If your job or project hinges on a decision that’s in the hands of a waffler, your best move is to make the decision in such a way that he thinks he’s made it himself. Establish a deadline for the decision, with a default if no course of action is chosen.
Example: “Since I need a decision on this by [date], if I do not hear from you by then, I will proceed as if the decision is…”
2. THE CONQUEROR
There’s nothing wrong with being competitive. However, there are some people who are so competitive that they start losing perspective, so beating the other guy becomes more important than doing the right thing.
For example, suppose you have two highly competitive salespeople working for firms that are normally in competition but that now must work together to develop a huge sales opportunity that could benefit both firms.
Because the two salespeople see each other as competitors, they’ll likely spend more time jockeying for control of the account and trying to squeeze each other out than actually developing the opportunity.
To deal with a conqueror, channel that competitiveness into helping an entire team to win, rather than just the conqueror. Be forewarned, though: no matter what, the conqueror will hog the limelight after the win.
3. THE DRAMATIST
Dramatists (aka drama queens) turn almost everything into hissy fits, replete with dollops of pique and umbrage. They seem to draw energy from the drama they create even though everyone else finds the drama to be draining.
Dramatists, above all, crave being the center of attention. Like a ham actor on a sound stage, they exaggerate their expressions, make broad gestures, offend others, and feign outrage, all in a desperate attempt to say, “Look at me! I’m important!”
Unfortunately, giving in to dramatists only increases, rather than decreases, their appetite for attention. Your best bet with dramatists is to ignore their histrionics until they run out of steam.
No matter what the dramatist says, do not react. When the histrionics are over, casually acknowledge that the dramatist has expressed an opinion, then move on to whatever issue actually needs to be addressed.
4. THE ICONOCLAST
Iconoclasts thrive on the negative attention that comes from disrespecting other people, especially those in authority. They’ll break even the most sensible rules (social and business alike), just to show they can get away with it.
For example, I once worked with a guy who couldn’t resist describing our boss to everyone (including many people who knew the boss socially) as “shit for brains.”
Admittedly, our boss wasn’t exactly a klieg light. Even so, the constant negativity made a bad situation worse, except for my coworker, who clearly enjoyed the attention that came from verbally bucking authority.
The best way to deal with iconoclasts is to distance yourself from them while you’re at work. While they’re sometimes entertaining, iconoclasts eventually get axed, along with anybody who’s seen as part of their clique.
5. THE DRONER
Droners are always ready to give a presentation—usually one that everyone has heard before. They list their bullet points on multiple slides and with grim determination read each one aloud.
The problem with droners is that, most of the time, they don’t realize that they’re boring. They may truly believe their data-rich slides are fascinating, or at least so vitally important that they deserve your full attention.
The best way to cope with droners is to try to avoid meetings to which they have been invited. If that’s not possible, find a way to make the drone time useful. For example, you might answer e-mails on your tablet under the guise of taking notes.
If you can control the rules of the meeting, you can set a “one slide per person” rule for meeting, or better yet a “no PowerPoint” rule. You’ll be surprised how much this will force even a droner to focus on what’s really important.
6. THE FRENEMY
A frenemy pretends to be your biggest cheerleader, your best confidant, and the only person who’s really on your side. Meanwhile the frenemy is subtly sabotaging everything you do.
Under the guise of praise, a frenemy will make a comment that’s intended to sap your self-confidence. Example: “You did so well at that big presentation that almost nobody noticed the typos.”
A frenemy is always ready to help you out with a problem, in theory at least. When it comes to actually delivering the goods, the frenemy always has a plausible excuse as to why it just wasn’t possible.
To cope with frenemies, either avoid them completely or, if that’s not possible, be polite but do nothing to encourage the “friendship.” The frenemy’s power lies in the ability to get under your skin. That’s more difficult if you keep your distance.
7. THE TOADY
In business everyone sucks up to the boss, at least some of the time. It’s human nature to ingratiate yourself with those in power, and even the best bosses expect and appreciate the occasional word of homage.
However, there’s a huge difference between giving your boss the occasional kiss on the butt and permanently wedging your face in the crack. Toadies constantly praise everything the boss does, hoping to receive favors in return.
Toadies are bad coworkers for two reasons. First, they waste their time and energy stroking the boss’s ego rather than doing productive work. Second, bosses who tolerate toadyism become impervious to any advice that’s not fulsome praise.
If you end up working with toadies, understand that the real problem is the boss. Therefore you have exactly two choices: find another boss or become a toady yourself.
8. THE VAMPIRE
Workplace vampires suck all the energy out of the room the moment they appear. Vampires always have a reason something won’t work, a story that illustrates the futility of trying, and an endless list of unsolvable problems.
Vampires aren’t depressed. Far from it. They obtain a great deal of pleasure from squishing the positive feelings of those around them. The only time they really smile is after they’ve propelled everybody else into a sulk.
Traditional vampires shrivel and die when they’re exposed to sunlight. Workplace vampires react similarly when exposed to sweet reason. Say stuff like, “Wow, that’s a pretty negative spin.” Then move on as if the negative comment hadn’t been made.
As long as you refuse to get caught up in the vampire’s negative miasma, the vampire will get frustrated and decamp to some other meeting, or some other poor sap’s office, in order to continue sucking energy.
9. THE PARASITE
Parasites wait to see what ideas become popular inside a firm and then, when it’s clear an idea has support and traction, position themselves as its sponsor and (by implication) the brains behind it.
This behavior (aka “finding a parade and getting out in front of it”) is extremely common in large organizations. The reason is simple: being a parasite entails far less risk than being an entrepreneur.
To thwart parasites, call them on their behavior the minute they try to get out in front of the parade. Say something like, “Since you’re completely new to the project, you might want to hold back a little until you understand what’s going on.”
Beyond that, always keep an “audit trail” of your contributions to a project in the form of regular status reports. Send them to the parasite’s manager if the parasite continues to attempt to steal credit.
10. THE GENIUS
Geniuses are legends in their own minds. They talk and talk about the amazing stuff they’ve done in the past and their equally amazing plans for the future. Somehow they never seem to do anything in the here and now.
Geniuses take on projects but fail to follow through. As deadlines approach they can’t be found. When the work is finally turned in (often by others who have covered for them), a genius will disappear for a while to “recuperate.”
Dealing with geniuses requires persistence. Document what they’re supposed to complete and lay out frequent milestones that the genius must m
eet in order for the project to be completed.
For example, suppose the genius is supposed to update the technical specifications for your sales proposal. Rather than waiting until the last minute to remind the genius it’s due, send daily reminders of the commitment to both the genius and the genius’s boss.
If this seems as if you’re being a pest, it’s because you are being a pest. Unfortunately, pestering geniuses is the only way to hold their feet to the fire.
SHORTCUT
THE TEN TYPES OF ANNOYING COWORKER
WAFFLERS can’t decide so force the issue.
CONQUERORS must win so make them team leader.
DRAMATISTS crave attention so ignore them.
ICONOCLASTS break rules needlessly so avoid them.
DRONERS are boring so find something else to do.
FRENEMIES sabotage so keep them at arm’s length.
TOADIES mean you must either leave or become a toady yourself.
VAMPIRES leech energy unless you stay upbeat.
PARASITES steal credit so track who’s contributed.
GENIUSES are all talk, so pester them until they deliver.
SECRET 12
How to Handle Corporate Lawyers
Few things can gum up a business deal or put a damper on a great idea like the presence of an overzealous corporate lawyer. Fortunately corporate lawyers are relatively easy to handle. Here’s how:
1. FLY BELOW THE RADAR.
Assuming you actually want to get things done, it’s generally in your interest to keep lawyers out of the picture, unless your industry is one in which nothing gets done without them.
If you trust the people you’re working with, conduct the majority of your business using simple, self-created contracts. These take the form of simple statements like “You will do A” and “I will do B.”
Needless to say, flying below the radar means that you’re taking on the risk yourself should something go wrong. If that really bothers you, then go ahead and get lawyers involved. However, remember that there’s a price to pay, and it’s not just the lawyer’s fees.
2. ASK FOR AN OPINION, NOT APPROVAL.
Corporate lawyers are natural pessimists. It’s their job to manage risks and to make certain that if something (like a contract dispute) goes to court, you and your company don’t end up on the losing end.
The easiest way for a lawyer to eliminate risk is to make sure nothing happens—at all. That’s why if you ask a corporate lawyer, “Should we do this unusual or unprecedented thing?” the answer will usually be no, regardless of whether it’s a good idea or not.
Once you realize this, you’re free to decide whether the risks (which the lawyer will definitely identify) are worth the benefits of going ahead anyway. You can also solicit suggestions for limiting those risks.
3. DON’T SETTLE FOR GIBBERISH.
Lawyers, like all experts, have a tendency to speak and write using jargon that’s specific to their profession. In the case of lawyers, this habit is worse because they tend to see language as a way to create wiggle room rather than to communicate clearly.
In some situations (as when drawing up a complicated contract) it may be in your interest to let your lawyer play that game. However, when you’re on the receiving end of this tactic, insist on clarifying these intentional ambiguities.
To do this, read each paragraph aloud to the lawyer and ask, “What does this mean in plain English?” When the lawyer responds, scratch out the legalese and write down what the lawyer just said.
4. GIVE LAWYERS PLENTY OF TIME.
Corporate lawyers don’t benefit if a deal goes through, but they do get blamed if the deal turns into a debacle. Delay, to a corporate lawyer, is a good thing, because delay prevents bad things from happening.
Asking a corporate lawyer to do something quickly is like pushing a mule. The harder you push, the slower the mule moves. It’s wiser to lay out a schedule and ask the lawyer if it’s possible to get the work done by then.
If the situation involves opposing lawyers (e.g., your corporate lawyers are negotiating with your client’s corporate lawyers), your best approach is to hunker down for a long wait.
5. CULTIVATE A RELATIONSHIP.
Contrary to popular opinion, lawyers are human beings and, as with all human beings, more likely to help those they know and like rather than those they don’t know or actively dislike.
Therefore, if your firm has corporate lawyers, cultivate some kind of relationship with them ahead of time—long before you get into the situation where you need them to move quickly on your behalf.
Developing a relationship with corporate lawyers is just like developing one with anyone else at work. Ask about their jobs and backgrounds. Cultivate common interests.
Ideally you want lawyers to see you as you are: a person trying to get a job done, rather than a nuisance who wants them to commit to the unnatural act of approving an exceptional case quickly.
SHORTCUT
CORPORATE LAWYERS
WHENEVER the risk is minimal, leave lawyers out of the loop.
LAWYERS are not managers; get their advice but make your own decision.
INSIST that legal gibberish be simplified into plain language.
NEVER rush a lawyer because it will result in even more delay.
IF you’ve got a corporate legal group, find somebody in it to befriend.
SECRET 13
How to Use Social Media
Companies create brands because brands help buyers remember the experience they’ve had (or expect to have) with a company’s products. A brand consists of three major elements: a brand name, a brand logo, and a corporate history.
For example, the Coca-Cola Company has several brand names (the most famous being Coke), a distinctive logo that the company infrequently changes, and a well-established history as a provider of tasty soft drinks for over a hundred years.
Similarly, you (as an individual) have a brand consisting of elements in the social media in which you participate: your name (brand name), your photo (brand logo), and your profile information (corporate history).
Here’s how to use social media to brand yourself:
1. UNDERSTAND THE REWARDS AND RISKS.
Social media sites are fundamentally different from other forms of business communication. Conversations, voice mails, e-mails, and presentations are narrowcast media, meaning they are either one-to-one or one-to-few.
Social networking, on the other hand, is broadcast media on steroids, which means it is one-to-many-to-many-to-many. While you can limit access to your profiles on some sites, these sites are intended to be seen by all and sundry. Because of this they can have an outsize effect on your career, for good or bad.
Social networking is your primary vehicle for creating your brand and expanding awareness of it. However, like a corporation, you must protect your brand from becoming tarnished even as you work to establish it.
2. CREATE AN APPROPRIATE BRAND IMAGE.
Since your photo is your brand logo, you want a profile photo—the same on all sites—that reinforces your brand in a way that helps rather than hinders your career. If you can afford it, hire a professional photographer to shoot publicity photos. No selfies.
Meanwhile, try to expunge any online evidence of behavior that runs contrary to the image you’re trying to create. Scrub your old social networking pages; if your friends have posted stuff you’d prefer not be seen, ask them to delete it.
Even unusual hobbies can throw employers and customers off, if you’re not well known enough in your own field to make such details irrelevant. Despite the pressure to meld your business and personal lives, I recommend keeping your private life private.
Sometimes it’s not possible to scrub something questionable from your past. For example, if you’re arrested, your name and face can end up on a mug shot website and remain there even if you’re not charged. If so, you’ll need to change your name.
Another element of brand image is
your literacy or lack of same. Spelling and grammatical errors in your profile will make people think that you’re either stupid or careless, or both. If you’re not a strong writer, hire a copy editor to go over your profile.
3. MAKE YOUR RÉSUMÉ RELEVANT.
For work purposes, the most important social media sites are the ones, such as LinkedIn, where you post your résumé. Most people make the dumb mistake of using that forum to post a generalized version of their employment history.
Why is that dumb? Because your online résumé is useful for only two things: positioning you for a new job, or strengthening your ability to do your current job. A generalized résumé accomplishes neither of these tasks.
If you are job hunting, you want your résumé to reflect whatever job you are currently pursuing. (I discuss this issue elsewhere in “Secret 25. How to Land a Job Interview.”) Therefore, during a job hunt, you must constantly tweak your résumé to match your efforts.
If you are currently employed and not looking for another job, you want the people you work with (or sell to or buy from) to see you as qualified and authoritative in your current job. Therefore, scrub everything that’s irrelevant to your current job.
In your résumé, describe only actions that you personally took, along with the specific, quantifiable effects of those actions. For example, if you work in public relations, nobody cares if your job title was “communications director.” However, they might very well take notice if you got your CEO on CNN and the stock rose by 10 percent.
Business Without the Bullsh*t Page 6