by Jenna Jacob
That sounded way too familiar. Shoving my own sorrows away, I focused on Drake.
“He laid there in my arms, bleeding all over me, staring up at me as if I were a god. Then he raised his head and softly told me the guys were beating him up because he was gay. At that moment, I wished I’d killed them. Trevor looked at me after his confession. His gorgeous, blue eyes were filled with fear. I think he thought I was just another redneck prick who’d simply finish him off in the back of the cab. All I wanted to do was kiss his swollen lips and remove the heartbreaking fear from him. So I leaned down close to his ear and whispered that I was gay, too.” A melancholy smile spread over Drake’s mouth.
“A spark flashed in his loving blue eyes, and he didn’t say another word, just looked up at me for a long time. Then busted lip and all, Trevor smiled at me. That’s all it took. He climbed deep inside my heart, then and there, and never left.”
Both of us were brushing tears away when Drake was done. “How long ago was that?”
“Let’s see.” He tilted his head as he gazed at Trevor. “He was nineteen, so it’s been a little over fifteen years ago.”
“He still looks nineteen,” I choked with a watery smile.
“Yes,” Drake grinned. “Little shit still gets carded at bars and liquor stores.”
“I haven’t had that happen in years.”
Drake shot me a look of disbelief. “Please. You’re what? Twenty-two?”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to blow smoke to get on my good side. You and Trevor are already there,” I teased. “I’m thirty-one.”
“You look a lot younger than that.”
“Thank you. Please, go on.”
“Well, after I got him to the hospital and found out he was going to live, I took a cab back to my hotel. I packed my things and went right back to Trevor’s side. I stayed with him day and night until he was released. He invited me to move in with him, but when I saw the ratty apartment he called home, I told him to pack his things. I bought two plane tickets to Chicago and he’s been with me ever since.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the poignant love story. “Why does he call you Daddy? Is it because you rescued him?”
“Not really. We’re not into age play, or the Daddy/son kinds of kink, if that’s what you’re thinking. We prefer other kinds.” A smug smile tugged his lips as he watched my reaction.
I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment.
“Have you ever heard of the BDSM lifestyle?” Drake asked, arching a brow.
“Who hasn’t?” I issued a nervous chuckle, uncomfortable for delving into their personal lives in the first place. “I mean, I’ve read a couple of books about it, but I figured they were just fiction.”
“BDSM isn’t fiction, at least not the kind that Trevor and I live. Let me shed a little more light on the subject. It might be different than the things you’ve read.” Drake smirked. “When Trevor was in the hospital, the first time, I asked the nurses to show me what he needed and then I took over. I gave him sponge baths, helped him to the bathroom, brushed his hair, his teeth, fluffed his pillows, and even helped him shower when he finally could. I spoon-fed him breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Pampered him and tended to all his needs. It was my gift to him. The fact that he allowed me to do all those things for him was his gift back to me. In regard to normal, lifestyle standards, some might say that I submit to him. But they don’t understand. When Trevor relies on me to do things for him, it feeds my Dominant need to protect and care for him. Does that make sense?”
“Yes. But aside from being pampered, what does he… I mean, what feeds him?”
“My love and my pain. Lots and lots of pain.”
My mouth fell open and Drake chuckled.
“So what you’re saying is that BDSM is all about whips and chains?”
“No,” Drake replied adamantly. “Not at all. The basis of the lifestyle has nothing to do with pain or sex. It’s a power exchange. But we incorporate sex and pain in our relationship because Trevor likes pain. He finds freedom in it.”
Drake paused, gazing at his lover with a rueful expression. “He carries a lot of deep scars from his past. Not just from the first beating, but the self-induced isolation he put himself in when he discovered he was attracted to boys instead of girls. He grew up being ridiculed by classmates and narrow-minded people his whole life. Growing up in a small, southern town where men were men and queers were queers made him an easy target. Despite that, Trevor has a gentle spirit, but the humiliation ate at his soul. When his father caught him kissing another boy behind the barn, the whole family shunned him. Disowned him. He was only fifteen.” Drake let out a heavy sigh. “My sweet boy lived through a horrific childhood.”
“My mom did the same thing to Dayne when she found out he was gay,” I whispered.
Drake grimaced then looked at me with something akin to pride. “But you stuck by him, didn’t you?”
I nodded. “Of course. He was the most important person in my whole world. I loved him.”
A tear slid down my cheek and I quickly brushed it away.
“So, you understand, probably better than most, how that kind of rejection shatters the soul.”
“Yes. I don’t understand something. You said Trevor likes pain, but why? I mean, he suffered so much, I would think he’d only want to be pampered by you now.”
“We discovered a way to heal him strictly by accident.” Drake’s gray eyes sparkled at the memory. “He’d disobeyed me about something. I don’t even remember what it was, but I had him over my knees, spanking his butt. He kept begging me to do it harder, so I did. His ass cheeks were as red as blood, and my hand stung like a motherfucker, but I kept right on spanking. Then suddenly, he started screaming that he wasn’t a freak, or a sinner, and that his way of love was just as special. He lay across my lap calling out the bastards of his past, for all the hurtful, hateful things they’d done to him. It was as if he were releasing the demons that had been inside him for years. By the time we were through, he was crying… I was crying. We were both a mess. I’d tapped into a way to free him from the ghosts that had damaged him, and it turn, helped him heal. I know that sounds illogical, but Trevor finds peace of mind and strength through pain.”
It was along the same principle—seeking freedom from inner turmoil—that cutters sought when they sliced their skin.
“But now, he’s turned into a little pain slut,” Drake chided with a grin. “And enjoys the endorphin rush when I use my whip.”
“Ouch,” I cringed. “So ‘Daddy’ is Trevor’s name for nurturer and caretaker.”
“Yes.”
“So, you two still practice the BDSM thing?”
“Yes, we do. We live it, all day, every day. The club Mika owns; Club Genesis? It isn’t a bar. It’s a BDSM club.”
Drake paused, looking pointedly at me, as his words slowly registered in my brain. My eyes grew wide as he bit back a grin.
“Seriously?” I whispered, shocked to the core.
Suddenly, the room began to spin. My heart raced in panic. James answered the phone at Genesis. The man wasn’t gay—he was into kinky stuff. My mouth went dry as a combination of fear, dread, and anxiety pinged through me. Even more alarming was the rush of excitement chasing close behind. It was the same sensation I’d felt when Dayne talked me into doing the zip line with him at an amusement park. I didn’t know whether to scream, cry, or pee my pants.
“So James is…?”
“He’s a DM. That stands for Dungeon Monitor. He’s also a Dominant and a member of Genesis.” Drake leaned forward in his chair, pinning me with a serious gaze. “But that information is confidential. We abide by a strict code of anonymity. What we know, who we see, and what we do, isn’t for public knowledge…inside or outside of the club. So what I’m telling you doesn’t leave this room.”
“We grant total anonymity here.” James’ comment on the phone made perfect sense now.
“I won’t say anything to anyone.
I’m not a sub, so things like BDSM clubs don’t come up in my normal conversation. Not ever.”
Drake arched his brows and smirked. “How do you know you’re not a sub?”
“I… I just do,” I stuttered. “I don’t do whips or kinky things. I guess I’m just a regular, boring woman.”
“You’ve never been blindfolded, or tied to a bed with silk scarves, or neckties?” Drake prodded.
I felt blood rush to my cheeks.
After watching a movie with Ryan where a woman was tied to a bed, it aroused me so much I asked if he’d do the same to me. The idea of being at the mercy of a lover flipped some internal switch. A few days later, we came home from a bar and he tied my wrists loosely to the headboard. But Ryan was very drunk, and I was scared he’d pass out on me and leave me tied there all night. So I wriggled free of the rope and called a halt to the game. He never tried to tie me up again, and I never asked.
“I knew it. You’re blushing,” Drake stated with a confident smirk. “What happened? You didn’t enjoy it?”
“No.”
“You didn’t trust the man who tied you up, did you?”
Drake’s question caught me by surprise. I hadn’t really thought of my fear as being an issue of trust. Yes, Ryan had been drunk, but my fear was more than being tethered to the headboard all night. I didn’t trust him, not the way I should have. His track record wasn’t the kind that cultivated a lot of trust. No, I’d spent a long time walking on eggshells around him, waiting for him to walk out the door.
Clearly Drake was digging into my psyche to prove his point. I suspected he wanted me to dissect my personal fantasies, which I clearly intended to…but not with him. It was time I went home, took a shower, and collapsed into bed.
With a polite smile, I glanced at Trevor then stood, heading for the door. “I’ll be back in the morning to see how he’s doing.”
“Whoa. Wait. I’m sorry, Liz,” Drake apologized as he rose and quickly blocked my escape. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, or embarrass you. Stay. We’ll talk about something else.”
“I’m okay, Drake. It’s late,” I replied with a nervous chuckle. “You didn’t embarrass me. I did that to myself when I thought James and Mika were lovers. That was emb—”
“Hysterical,” Drake laughed. “It didn’t phase Mika in the least. James, on the other hand…”
“Yeah.” I could still see his shocked expression in my mind. “I think I’ll sneak out the employee entrance so I won’t have to face him again.”
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Drake warned. “He’s expecting you to go back out there and talk to him.”
“I know. But that’s probably not a wise thing to do.”
“Why not?”
“I’ll just end up sticking my other foot in my mouth. I’d really rather not humiliate myself twice in one night.”
“Oh, a prideful girl. I see.” Drake’s tone dripped with challenge. “Trust me. He knows how to handle women like you.”
“Women like me?” I gaped, feeling insulted but unsure why.
Drake laughed. I realized he’d simply wanted to push my buttons, and get a rise out of me, like Dayne used to. I shot him a mock scowl, but inside I felt relief. The haunted look in Drake’s eyes had disappeared. If teasing me pulled him out of his dark depths of anguish, I’d gladly play along.
“And what exactly is that supposed to mean? Surely you’re not tossing out chauvinistic remarks to insult me, are you?” I grinned.
“Oh, you’re a sassy one, too.” Drake smirked then sobered. “Go out there and talk to James. If you leave him waiting much longer he’s liable to turn you over his knee and spank your ass.”
I swallowed back a ragged gasp at the images and emotions Drake’s words conjured inside me. None of them the least bit disgusting. No, unfortunately, the thought of being draped across James’ lap as his broad hand spanked my ass turned me on like a damn light bulb.
“Daddy,” Trevor mumbled in his sleep.
At the sound, we both snapped our attention Trevor’s way before Drake rushed to the side of the bed.
“I’m here, baby. Daddy’s here.” Gingerly stroking Trevor’s hair, Drake leaned in close and kissed his cheek.
“Help me, Daddy,” he moaned.
“I’m right here, sweetheart. I’ll never leave you, ever again. I promise,” Drake choked out on a sob.
Like a slap to the face, I suddenly felt out of place. I was invading the private lives of strangers. What the hell was I doing talking about BDSM and spankings with Drake? I’d never be a part of their kinky world. I certainly had no business traipsing into the waiting room in hopes of getting laid by a man who got off spanking women and god knows what else. Drake, James, and Mika must think me a blithering idiot.
“I hope Trevor has a good night. I’ll be back tomorrow,” I blurted in panic as I raced out the door.
“Liz,” Drake called after me, but I kept right on going.
Escaping out through the employee door, I stepped into the hall, anxiety blocking my airway. Cursing under my breath, I clenched my jaw. In order to reach the elevator, I had to walk past the glass wall of the ICU waiting room. Tucking my chin, I prayed James was engrossed in a magazine or the television, and I could skate past the glass partition undetected. Wishing I had a superpower of invisibility, I hurried to the elevator and pressed the button to go down. Mentally screaming at the damn thing to move, I watched the numbers slowly make their way to my floor. Just a couple more seconds and I’d be home free.
When the doors finally opened, I bolted inside. Before I turned, I had my finger poised on Level P for the parking garage as someone stepped through the doors. Lifting my eyes, dread slid down my spine as I spied James pinning me with a critical stare.
“So you decided to blow me off, huh?” Laying his finger over mine, James pressed the button I’d selected.
Blowing you would be a privilege.
“Mika did give you my message, correct?”
“I didn’t see Mika after I left Trevor’s room.”
“Ah, I see.” James looked grossly insulted. “So you’re giving me the kiss off, huh?”
Dammit. Will you please stop using such suggestive words for the love of...
“No worries. I can take a hint. But I’m still going to walk you to your car.”
Stating his intentions, James pulled out his phone and started texting.
“Honestly, I didn’t see Mika.” I huffed. I hated that James had caught me trying to make a clean getaway. “I’m not lying, but go ahead and ask him.”
He chuckled, and ignored my belligerent tone. “Oh, I believe you, Liz. I’m simply texting my lover to let him know that I’m escorting you to your car.”
Arching his brows over those gorgeous bedroom eyes, an infectious grin slid over his inviting lips. I couldn’t help it…I smiled, then quickly caught myself and sobered.
“You just had to rub my face in that, didn’t you?”
“Oh yeah,” he drawled in a low, seductive rumble before his expression turned solemn. “What did I do to scare you, Liz?”
His freakish perceptiveness prickled. I lowered my gaze. “You didn’t do anything,” I lied.
Moving in close to my ear, his raspy breathing had my head swimming. “Tell me,” he coaxed in a whiskey-smooth voice I wanted to get drunk on.
“I’m just not myself tonight, that’s all.”
James eased back slightly but held me with an inquisitive stare. “I’m listening.”
“I hear it too. They’ve piped in a lovely piano rendition of ‘Ice, Ice, Baby,’ don’t you agree?” I taunted, rolling my eyes toward the speakers in the ceiling.
“That’s one,” he murmured.
Tucking that obstinate strand of hair behind my ear once more, James let his hand linger and traced a feathery caress over the shell of my ear. No matter how hard I tried to shove down the ridiculous way he turned me on, I couldn’t ignore the current of electricity racing w
ithin my veins. Dammit, I needed to take control of myself.
Staring him straight in the eyes, I thrust out my chin. “One what?”
“You’ll soon see.” His silky promise only made me hotter. “So tell me, why aren’t you yourself?”
You. Your eyes. Your lips. Your sexy voice. Your rock-hard body…everything about you. Plus your involvement with BDSM—whips, chains, and kinky sex—which I know nothing about. More than likely I couldn’t handle the shit you’re into, but I still want to strip you naked and ride you like an insatiable banshee.
“I don’t know. It’s been an exhausting day.”
What a chicken-shit.
James slid his finger from my ear, leaving a trail of tingling flesh all the way to my cheek. The walls of the elevator seemed to close in all around me as a dizzying wave of heat rushed from my head clear to my toes.
“I think it’s more than that, gorgeous,” he murmured in a rich, inveigling timbre. “Someone, most likely Drake, told you what goes on at Genesis.”
Darting a nervous gaze to the floor, I didn’t answer; didn’t want him to sense how equally aroused and frightened I was of the things he did at Mika’s club.
“I was serious when I said I’d show you around. You’re not afraid are you?”
Terrified.
“Of course not. I’m simply not interested,” I replied coldly, masking the hum of intrigue singing through me.
“Oh, I think you’re very interested.”
Wrapping me in his arms, James pulled me tight against his rigid chest. Staring at his lips, I longed for a kiss…just one taste of the sinful seduction oozing off him. Dragging my attention to his eyes…lust, fiery and intense reflected back at me. Need twisted in my belly. James wasn’t immune to this strange and blistering chemistry between us.
“Jesus,” he murmured, inching his mouth closer to mine.
Parting my lips, I tasted his warm breath on my tongue, a provocative precursor to his masculine spice.