by C. B. Stagg
He spun me around and pulled me into him, cradling my head to his chest with his big hand. He knew that wrapping me tight in a full body embrace was an effective way of getting my mind off of reality. We stayed that way for several minutes as he fluttered kisses on the top of my head. “I love you, Jill. Nothing will ever change that. And Dr. Polasek didn’t rule out the possibility completely.”
“Ben, her exact words were, With the damage to your uterus as a result of your accident, it is highly unlikely you will ever get pregnant. ‘Highly unlikely’ is, like, one step away from ruling it out completely.” I tried to pull away, but he wasn’t having it. So instead, I burst into tears for the hundredth time that day.
“Shhhh, baby. There are so many other options. And we’re so young. Please don’t cry.” I sniffed and used the bottom of his T-shirt to dry my face. I hadn’t bothered to wear makeup in days. Why, when I’d just cry it off?
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess.” Sniff. “It’s just… all of the disappointment when I find out I’m not pregnant each month added together and multiplied by a thousand couldn’t even come close to what I felt hearing Dr. Polasek’s words.” Sniff. “I want to be a mom. I want to make you a dad. There are people all over the world accidentally getting pregnant and having children they don’t want and it’s just not fair.” Sniff.
“I know, baby. Why don’t we make an appointment with that agency Marian told us about? Let’s just see what they say.” I nodded, but my heart wasn’t in it. Not yet. I needed to mourn my loss before I could move forward. Isn’t that what Bennett always says when he goes into psychologist mode? “I’ll run upstairs and grab the pamphlet she gave us. Be right back.” He smacked a sloppy kiss on my lips and ran up the stairs while I got back to my poor spaghetti sauce before it was beyond saving.
Knock, knock, knock.
I jumped. Looking to the stairs (where I just knew Bennett would appear), and then back to my spaghetti sauce (which was almost decidedly burned)—I debated what to do. A second set of knocks got my feet in motion and I headed for the door.
“Hi, Jase,” I said, upon seeing the face of our sweet next-door neighbor. “I talked to your mom a little while ago. She called to let me know you’d be alone tonight. Is everything okay?” He nodded, but he didn’t look like himself, so I motioned him in and he followed me to the kitchen. Maybe if I added a little water I could salvage this sauce.
Jase lingered in the doorway, looking as nervous as a whore in church. “I’d like to talk to y’all about something… personal.“ His voice cracked. He was adorable. “Do you mind if I sit down?” I nodded, then called for Bennett, who came pounding down the stairs almost immediately.
“Hey, Jase, what’s up, man?” The two shook hands and I noticed Jase’s were shaking.
“So,” he cleared his throat. “I have this friend at school and… she’s homeless.” I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped my lips. And the concern on Bennett’s face aged him ten years. He took a seat beside Jase and nodded for him to continue.
“I don’t know the whole story, but I do know she needs a place to live, like yesterday. Her mom died a few months ago, and she doesn’t have a dad.”
I thought the lump in my throat might choke me as I tried to control the sting behind my eyes. The silence was heavy, like a weight pressing on my heart. This conversation right here—the one my husband and I were about to have with this sixteen-year-old boy from next door—carried with it the air of change, but I couldn’t quite wrap my head around what I was feeling
“What she needs is a family.” My head snapped to Ben when he said the words, because that’s exactly what I’d been thinking. He looked up at me, eyes bright, and I could see the deep rise and fall of his chest. He felt it too. But the crease in his brow said he was worried.
“Look, I know you’re approved to be foster parents. I was hoping, maybe, she could stay here until… “ His words faded away and he was looking at the hands he was wringing in his lap. I could see the rise and fall of his chest too.
I suddenly felt the need to keep busy, so I got up and checked the sauce. I think the water did the trick, so I turned off the burner, before addressing Jase again. “Where has she been staying since her mom passed?” I didn’t even sound like myself.
“Well, she’s been hiding out here and there… I don’t really know. I… um… ” He stammered and wiped his hands on his jeans. It was becoming clear why he looked just like an alcoholic caught with a case of beer.
That heavy feeling was gaining weight. “Do you think she’d like to meet us?” Bennett asked the question, then shot his eyes in my direction. They said, Is that okay? And I hoped my smile replied, Hell yeah. God, I loved that man.
“Um, yeah, I think she’d like that a whole lot.” Good I thought, because we would too. Jase’s wide eyes and deep Oh, shit sigh confirmed what Bennett and I were both thinking.
Ben laughed. “I assume she’s at your house right now? That would explain why you look like you just broke out of prison.” I wanted to assure him that his secret was safe with us, but my husband was one step ahead. “And no, we won’t tell your mom. Just bring her over, will you?” Do not cry, do not cry, this could be nothing. Do not cry.
“Sure. Let me go get her.” He stood and headed for the door, but stopped. “I want you to know,” Jase said as he turned back toward us. “She’s just my friend. There’s nothing inappropriate going on at my house.”
Ben and I both nodded and I may have fibbed a little when I said, “It never even crossed our mind.” With a smile and a wave, he was out the door and Bennett and I both released breaths we’d been holding for what felt like forever.
Chapter 36
Bennett
WORDLESSLY, I STOOD and started a pot of coffee while Jill arranged the cookies and brownies she’d brought home from the bakery on a pretty plate. All of that took about ninety seconds and after about a minute, the tick- tick- tick of the kitchen clock became too much.
“Jill,” I warned. “I need you to take some deep breaths. I’m not sure what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, but whatever it is, you need to pack it away before that girl walks in here. This could be something, or it could be nothing... and I don’t think going into this meeting with expectations of any kind is healthy.”
“But—” Tears were welling.
“No buts, baby.” I grabbed the coffee pot and placed it on the ceramic trivet she’d placed on the table for just that purpose. “We are about to meet Jase’s friend.” I emphasized the word ‘friend’ because something in the boy’s eyes told me there was more to it than that, plus we were in need of a little comic relief. Jill smiled. Mission accomplished. “Let’s see the situation for what it is and see what happens from there.” She nodded.
We heard a little knock, and Jill practically teleported to the door. “Come in, come in.” She tried to smile her tears away, but the emotion in her voice made it hard to mask what she was feeling.
Jill entered the kitchen first, followed by one of the most beautifully exotic faces I’d ever seen. She looked as though she could’ve just stepped out of a 1970’s disco movie, with her wide, expressive eyes and head of unruly black hair. I hadn’t really envisioned an image of Jase’s friend, but even if I’d done it a thousand times, it could never have been as breathtaking as the little broken bird standing in front of me at that moment.
“Becky,” Jase began. “Let me introduce you to Jill and Bennett Hanson. Jill… Bennett… meet Rebecca Johns. She goes by Becky.” I took her tiny, little hand when she offered it, but when she did the same for Jill, she was pulled into an unexpected embrace that both melted my heart and hardened it all at once. Because I knew what was going on in my wife’s mind. And the likelihood of anything coming of this was depressingly low.
“I’m sorry,” Jill told Becky, quickly swiping under her eyes for errant tears. “I don’t know what came over me. Can I get you something to drink?” A nervous Jill was a chatty Jill, and w
hile I should have probably jumped in to save her from looking frazzled, it was just too precious to stop. I hadn’t seen her this happy in a long time. And even if it lasted only five minutes, it would be worth it.
“I’d love some milk, ma’am.” The girl’s words were shaky and I hoped it was nerves and not fear to blame. Jill had a tall glass of milk on the table before I could blink and Becky thanked her, then looked at Jase with disbelieving eyes. I was a pro at reading people, and this girl wanted to know what the hell she was doing here. She was on the verge of falling apart, I could tell.
“”So, Bennett and Jill are certified with the state of Texas as foster parents, which means—”
She sighed. “I know what that means, Jase.” She turned her gaze to Jill and me, as we both just sat there staring at her, like freaks. “Sir, ma’am, Jase has designated himself my own personal superhero. He’s swooped in to save the day for me a lot lately. I’m sorry that he’s bothered you tonight, but I’ll be okay.” She took another deep breath. “You don’t have to—”
Jill rocketed out of her chair with so much force, it tipped backward and landed on the tile with a loud bang. “Please, don’t go.” And everything I’d just been thinking about Jill’s five minutes of happiness being worth it flew out the window. I was about to witness my wife’s already broken heart shatter into a few more jagged pieces. Her wild eyes moved between the two teens sitting at our kitchen table. “Please… ” She reached out and placed her hand on Becky’s arm, then looked to me for backup. Please don’t let her leave, her face said. Please.
“Rebecca, we have a guest room,” Jill started. “Heck, we have three guest rooms, and Bennett and I… ” She giggled, then looked at me for approval, which I automatically gave. “We would be happy to let you live with us until… well, I don’t know how to end that statement. Forever, I guess. I mean, if you want to… ”
A comment like that should have set off all kinds of warning bells and red flags. Red alert, red alert, wife is in danger of utter and complete destruction. But it didn’t. Because I could read Becky Johns like a children’s book. This girl was alone in the world and scared to death. All she wanted was to feel safe and loved. And while there’s a laundry list as long as a football field of things my wife and I can’t do, loving this little girl wasn’t one of them.
We were all awkwardly standing by then. Becky stood to leave, Jill stood to stop her, Jase stood to stop Becky, and naturally, I stood because I’d spent enough time sitting after the bombing. Becky took a few steps toward us and asked a simple, yet haunting question. “Why would you want to do that? You don’t even know me.” Her unkempt hair and face free from makeup, added to her small stature, gave the illusion she was ten or eleven and not sixteen. It was hard not to think of her as a child. But she wasn’t one. She was practically an adult.
“Well,” Jill twisted a small towel in her hands, while she thought. The poor thing would be torn to shreds by the end of the night if I didn’t save it. “According to your superhero here, you’re a child with no family. Is that correct?”
Becky nodded, her eyes like wide pools of deep brown, fringed with long, thick, black lashes. Jill reached for my hands before adding, “And we’re a family without a child. It seems to me the puzzle pieces fit.” The words hung in the air like the sweet scent of honeysuckle on a warm, summer breeze.
Becky turned to face Jase, giving the tears that had been balancing on her eyelids all night permission to escape. “Was this the plan you mentioned earlier?” He nodded and she closed the gap between them, hugging him so tight I’d have feared for his life had his smile not told me he was exactly where he needed to be. The Papa Bear inside me—something I didn’t know I even possessed—started to stir. I tucked my wife in under my arm, hoping against hope that this story would have a happy ending. If not for all of us… then at least for the sweet girl clinging to her friend like a lifeline.
Finally Jase, the sixteen-year-old voice of reason, explained that letting her stay with us immediately might be frowned upon by child services. But his mother, a family law attorney, would be home tomorrow—and at that point, we could make a plan to have Becky legally placed in our temporary care. Reluctantly, we agreed. What the boy said made perfect sense, but this whole spending the night with boys thing was over once she became ours.
And really, who was I kidding? She was already ours. We’d claimed Becky Johns the second we laid eyes on her because she was the answer to years and years of prayers. All we ever wanted was a child to love. And to become parents. We were already asking for so much, I didn’t think we had the right to be picky about the packaging.
After saying goodbye, we crawled right into bed, dinner completely forgotten. Pulling my wife into the crook of my arm, I whispered, “Are you happy?” I felt her warm tears on my bare chest, but in spite of that, she nodded.
“She’s already mine. I know I’m setting myself up for an epic heartbreak, but I just can’t help it. When I hugged her, she became mine.”
“You mean ours, don’t you?”
She lifted her head just enough to meet my eyes and I looked down my nose at her. “What?”
“She’s not just yours, baby. She’s ours.” Jill slowly nodded, a soft smile danced across her lips, before settling back down on my chest.
“There’s only one problem with that though… ” I cocked my head. I’m sure there were about a million problems we’d have to tackle before she could truly be ours, but I wondered which specific one she was talking about.
“What’s that, babe?”
“I think she may already belong to Jase Pearson.” She giggled when I growled.
Sure, Jase Pearson was one of the smartest, most well-mannered kids I’d ever met. And he already looked at her like he’d personally change the rotation of the earth if she asked him to, but I wasn’t quite ready to admit that. Because I wasn’t sure he was good enough for my girl.
Chapter 37
Bennett
March 2013
“YOU PROMISED TO TAKE me to Scotland!” Her face was beet red, all twisted and scrunched up. I grabbed a cloth and wiped her brow.
“Breathe, sweetie.” Jill’s intermittent whimpers ripped my guts out. Her pain was my pain, but it would be over soon enough. “I promise I will take you to Scotland for our twenty-first anniversary.” A single tear escaped and slid down her tired face. “When I promised to take you for our twentieth, I had no idea you’d be pushing a human out of your, well… body.” One corner of her mouth turned up. She wanted to laugh, I know she did.
“Oh, oh, oh. Here comes another one!” She grabbed my hand and attempted to break every bone in it at once. “Where. Is. Becky?” She grunted. Once the contraction passed, Jill was able to relax again, but I knew it was short-lived.
The door to the delivery room flew open with a bang. “Momma?” Oh. Thank. God. My savior.
I left Jill’s side and met Becky at the foot of the bed, behind the nurse in her catcher’s stance. “My beautiful girl, your mom and I sure are glad to see you!” I hugged my daughter, pulled her close, and whispered, “Your mother is possessed. Proceed with caution.” One quick nod told me she understood.
“Hey, Mom, I’d say you look great, but… “
“Incoming!” Jill was able to give me about twenty seconds of notice before a contraction ripped through her, just long enough for me to grab her leg and help her any way I could. Becky, never one to be shy, grabbed her other leg as my beautiful wife strained and panted and pushed. The lifetime of heartache she’d endured up to this point was hard enough, but now, the pain at seeing her dream become a reality slayed me. We’d waited twenty years to meet this child and that moment couldn’t come soon enough.
“Stop pushing, stop pushing. We’re about to have a head.” Jill’s eyes got huge and her face paled. Becky burst into tears while the nurse popped her head out to call the doctor.
“Mom, listen to me. Focus on my words. When I was struggling in soccer and wanted to q
uit, you said, Your body was built for this. When I was in labor pushing Cash out, and said I couldn’t do it anymore, you said, Your body was built for this. Both times you were right. And, Mom, you may not have believed it before this moment, but your body was also built for this.”
The second Cash made his entrance into the world nine months earlier, kicking and thrashing like a baby pig, Bec passed the torch to her mom. “Do you remember what else I said, Mom?”
Jill nodded as she winced in pain. What were they doing down there? I didn’t really want to know, but Becky was distracting her like a champ.
“I do. You said, Okay, Mom, now it’s your turn. It was the first time I truly believed I could carry a child.”
“And here we are, nine months later. Coincidence? I think not.” Bec popped her head up and looked me straight in the eyes. “Grab her leg Dad, this is it.”
“Okay Jill, I’m going to ease the head out, then ask you to stop.” Dr. Polasek, the one who told us to never lose hope, was about to hand us our masterpiece. “When I do, you have to stop so I can suction the baby’s nose and mouth, then find the cord. When I tell you to push again, that’ll be it.”
I kissed my incredible wife on the forehead, even more in love than the day I married her. When we heard a set of awfully healthy baby lungs screaming, there was a collective sigh. Our family of three had just become four. From somewhere below what I called the human equator, I heard, “Do you want to meet your baby?”
Jill sat up—holding my hand on one side and Becky’s hand on the other—while tears coursed down her cheeks. So many prayers, so many wishes, all wrapped up in such a tiny little bundle of wrinkles and squeaks.
Squeezing my hand she smiled, and with a shaky breath, she simply said, “More than anything else in the world.”
Our modest living room was bursting at the seams, full of all the people we loved. Rosie and Doc were in from the ranch. Lillie and Chance, now retired, drove down from College Station. And of course our cul-de-sac neighbors, Claire and Kyle Clark, and Marian and George Preston were all there too.. Their children and grandchildren ran around the house with our granddaughters, Whiskey and Ruby Grace.