“I knew I was gonna like you,” Hazel said. She scuttled off into the kitchen.
Jep lowered himself down into one of the recliners. He rested his hands on his expansive belly and said, “Noah, when do ya think you’ll be open for business?”
“I’m hoping by early fall.”
“Just in time for the slow season.”
“I don’t mind to start slow.”
“You been that way since you was a kid,” Jep said. He was smiling at Noah. “It’s nice to have you back here again, son.”
Hazel brought the pie and coffee, and there was nothing but the scraping of forks against plates and slow sipping. Caroline finished her pie and looked about the room. “I’m excited about seeing the station open again,” she said. “It’s been mostly closed since I can remember.”
“I closed it up not long after you was born,” Jep said. “I tried rentin’ it out, but it never made nobody a profit.”
“I know my mom was sad about it being closed,” Caroline offered. “She said it wasn’t the same after the station was gone. She said it was too quiet.”
Jep smiled. “Yer mama didn’t like things too quiet.”
“You’re right about that.” Like Jep said, it was ancient history by the time Caroline was born, but she’d been thinking about Jep Cranwell in connection with her mother more and more lately. The only thing Maureen O’Conner ever said about Cranwell Station was that it had gone quiet—too quiet—after it shut down. “Were you friends with my parents?” Caroline asked.
Jep and Hazel shared a look with one another. Hazel stood up and busied herself with clearing the plates and coffee cups. She didn’t say anything, and she didn’t look at Caroline.
“We was neighbors,” Jep said at last. “Your daddy wadn’t around much then—he was busy bein’ a doctor. I helped yer mama out from time to time. We was friendly, but I don’t know that we was friends.”
Caroline wanted to ask Jep what that look between him and his sister meant, but something told her that she wouldn’t get an answer. There were people in town who thought her mother was stuck-up, that she thought she was too good for everybody with her East Coast accent and strange habits. Maybe that’s what Jep and Hazel thought, too. “My mother wasn’t full of herself, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Caroline blurted out. She couldn’t stop herself. “She was just different. She grew up in New York.”
Jep sat up straight in the recliner, his hands gripping the sides. “Is that what she told you? What I thought of her?”
Caroline shook her head. “No, not at all. She never talked about you. She never talked about any of you, except to talk about the station.”
“Good,” he said. He leaned back again. “There never was no reason to talk about none of us.”
Caroline didn’t know what that meant. She looked over to Noah, who just shrugged his shoulders and stood up. “Well, we should head out. Caroline still has to drive all the way back into Cold River.”
Jep nodded. “Make sure one of the boys follows ya to the gate.”
“I won’t forget to lock it behind me,” Noah replied.
“Have ’em follow ya, just the same.”
Noah sighed. “Come on, Thomas.”
“Ask Si. I don’t feel like it.”
“Fine.”
Caroline stepped out onto the porch with Noah on her heels. Silas was sitting on the porch, smoking what was left of the pipe. He glowered over at the two of them, obviously still stung by the conversation at the table.
“Si, I need you to follow me to the gate,” Noah said.
“Fine.” Silas puffed on his cigar. “I’ll be along.”
“You can ride to the gate with us.”
“I’ll just walk.”
Noah didn’t say anything as they started driving back towards the gate. He was staring out into the darkness in front of them. “Did you have fun?” he asked once they were back onto the gravel road.
“I did,” Caroline said. “Everyone was really nice, well, except for Silas.”
“He can’t help himself,” Noah replied.
“I know.”
“My grandfather thought it was funny that you pushed his buttons.”
“He was nicer than I expected him to be.”
Noah turned his head towards her, momentarily taking his eyes off the road. “He doesn’t dislike you, not at all.”
“He doesn’t like me much, though.”
“It’s complicated with him,” Noah said. “His health isn’t what it used to be, and that doesn’t help.”
“I noticed he didn’t have his oxygen tank,” Caroline said. “At dinner.”
“Today was a good day, I think.”
“You sound like me,” Caroline replied. “When I’m talking about my mother.”
“He doesn’t like to use his tank in front of people,” Noah said. “It embarrasses him. I think that’s why he doesn’t go out into Cold River as much anymore. He thinks it makes him look weak.”
“It doesn’t.”
“Try telling him that.”
“Do you think he and my mother were better friends than he’s letting on?” Caroline asked. She was thankful for the darkness of the car. It would have embarrassed her to ask otherwise.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, do you think that they were friends, you know, like the way you and I are friends?”
“We’re friends?”
When they pulled up in front of the station, Caroline realized that she didn’t want the night to end. She wasn’t ready to go home. She turned to Noah and said, “Do you want to see something amazing?”
Noah raised an eyebrow.
“I’m serious,” Caroline said. She opened the door to the car. “Come on, we’ll take my truck.”
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
CHAPTER 16
CAROLINE DROVE BACK PAST THE TURNOFF for Cranwell Corner, driving farther down the gravel road than she had in years. They drove until she took a left at a folded-over “Dead End” sign.
“Where are we?” Noah asked, uneasy next to her.
“We’re here,” Caroline replied.
“Should I be hearing banjo music or something?”
“Just get out.” Caroline reached past him and pounded her fist against the front of the glove compartment. She pulled out a flask. “I about forgot this was in here.”
Caroline slid out of the driver’s seat and pulled down the tailgate. In a second, Noah was next to her. “So what are we doing?”
“Look up.”
He did as he was told. “I see stars,” he said. And then, after a minute, he said, “Whoa, I see stars.”
“Pretty cool, huh?” Caroline handed him the flask. “I didn’t figure you saw too many of them in New Jersey.”
“You figured right.”
“I used to come here all the time when I first got my license,” Caroline said. “I’ve about decided that it’s the best place in the whole world to look at the stars.”
“I’ve been to a lot of places.” Noah handed Caroline back the flask. “And most of those places have been beautiful, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen quite so many stars.”
“I haven’t been out here in years.”
“How come?”
“I don’t know. Got busy, I guess. This place may be small, but something always needs doing.”
“I suppose every place is a little like that.”
“Don’t get me wrong, this is my home and I love it,” she continued, “but what they say about small towns is totally true—if you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else is bound to know and can tell you all about it. I guess you’re experiencing a bit of that right now.”
“You’ve got that right,” Noah replied.
“I think they mean well.”
“Just because they’re my family doesn’t mean that they mean well.”
“I know.”
“It’s not that I don’t think they mean well.
It’s just that it’s been a long time since I’ve had a family,” Noah added.
“What do you mean?”
Noah lay back into the bed of the truck. “We left when I was five. My mother hated them. She used to tell me that after my father died they didn’t want us anymore. She told me that’s why we had to move.”
“Those are awful things to say.” Caroline lay back next to him.
“My mother says a lot of awful things.”
“Surely you know that’s not true,” Caroline replied. “What your mother said.”
“I do now,” Noah said. “But no matter how nice my grandfather was or how much he tried to do for me, my mother always made sure I thought that he didn’t really mean it.”
“I’m so sorry, Noah.”
“It’s okay,” Noah replied. “I mean, it’s not, but I got away from her a long time ago.”
“Is that why you joined the Navy, to get away from your mom?”
Noah shook his head. “I got away from my mother when I was fourteen.”
“Where did you go?”
“I lived with friends, mostly.”
“Why didn’t you come back here?”
“I know my mother wasn’t the best mother, but she was still my mother, you know?” Noah turned his head to look at Caroline. “I figured if she didn’t want me, she was probably right about how my family here didn’t want me. It was wrong, I know that now, but at the time, it’s what I thought.”
Caroline felt her heart break into a million little pieces. She wanted to reach out and take his hand. She wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay. She turned and looked at Noah. His hands were clasped behind his head, and his eyes were closed. His chest moved up and down in a slow, rhythmic kind of way that made her sleepy. She wondered what his heartbeat sounded like.
“I don’t know your mother.” Caroline stared back up at the sky. “But I do know that since you’ve been here nothing has been as awful as it could have been without you here, and I can’t imagine anybody not wanting you.”
Noah didn’t say anything, but after a few moments, she felt his hand, warm and smooth, on top of hers. He curled his fingers up under her palm. Caroline couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a conversation with a man, or anyone for that matter, that made her feel the way it felt when she talked to Noah. She felt as if she could stay right here, lying in the back of her rusty truck, staring up at the sky with him for the rest of her life.
CHAPTER 17
AVA DAWN STOOD IN THE DRESSING ROOM AT JC Penny in Cold River, her hands on her hips, waiting for Caroline to say something encouraging. It was one of the only stores in town with the exception of the Walmart that sold clothes. All of the newer shops were located up and away from the downtown, across town really, in little clusters. “Well?” she asked. “What do you think of this one?”
“It looks nice,” Caroline replied, trying not to roll her eyes. “It looks just like the other four you’ve tried on.”
“You’re not bein’ very helpful.”
“They all look great!” Caroline threw up her arms, exasperated. “Why do you care so much about a dress you’re just going to wear to church?”
“I want to look nice,” Ava Dawn replied, looking hurt. “All my good clothes are still at Roy’s. I’m tired of borrowing Aunt Maureen’s dresses for Sundays.”
Caroline eyed her cousin. “Are you sure you just don’t want to look good for Brother Crow?”
“Would that be so bad?”
“You know it would be.”
“I know, I know.” Ava Dawn smoothed the tangerine-colored dress. “I just like to look proper on Sunday mornin’ is all.”
“That better be all,” Caroline replied. “Now go get changed. I’m tired of standing in an ocean of polyester.”
“You’re my least favorite person to go shoppin’ with.” Ava Dawn pouted. “Uncle Max would even be better than you!”
Caroline knew that Ava Dawn was right. At least her father would have paid. Caroline hated going shopping, especially with her cousin. Ava Dawn spent hours trying on clothes and prancing around in front of mirrors. She sighed and waded back out of the dress department. Maybe she could find a new pair of boots or something.
As she made her way to the other end of the store, she saw a familiar face picking through the clearance lingerie. It was the girl Roy’d been with the night of the pie auction. She was concentrating so hard on a tiny pink thong that she didn’t notice Caroline standing in front of her. Caroline backed up and hurried over towards the dressing rooms, but Ava Dawn was already in line with three dresses.
“I narrowed it down to three,” Ava Dawn said. “Ain’t they cute?”
“Can we come back and get them later?” Caroline asked. “I don’t feel so good.”
“I’m next,” Ava Dawn replied. “Won’t be but a minute.”
“But I really don’t feel good.”
“You were fine five minutes ago.”
The girl was coming towards them now, pink thong in hand. There was nothing Caroline could do to keep her cousin from seeing her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered to Ava Dawn when the girl placed herself behind them in line.
Ava Dawn stiffened, but she said nothing. It wasn’t until the girl got on the phone and began giggling and talking about her underwear that Ava Dawn turned around. “Honey, are you talking to my husband on that phone?”
“Let me call you back,” the girl said. She slid her phone into her purse and looked Ava Dawn in the eye. “So what if I was?”
“He ain’t a big fan of those things.” She nodded her head towards the lingerie in the girl’s hand.
The girl put the underwear behind her back and said, “Maybe he just ain’t a fan of you.”
Caroline braced herself for the inevitable. She was sure that it was going to take herself and several sales associates to pry Ava Dawn off of the girl. If she hadn’t been standing there so smug in front of them, Caroline might have felt sorry for her.
“What did Roy tell you about me?” Ava Dawn asked.
The girl looked from Ava Dawn to Caroline uncomfortably. “Umm . . .”
“Go on.”
“He said you left him all alone,” she said. She bit at her bottom lip, thinking. “He said you didn’t love him, didn’t take care of him. He said you didn’t appreciate him none, either.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-two.”
Ava Dawn sighed. “I’m gonna tell you the truth now, and it’ll be up to you what to do with it, you understand?”
The girl nodded.
“I’m sure Roy’s bein’ real nice to ya right now, ain’t he? Takin’ you out on the town, buyin’ you stuff. I bet he’s been real sweet so far,” Ava Dawn said. She handed Caroline the dresses she’d been holding. “Look at my arms.” She held out her arms for the girl to see. “You see those? Those tiny round scars?”
The girl nodded.
“Those are cigarette burns from two months after Roy’n me got married. I forgot to pack his favorite chips in his lunch.” Ava Dawn pulled up her T-shirt to just above her navel. “You see those scars? The ones that go across my belly? Those are from when I came home from work one morning too exhausted to do the laundry.”
The girl took a step back from Ava Dawn.
“He broke my nose last summer. He broke my wrist summer before that,” Ava Dawn said. “I stayed with him after all of it. I loved him, you know?” She shrugged. “I reckon I love him still. But I don’t deserve that, and honey, neither do you.”
“Ma’am?” The salesgirl drummed her fingers against the countertop. “Are you ready to pay for those?”
Ava Dawn took the dresses out of Caroline’s hands and placed them on the counter. “Sure am.” She didn’t say anything else to the girl behind them, and Caroline watched as the girl hurried back over towards the lingerie section, threw the panties back into the clearance bin, and ran out of the store as fast as her legs would carry her.
“ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT ME TO CANCEL your mom’s nurse?” Max O’Conner asked his daughter. “You know I won’t be home until late.”
“It’s fine,” Caroline replied. She’d woken up the next morning feeling like she and her mother ought to have a day together—something the two of them rarely did. “You’re always telling me I need to get out more and that you can handle Mom alone. So can I.”
“Alright, alright.” Her father held his hands up in the air.
“Besides,” Caroline continued, “nobody can be out at the shop to look at the air for two more days. I can’t spend another blistering day inside. It was 115 degrees in there yesterday by noon!”
“Did you call Boyd’s?”
“They’re the only ones in town.”
“Alright, well, you two have fun today, and try to stay out of trouble.”
“I make no promises!” Caroline hollered as he walked out the front door.
After her father left, Caroline led her mother outside, and they both sat down in the rocking chairs on the porch. It was a beautiful morning. Caroline wanted to savor every minute of it before the sun got too high above their heads.
“It feels nice out here,” her mother said, stretching her legs out lazily.
“Yes, it does.”
“I love to sit out here.”
“We should do it more often,” Caroline replied. Her mother used to spend every morning out on the porch. She’d sit in one of the rocking chairs and drink her coffee, waving and chatting with people as they passed by. One of the neighbors had a pig named Clementine, and he would walk his pig down the road every morning. The neighbor stopped to chat with Maureen O’Conner, and the pig would enjoy special treats Caroline’s mother kept in a little jar on the front porch.
One morning the neighbor stopped by, and Caroline’s mother didn’t know who he was. She was afraid of the pig and got so flustered she couldn’t get back inside of the house. It was the last time their neighbor walked Clementine down their street, and it was the last time Maureen sat outside on the porch without someone else to sit next to her.
Caroline remembered feeling embarrassment swell up inside of her when she opened the front door to find her mother huddled down behind one of the rocking chairs, screaming at the man to get away from her and to take his rabid animal with him. The embarrassment sat like an inflated balloon inside her throat and kept her from doing anything except staring at her mother helplessly until her father rushed outside and calmed her mother down enough to get her back to bed, where she stayed for the rest of the day.
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