by Jasmin Quinn
Nika shook her head. “I’m not a deer, Finn. But I am tired. I cannot even fathom this. I wanted a vacation and a little adventure, but I sure was not expecting this. If I calculated the probability of this scenario, it would be too slim to bet on.”
Finn chuckled. “It doesn’t help that my mother is a barracuda.”
“No, Finn, she’s not.” Nika furrowed her brow at him. “She is a lovely woman and very proud of you and Doug… I think. Your father is also very nice.”
Finn didn’t debate Nika’s assessment. Instead he said, “The good news is that mom is so excited by your arrival that she won’t notice any odd behaviour from us.”
“We’re acting odd?” Nika came over to the bed and sat down beside Finn, leaving a foot of space between them.
“I don’t know a thing about you, Nika, except that you’re Russian and that you’ve been working since you were 11 years old. And you don’t take baths. The problem with a three-month relationship is that we should know most of the stuff about each other. We should also have the familiarity of a three-month relationship and that’s something you can’t really fake.”
“Why not?” Nika asked him.
Finn shrugged. “Intimacy is subtle. You know how it is on a first date… the awkwardness.”
Nika frowned. “I don’t. I have never been on a date.”
Finn searched her face, trying to find out if she was playing him, but her expression was guileless. He had to ask the question. “Have you ever been intimate with a man?”
“You mean kissed? I have kissed men a few times.”
“I mean had sex, made love, whatever you want to call it.”
“Oh,” Nika’s face shuttered as she dropped her eyes to her hands. “I have not.”
Finn looked at her, thoughtfully, started to say something and then Eileen called up the stairs. “Dinner’s on in five!”
Finn got to his feet. “We should go. Mom doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”
“I will be down in a minute, Finn. I very much want to wash up and brush my teeth. I will be quick.”
***
After Finn closed the bedroom door behind him, Nika sat for a few minutes, thinking about her conversation with Finn, about relationships, about sex. She remembered Kelsie’s caution about men and what they might do to a woman. Not Finn though. Finn would keep her safe. But he seemed to have a fire burning in him – something deep and primitive. Maybe it was because he was a cop or maybe it was who he was and that’s what made him a good cop. Nika didn’t know and she didn’t understand it. She cursed Mr. Jackman for keeping her so sheltered. Did he think she would want to spend her whole life locked up in his compound, never getting to experience a relationship or the love of a man?
She knew that Mr. Jackman wasn’t naive – his operatives regularly sought comfort in the arms of each other – sometimes while on mission, sometimes at the compound. There were one or two who were couples, but Mr. Jackman made it clear that relationships must never compromise the operations. Their covers come first, if that meant seducing a man or a woman as part of the job, then so be it. She wondered if Kelsie understood this about Dean. She knew that Kelsie would always stay faithful to Dean – it was the way she talked about him, the way she lit up when he was near. And Dean, well, he loved Kelsie for sure, but he was still out in the field. Would he stay faithful to her?
And that thought brought her back to her present situation. She wasn’t completely innocent – as she’d grown up and filled out, some of the male operatives took notice of her. And they made it obvious through their flirting and outright propositions that Nika’s bed need not be lonely. But Mr. Jackman was highly protective of her – field agents were replaceable, she was not. He didn’t say she couldn’t have sex or a relationship, but he told her that her job must always come first – and if a relationship got between her and her responsibilities, then he would personally disappear the operative. As a practical man, he had all his female agents have a birth control shot every 12 weeks. No one objected. They were all extremely well-paid for their work, Nika included. Pregnancies were an inconvenience, babies were a huge distraction. So, in the end, even though Nika hadn’t had sex, she could have without the consequences of a pregnancy.
But she had never met a man she wanted to have sex with. She was curious of course, but that was sated through her research – a few articles on the male and female anatomy, some dry descriptions on the physical act, and five romance novels, all historical. She wondered sometimes, if something was wrong with her because unlike the heroines in the romance books, her eyes didn’t light up when a man entered the room, she never got giggly or flirty, and she had never before had the urge to swoon at her lover’s feet. At least until she met Finn. That moment on that ferry, when she laid her eyes on him, she knew she wanted him. She wanted to touch him, kiss him, explore him. She wanted to bring him back to her apartment and have sex and never let him leave.
It didn’t really make much sense. She thought it must be physical. He was perfect. Tall, broad, strong and well-muscled, brown hair and coffee brown eyes. A little broody, a little stoic, and an angry, wounded core. She shivered as her nipples hardened. It was also how he looked at her. She understood that she was attractive and that men wanted to have sex with her and Finn seemed to be no exception to that. But he seemed to want more than that. His eyes lingered on her, reached into her, stoked the fire sparking within her. When she looked into his eyes, she saw protectiveness, possessiveness, the promise to keep her safe, the promise to keep her always.
She heard his voice then, calling up to her, reminding her where she was. It spurred her to action. “I’ll be just another minute,” she called before racing into the bathroom to clean herself up.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“This all smells so delicious!” Nika exclaimed as she took her seat next to Finn at the large dining room table. Doug was directly across from them and Eileen and Don sat at opposite ends of the table. Rare roast beef, gravy, mashed potatoes, carrots, and Yorkshire puddings served in gleaming silver-plated serving dishes covered the tabletop. “Thank you for having me.”
Eileen beamed. “You eat up Nika. You look like you could use more meat on your bones.”
Nika looked at Eileen in confusion, then at her plate, which was heaped with the delicious food. “Are there bones?” she asked. Everyone laughed.
“It’s an expression,” Finn explained. “Mom thinks you’re too thin.”
Nika looked down at herself, still confused. “Am I too thin?”
“No,” Finn chuckled. “You’re perfect.”
“Spoken like a man in love.” Doug said wryly as he poured red wine into everyone’s wine glasses. Finn’s face reddened. He took the glass of wine Doug passed to him, then turned to his dad.
“How’s work, dad?” A swift change of subject.
“Work’s fine. We just picked up a big contract for a condo project up-island. Not sure whether I should take it on or not. Retirement is sounding more and more attractive these days.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Don!” Eileen admonished him. “We’re too young to retire and anyway, if you take on the project, they’ll contract with me to take the lead on the design. It’s so exciting! Dad and I will get to work together. We’ll have so much fun.” She smiled across the table at Don, who returned it with an affectionate one of his own.
“What are your jobs?” Nika asked as she speared a piece of carrot and placed it her mouth. It tasted of butter and dill and made her wonder if she should learn to cook. This food was so much better than anything she ate at the compound. She felt a gentle kick under the table and caught Finn’s warning glance as she looked up. Her eyes widened at the realization that the question that slipped carelessly from lips was information she should have already known. She clamped her teeth together. Maybe she should stop talking.
“You didn’t tell her what we did for a living?” Eileen looked at Finn accusingly. At least Finn was taking the brunt of his
mother’s ire.
“It never came up,” Finn said concentrating on his meal.
“I get that. A doll like Nika. You two probably haven’t spent much time talking,” Doug joked, winking at Nika.
“Doug!” Finn, Eileen and Don all admonished him.
Nika said nothing, just sat there blankly. She understood that something just went over her head but wasn’t quite sure what and based on everyone’s reaction to Doug’s comment, she was not about to ask for clarification.
Finn cleared his throat and changed the subject again. “So, Doug, how’ve you been? We haven’t talked in a while.” He scooped up a forkful of mashed potatoes and stuffed it into his mouth, washing it down with a gulp of red wine.
Doug shrugged, and his face took on a guarded look. “Nope we haven’t, not since Christmas. And I’ve been fine, thanks for asking.” Finn didn’t respond and the silence at the table grew. Then Doug added. “Ted’s been fine too.”
“Who’s Ted?” Nika asked. She took a little sip of the dry red wine and tried not to grimace as it slid over her tongue.
“My partner.” But Doug didn’t look at Nika when he replied. He looked at Finn, challengingly.
“Why is she not here?”
Doug’s eyes flitted from Finn to Nika. “Ted’s a guy. He and Finn didn’t hit it off at Christmas.”
“Oh, I see.” Nika responded, oblivious to the growing tension in the room. “You’re gay.”
Doug smiled at Nika’s matter-of-fact response.
“You’ve been out since you were twelve, so don’t be throwing the homophobic card at me,” Finn growled at Doug. “I didn’t get along with your partner because he’s an ass, not because he’s gay.”
Nika furrowed her forehead in confusion, knowing the card must somehow be metaphorical. “These idiomatic expressions are going to be the death of me,” she murmured to no one and then smiled slightly at the irony of her comment.
Don grinned at Nika and Eileen threw her a quick irritated glance before trying to wade into the conversation. “Let’s not start this at the dinner table—”
But Doug cut her off. “You two have been together three months and the topic of my sexuality has not once come up?” he said angrily to Finn.
“No, it hasn’t. And quit being a fucking victim, Doug. Just because Ted’s a jackass doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bring him,” Finn retorted.
“So you can make him feel like shit again? No thanks! He’s not interested.”
Nika looked from Finn and Doug to Don and Eileen. Don was sitting quietly, eating his food, keeping his eyes to his plate. Eileen looked across at Nika, her face flushed. “Boys! Stop. We’re making a terrible first impression on Nika!”
“That didn’t seem to matter at Christmas time with Ted,” Doug snapped.
“Don’t be absurd,” Finn said. But then he stopped, perhaps realizing his mother was right. It was not dinner table talk. “Sorry, mom. Doug, maybe we should finish dinner. Then we can talk in private.”
“I’m done talking to you, Finn.” Doug pushed his chair back angrily and stormed away from the table, leaving half his dinner untouched.
Finn frowned as he too pushed his chair back. “Excuse me.”
Nika watched warily as Finn followed Doug out of the room. She sighed. “I’m sorry if I am the cause of their fight.”
Don smiled at her kindly. “You’re not to blame, Nika. Those two have bickered since the day Finn was born.”
Eileen blew out a breath. “That’s true. I thought they’d stop that silliness once they grew up, but they didn’t. Either they’re best friends or absolute enemies.”
Don chortled. “They’ll get over it.”
“That’s good.” Nika smiled and picked up the fork she had set down on her plate while Finn and Doug argued. “Is it okay if I finish my dinner now? The food is delicious.”
Don and Eileen laughed. “You’re a doll,” Don said as Nika took a forkful of the creamy mashed potatoes. She didn’t question his judgement since Doug had also called her a doll. She assumed that being a doll was a compliment.
Then Eileen said to Nika, “I’m sorry you had to see that. Doug and Finn have always bickered, but it’s escalated over the past two years... since Finn was shot.”
Nika stilled, her fork part-way to her mouth and looked across the table at Finn’s mother. She suddenly felt like a voyeur. She had no right to be in this house, at this table, pretending to be Finn’s girlfriend. Eileen was sharing a confidence about her family because of who she thought Nika was. Nika considered her guilt and then compartmentalized it, pushing it to the regions of her mind where she kept her untidy emotions. Truly, her curiosity was piqued. “Why?”
“Because Finn went back to work,” Eileen replied in a sad, hushed voice. Don laid a hand on Eileen’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
“There are lots of reasons why the two are locking horns. Not for us to speculate.” Then he leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. “Delicious as always, my dear. But I can’t eat another bite.”
Nika smiled as she put down her fork. “I cannot either.” And patted her stomach as Don had.
“You’ve barely touched your wine, Nika,” Eileen observed.
“I don’t often drink, Mrs. McQueen. It does not agree with my brain.”
Eileen’s smiled broadened. Nika’s did too. Apparently, another thing that made her perfect. Finally, she’d said something right and the relief settled in her shoulders, forcing a little tension from them. As she started to stand, Finn re-entered the room, a grim set to his face.
“Where’s Doug?” Eileen asked.
“Out for a fucking stroll!”
This time Eileen didn’t admonish Finn for his language. “In this downpour? He’s going to make himself sick.”
Finn’s angry shrug suggested he didn’t care if Doug got sick. “I’ll help clean up.” He reached for the dinner plates and began piling them on top of each other. “Nika, go sit in the living room with dad,” he told her bluntly.
Don and Eileen exchanged startled glances as Nika complied without hesitation. As she sat down on one end of the soft leather couch, she considered the look that had passed between Finn’s parents. Perhaps she should not have so readily obeyed Finn’s order. But he was angry and that made her cautious. Besides, she was grateful. She was tired and honestly, she had no idea what the process was for helping clean up. Another thing to research and maybe even practice when she got home. A sudden tremor of fear slid through her. If she got home.
“Are you cold?” Don caught Nika’s shiver as he entered the living room.
“No. The room is warm enough,” Nika responded.
Don gazed at her thoughtfully. “English isn’t your first language, is it?”
“No, it’s not,” Nika agreed but offered no further explanation. Don hesitated briefly, then settled himself in his armchair, turning on the TV.
“Hockey fan?” he asked as he flipped channels until he found the hockey game.
“No,” Nika replied simply.
Don sighed and turned towards the television. She thought that she should ask him some questions, but she couldn’t think of a single one to ask. Her brain was tired. She needed sleep. The silence grew between them, long and uncomfortable. She could hear the heated discussion in the kitchen among the clanking of dishes. Finn and his mother arguing about Doug, Finn’s voice deep and still angry, Eileen’s voice shrill and uncompromising. But the conversation settled into a hum as they shifted to other topics – Finn’s work, her health, and Nika, Eileen wanting to know more, dancing around their future plans: engagement rings, weddings, and babies. Finn’s quiet voice lulled Nika, a promise of safety and care. She yawned and blinked her eyes, trying not to nod off.
She didn’t notice Finn until he was beside her, until he brushed her thigh as he sat down next to her. Such an intimate closeness that made her wistful. He took her hand in his, wrapping it in his warmth, tentative yet somehow familiar. “You�
�re tired, Nika,” he said softly. But his touch chased away her tiredness and she sat up alertly.
“I was, Finn. Now I am unexpectedly awake.” A thrill spiralled through her body as his rough hand squeezed hers possessively, his thumb gently rubbing her palm. She wanted to curl up in a ball and rest her head on his shoulder, listen to his heart beat. Fall asleep in his arms. Finn grinned, revelling in why she was suddenly alert.
“You should go to bed.” He patted her forearm as he assessed her. “You’ve had a long day and I think your brain is very tired, even if you are unexpectedly awake.”
Nika wanted to protest, wanted to stay in the cushion of his warmth. Wanted to hear his voice and smell his maleness, but already the exhaustion was creeping back into her bones. Tomorrow, she thought. Tomorrow is soon enough. “You are right, Finn. My brain is tired. I will take a shower and go to sleep.” Her accent came out more pronounced, a sure sign that she needed rest.
Finn squeezed her hand again and helped her up off the couch. “I’m going to stay here and watch a little hockey with mom and dad. I’ll be up in a bit.”
Nika wished Don and Eileen a good night, remembering to also thank Eileen for the meal. Then she made her way upstairs. It is such a beautiful house, she thought as she walked towards Finn’s room. So much space for only two people. Not like her little apartment at the compound which was smaller than her office. She wondered briefly if she should have more living space and maybe even a decent kitchen.
She softly closed the bedroom door behind her and stood for a moment letting darkness envelop her, thinking about Finn, his family, her situation. She felt an edge of dissatisfaction but couldn’t quite untangle her thoughts to know its origins. She knew she didn’t belong here and she didn’t understand the dynamics of this family. Why the brothers were so angry; why Eileen was so talkative and bossy. She thought about her childhood, her own brothers, their anger, often aimed her way; her mother, also bossy, but not nearly as kind as Eileen. She shivered involuntary at the direction her thoughts had taken her; she was not sorry that she had been bought by Mr. Jackman. Not for one moment.