by Abigail Roux
Nick looked at him oddly. “I don’t know. Why are you asking me these things? This isn’t some sort of post-gunshot meltdown, is it, ’cause I’m not built to handle those.”
Kelly began to snicker, holding his chest so it wouldn’t hurt. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“If it is, we’ll call Owen; he’s good at the meltdown stuff.”
“I’m not having a meltdown,” Kelly assured him. “Are you seeing anyone?”
Nick was silent, sitting there and looking confused for a few seconds before answering. “Sort of. We haven’t had a date or anything, but we’re . . . actually, I’m not sure what we are.”
The indecisive answer bolstered Kelly’s courage and relieved him, which was an odd sensation. “Hey, Irish?”
Nick turned to him, the beginnings of a smile on his face.
“Will you kiss me?”
The smile faded into wide-eyed shock. Nick’s eyes were so green he almost looked like a cartoon. Kelly began to laugh. He had to hold his hand over his wound, but he couldn’t stop laughing. He reached out to put his other hand on Nick’s arm. “I’m sorry I’m laughing,” he wheezed. “It’s the drugs, I swear.”
Nick snorted and gently peeled Kelly’s fingers off his forearm. “From now on you only get halves,” he mumbled. He slid off the bed, beginning to chuckle.
“Wait!”
Nick turned, trying to look annoyed but still laughing. Kelly schooled his features, frowning dramatically. “I’m serious,” he managed to say.
“Yeah, you look it,” Nick drawled.
“I want you to kiss me.”
Nick examined him, seeming dubious.
“I want to know what it feels like to kiss a guy. And you’ve had a lot of practice, so I know you’re a good kisser.”
“Are you simultaneously complimenting me and calling me a whore?”
“I’m . . . I’m just impressed you can take half a Percocet and say simul . . . simultaneous.”
Nick sighed heavily, fighting back his smile. He came around the end of the bed and sat next to Kelly’s hip, turning to hover over him. “Okay.”
Kelly was surprised when his stomach flipped, but he liked the feeling. “Okay what?”
“Okay. If you want me to kiss you, I will.”
“Really?”
Nick nodded. “But only if you can sit up on your own, and then pass a field sobriety test.”
Kelly rolled his eyes and snorted. “You’re such a dick.”
“I’ll give you that too if you want it,” Nick said, laughing as he pushed off the bed and headed for the loft steps.
Kelly watched him, trying to decide if the flip in his stomach was excitement or nerves. “Hey!”
Nick stopped at the head of the staircase and turned again, ever patient.
“I’m serious,” Kelly said.
Nick’s eyes narrowed, and he remained there for a few moments before he moved slowly back to the bed. “You really want me to kiss you?”
“Yes.”
“So you’ll know what it feels like to kiss a guy.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Well you and Ty both seem to enjoy it. What’s good for you is good for me, right?”
“That’s a horrible reason.”
“Really?”
Nick sat down again, close enough that the mattress dipped and Kelly slid toward him. They stared at each other for a few seconds, Kelly holding his breath as Nick thought it through. He was curious, because he knew locking lips with another dude had to be different from kissing a woman, and he was by nature an inquisitive person. He was open to trying just about anything once, and he’d always kind of been on the fence about it. But he was also wondering what it would be like to kiss Nick, and that had nothing to do with the painkillers or his innate desire to try new things.
“Okay,” Nick said quietly. He adjusted the way he was sitting, propping one hand on Kelly’s other side as he leaned over him.
Kelly held up a finger. “No half-assed middle school kissing, either.”
“Okay.”
“I want the whole deal.”
“This is starting to feel like I’m leasing a car or something.”
“I’m serious, I want the Irish special.”
Nick rolled his eyes and glanced up at the ceiling. “Fine. Jesus.”
Kelly nodded, his lips twitching on a smile and his chest fluttering. They stared at each other as Nick leaned over him, and it was harder for Kelly to catch his breath as he waited for Nick to make his move. He licked his lips.
Nick finally laughed. “Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“’Cause I can’t do this with you looking at me.”
Kelly gave a long-suffering sigh, but he closed his eyes anyway, still fighting a smile. He felt Nick lean closer, and he inhaled sharply, holding his breath as Nick’s lips brushed the corner of his mouth.
He parted his lips and tilted his head, their noses bumping as Nick moved the same way. They both laughed and Kelly cocked his head the other way, dragging his lower lip across Nick’s as they adjusted. Then Nick was kissing him. Really kissing him. His lips parted, tongue darting between them to lick at Kelly’s lips. His teeth closed over Kelly’s lower lip and dragged before his tongue slipped inside Kelly’s mouth.
They both moaned.
Kelly reached up and grabbed a handful of Nick’s shirt, barely realizing he’d done it. His knuckles knocked against hard muscles. Nick’s hand came up to Kelly’s face, brushing his cheek tentatively as if he wasn’t sure he was allowed to touch. Kelly nipped at his lip, and Nick groaned again. He pushed his hand under Kelly’s head and clutched at his hair.
The stubble on Nick’s chin scratched against Kelly’s cheek. Nick leaned more on top of him, his hands clamping down in the kind of grip Kelly had never felt from a lover. The kiss was more forceful and demanding than any he’d ever experienced, and he found himself using his tongue and his teeth to fight back, even as he pulled Nick closer to urge him on.
Kelly’s hand pressed against Nick’s chest, and it wasn’t even odd that there was nothing but muscle to grab there. He moaned again, and the sound traveled through his body, awakening the rest of him to the moment, to the scent of guns instead of roses, the brush of leather instead of lace.
Kelly gasped as Nick began to pull away. He didn’t have the strength yet to sit up to follow. Their lips dragged as they separated. Nick’s fingers released Kelly’s hair and slid out from under him as he pushed himself up. Kelly finally opened his eyes, but he didn’t let go of Nick’s shirt. His heart was hammering and his mind was churning, making him light-headed.
“Well,” Kelly finally breathed. “No shit.”
Nick laughed and ran his thumb across his lip. Kelly knew him well enough to know when Nick was nervous, and he was nervous now. He tightened his grip on Nick’s shirt to keep him from getting up. Nick turned hesitant green eyes on him, waiting for his verdict. Kelly had never really appreciated the color of Nick’s eyes.
“Do that again,” he whispered.
Nick took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly, like he was trying to calm himself. He patted Kelly’s hand, taking it in his and gently extricating his shirt. “Let’s just let that one settle with the Percocet, okay?”
He made to stand, and Kelly was forced to let him go.
“Yeah, okay.”
Nick was walking away, running a hand through his hair, and Kelly realized his entire body was still buzzing. It might have been from the painkillers, but he was willing to place bets on his buddy right now.
It was the same feeling he got when his phone rang. The same feeling as waking up in the hospital to find Nick holding his hand. The same warmth of a blanket wrapping around his shoulders, and something inside him screamed for him to pursue it.
“Hey, Nick,” he whispered.
Nick stopped and rolled his neck, like he might have been irritated by Kelly’s repeated attempts to keep him f
rom descending the stairs. He turned, though, the same easy smile on his face, his feelings masked by his legendary patience.
“Is the rest of it like that too?” Kelly asked.
Nick ran his teeth across his lip, beginning to nod. “Isn’t it always if you have the right dance partner?”
Kelly stared at him, finding himself nodding. Jesus, was it possible he was considering Nick O’Flaherty a dance partner right now? Yes. Yes, he was.
“You’re not going to ask me to fuck you now, are you?” Nick asked, deadpan.
Kelly began to laugh. “The thought was crossing my mind.”
Nick’s smile faded. “Are you serious?”
“Sort of. You got the engine revved a little.”
Nick rolled his eyes and turned toward the stairs. “Put him back in the garage then. I don’t drive automatics,” he said as he thumped down the stairs.
Nick woke with a jerk as a hand grabbed at his arm. He peered over in the moonlight. “You okay?”
“I need to move,” Kelly grunted.
They’d shared enough beds—and floors—over the years that Nick knew Kelly slept on his side. Being forced to sleep flat on his back made him restless and miserable, but he hadn’t recovered the strength in his torso yet to roll onto his side without help or something to grab onto and pull.
Nick fumbled for the pillows he’d stacked between them and tossed them to the foot of the bed, rolling onto his side and holding his arm out. “Come on.”
Kelly used Nick’s forearm to pull himself to his side, and as soon as he was settled, Nick took the spare pillows and wedged them behind Kelly’s back to rest against. He was hyperaware of how close he was, of his breaths hitting Kelly’s cheek as he reached across him. Goddammit, why had he even agreed to that kiss in the first place? Now the next day or so would be awkward as hell as he tried to forget how fucking good Kelly felt in his arms.
Once he was certain there was support behind Kelly, he took the pillow he’d been using and pushed it against Kelly’s chest to give him something to hold.
“I don’t need that,” Kelly mumbled. He shoved the pillow back toward the head of the bed.
Nick scowled. “You always hold something when you sleep.”
“I’m not taking your pillow. Quit it.”
Nick huffed and laid back down, facing Kelly. He watched him for several minutes, alert for signs of pain or misery, waiting for his breathing to even out. It didn’t though, and finally Kelly opened his eyes again.
“You hurting?” Nick asked him.
“A little. Not enough to take anything. I just can’t sleep.”
Nick remained silent, waiting for Kelly to go on. If he needed to get something off his chest, he would. And Nick had a feeling he knew exactly what Kelly needed to discuss.
“It was a good kiss,” Kelly finally said.
Nick huffed a laugh. “Yes, it was.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m a fabulous kisser and you’re easy.”
Kelly rolled his eyes.
Nick watched and waited, but finally he got tired of the weighty silence. “Are you asking me if it means you’re gay if you liked one kiss?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, I don’t have any answers. I’m leaning toward no.”
Kelly sighed loudly. “I still want you to do it again. Does that matter?”
Nick’s chest fluttered. He had to fight for enough breath to answer. “You mean does it matter in the grand scheme of things?”
“I mean does it matter to you?”
Nick caught his breath, afraid to break the silence as they stared across the dim inches. He had spent years trying to avoid thinking of his closest friends in a sexual way. It had been especially difficult with Kelly at first, because they were both touchy-feely people. Eventually, years of camaraderie had whitewashed the physical nature of their friendship, but that one fucking kiss had taken down those mental barriers in a heartbeat. Did it matter to him that Kelly might be struggling with his sexual identity after all these years? Yes. Did it matter to him that Kelly had chosen him to try to help him answer those questions? Yes.
Did it matter to him that he wanted nothing more than to grab Kelly’s face and kiss him again until neither of them could breathe, that he wanted to feel Kelly’s body against his now, that his mind had gone into overdrive and couldn’t seem to stop spinning the moment Kelly’s fingers had grasped at his T-shirt? Did it matter that Kelly was saying he wanted the same thing? “It does matter to me.”
“Will you give me more?” Kelly whispered.
Nick let out his pent-up breath and closed his eyes, shaking his head. Something akin to terror streaked through him, followed swiftly by lust. Giving Kelly more would mean ramifications neither of them could deal with. It would mean altering the state of their friendship, risking it, and for what?
“I’m not under the influence anymore. Much. Even if I was, I’ve done things way worse than you that I’ve never regretted.”
Nick barked a laugh, and they both began to chuckle. Suddenly the tension was gone again and it was just the Devil Doc in bed with him once more. Kelly reached across the space between them and brushed his fingers over Nick’s knuckles. A scar on the back of Nick’s hand still displayed the tiny railroad tracks where Kelly had stitched a gash in the field. He ran his fingers across it. There were half a dozen other places on Nick’s body that he’d stitched up over the years. Nick knew his hands well. He’d never seen them as anything but healing hands, though, not until the moment Kelly’s fingers had clutched at his shirt and pulled him closer as they’d kissed.
“Do you want to?” Kelly asked.
“Yes, but . . .” Nick splayed his fingers, and Kelly’s twined with them, grasping his hand. Kelly gave his fingers a tug and Nick slid across the inches between them. Their lips met, and once again it stole Nick’s breath from his lungs, sped his heart until his ears buzzed, flushed his body with ice and fire. Kelly pulled his hand loose and grabbed Nick’s elbow, pulling at it until he was able to get his hand under the sleeve and against Nick’s skin.
“How’s this work?” Kelly gasped. His lips moved against Nick’s, and Nick groaned.
“It doesn’t work at all. You can’t even roll over by yourself.”
He reached around Kelly and pushed at the pillows he’d been so careful to arrange, then he wrapped his arm around him and dragged him close enough to press against him. They’d shared a bed hundreds of times, and more often than not they’d woken up cuddling. Kelly somehow always managed to end up the big spoon. Maybe they could keep this within the realm of something they understood. Maybe.
“You saying you can’t handle that?” Kelly needled, grinning.
Nick could see that grin in the moonlight, had seen that grin a thousand times before. Now, though, he wanted to wipe it away with another kiss. Jesus, if they didn’t do something about this now, it was going to linger.
He pushed Kelly flat, then reached across him and flipped the lamp on so he could see Kelly’s face more clearly. Kelly groaned as his erection rubbed against Nick’s thigh. The teasing smile disappeared.
“God, that feels weird,” Kelly huffed.
“Say the word and I’ll stop,” Nick grunted, although he was silently praying Kelly would do no such thing. He would never be able to look at Kelly’s hands the same way again, but at least this way they might get it out of their systems.
Kelly shifted his shoulders, staring at Nick with wide eyes. Nick had him pinned to the mattress. One of Kelly’s hands had found its way all the way under Nick’s shirt to drag down the giant eagle, globe, and anchor tattoo on Nick’s shoulder, and he’d thrown one foot over Nick’s calf as their legs tangled together. They were both hard.
“It feels good,” Kelly finally whispered, sounding surprised. “Will it hurt?”
“I’m not going to fuck you, Kels.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re hurt and I get rough.
”
Kelly swallowed hard, his breath quickening. “How rough?”
Nick cocked his head and smiled slowly.
“That’s kind of hot.”
Nick stretched out over him and kissed him, careful not to rest his full weight on him, eliciting a louder groan from Kelly. He shifted until he could feel Kelly’s erection against his through his boxers.
“Jesus, Nick,” Kelly gasped, finally dropping the humor in his voice. He pushed at Nick’s shirt. “Lose some of this.”
Nick shoved up and tugged at his shirt with his free hand, yanking it over his head and throwing it aside. Kelly ran his hand up Nick’s chest, fingers barely grazing, tentative. He was an odd mixture of bold and uncertain. Nick didn’t know why that turned him on, but it did. He’d never been with anyone for their first time. He’d certainly never been with a friend. Oh God, this was probably a bad idea. But something about it felt like a great idea as Kelly met his eyes, and Nick couldn’t deny him anything in that moment.
“Go ahead,” Nick grunted.
Kelly laughed again, his body relaxing even more. He dragged his fingers along the muscles of Nick’s abdomen, never taking his eyes off Nick’s. Nick fought to regulate his breathing, but it was getting difficult. He gasped when Kelly’s hand dipped under the elastic of his boxers, and he lowered himself to nip at Kelly’s lips.
“Seriously, how rough are you?” Kelly asked, his voice husky.
“When you get healed up, maybe I’ll show you.”
Kelly’s breaths came harder and faster. “Can you show me a little?”
Nick laughed, kissing Kelly one more time before he got to his hands and knees. Kelly shoved at his boxers, pushing them down to his thighs. With the material out of the way, his fingers dragged back across Nick’s hips and up his ribs.
Nick hovered over him, meeting his eyes and trying to read just how serious he was. Kelly was the same person who’d insisted it would be fun to BASE jump the Grand Canyon and had begged Nick to go with him to Nicaragua to go volcano boarding. He never thought things through to their natural end. That was Nick’s job. “Reaching the point of no return on this.”