by Ward, Tamryn
When Mattie returns, she leads an entourage. Several people in medical scrubs. Jay. And George. We’re pushed aside to make room for them. They form a wall around Tom, blocking our view. I see nothing but their backs. I hear them speaking to Tom and to each other. And I hear Tom say, in a trembling voice, “It hurts. Please, make it stop,” again and again.
I watch and listen, my own heart racing, palms sweating. What happened? Nobody knows. Tom isn’t saying. All he tells them is that he hurts.
Time ceases to exist. Nothing matters. I feel so helpless. I want to do something, anything. But there’s nothing for me to do. Tom’s blood is on me. My legs, my hands, my clothes. I don’t even know how it got all over me. I listen and wait while the medical team does its job. A second team comes in, carrying a gurney. They load Tom on it. His chest is covered with bandages. He’s very still and very quiet as they carry him out.
Mattie and I look at each other. Shock makes her eyes double their normal size.
What the hell happened?
That couldn’t have been an accident. What could Tom have done to injure himself so badly? In the middle of the night? While he was in bed?
If it wasn’t an accident, this is the second attack. The second. First there was Paul, the top ranked trainee. And now Tom, the third ranked.
Interesting. My gaze goes to Henry.
Henry, the second ranked.
It has to be him.
He’s lounging on his back, ankles crossed, arms resting on his pillow, the back of his head cupped in his hands. His eyes are closed, but he’s not sleeping. Nobody could sleep through this much mayhem. I glance at Alice’s bunk, next to Henry’s. She’s lying on her side, facing the wall. Her shoulder is moving a little. Bouncing slightly.
Oh god, is she…?
I look down at my hands, stained crimson.
Is Alice…laughing?
Chapter 19
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my lifetime, it’s that bad news always travels faster than good. Like when our neighbor, Mr. Wilkins fell through a patch of thin ice on the pond while ice-fishing last January and drowned. It was a horrible tragedy. In no more than two hours everyone knew. Within three, the Wilkins family was being inundated by grieving, well-meaning neighbors, offering prepared meals and baked goods.
And now it was the awful news that Tom had a grave injury. He could not continue the program.
Another good friend was gone.
We know who did it. But nobody can prove it.
The training room is quieter than normal today as we all go through the normal routine. Exercise first. Target practice after lunch. We haven’t started the computer training portion yet. I’m hoping that isn’t coming next.
Then George takes his place at the front of the room and clears his throat. “We had announced previously that two trainees would be cut from the program. Because we have had three trainees leave already, one last night, there will be no additional cuts. This stage of training is scored more heavily than phase one. For good reason. It’s more challenging. We will expect more from every one of you.” His gaze locks on me. “For those ranking at or near the bottom, you’ll need to work extra hard to make up for your low scores. It’s almost impossible to end with a high final ranking if you haven’t ranked high during phase one. Almost impossible.”
Not so long ago we started with thirteen trainees. We are now down to nine. I made it through phase one. Barely. Will I make it through the next segment?
“You are dismissed,” he tells us.
We pour out of the training room, some heading in one direction, some the other. I take the hallway to the dorm, with Mattie and Fran.
When we get to the room we share with the other trainees, I notice two things. First, the blood stains are gone. All of them. The walls and floor are pristine, as if nothing happened.
And second, several bunks have been stripped clean. The first two I’m not surprised about. Tom’s and Roy’s are empty.
But the third I am.
“Where’s Helen?” I ask.
Mattie says in a hushed voice, “I heard she requested a discharge.”
“A discharge?” I repeat. There are only eight of us left? Eight? Out of eighteen?
They’d been right. Less than half of us have made it through training. And we’re still not close to the end. But I hadn’t expected people to leave the way they have, being slaughtered like animals. By the other trainees.
I hate this place.
“They say she didn’t want to continue without Roy,” Fran adds. She glances around, looking nervous. “I don’t blame her. At least he wouldn’t slice someone’s throat just to give himself an edge in the competition. Can’t say the same about the other people left. Except you two, of course.” She motions to me and Mattie. “I want to get out of here so badly.”
“So why don’t you go?” Mattie asks. She’s looking pretty nervous too, arms crossed, pacing back and forth between her bunk and Roy’s.
“If my family didn’t need the money we’re getting paid so desperately, I would,” Fran confesses. “I know my odds of being one of the top three are squat, but even if I ended up with the lowest paying job, they’re better off than they would be if I quit.”
I nod in agreement. We’re in the same boat, Fran and me.
“What are we doing? We have free time, and here we are, sitting on our asses.” Fran throws her hands up. “I need to get out of this fucking cave. Even if it’s just for a little while. Who’s with me?”
“I’m in,” I say.
Mattie purses her lips. “I have an idea.”
I don’t like the way Mattie’s looking at me, as if she’s a cat, trying to decide what she wants to do with the plump little mouse she’s just found.
“Let’s go, Fran,” I say, ignoring Mattie’s idea. “What did you have in mind?”
Mattie steps in front of me, blocking the exit. “Hold on, not so fast. I have plans for you.”
“I had a feeling you were going to say that.” I hook a thumb in Fran’s direction. “Which is why I say I’m with Fran.”
“No, no, no. Don’t run away.” Mattie waves her hands. “It won’t be painful. I promise.” She narrows her eyes. “Okay, it might be a little painful. But not very.”
Whatever it is, I’m not going for it. I shake my head. “No.”
Mattie thrusts out a hip. “Come on! It’ll be fun.”
“Painful and fun? Sounds like torture.” I give Fran a help-me look.
Fran shrugs. Some help she is.
“Aw, don’t say that,” Mattie slips her arm through mine and tugs me toward the door. “You don’t know what you’re missing. Where’s your sense of adventure?”
“I have a sense of adventure.” Dragging my feet, so Mattie doesn’t get me too far, I unloop my arm and slide it free from her grip. “I’m going with Fran. Fran’s crazy. Who knows what kind of adventure she has in mind. Right, Fran?”
“Maybe Eva wants to ditch you two and go for another walk with Jay,” Alice says, as she saunters into the room. “She can kiss some more ass to improve her rank.”
I snap around, giving Alice a hard glare. “I would never—“
“Don’t bother with the righteous act.” Alice steps up to me. If I were six inches taller, we would be standing nose-to-nose. As it is, we’re not. “I know better.”
I give her a death glare. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“A little birdie told me you had your tongue crammed down our trainer’s throat.”
“What little bird?” I demand as a quiver of unease rattles through me. This is all I need, rumors spreading about me cheating by whoring with Jay.
I’m sure those kinds of rumors wouldn’t do Jay any good either.
“I’m not giving up my sources.” Looking haughty, Alice makes a zipping motion across her mouth. “But don’t worry. I’m not going to tell anyone else…yet.” She shoves past me.
“Ah ha!” Mattie says, thru
sting a hand in the air. “Thank you for the dirt, Alice.” To me she says, “I’ll tell everyone about your little field trip with Jay if you don’t cooperate with me.”
I squint at her. How could she even think about using that threat against me? “You wouldn’t.”
“Try me.” She squints back.
Shit. I look to Fran for help but she’s already heading for the door.
“I’m outta here before Mattie decides to torture me, too,” Fran announces.
Feeling like a mouse trapped in the corner by a hungry cat, I watch Fran leave, wishing I was going with her. I’m angry with Mattie. And Alice. And myself.
If only I hadn’t become so fucking enamored with Jay. If only.
“What’s this all about?” I ask Mattie.
Mattie dashes to her bunk and thrusts a hand under it. “I’m giving you a makeover.”
My heart plummets to my toes. “Oh, hell no.”
“Hell yes.” She shakes an index finger in my direction. “Look at that mop. You’ve got a great face, even with the bruises, but nobody can see it with all that hair.” Armed with a load of tools of torture, she grins and whispers, brows waggling, “And I’m sure you would love to impress a certain trainer…”
I glance Alice’s way. She’s loving this conversation. She’s sitting on her bunk, watching, eyes glittering with amusement. This is the last thing I need. I respond with a definitive, “No,” looking right at Alice as I say it. Doesn’t Mattie realize she’s feeding Alice more ammunition to use against me later?
“You’re a terrible liar.” Arms loaded, Mattie tugs me toward the bathroom. “Come on. He is going to stop in his tracks the next time he sees you. You watch.”
“Maybe I don’t want him to stop in his tracks,” I say as she tugs me inside and shuts the door. That’s a semi-lie. If things were different, maybe I wouldn’t mind stopping Jay in his tracks. But things are complicated. I don’t need to make them even worse.
Ignoring me entirely, Mattie jabbers on, “No worries, I know what I’m doing.” She drags a chair into the bathroom and motions me to sit.
Reluctantly, I do as she asks, glaring at her reflection in the mirror. “I’m only letting you do this if you promise to keep things quiet about Jay and me.”
She smiles. “Trust me.”
* * * * *
Two boring, agonizing and slightly painful hours later I don’t recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror.
Having grown up on a farm, I learned to spend as little time as possible getting dressed in the morning. There was too much work to do before school. Who had time for primping? Not me. Not my mother. Not any of the girls I went to school with.
I had no idea some cream, colored powders, and a haircut could make me look so different. The bruises were almost completely covered. I not only looked human again, I looked…pretty. Me.
Mattie was clearly proud of her accomplishment. “There you go. Now you need to go find that handsome man of yours—”
“He’s not my man,” I interject. She needs to get this straight. Right now. Jay is our superior, our teacher. He’s off limits to me and to everyone in our training class.
She dismisses my statement with the wave of a hand. “Of course he’s your man. The guy is stone-cold indifferent to everyone but you. Why else would he treat you differently than the rest of us?”
I run my fingers through my hair. It’s so smooth and swingy. I love it. “Because he feels sorry for me?”
Mattie laughs. She laughs too long and too loud.
“Shut up,” I tell her. My face is suddenly pinker than it was a moment ago. With the pink powder accentuating my natural coloring, I’m looking a little too red.
Mattie gathers her powders and creams and hair stuff and motions toward the door. “Let’s go find him. I can’t wait to see his eyes bug out of his head.”
I stand, smooth my hands down my thighs. “I’m sure his eyes will stay in their sockets.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.” We return to our dorm room to dump off her gear and shove my body into the pair of pants and top that Mattie wore our first day. Mattie proclaims the clothes are perfect for me. I’m not convinced. At least not yet. She drags the new and improved Eva down the hall toward the dining hall. As I walk, I grit my teeth. The pants feel terrible. They squeeze my thighs and butt. And I keep tugging on the top. If I pull it down to cover my belly, then the neckline plunges too low. If I pull it up to cover my boobs, my belly gets cold. There’s no winning.
I just want to go back to our room and change back into my uniform, but Mattie is a girl on a mission. And she’s not giving up. And because I need her to keep her word, and because I’m kind of glad to see some smiles around here, I don’t press the issue.
We don’t find Jay in the cafeteria. We check the training room next. He isn’t there either. We wander all over the compound but still no sign of him.
Relief.
“Oh well,” I say. “I guess he’s busy. Time to change out of this ridiculous outfit.”
As expected, Mattie shakes her head. “No, we can’t give up yet. He has to see you. You look too good.”
“His loss. I’m tired of wandering around half-naked. I kept my end of the bargain. Now I’m counting on you to keep yours.” Prying my hand out of my insistent friend’s, I turn, heading in the opposite direction. “I’ve wasted enough of tonight as it is. I should be studying.”
“Your makeover was not a waste of time,” Mattie calls after me.
I don’t bother responding to her. For one, I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She’s proud of what she’s done with my ho-hum looks. And, it’s rather pointless anyway. She has her ideas and I have mine. I’m learning, quickly, that there’s no changing her mind. But that’s okay. I like her. I really do. She’s opinionated and a little pushy. But she’s also good-hearted and generous. And I have a feeling she’ll be a loyal friend through this process and beyond. If there’s anything we all need as we go through this hellacious training program, it’s a loyal friend.
And a few moments of harmless fun don’t hurt either.
Of course, I realize I’m heading in the wrong direction, if I wanted to return to the dorm. Rather than turn around and risk running into Mattie again, I opt to go outside, hoping to find Fran. I follow the walkway as it curls around the corner of the building. As I take the blind corner, a large, bulky body sails around the bend from the opposite direction. It hits me with the force of a thousand pounds of concrete flying at fifty miles per hour. I land on my ass, my newly styled hair tussled and obscuring my view.
I see feet. Two of them. And ankles. But that’s it.
“Shit,” the owner of the ankles says. “Watch where you’re going.”
Me? Watch where I’m going? This rude brute was not saying that to me. Couldn’t be! He was the one who charged around that corner like a furious bull. He knocked me down.
I flip my hair back and slit my eyes. “You should…! Wait. It’s…you…”
Jay’s expression shifts from annoyed to sheepish in three seconds, maybe less. “Eva.” He blinks at me. “I…didn’t recognize you.”
I grab the front of Mattie’s shirt and yank it up to cover my boobs. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“I…it’s just a thing.” He reaches to me, and I place my hand in his. With a gentle tug he helps me to my feet. His gaze doesn’t leave my face. Not for a second. “You look so different.”
I feel my hand going to my shorter hair. Am I really twirling a lock? Stop it. I yank my hand down. “Mattie was bored.”
My gaze returns to Jay’s. His is full of wonder. Or maybe it’s something else. Something negative. I can’t be sure.
I say, “If you don’t say something in the next second, I’m going to run back to the dorm in shame and wash my face.”
Chapter 20
Jay rests his hand on my shoulder. “No, don’t leave.” He smiles.
That’s better. At least he’s
not staring at me as if I’d sprouted a second head.
He says, “I was just…a little overwhelmed.”
“In a bad way?”
“No matter how I answer that question, I’ll be a loser. So I refuse to respond.” He takes my hand in his and tugs. “Let’s go for a walk. I mean…will you go for a walk with me?”
Really? Is he asking me to go for a walk with him? Asking, not telling? In a voice that’s a little shaky and shy? It’s still me. The girl who couldn’t shoot a gun. The girl who can’t throw a punch.
Although he lets go, my hand tingles as we walk. My face warms. And I feel like my feet are hovering a few inches above the ground. I’m alive. More alive than I’ve ever been. My blood is pounding through my body. My senses are hyper-alert. I feel as if every second I spend with him is precious. And I can’t stand the thought of him walking away, even though my mind is screaming that he should. Now. Immediately. It’s bad enough that Alice and Mattie and Fran know about us. What if George caught us?
We follow the sidewalk as it curves around the front of the building. I see no sign of the other trainees, who were out here somewhere. But I hear the distant echo of voices. Shouting, cheering. We aren’t going that way, however. We turn in the opposite direction, toward the road. It’s empty. No carts. No bicycles. No pedestrians. No vehicles of any kind. We follow the cracked pavement as it reaches toward the sun, hanging low over the western horizon, hiding among the towering trees that mark the perimeter of the compound.
The farther we go, the safer I feel. We remain silent. Comfortably silent. My gaze meanders over my surroundings. The buildings in the compound are all massive compared to the houses in my town. They are old, built in the pre-war style that I’ve only seen in photographs before leaving Riverview. I know, from those books, and our first day of training, that their skeletons are massive, steel, unlike the hand-hewn wood frames with which we built our houses and barns. Their outside walls are all glass windows, floor-to-ceiling. As I look up at one towering structure, I wonder what it would be like to see our world from up there, on the top floor. How far would I be able to see? To the wall? Beyond it?