by Lowe, T. I.
I really expected her to only want to stay a day or two to appease everybody before she’d be ready to hightail it out of here. I never thought she would want to stick around so long. She discovered her childhood home had burned down earlier this year. As Savannah was telling her about this, I felt bad and was ready to offer her comfort, but was totally confused at her reaction. Both sisters hugged each other and burst out in a fit of laughter. It wasn’t until later that night as I sat on the back deck of the beach house that it clicked.
I asked Julia and she confirmed that not only her but also Savannah had been raped in the house. My gut hurts now just thinking about it and I can’t help but rub my hand through her hair again. At least the sisters seem to have some sort of closure with the house gone, but I seriously doubt something like that ever really leaves a victim. Savannah’s whole aversion to touch makes perfect sense now. Every time I see her I want to hug her to show that touch doesn’t have to hurt. But then I see Lucas with her. He always has a protective hand placed on his wife so I know he’s helped her understand that already. It still doesn’t stop me from giving her a friendly hug every time I see her. I’ve even talked her into letting me feel the baby kick. That was tight. That little one can pack a wallop, too. They’ve decided not to find out the baby’s gender, but I think they have themselves another boy.
I’m imagining holding my own newborn child when Julia clears her throat and pulls me back to now.
“Greyson, will you visit my dad’s grave with me later today?”
“Sure,” I agree.
It seems she has a lot to face in this hometown and has picked now to do it. I want her to do what she needs, so I put away my trip notions and the feeling of needing to wrap things up and support Julia on her personal journey. She’s definitely come a long way.
John Paul Thorton II is buried on a sandy hill at the Oceanfront Chapel. His final resting place is marked by a black granite stone. Julia sits beside it and drifts away from me. I sit on a bench near her, but let her have space. She weeps a while and whispers occasionally so softly I don’t catch the words, but I’m not meant to. Those are words for her dad. I hate to even think about losing my dad. I can only imagine Julia’s hurt.
She eventually turns and kneels at the grave beside her dad’s. It’s marked with a vibrant blue stone that has massive waves carved in it. I get up and kneel by it so I can read the message engraved on it.
Whispering through the ocean’s waves and the song of the surf, I am with you always.
Such touching words. My eyes go to the name and then the timeline of the guy named Bradley Thorton. The years only indicate he was just a young teenage boy when he died.
“Who’s this?” I whisper as I run my fingers along his name.
“My cousin,” Julia whispers back. “He lived with us. He was more like a brother.”
“What happened?”
She glances at me then back to the tombstone. “Just a freak accident.” She shakes her head and stands up.
She doesn’t seem to want to elaborate so I drop it. I stand too but keep studying the stone. “This tombstone is pretty incredible.”
“Bradley was an incredible guy.” Julia reaches for my hand and pulls me towards the moped.
“I’d like to have one like that. I didn’t know they came in such unique colors,” I comment and feel her hand stiffen in mine.
“I don’t want to even think about that, Greyson Stone!” This is the first time she has snapped at me in weeks.
“You think I can get a contact number for the church? This would be the sweetest place to be buried.” I look around and spot several vacant plots.
“Stop it!” she yells.
“We all have to face it at some point. No need in ignoring it,” I snap back. I don’t know why I’m going here with her, but it feels like we need to address it.
She’s shaking her head. “I can’t… I won’t…” She storms off down the beach and strikes out in a run.
“Death isn’t something you can run from, Julia,” I yell out, but she ignores me. I watch her go until I can barely see her down the beach. She’s heading in the direction of the beach house so I head the moped in that direction.
I go straight to her room and add, Philippians 1:20 to her journal.
According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death.
Later tonight I find the page torn out and thrown in the trash. She’s not ready to face it. But I want her to understand, nothing is for certain in this world. I leave her alone with her denial and go to bed.
~~~~
It seems like I’ve just dozed off good when I feel something hard tap my leg. I think it’s just Fifi joining me, so I roll onto my back and give her some room. I’m close to being back to sleep good when that something gives my leg a firmer tap. It’s not friendly either. I open my eyes just as the dim table lamp flickers on and all I can think of is, oh crap.
A big rugged-looking dude is sitting in a chair pulled close to the bed with a baseball bat resting in his lap. He’s a week past a shave and he looks wild-eyed. Again, oh crap.
“What the—” I mutter.
He interrupts me and starts talking in a gruff voice that sounds grave. “I’m tired. I’ve not showered in five days. Had a witch doctor chasing me all over the Outback. Says I soiled his sacred land.” He huffs and shrugs his shoulder. “Guy’s gotta take a leak sometimes and there’s no stopping it.” He takes a deep breath and taps the bat on his thigh with aggravation. There’s a tick in his jaw that doesn’t set well with me. I’m thinking about yelling out to Julia to make a run for it. This guy is obviously a lunatic.
He holds up a bandaged arm. “On top of that, a stupid snake bit me in the midst of being chased by a bunch of naked tribal men all painted up. You ever been chased by a gang of naked men?” I shake my head no. “Well, let me tell you, that’s one awful something. I was scared for my virginity. I had no choice but to let them take me on account of the dang snake bite. The witch doctor did some mumbo jumbo crap and drew the poison out. But that didn’t stop them suckers from stringing me in a tree upside down for a couple of days. Ended up messing myself and everything. Still can’t get that stench off…”
He quiets down and takes a deep breath. “Now, I told you all that to tell you this. I come home after that nightmare and find a stranger in my house in one of my beds that I didn’t invite. I’m slap out of patience, so you can probably understand why I’m just gonna welcome you with this here bat.” He stands up and gives the bed another firm whacking with the bat, merely missing my leg.
I jump out of the bed and back up to the wall with my hands raised up in surrender. “I’m a friend of Julia’s,” I stutter out, my heart pounding in my ears. He’s already got the bat reared back like he’s ready to hit a homerun with my head. He’s shaking his head and looks vicious.
“Dude, my sister doesn’t keep good company when it comes to men. You’re not helping your cause. I suggest you shut up!” He swings the bat and slaps the mattress with a hard whack again in warning before easing around the bed. I yelp like a pansy.
“Just go ask her. We’re good friends. I swear! You just need to calm down.”
He walks closer and pokes the end of the bat firmly to my chest. “I just don’t think I believe you.”
I resign to the fact that Julia Thorton is going to also be the cause of my second ever butt whooping. Protecting my head with arms, I squeeze my eyes shut and brace myself for the first blow.
“All right, JP, I think you’ve played long enough.”
I open my eyes and peek through my arms and find Julia standing at the door, smiling of all things. JP lowers the bat and starts laughing.
“I’m just pulling your chain, man.” He reaches his hand out. I cautiously shake it. The whole thing has me confused. Both JP and Julia are grinning and I’m seet
hing. I want to take the bat to both of them.
Julia tries to clear things up, but I’m not having it. “Honey, that’s just JP for you. He likes to cause ruckus.” They are both still laughing.
“Okay,” I snap as I keep eyeing him.
“Another thing. Don’t ever believe anything he says. He’s known for his tall-tales.”
I point to the bandage. “Snake bite?”
“Nah. A thorn snagged me during the photo shoot in Australia.”
“And the witch doctor?”
“The little dude was my guide.” JP shrugs. “He coulda been a witch doctor, but he was fully clothed.” He has enough nerve to reach over and punch my arm, leaving it stinging. “You should have seen your face, dude. Priceless!” He strolls out of the room with the bat slung casually on his shoulder, barking in laughter.
Julia walks over and kisses me on my chest as she wraps her arms around my waist.
Even though I’m beyond mad, I give in and hold her. “That was the weirdest introduction to someone I have ever had.”
“That’s my brother.” She places one more kiss on my chest right below my scar before she retrieves my shirt off the floor and tosses it to me. “Come on. JP wants to get to know you.”
I look at the clock and see it’s one in the morning. “In the middle of the night?” I bicker but she’s already disappeared out of the room. I’m not crazy about the idea of getting to know him in the middle of the night, but it is his house, so after huffing and puffing a while longer, I go join them.
We sit on JP’s deck getting to know one another until the sun lights up the sky over the ocean. And man is that sight spectacular.
JP filled us in on the two photo shoots he just wrapped up. The guy doesn’t need to make up stories. He’s living out some pretty epic ones in real life.
For the remaining Bay Creek visit, every time I see JP I ask if anyone smells anything or ask him if he needs to go to the bathroom. I think it’s only fair to harass him after he brought me close to a heart attack. I’ve gotten to know JP pretty well in this short amount of time. After I got over the whole stupid intro, we’ve gotten along just fine. He’s like a punk kid brother you want to beat up all the time. The dude sure knows his stuff with a camera too. I hung out with him one afternoon at his gallery while Julia shopped with Savannah. I was blown away by his photography. He’s one unique talent even if he can be a pain. In the daylight and minus the beanie hat, he looks like a scruffy male version of Julia with the blue eyes and light hair. I asked about Savannah looking so different and Julia explained that her sister took after their dad while they took after their mother.
I had braved it during that conversation and asked how their mom was doing. Sister and brother exchanged a look and a shoulder shrug and pretty much blew my inquiry off. It’s evident that the mother subject is off limits. I know Julia and her mother don’t get along, but it totally blows my mind. My mom rocks and it’s hard to picture one that doesn’t. I know I’m a blessed man, and that night I called my mom and reminded her that I am.
JP set out to teach me to surf one day and we learned real quickly I wasn’t teachable. I think I’m too long for the sport. It may have something to do with the fact I’m not much when it comes to balance either. He and Lucas can ride a wave like they were born on a surfboard. The guys just own it when they are on those boards. It’s pretty impressive. Not me, so I’ve stuck with bodysurfing instead. All I have to do there is let the wave carry my body to shore. Easy.
So I’ve added these two guys to my list of new friends. It’s become a pretty long list this year. I feel like I have no regrets this way. Julia says I can make a friend with a statue. But I feel like if I don’t speak to everyone I come in contact with, I may pass up the most important person who was supposed to be a significant part of my life. I’m certainly glad I didn’t pass up getting to know her. That wasn’t an easy choice for sure. Julia’s friendship over the years has been a larger-than-life challenge.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Julia
Bay Creek has been a pleasant surprise. I feel like whatever chains once bound me here are now gone. It amazes me how the past doesn’t seem so significant now. The past year has really opened my eyes and, more importantly, my heart. I thank God for that as well as Greyson and some really important people I’ve met along this journey.
Greyson gave me one awful scare that first night in Bay Creek. I watched over him that entire night, making sure he was breathing. I tried waking him a few times, but was unsuccessful. He was sleeping one of the hardest sleeps I’ve ever seen someone in.
I’ve tried not to let it worry me, but that’s easier said than done. He’s appeared to be fine ever since. He went nonstop while we were in Rivertown, trying to keep up with the lively Crowley and all those children. It was like he didn’t want to waste a moment with them and he didn’t. I think he overdid it and once we got here it all caught up with him. That’s what I’m going to blame it on anyway. I’ve been watching him closer though.
And all of that death talk at the graveyard didn’t make me feel any better. I felt like he wanted me to be prepared. I ran off, not wanting to hear it. Then I found that verse in my journal and almost fell apart. I know it was his way of promising me he will be fine either way. Life or death—that he has no regrets. But I do. I have so many regrets and I feel I need time to rectify them. And that will definitely take some time.
There are only two more stops on our road trip before heading back to New York. I asked Savannah and Lucas to watch Fifi for the remainder of the trip. They were fine with keeping my girl and their sons were ecstatic. Those two boys are definitely the apple of her eye. I promised to pick her up when we get back for the baby’s birth.
So we set out early this morning, leaving my Savannah and heading to Georgia’s Savannah. It’s a place I’ve always wanted to explore. Greyson has already scoped out some famous restaurants and booked us a ghost tour at midnight tonight. He says he’s going to scare my accent out of me one way or the other. Tomorrow night he says there’s some kind of fishing excursion. Fishing isn’t an appealing activity to me at all.
We’ve been on the road for a few hours so far today. I decide to get up and grab us waters and snacks.
“Thanks, honey,” Greyson says as I place his snacks near him.
“You’re welcome, honey,” I reply and kiss him on his smooth cheek, feeling him smile against my lips. He’s not one for beard stubble and I like that about him. He likes his face clean and smooth. I flick the rim of his fishing hat playfully, causing him to flash those brilliant teeth at me in a grin. He is just the most adorable man. I want to kiss those full lips of his so bad I can taste it. I sigh before easing back in my seat and try to behave myself.
I’ve never had good judgment when it comes to men and physical affection. I’ve only known those who take it and just act on impulse. I had a good long talk with Lulu before we left and she pointed out that some things and, most importantly, some people are worth waiting for. She said waiting will only add to the sweetness of it down the road. I told her how Greyson is so cautious when it comes to us and she explained the meaning of respect—something I didn’t know anything about. She said Greyson is demonstrating it for me. Lulu said it’s obvious that he is in love with me and thinks he’s using caution to make sure we do things right. So I’m going to take her advice and let Greyson guide our relationship.
I spent a lot of time during my stay in Rivertown with Lulu. While Greyson ran around like a kid with all the Mason kids, I sat in long conversations with this little wise southern belle. One morning I found myself confessing the rape over a cup of coffee, surprising myself. Besides Greyson, I have never talked to anyone about it. I shared more details of it all with Lulu though. Especially about the guilt I have always carried for not protecting Savannah.
Confessing to Lulu about the drugs, alcohol, and my fight with anorexia was nothing easy, but it felt so therapeutic. That day, I admitted using t
hese vices to control the pain. And something she said to me that day in her kitchen nearly knocked me to the floor. It was such a profound epiphany. One I had never grasped before then.
All of these years, that add up to more than a decade, I thought I was beating Evan Grey and numbing him out. She made me realize I was still letting him win. That he was still controlling me through not letting go of the pain he inflicted on me. I was the only one losing by not letting it go. She’s absolutely right. I’ve lived a miserable life up until this year. Evan didn’t just rob me of my innocence. I also allowed him to rob me of living. The maddening world of modeling, drug abuse, rehab, a gross amount of men, alcohol abuse, starving myself… And in all of this, I only managed to gain more misery. I let Evan Grey rob me of well over a decade of my life.
He can have no more!
That following Sunday, I couldn’t stand it until I walked down that aisle and laid my broken life on that altar and begged God to put it back together properly. I begged Him and He answered. Just that simple. I’m still amazed at how this world has set out to overlook the significance of simple. I got off that altar and walked out of church a free woman.
My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I thought religion was such a crock. Maybe it is, but a true relationship with no labels with God is the most freeing and simplest relationship I have ever experienced. I get that the bad still happened and I also get that bad can still happen, but now I know God has my back. I know with Him I can face it.
I feel like this entire journey was a divine plan and that Greyson has been a big part of God’s plan. I just hope he’s part of the long-term plan God has for me. For now, I’m going to take a page out of Greyson’s handbook and live for today and let tomorrow stay in the rightful hands of God.