Tessa giggled. “It’s my very first G String.”
“An A on your first homework assignment, then.”
The prior week, Carmen had given Tessa several tasks to accomplish before today’s session. The first was to walk into a sex shop and buy two ‘personal items.’ Fortunately, Carmen had given Tessa a list of upscale shops that were, dare she say, wholesome. The sales clerk that helped Tessa, in a soft cashmere sweater and a string of creamy white pearls, looked more librarian than lap dancer and her demeanor was overtly matter-of-fact, as if choosing a vibrator was really no different that selecting a new hair drier. Tessa was sure she had turned beet red—her face felt as hot as a fireplace ember—but she stayed with the clerk as the woman demonstrated various devices on her own forearm. Tessa left the shop with a top of the line Lelo, so sleek and refined she’d never have guessed the device’s function without proper tutelage. And because it was October, Tessa also picked up a bright orange G String, which she proudly dangled in front of Carmen now.
“How did your second homework assignment go?”
Tessa slipped the G String back into her purse and pulled out a pink plastic case.
“Very good,” Carmen said, “And you had a comprehensive conversation with your gynecologist before settling on the pill?”
Tessa nodded.
“Well, that’s two for three. How did you do on the last task?”
That one had been harder, and the excited glow on Tessa’s face evaporated.
“I tried. I failed.”
“It takes practice. Your job is to keep at it until you finally succeed. Did you add visualization? Fantasy?”
Tessa shook her head.
“Ah, I suggest you do. I believe you’ll find it much less clinical. You know, the brain is the most powerful sex organ we have.”
For the rest of the session, they talked about Tessa’s physical and emotional hopes and dreams, as well as some of her fear and pain. She left the session with two assignments. The new one was to imagine a perfect sexual encounter: what would happen and who would it be with? The second assignment was to turn last week’s failure into a success. Tessa slipped out of the office, wondering if using her new Lelo was cheating.
-8-
Tessa’s mother, God rest her soul, used to say that when it rained it poured, and that’s just what Tessa was thinking. Her work with Athena’s Ground was going well. She still had a lot of healing to do, but for the first time in a long time she was beginning to feel like a whole person. All it took was time. Money. And more time. Lots of it.
And there was David. Tessa smiled, despite her fatigue. Their periodic emails had grown to include frequent phone calls and texts. They still hadn’t worked out a face-to-face, unless you counted Skype, but their connection grew every day. The time would come for them to meet, and Tessa had begun to look forward to that day with joy, not fear.
Tessa glanced at her watch. It was 9:00—at night—and she was still working to turn samples—the fun, creative part of being a designer, into the rigidly exact patterns and designs required by her manufacturer. Mark had always excelled at that, and Tessa missed him as she pored over her work. For some inexplicable reason, Tessa’s summer line had been an unusually big hit with Saks and Nordstrom. Tessa looked at the pile of work before her. She was drowning in bikini patterns and fabric, and all she could think about was David…and some of the evolving attitudes she’d been working on at Athena’s Ground.
Tessa was wrapping up when she heard the chirp announcing a text. She grabbed her phone, read the message, and smiled.
Call me when you have some time to talk. I’ll be up until midnight your time.
Tessa was curled up with her phone, well before midnight.
“What’s up,” Tessa asked as soon as she heard David’s deep, warm voice.
“Tessa! How’s my favorite New Yorker?”
“Working late.” She told David about the unexpected splash her summer line had made. “More pressure, now, but a chance to really make an impact in the market.”
“Sounds like good pressure, yes? I mean, doesn’t it feel good to have your business take off?”
Tessa laughed. “Absolutely. I just wish I had a dozen more hands right now. But enough about your favorite New Yorker. How’s my Chicagoan?”
“Cold. Got an early snow today, which made me think about warm beaches…and…” David’s voice got quiet. “And you. This might be presumptuous. Or stupid. But, I was wondering…”
Without worrying she might make a fool of herself—was that Carmen’s insistence that she ask for what she needed with no apologies?—Tessa said, “If you’re wondering whether I’d like to meet up with you, the answer is yes. Once I’ve got my work obligations squared away.”
David exhaled hard enough to blow Chicago’s storm all the way to New York. “I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.” The relief in his voice made Tessa’s toes tingle.
After wistful discussions about the Caribbean, Hawaii, and the Mexican Riviera, the consensus was late December. Somewhere warm.
“I’ll start searching,” David said. “That’s less than two months away. I know you’re working hard now, so I’ll email links to the best deals I’ve found. When you have time, you can peek at them.”
Tessa had trouble sleeping after talking with David. Between visions of a warm, sandy beach and a warm, sweet David, even an exhausted body was no match for her active mind. With a silly grin on her face, she pulled open her nightstand drawer. “Come to Mama,” she whispered to Lelo. Maybe tonight would be the night.
***
“It’s time, Tessa. I believe you’re ready,” Carmen said. Her eyes sparkled as she handed Tessa a thick packet of papers.
“I hope this isn’t my bill,” Tessa said, joking.
“It’s your field therapy. All the arrangements have been made; I used the cost containment parameters and time frame you gave us back in September. Go ahead, open the packet.”
Tessa’s heart was wedged where her Adam’s apple should have been, and it was beating wildly as she flipped through the stack of papers.
She was going to Australia.
She was staying at one of Sydney’s nicest hotels, a stone’s throw from the harbor and the opera house.
She was assigned to work with Jason Tate, Ben Larsen, and Russell Thompson. Their pictures were included. Not one of them was even a little hard to look at.
She had a flight from JFK to Sydney, via LAX. Business class.
She was leaving on December 20 and returning January 4.
She was…supposed to be on a beach with David at Christmas and New Year’s.
Carmen saw Tessa’s face go from anxious excitement to disappointment. “Is there a problem?” she asked.
Tessa told her about David’s recent invitation. “We set this up, just a couple nights ago. I’d totally forgotten I’d given you those dates for field therapy. I was so happy David wanted to get together, I wasn’t thinking about anything else.” Tessa frowned. “Every time we’ve made a date, something has come up. He’ll think I’ve gotten cold feet and don’t want to see him. And that’s so not what I want!”
“I’m sorry, Tessa. You had specified that time period for field availability and never indicated a change in plans. I booked based on the time you gave me. I’m afraid it would be quite expensive to change those dates now, but I’ll see what I can do if that’s what you’d like.”
Paying re-scheduling fees wasn’t the only problem. Tessa didn’t have time to do a vacation with David and a field therapy ‘vacation.’ Her brand was beginning to blossom and Tessa needed to be back at the drawing table in January.
“I’ll tell David we’ll have to meet another time.” Tessa looked ready to cry.
“Have you told David anything about your therapy?”
Tessa shook her head.
“What are the two most important things you’ve learned so far, Tessa?”
“Ask for what you need and give what yo
u can.”
Carmen smiled. “So use this as an opportunity to practice both of those things.”
Tessa thought about it. “I’ll tell David I’d forgotten I had an obligation that means a lot to me and that I have to reschedule our vacation. I’ll apologize, hell, I’ll grovel because I feel that bad. I really do value him and want to meet him, and I’ll tell him that.” Tessa considered her workload and schedules. “I can’t take a lot of time off this winter, because of work. But I’ll ask him what long weekend he’d like, and I’ll make that date work no matter what it is.”
“Sound reasonable to me.” Carmen leaned forward, and touched Tessa’s hand softly. “If you want to create a genuine relationship with David, you’re going to have to open up to him. That means telling him at least a little bit about your issues, and your commitment to therapy. You owe him a glimpse of the real Tessa.”
“The brave, the bold, the damaged and the scared shitless.”
Carmen laughed. Up until that moment, she would have sworn Tessa’s lips couldn’t even pronounce the word shitless.
-9-
DECEMBER 19
Three bathing suits. Two pairs of jeans. Several pairs of shorts. A day dress. An evening dress. A light jacket. Tessa eyed her suitcase and the pile of clothes on her bed. A thick stack of tee shirts. Underwear. Bras. Socks. Sandals. Tessa began to wonder how she could manage with just one checked bag. Day cream. Night cream. Sun cream. And a bright orange G String, just for luck. She was wondering if there was room in the suitcase for Lelo when the phone rang.
“How’s the packing going?”
Tessa smiled at the sound of David’s voice, and at the fact he’d forgiven her for breaking their Christmas and New Year’s date.
“It’s amazing how much stuff I think I need. I’ll be lucky to squeeze it all in, and even luckier if it doesn’t weigh over fifty pounds.”
“I’ve been checking out New York hotels on line. Before I book one, can I just have that cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die promise that you’ll be mine over the President’s Day weekend?”
“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night could keep me from spending that weekend with you David.”
“I’d feel a lot more assured if the Post Office wasn’t going out of business.”
“Hmm. Try this then: Yes.”
“Sounding good. But there’s still room for improvement.”
“How about, I’m crazy about you and, unless you turn out to be a serial killer, I can’t think of a better way to spend a long February weekend.”
“Sounding better, except for the serial killer part.”
Tessa laughed. “Okay, let me take one last shot at perfection. There is no one I’d rather get to know than you. I’m sorry I messed up our Christmas and New Year’s. I promise to make it up to you in February.”
“Sounding…best,” David said. There was a moment of silence, and David spoke again. “I don’t completely understand how a vacation in Australia is therapeutic for you, Tessa, but I believe that you believe it is.”
“I just need for you to accept that it is, and trust that it’s something I have to do.” Tessa took a long breath and thought about her words very carefully. “I care about you David, and I want to see if there’s anything more than friendship. But I can’t do that until I’ve dealt with some personal issues, issues that I’m getting help with in Australia. I know that sounds…cryptic. But it’s true.”
“And you’ll be ready after Australia?”
“Yes.”
“Then you better get packing. You have a plane to catch.”
***
Tessa thought she was prepared for a long flight. She’d been to London and Paris, significant flights, but not really that bad. She’d managed an eleven-hour flight to Buenos Aires once, and conceded that by the time the wheels touched the tarmac she was thoroughly ready to be off the aircraft. But Sydney? Apparently, it was not just on the other side of the world, it was in another world altogether. That her field therapy was so far away was her own fault; she had told Carmen that she wanted to go someplace warm and far from New York. Carmen had certainly delivered.
Twenty-one hours after boarding a 747 at JFK, Tessa touched down in Sydney. She’d slept very little, despite the relative space in business class, and she felt grubby and disjointed, as though her brain had been ejected somewhere over the Pacific. She emerged from customs weary and worn, relieved to see a limo driver holding a large sign that read, Tessa Donovan.
“Let me get your bags, Ms. Donovan.” The driver had a warm Australian accent and Tessa perked up. She handed over her carry on and forty-nine pound suitcase and settled into soft backseat leather while the driver loaded her bags into the trunk.
“You’re staying at the Westberg?” The driver was behind the wheel and preparing to merge into traffic.
“Yes. I can find the street address if…”
“No worries, ma’am. I’ve got it.” The driver glanced into the rear view mirror and caught Tessa’s eyes. She had not handed over all her bags; there was one under each, puffy eye. “Long flight, eh?”
“I don’t think the moon flights are any longer. I’m happy to have my feet on the ground and a shower and bed sound really good right now.”
“I’ll have you there before you know it.”
As much as Tessa wanted to take in the sights of one of the great cities in the world, she was snoring by the time the driver pulled up to the Westberg. With the assistance of the bellman and a very pleasant desk clerk, Tessa was settling into her room on the 22 floor before she was even fully awake.
“You’ve got a great view of the city,” the bellman said, as he opened the blinds to reveal a breathtaking view of Sydney. “You can see a corner of the harbor,” he pointed to a patch of dazzling blue. “In fact,” he walked from the window towards the bathroom, “you can even enjoy your view while soaking in the tub.” The bellman pulled a drape from inside the bathroom and Tessa laughed. The wall between the bedroom and the bath was glass. The oversized tub was positioned against the glass wall so that one could gaze at the Sydney skyline while soaking in the tub.
“That’s…convenient,” Tessa said, smiling.
The bellman pointed out the welcome tray of fresh fruit, cheese, crackers and wine. He gave her a quick rundown on the hotel’s other amenities and location. “You’ve chosen a great hotel for your visit. Just let us know if you need anything.”
Tessa tipped him, locked the door and stripped off her grimy travel clothes. The hotel had also supplied her with bubble bath, which she poured under the hot, running water. Tessa climbed into her tub with the view of Sydney and before she knew it, was snoring once again.
The bath water was cold when Tessa woke to a voice at her door. “Hotel concierge,” the voice announced, followed by a few gentle knocks. By the time Tessa wrapped herself in a towel and stepped to the door the concierge was gone, but a small creamy white envelope lay on the floor at her feet. She recognized the seal.
Welcome to Sydney, Tessa. Please take this evening and tomorrow to rest and acclimate yourself. Jetlag is a bear! I’ll call you tomorrow evening to introduce myself and tell you about the day we will share on Wednesday. If you have problems, please feel free to call me. Also, Carmen is available to you any time, day or night. Our cell numbers are below. Looking forward to meeting you Wednesday. Jason Tate.
The envelope shook in Tessa’s hand, and it wasn’t because of sleep deprivation or travel fatigue.
-10-
WEDNESDAY
Good morning, David. The sun is rising here, and from my window I can watch the harbor water as it turns from Dawn Gray to Hello Sunshine Blue. This place is amazing. I was too wiped out from the flight to do anything until yesterday afternoon. I took in the sights around the hotel and even walked the mile to the Opera House. What a sight!
Tessa paused, her fingers hovering over her laptop. Should she be a little daring? Why not, Carmen had suggested she begin to open herself up mo
re to David, and besides, she was the Daring New Tessa now that she was ready for field therapy.
But sights abound in Sydney, and even this hotel. The wall between the bedroom and bath is glass. I can (and have) laid in the tub and gazed at the view outside: tall buildings, both old and new, and even a small piece of Darling Harbor. From the bathtub! Amazing.
Today I begin some of that personal work I came here to do. I don’t mean to be mysterious or sound weird. It’s just that it’s…very personal, and for now, not something I can share. Just know that it’s important to me and will help me become a happier person, better able to (as the poster says) ‘live, love and laugh.’
I hope everything’s good in Chicago. Stay warm!
Fondly, Tessa
Tessa shut down her laptop and headed for a shower. Room service would deliver a light breakfast soon. And at 8:00, Jason Tate would knock on her door.
***
He was tall, with sandy brown hair, broad shoulders and a quick, easy smile.
“Jason Tate. Nice to meet you Tessa.”
Tessa held out her hand, for a shake, and immediately felt stupid. This wasn’t exactly a business meeting, though Jason was here for business.
Jason took Tessa’s hand, shook it gently, and said, “Have you thought of any questions?”
She and Jason had spoken on the phone the evening before and Jason had encouraged her to ask anything. She had been too shell-shocked to know what to say. She was no better today.
“I’ve never done anything like this before. In fact, I’ve never even fantasized about doing anything like this. So, I’m trusting Carmen, and you, and if something comes up that I don’t understand or don’t like, I’ll speak up.”
Tessa's Escape to Athena's Ground Page 4