by Mingua, Wren
“Come 'ere!” Algar begged, holding his arms open. “Come into the bed.”
Miranda leapt on the bed, right on top of Algar, which made him shout “oof!” She straddled his waist in her panties and started trickling her fingertips across his chest.
“That tickles, you little minx,” he said.
“Good. I was hoping it would tickle!” She leaned toward Algar and mashed her lips against his. As they kissed, she ignored the voice in the back of her head that was telling her their naked canoodling was total madness.
Algar rolled her onto her back and attacked her stomach with tickles. Squirming and wracked with giggles, Miranda shouted, “Stop stop stop stop! Okay! No more!”
“I'm just getting revenge, Angel,” Algar said. “I'm a pirate, remember? Revenge is not only commonplace... it's expected.”
When Algar withdrew his hands, Miranda captured her bottom lip between her teeth. Was she really going to go through with this? “Take off my panties,” she commanded him.
“Wot?”
“My knickers. Underwear. Skivvies. Whatever you'd call them.” With her finger, she flicked the waistband of her silky black panties. “I'm asking you to remove them right now, on the double!”
“Aye aye, Captain Miranda,” Algar said with a wink. He pinched the top of her panties and started peeling them down. He rolled them off slowly, with practiced patience. Miranda was surprised. She had assumed he would be the aggressive type.
As soon as he had her naked, Algar trailed kisses all over her body. He devoured her neck, licked her stomach, suckled her breast. At the same time, he was doing things with his hands that were making her light-headed.
Algar parted her legs and ran a finger along her inner thigh. When he brought his face between her legs, she shrieked, “Algar, what are you doing?!”
“You're going to like this,” he promised her. Before she could utter a word of protest—not that she wanted to—Algar dipped his tongue into her womanhood. Miranda was dangerously close to screaming. As his tongue expertly manipulated her pleasure spot, Miranda had to grab a pillow and smash it over her face. She didn't want Lily to hear what was going on, so she muffled herself the entire time. The eventual climax rocked her body so hard, she swore she almost passed out.
When he finished his oral investigation, Algar plunged himself into her and started hammering against her body. So overcome with pleasure, Miranda no longer had the willpower to silence herself. She sunk her fingernails into his chest and started screaming, “Oh my god... oh my god... oh my god!”
She never knew it could be that good.
Chapter Fourteen
“So what were you and Algar up to last night? Hmm? It sounds like you two were having fun in there.”
As they headed toward their parents' house, Lily had to tease her older sister. It was the day of the family cookout, the prospect of which had Miranda's stomach in knots. Algar's behavior could be a bit unpredictable, to say the least.
“Shhh!” Miranda laid a finger over her sister's lips. “I don't want to talk about it right now.”
Lily shoved her sister's hand away and asked, “But you had sex, didn't you? You can at least tell me that.”
Miranda didn't say anything, but she knew her silence would be worth a million words.
“You don't have to answer that. I know you guys were having sex in there,” Lily accused her. “I heard it all. Oh my god... oh my god... oh yes! Algar! Oh yes!”
Miranda slapped her sister's arm. “Shush!” She shyly glanced over her shoulder, where Algar was trailing a few paces behind them. They had yet to discuss what happened last night, so she could only imagine what he was thinking.
“Was he good?” Lily asked.
“Quiet!”
“I bet he was good,” Lily continued. “He looks like he would be. So what's it like having sex with a pirate?”
“Lily, I am going to murder you with my bare hands if you don't be quiet.”
“Murder me with your bare hands?!” Lily repeated with a gasp. “You're even starting to sound like Algar!”
“Enough nonsense, okay? Listen... Mom thinks Algar is my boyfriend. And she also knows him as Thomas, not Algar,” Miranda coached her. “So you'll have to play along, okay?”
“Is it just play? After last night, he probably should be your boyfriend.”
Miranda pinched her sister's nape as they stepped up to the porch. She rang the doorbell and held her breath.
Several seconds later, an eighty-year-old, pot-bellied, pinch-faced man opened the door. When he saw Miranda and Lily, he sneered.
“Hi, Grandpa Lawson!” Lily cheerfully greeted him.
“More grandkids!” he groaned. “They just keep coming!”
“It's good to see you too, Grandpa,” Miranda said with a chuckle. “Can we come inside?”
“WHAT?” Grandpa Lawson cupped a hand behind his ear, which looked a bit like a dried-up potato. “You'll have to speak up, girl. What did you say?”
“Can we come inside?” Miranda repeated.
“You wanna tan my hide?”
“CAN WE COME INSIDE?!” Lily shouted.
“Oh yeah, yeah.” Grandpa Lawson stepped aside and motioned for them to enter. “Who the hell is this?” As they stepped into the house, he thrust his cane in Algar's direction.
“This is Thomas,” Miranda said. “My boyfriend.”
“Promise? What the hell kind of a name is Promise?”
“THOMAS!” Miranda repeated. “His name's THOMAS. You've heard of the name Thomas, haven't you? As in Thomas Jefferson.”
“Oh, what he hell do I care?” Grandpa Lawson gurgled something under his breath as he shuffled into the house. “Kids these days don't talk clearly. It's all that damn texting and interneting. No one knows how to talk anymore!”
They followed their grandfather into the belly of the beast, the interior of the house, where ex-convict uncles, obnoxious aunts and unfamiliar cousins littered the room. “We have a big family,” Miranda whispered to Algar.
“I imagine that'd be a good thing,” Algar said. “I don't have a family.”
“Awww!” Lily squealed. “We'll be your family, Algar! Especially after Miranda has your babies...”
“Lily!” She swatted her younger sister. “Hush!”
Miranda made her way to the corner of the room, where Grandmother Lawson was sitting in her wheelchair. Even though the house was the perfect temperature, it looked like their poor grandmother was freezing. She was wearing two sweaters, an atrociously gaudy cardigan, and a pair of mittens. When they got closer, Miranda realized that her grandmother's cardigan had a big snowflake and a picture of Frosty the Snowman on it. And it was August.
“Hi, Grandma.” Miranda leaned down and kissed her grandma's downy gray curls.
“Hi, Sweetheart.” The old lady held out her arms to Lily, who also kissed her on the head. “Hello, Lily dear.”
“You look good, Grandma,” Lily said. “I like your hair.”
“Oh?” Grandma Lawson lifted a liver-spotted hand and patted herself on the head. “Your mom helped me fix it. Does it look alright?”
“It looks great.” Lily gave her grandmother a hug and stepped aside, which put Algar in the old woman's line of sight. “Grandpa was being mean!”
“What did he say this time?” Grandma Lawson rolled her bright blue eyes. “Whatever he said, don't listen to that old fart. He's just a crotchety old curmudgeon.”
Algar stepped forward and bowed. “Hello, my lady. It's a pleasure to meet you.”
When her gaze finally settled on Algar, the old woman's eyes widened. “Oh my! And who is this?”
“Uh, this is Thomas. My boyfriend.”
“Your boyfriend?!” their grandmother gasped. “Well, you've certainly done well for yourself, haven't you? Honey, where's your wig?”
Miranda raked a hand through her hair. She had put a little pink barrette in it, thinking it looked cute. “Alg—I mean, Thomas seems to like my shor
t hair, so I decided to get rid of it.”
“Oh. Well, that style does look cute on you. It's like Emma Watson hair.”
Miranda's eyes widened. “You know Emma Watson?!”
“Yes, dear, I do. I might be old as a dinosaur fossil, but that doesn't mean I'm not a Harry Potter fan,” Grandma Lawson said. “And I also know a hot, young stud when I see one. And that one, my dear...” Her grandma pointed at Algar. “That one is a keeper.”
* * *
They found their mother outside, not far from the grill. Some of the early arrivals were already sitting at the table, eating hamburgers and grilled chicken and steak.
“Where's the barbeque sauce?!” They could hear Grandpa Lawson shouting in the distance. “Doesn't anyone have some damn barbeque sauce around here?!”
When Nancy saw the three of them approaching, she shook her head with disbelief. “Don't you just love my father-in-law?” she asked, referring to Grandpa Lawson. “He always makes the family functions so much more fun, doesn't he?” Then her eyes were drawn to Algar, so she asked, “Who is this?”
“You remember Thomas, Mom?” Miranda reminded her. “You met him at the grocery store.”
“Oh my! This is him?!” Nancy's gaze was fixed on Algar, who grinned at her. “I just got done telling your aunt you were dating a guy with a woolly beard!”
“Well... as you can see, the woolly beard is gone. He shaved,” Miranda said.
And Lily added, “we gave him a makeover!”
“I can see that.” Nancy held out her hand to Algar, who seized her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Well, you certainly look different.”
“It's a pleasure to see you again, my lady,” Algar said, like a perfect gentleman. Miranda was surprised at how well-behaved he was. It was a far cry from the boisterous pirate to which she was accustomed. “You are as lovely as I remember.”
“Oh my!” Nancy exclaimed. “Where did you find this one, honey? He's like some kind of Victorian gentleman!”
“You wouldn't believe it if I told you...” Miranda murmured. “Anyway, Mom, we're going to make our way over to the table. It was nice seeing you.”
“And it's nice seeing you girls,” their mother said. “And nice seeing you again, Thomas!”
“Likewise, madam.” Algar made a point to bow to her before Miranda dragged him away.
“Algar!” Miranda hissed. “What's gotten into you? You're like a totally different guy!”
“I'm trying to make a good impression on your family, Angel,” Algar said. “It's very important to me.”
“Well... I'm glad you're behaving yourself. I thought I'd have to spend most of the day explaining your odd behavior to equally odd members of my extended family.”
“Seriously, we have some really strange family members,” Lily agreed. “If you see a cousin with an arm growing out of his head, you shouldn't be surprised.”
“It's not as bad as that!” Miranda exclaimed.
“But Uncle Joe's been in and out of prison at least, like, three times,” Lily said. “And he's here with his eighteen-year-old girlfriend. How creepy is that?!” She pointed at their forty-year-old uncle with the tattooed forearms, and it was impossible to miss the nubile bimbo at his side.
They found a place to sit at the far end of the table, though they weren't far enough away from Grandpa Lawson, who stabbed his steak with a knife and shouted, “this is too damn tough!”
They were approached by their Aunt Linda, whose disposition was as fake as her bright red hair and acrylic nails. “Hi, girls!”
“Hi, Aunt Linda...” Lily grumbled.
“How are you, honey?” Linda laid her hand on top of Miranda's. She could feel her aunt's long, fake nails digging into her wrist. “How is your cancer? Are you alright? Are you still sick?”
“I'm doing better,” Miranda said. “I'm in remission.”
“Good. That's good. Because I was sitting over there with your uncle, and we were wondering if it was okay for you to be out here with all these germs.”
“I think I'm okay. Thanks for asking.”
“Alright then. I'll have to go over there and tell your uncle, because he was awfully worried about you.” Linda patted her on the shoulder before running back to their Uncle Ronald. Miranda caught Algar staring at Linda's rear end as she walked away, but she couldn't blame him. Linda's dress was short, tight, and practically see-through.
“We're related to all sorts, aren't we?” Lily laughed.
“We sure are.” When she looked over at Algar, Miranda's lips twitched into a semi-smile. Maybe he wouldn't have a hard time fitting in after all?
When the entire family was seated at the ridiculously long table, and everyone had been served, Algar thought it was time to make his move. He rose from his chair, raised his glass in the air, and tapped it a few times with his knife. But he failed to get their attention over the hum of countless voices.
“EXCUSE ME!” Algar shouted. “May I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make!”
“Algar!” Miranda grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and tried to drag him back to his chair. “What are you doing?! Sit down!”
Suddenly, everyone was quiet, and all eyes were on him.
“For those of youse who don't know, I'm Miranda's man,” Algar said. “As of last night, we pretty much sealed the deal.”
“Algar!” As she squeaked his name, her voice was tinged with humiliation and despair. “Sit down! Please sit down!”
“A week ago, I had no purpose,” Algar continued. “I was aimless, lost, and completely alone. Then Miranda found me... she made somethin 'of me, something better than I was. Now I'd like to return the favor. I'd like to make this woman the happiest woman in the world.”
“Ugggh.” As she moaned, Miranda sunk deeper in her chair. She wished she could sink all the way beneath the table, to hide from the eyes of her family.
“So,” Algar went on. “To do that, I'll have to make an honest woman out of her! In other words.” Algar looked down at Miranda and grinned. “I'm askin' her to marry me!”
Chapter Fifteen
“Marry you?! What?!”
Everyone looked shocked, but no one moreso than Miranda herself. At least Lily was amused by the situation. The grin on her face was so wide, it could have stretched all the way to Antarctica.
“I want to marry you, Love. It's the honorable thing to do,” Algar went on. “When you take a woman's virtue, you should try to--”
“Algar!” Miranda interrupted. Suddenly, slinking under the table sounded like a better idea than ever. “Please stop talking. This is really embarrassing.”
She heard her mother call out, “Honey, are you pregnant?!”
“No, Mom, no!” Miranda turned her attention back to the amorous pirate. “And Algar... you didn't take my virtue!”
“What? You mean you weren't a virgin?”
“No.” Miranda's face was flaming hot. If only she could see it, she knew her face would be as red as Aunt Linda's red hair. “God no...”
“So some other man claimed your maidenhead? Well... no matter.” Most of her family members were whispering among themselves, and more than a few of them were laughing. “I still want to marry you... if ye'll have me.”
“No!” Miranda leapt from the table. She needed to flee, to run, to escape the probing eyes of her nosy cousins and chuckling uncles. She took off into the house. She ran through the kitchen, through the living room, and out the front door. It was imperative that she put as much space between herself and her family as she possibly could.
More than anything, she needed to put distance between herself and Algar.
Unfortunately, he followed her.
He found her pacing the front lawn, back and forth, back and forth. As soon as she spotted him, she stopped walking and cast her eyes to the heavens. “Ugh! What am I going to do with you!?”
“Marry me,” he suggested.
“I can't believe you proposed to me in front of all
those people!”
“I know.” He smirked at her.”Wasn't it romantic?”
“No, it wasn't romantic! It was humiliating and embarrassing and I'm sure they'll be talking about it for years to come!” Miranda collapsed to the ground and cradled her legs in her arms. “Maidenhead?! Did you really say that?! No one says that anymore!”
Algar sat beside her in the grass. He wanted to take her into his arms, but he wasn't sure she would welcome the affection, not when she was glaring at him. “I'm sorry if I humiliated you, Miranda.”
Miranda. The fact that he said her name made her skin prickle. Was he angry with her?
“It's... it's okay,” she reluctantly said. “I just wish you wouldn't have proposed to me in front of my family! If you really wanted to marry me... which I seriously doubt... then you should have pulled me aside and discussed it with me in private.”
“But that would have ruined the element of surprise.”
“Well, I was definitely surprised!” Miranda laughed. “Seriously, Algar... do you really want to marry me?”
“Aye. I do.”
“Reeeeeally.” Her voice was mired in disbelief. “Somehow, I wouldn't have pegged you as the marrying type.”
“Aye,” he said again. “And I wasn't the marrying type... until I met you. I don't quite know why I'm here, Angel, but I think I have my enemy to thank. Before I cast him overboard, he spouted something at me, something about a curse. But if this is a curse, then it's the best damn thing that's ever happened to me. If you are a curse, then he's welcome to curse me every day!”
“Algar...”
“We come from two different worlds,” Algar continued. “I know we do. But I love you. I bloody love you!”
Miranda closed her eyes as she listened to him profess his love. It had been so long since anyone told her they loved her. Though they left something to be desired—likely due to his inclusion of the word bloody—his words pinched her heart.
“I want to be better for you. I want to fit in.” Algar looked down at his stump, at his missing hand, and frowned. “I don't want to be someone yer ashamed to be seen with.”