as belligerent and ready to fight before.
“Would you take these upstairs? I’ll be there in a minute.” Pearl stopped and tapped on Martha’s door. Martha snorted once, turned over and continued snoring. Okay, later then.
She rushed up the stairs when she saw Lainie draw back her fist. The girl who mumbled and shuffled got there first, bumping into Lainie, knocking her to the floor and then falling on top of her. “Get off, retard!” The girl rolled off and right to her feet. She shuffled away mumbling.
There’s a brain beneath that tangled hair, even if she does smoke toilet paper cigarettes.
Lainie got to her knees, but could not get up. She fell twice before Pearl offered to help. Lainie shook off her hand and lurched to her feet. “I don’t need any help.”
“All right.” She stood back while Lainie lumbered to her feet, staggered and nearly fell again. Pearl moved closer without putting out a hand or offering to help. She stood there and Lainie lurched forward and put her left hand on Pearl’s shoulder. Pearl braced herself and looked away. Once Lainie was stable, Pearl moved toward the picnic tables. Lainie’s hand lingered on her shoulder then fell away.
When Pearl and Lainie sat down, all the chattering stopped. Heads swiveled toward the guard station. The Lieutenant and a raw-boned deputy followed a few steps behind someone new. The trio went directly to the showers. The deputy stepped forward at a nod from the Lieutenant.
“Clothes.” She held out a hand. Cocking the right hip, the left hand curled around the stick in her belt. She tapped her foot. “We don’t got all day. Get ‘em off.”
The woman stripped and handed everything to the deputy, draping them neatly over the outstretched arm. When she stepped into the shower, Pearl looked away, but not before noticing the woman’s beauty and grace. Each movement was a ballet of strength and control. Muscles moved sinuously beneath smooth, unblemished skin. She didn’t move in slow motion, but time seemed to slow. She moved as though she had all the time in the world. She looked relaxed and casual. She could have been alone in her bathroom at home instead being deloused before a captive audience. It was as if she was a queen and the guards her maids for all the attention she bestowed. They were little more than androids, or clotheshorses in the shape of guards.
Lainie touched Pearl’s shoulder. “You finish Martha’s story?”
It took a huge effort to wrench her eyes away. Pearl nodded absently, folded the pages and tucked them into the paperback novel Martha gave her. She handed it to Lainie and, still mesmerized, followed the rest of the herd to lunch, unwilling or unable to stop looking and marveling. Once past the corner of the guard station, she tripped, caught herself with a hand on the ledge beneath the window of the station. A sharp rap tingled through her fingers before she could remove them. A heated blush raced like wildfire across her cheeks and she smoothed sweaty hands on her trousers.
“Come on.” Lainie lurched past.
“Sure.” Pearl’s stomach cramped with something. I must be hungrier than I thought.
She cast a glance toward the showers as the woman stepped from the shower covered in white powder. Taking the proffered threadbare towel, she patted dry the water spangling the cap of tight curls.
Pearl wondered if the woman would be willing to tell her how she ended up here. She was not from the streets and Pearl did not get the murder vibe. Betty’s eyes were haunted, and so was Maureen when she really looked into them, not that Maureen allowed such intimacies. Shadows lurked in the depths as if what they had seen or knew had etched deeply into the soul, leaving visible furrows like open graves. She had seen something no one was meant to see. If that woman was a murderer, she was too cool by half, a sociopath or a psychopath with glaciers in her veins.
One thing she had learned is that none of women were ordinary; each one was as unique as a snowflake. She supposed that there were murderers who took killing as little more than clearing out the trash, or putting down a rabid dog. She had seen the re
sults of that before.
Betty looked up as Pearl passed and shook her head before tucking into the food. Pearl nodded. Yes, Betty, something has changed and I don’t know what. She rubbed her arms. Goosebumps. It wasn’t that cold. Goose just walked across my grave, Gram. It was a goose. Wasn't it?
“Best sit yo’sef down befo’ you falls down, boo.”
Pearl tumped down, her legs suddenly boneless. The tray clattered on the table. She was grateful for the chair or she might have ended up on the floor.
She pushed the tray away. The food was as appetizing as any other day, but she did not feel like eating. Vomiting, but not eating.
“Are you writing everyone’s story?” Elke sat down next to Pearl. She placed two slices of white bread and two pats of butter on Pearl’s tray.
“Not everyone.” Pearl handed the bread and butter back. “Lainie told me her story and so did Martha and Joo-Eun.”
“Would you write about me? Please?”
Pearl didn’t know what to say. She did not have enough paper to write about all the women who approached her, but something hopeful in Elke’s emerald green eyes made Pearl want to hear her out. “It’s not a big deal, just people passing the time.”
“Write my story. Whatever you want. Whatever you need, just write my story.”
“I really don’t have much paper.”
“I’ll get you some. If I tell you what happened, you can decide how much to write.”
Pearl nodded. “All right, but I won’t promise anything. Maybe no one will ever see your story.”
“You’ll know.”
Among Women Page 18