by Lowe, T. I.
Greyson quietly joins in and I wonder how he would even know the lyrics to this song. I know I don’t, but then I remember he is a part of a church family and this must be one of those universal hymns. The group continues to sing and as the sun slowly emerges, their voices continue to grow. As the grays are replaced with bursts of oranges and pinks, the view becomes magnificent and the cross seems to be soaring in the new day’s sky. I gasp loudly at its beauty.
I don’t know when it happens, but I find myself singing right along after a while with goose bumps continuously rising along my arms and my heart hammering away. It’s such a feeling that I can hardly describe. Tears prick my eyes and find their way down my cheeks as I sing the verse - And I will open up my heart. And let the healer set me free. To be free… How would that feel?
We keep singing the lyrics over and over until it reaches a crescendo and then the volume slowly turns back down. As quietly as the song began, so it concludes in the same manner. I am in awe at what I have just encountered and don’t know what to think about it. No one says a word. They just depart in a reverent silence. Greyson and I follow suit, not even muttering a word until he is parked back at the campground. When we get settled inside, I dare to ask him what that was.
He looks over at me thoughtfully with his green eyes glittering with emotion and simply says with reverence, “That was a worship service.”
This sends the goose bumps shivering all over me once again. It truly felt like I was blessed to participate in something beyond my understanding. We spend most of the morning in an amicable silence and the spell eventually breaks as we head over to the pool and frolic around like two goofy kids until the sun sets.
I actually look forward to our nightly routine of journaling together outside. I’m always curious as to what little jewel Greyson scribbles in mine for me to find. Tonight, he doesn’t disappoint.
I find Psalm 46:1-5, God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.
I’m amazed each time at how profoundly these verses affect me. I read the verses several times and have that same overwhelming sensation as I did this morning on that mountainside.
~~~~
I awake this morning in a completely different mood. It’s like a switch has been flipped and my insides are crawling in frustration. I know right away that no peace will find me today. With trembling hands and my heart squeezing painfully, I hope beyond hope I can survive this day and not wreck things with Greyson. I don’t have a lot of confidence.
I hold it together for breakfast and the packing up for another day on the road. Greyson is in such a great mood. He looks so healthy, too. At breakfast he boasts about being able to wear his pants without a belt. They still droop on his bony hips, but they are well on their way to getting back to normal. I smile when I think I should and try to answer his questions when they present themselves, although I’m really a million miles away inside. We stay busy with loading up and that helps me combat my jitters.
Now that we are on the road, with nothing to do but sit and think, I’m in trouble. I rub my hands often, trying to work the trembling out. I see Greyson is picking up on it, too. He keeps eyeing my hands with concern, but remains quiet for a time. But I know Greyson and I’m certain he is going to call me out on it if I don’t get a grip.
Miles pass and billboard after billboard taunts me. The one we just passed offers free wine samples at a wine specialty market. The urge is so strong that I can almost taste the sharp liquid on my tongue. I hurt from wanting a drink and yearn for the warm numbness I know it promises. This is the one day of the year I always designate as a day to forget and to do it with any means possible. But this year I am stuck in a flipping RV and can do nothing but remember. This is a day tarnished in shame and regret.
I shake the nightmare off and try to set my sights on the Smoky Mountains, but billboards keep zooming by, begging my attention with their advertisements. The newest sign is an authentic moonshine distillery offering tastings. I’m literally in pain from the want of forgetting. I sit on my hands and try to calm my breathing.
Greyson reaches over and places his hand on my shoulder briefly to get my attention. “What’s the problem, Thorton?” Concern laces his voice.
“Today is the day… The anniversary of…” I can’t say the word out loud, but I think he gets it. “It haunts me.” My voice comes out all choked and strained. I’m trying to be straighter up with him on things, but it’s not easy for me.
Greyson’s eyebrows pucker in angst but he says nothing, just keeps driving. But he looks like he’s working through something. I go back to looking out the window and the billboards keep up their enticements. Not much time passes when I start hearing Greyson grunting. I look over and his face is twisted in pain.
“What’s wrong, honey?”
He’s leaning in an unnatural angle in his seat. “My back,” he grumbles out in a strained voice. “It’s caught a kink and it won’t ease up.”
“What can I do? You need me to rub it?” I go to take off my seatbelt, but he stops me.
“No. No. Just. Ugh. Ouch. Just find us a rest area.” He keeps sucking breaths between his clenched teeth and it makes me nervous. I don’t see how he is able to drive through the pain. I find us a rest stop just miles away and he navigates us there.
Once he is parked, Greyson climbs out of the driver’s seat and stretches out on the floor of the RV. He’s still moaning. I don’t know what to do for him, but kneel beside him and watch him wither in pain. He eventually makes it to all fours and stands slowly, going to the cabinet filled with prescriptions. “I’m gonna have to take a muscle relaxer. It just won’t let up,” he mutters as he pops a pill into his mouth.
“Is there anything I can do?” I ask, nearly exasperated just watching him in this pain. I pray silently on the spot without realizing it. Please God. Please don’t let it be cancer.
“I’m going to need you to drive,” Greyson says cautiously as he stands hunched at the shoulders.
“What? No. You don’t want me driving this. That’s not a good idea. Let’s just wait here.”
“Here? At a rest stop for six hours?”
“Well, when you put it that way… Can’t you just drive?”
“No. That pill makes me groggy. You don’t want me driving.” He doesn’t wait for my reply. He settles stiffly in the passenger seat, leaving me no choice.
I sit down and find my heart pounding fiercely in my ears. “I’m just not so sure about this.” I put my seatbelt on and make sure Greyson has his on as well.
“You got this. Just put it in drive and go.” He tries to get settled, grunting with every move.
I take my time adjusting the side mirrors and try to get a feel for looking at the computer monitor for the rearview. This is definitely out of my comfort zone. This RV is a hundred times bigger than anything I’ve ever driven. Taking a deep breath, I place the beast in drive and ease out onto the ramp and squeal out in sheer terror as I merge onto the interstate. I think I’m going to have a heart attack.
“You can’t go forty miles an hour on the interstate, Julia. You’ve got to speed it up.”
I look over to find Greyson watching me as he adjusts his seat all the way back. “How will I know where to go if you fall asleep? I could get us lost. This is hillbilly country. That won’t be good.”
He has his phone in his hand typing away. “The GPS won’t let you get lost. I’ll program it to a nearby campground.”
I glance at the road then back over at Greyson. His face is looking angrier than anything. He must be in some excruciating pain.
Chapter Seventeen
Greyson
I’m so
angry I can hardly stand it. Julia isn’t doing so well. I hate that some nothing of a man has done this to her. And there’s absolutely no way I can rid her of it. I’ve watched her decline throughout the morning. She was about to fall apart right here while we were on the road. I knew I had to think fast as to how to snap her out of it.
Just last week I watched her demeanor nosedive one evening while we sat outside. Just out of nowhere. One minute everything seemed normal and then the next thing I knew, she was fidgeting and her breathing got all labored. It was like she couldn’t stand being in her own skin. I thought fast and remembered some sick water guns my buddies gave me as a parting gift. I had no idea what I would do with water guns by myself, but I threw them in one of the side compartments anyway. Well, they ended up coming in handy. I got up and retrieved them and filled them with water behind the RV without Julia noticing. I came back around the corner and doused her down before I tossed her one. First she was stunned, then got over that real fast and got in on the action. It worked, too. We ran around the campground like two kids until we could barely stand.
That worked last week, but I very well cannot pull out a water gun at the moment. So yeah, I faked a backache. I sent all the anger I have for that man in hell into the act and Julia seemed to buy it. I popped an extra vitamin and not a muscle relaxer for show. I’ll call this whole act off if Julia can’t handle driving. I think it’s worth a shot though. I look over at her gripping the steering wheel for dear life and I see that it is working. There’s no way she can focus on anything else but keeping this big boy in our lane. This is a sweet ride and practically drives itself. It even has these sensors on the sides and back to warn you if you are getting too close to an object. So I’m pretty confident she will be just fine.
An hour in and I see she’s gotten the hang of it but still looks scared to death. I’d let her drive the rest of the day away, but that’s just not plausible. I’ve been thinking of something else to distract her mind and I think I have the perfect thing. I’ve found us a downright creepy spot for the night. I had run across the website a while back while my mom and I were planning this trip out. I had nothing but time on my hands while I was laid up in the hospital, so lots of hours were spent searching the Internet. I have it saved on my laptop in my room, but I cannot leave Julia up front alone. I search my phone until I finally find it again and book reservations. Moments later the email pops up with the confirmation. I program the GPS and it says we will be there within the hour.
This place is called The Witching Woods. It’s got Blair Witch Project written all over it. The theme of the campground is haunted. The whole thing is supposed to be very elaborate, yet all in good fun. And that has distraction written all over it. I hope…
We pull up and Julia immediately sighs. She looks over at me in relief. “I didn’t kill us or anyone else.” She smiles so weakly that it doesn’t come close to meeting her lovely eyes.
“You did great, Thorton.” I hop out quicker than I should and she calls me on it.
“What about your back?”
“Good as new. Sit tight while I check us in,” I say before heading into the reservation office. I’m stoked that this place looks like an ordinary campground. There are no signs advertising for what’s to come. Good. I want Julia caught off guard. There’s a lot of this day left and I don’t want her to have to seek out a bottle of liquor to get through it. The receptionist asks if we want a quiet night or an adventure. I tell her adventure all the way.
I trade seats with Julia once I’m back so that I can maneuver us through the gates and place the RV in a holding lot. This big boy is easy on open road, but a bit tricky to park.
“Pack an overnight bag. Nothing cutesy,” I tell her before hopping out. She’s grumbling something, but I don’t wait to hear it. Pulling a brand new tent out of a side compartment along with two new sleeping bags, I then head over to a small compartment and pull out three flashlights for good measure—testing each one and finding they all work. I like the outdoors, but haven’t had the time to be outdoorsy since I was a kid. There’s a good chance I’m forgetting something.
I head back inside to grab my own overnight bag. Julia has a small pile of clothes laid out on my bed, while she’s plundering her drawers for more. She’s still grumbling under her breath—it’s cute.
“Be sure to use a backpack.” I look her over. She’s wearing jeans and a plain T-shirt just as I am so she’s good to go there. “Pack a hoodie in case it gets chilly tonight, and wear your sneakers.”
“What are you getting us into, Stone?”
“We’re camping out tonight.”
This gets her attention and she looks up sharply at me. “What? How?”
“In a tent in the woods. How else?”
She glares those gorgeous blue eyes at me with an arched eyebrow. “What about your back?” Oh. She’s on to me.
“No worries. It’s back to normal.” I don’t give her time to start in on me. I quickly toss some clothes in my backpack and go grab my toothbrush and stuff. I then load down the remaining space in the pack with bottles of water and snacks.
I grab the night reservation paperwork off the counter and look back over the details. Our ride should arrive in about ten minutes to haul us into the woods. I slide a ball cap on and head outside to check things out. Man, this place is glorious. It’s set in a valley of mountains. I look up and am just amazed at how cool it is to be surrounded by these massive stone beasts. The place is perfectly, naturally normal. I think that only adds to the mystery of the fun that awaits us. The unexpected will certainly be, well, unexpected. The lot has a good many vehicles, so I’m guessing we aren’t the only ones in for it.
Julia makes her way outside and eyes the tent suspiciously. “I’d rather stay in the RV.”
“Come on, Thorton. Where’s your sense of adventure?” I pull her in for a side hug. “Be a good sport, will ya?”
Before she can begin whining, a horse drawn cart pulls up. The driver looks gnarly with a long bushy orange beard. He’s dressed in beat-up jean overalls with no shirt and this brown worn-out felt hat hides the remaining face the beard doesn’t cover.
“Get in,” he says without looking at us as he spits a substantial amount of tobacco-stained spit out onto the gravel. I want to snap a picture of him and send it to my dad with the caption, if you never see me again, he did it. But I don’t think this dude would appreciate a photo op. Instead, I refrain and do as he says. I toss in the tent and bags. Then I help Julia climb up, before I jump in. Once we are settled, he takes off without a word of warning. Julia gives me a look that clearly conveys that I’m in trouble. My lips twitch from wanting to laugh, but I hold it in.
The scruffy driver directs the horse and cart through a narrow trail that seems to be looping around on itself, but I’m not sure. Eventually he stops abruptly in what seems like the middle of nowhere and points to a small clearing between two trees and mutters, “Get out.”
“Umm… Is this where we set up the tent?” I ask as I hop out and help Julia down.
He spits more tobacco juice out and grunts out, “Yeah.”
I unload our stuff and give the small site a good looking over. The only thing that resembles some form of a marker is an animal skull sitting atop a wood stake. I notice Julia hasn’t spotted it yet. She’s too busy trying to clean the dust off the back of her pants. I think that is going to be a lost cause, but don’t comment.
“Here,” the driver mutters and hands me a map. Before I can say or ask anything else, he pulls off.
We are both watching him abandon us as Julia asks in a whine, “Well, now what?”
“First thing we need to do is get this tent set up.” I toss the map to the ground, unzip the tent bag, dig out the directions, and hand them over to Julia. “Your job is to give orders and supervise.”
“I can handle that.” She goes to studying them as I pull all the pieces out.
“I have no doubt about that.”
“
You talk a big manly game all the time. I thought real men don’t need directions?” She waves the paper around as she taunts me.
I know I’m manly enough to handle this without directions—just so you know. But I need to keep Julia’s mind on something productive. So yeah. We are going to use directions just this once.
“Smart men use directions. So let’s get to it.”
We have it knocked out in under an hour. I’m drenched in sweat by the time I’m done. I toss our belongings inside and look around for a few minutes. I spot two conveniently placed logs on the other side of the trail and roll them over to use as seats. I plop down on one to catch my breath. Julia actually surprises me by handing me a bottle of water.
“Thanks, Thorton.” I take a long refreshing pull from it and mop the sweat off my face with the end of my shirt.
“You’re welcome, honey.” She sits daintily on the other log as she works her hair into a messy ball on top of her head. I have no idea how she gets all that hair to stay up like that. I’m watching her when all of a sudden she lets out a blood curdling scream. She jumps into my lap and points at the skull.
“It’s just a marker for the campsite, Miss Scaredy Cat.”
“It’s staring at me.”
I try loosening the death grip she has around my neck so I can breathe. “Well. You are staring at it too. Only seems fair.” This earns me a slap on the arm.
“What have you gotten us into?” she asks sternly.
I scoop the map up off the ground and hand it over to Julia while I continue to hold her. I should make her get up, but I don’t. I like her right where she’s at. “Check this map out and let’s see what’s in store.” I read it over her shoulder and can’t help the grin spreading across my face. This is going to be epic.
“This can’t be right. I’m not trekking around in these creepy woods.”