by Kelly Goode
‘You just don’t get it,’ I said, shaking my head.
‘No, I don’t. We finished the assignment. We left the unit. We went our separate ways. I made it clear, there was no happy-ever-after for us. I’m a demon. What did you expect? That I’d follow you around like a lovesick puppy. You have Carter doing that already.’
‘Leave Carter out of it,’ I said through gritted teeth.
‘I don’t have a problem with Carter,’ Harvey replied unconvincingly. ‘In fact, good luck to him. You two will make a lovely couple someday, when he finally decides to take that stick out of his arse, that is.’
I tried to conjure another fireball, but I was too wet.
‘Carter isn’t the one that manipulated me into bed,’ I spat.
‘Hold on, Red. From my recollection, you hardly needed much persuasion that night.’
‘Don’t flatter yourself. I hardly recollect much of that night at all.’
Harvey’s jaw clenched as his eyes flashed with anger. The pure fury on his face was enough to make me flinch.
The alarm died, as abruptly as it started, and the sprinklers shut off. Whatever he’d been about to say to me, he must’ve decided against it as he slowly got to his feet, leaving me cold and wet on the lift floor.
The satisfaction at dealing such a cutting comment was rapidly wearing off, and I felt like shit because it wasn’t true. No matter how hard I tried to forget our night together, I couldn’t. Most of it was etched in vivid technicoloured detail.
Harvey reached out to help me to my feet. As our hands connected, the lift walls blurred and my head whirled as he teleported us out of the sodden lift.
19
We reappeared in the briefing room, much to the surprise of Carter who’d been studying the incident boards. He drew his gun from his belt, and pivoted to confront us.
‘Easy, boss,’ Harvey said, releasing my hand as if I was contagious. ‘I’m just returning Ember before I head out again to meet JC. The conversation with Collen’s father went well. He said he’ll contact us to arrange another visit once he’s broken the news to his wife.’
Carter lowered his weapon.
‘Oh, right, ok,’ he said, the surprise evident in his voice. ‘I’ll let Agent Myles know.’
Carter’s brow furrowed, as he seemed to take in my dishevelled appearance.
‘Why are you wet?’ he asked me, then turned to Harvey and said, ‘what happened to your T-shirt?’
‘It’s a long story. Ember will fill you in.’
I glared at Harvey, trying not to feel bad about the giant hole in the centre of his T-shirt or the small, red handprint I could see blistered on his chest next to his purple, jagged scar. He gave a mock-salute and then transformed into a black smoke cloud.
‘What the hell is going on?’ Carter demanded, as he holstered his weapon.
I remained silent, not trusting myself to speak while Harvey was still hovering above us. I watched the smoke permeate across the ceiling and then disappear.
The urge to run overwhelmed me and I stalked towards the door. I pressed my hand against the panel to open it, ignoring the sound of Carter’s heavy footsteps behind me.
‘Are you going to answer me, Ember?’
Carter followed me through the maze of corridors, continually throwing questions at me. I didn’t realise where I was going, until I came to the staircase that led up to the agent’s private quarters. I took the stairs two at a time, and stopped outside Carter’s door.
‘Can you let me in?’ I asked.
Carter shook his head.
‘Not until you tell me what the hell happened this morning? Did Harvey hurt you?’
‘No, I lost it with him.’
Carter’s face relaxed when I said that. A smile even tickled the corner of his mouth, causing the scar on his cheek to pucker.
‘I’m sure he deserved it.’
‘Whether he deserved it or not, is irrelevant. I used my powers to hurt him, and I wanted to keep hurting him until I purged the pain inside me.’
‘He’s still very much alive, so something stopped you.’
‘We were in a lift, which had a sprinkler system, and the water brought me to my senses.’
I looked down at the floor.
‘I lost control,’ I continued. ‘I shouldn’t be back here. It’s stirring up too many bad memories. I thought that angry, vengeful version of me was gone, but I’m a danger to everyone – even you – if I can’t control my powers, or my temper.’
Cater pushed his hand through my hair so it settled at the back of my neck. He pulled me closer, forcing me to look up at him again.
‘I may not be your handler anymore, but you can trust me. I won’t let you lose control.’
He pressed his lips gently against my forehead and I allowed myself to relax against his chest. I felt safe when I was with him - protected. Something I realised I’d never experienced during my childhood due to Roger Lane’s twisted games.
Carter released his hold on me so he could press his hand against the scanner.
‘I told myself I would remain impartial around you,’ he said, as the door slid open, ‘but I keep remembering the last time you were in my room, and I did something stupid.’
My eyes widened as I recalled that night when I’d found him wallowing in self-pity while downing a bottle of vodka, but more importantly when he’d kissed me.
‘Being stupid was only a momentary lapse in your character,’ I said. ‘I’m sure it won’t happen again.’
I went to walk inside, but he grabbed my arm.
‘The thing is, Ember. I’m not so sure of anything anymore.’
20
Carter stared at the large hand wrapped around Ember’s arm as if it didn’t belong to him. He shouldn’t be touching her. He needed to fight this damn crazy attraction, especially while he was under Agent Myles’s review. He was a good soldier. He lived for his unit, his team, and his missions. He loved making a difference to the world, but lately he craved a different sort of love.
A love he was afraid to pursue.
Carter released his hold on Ember and took a step back. He ran his hand through his shaved hair and linked his fingers behind his head. He exhaled deeply and she took the action as permission to cross the threshold into his room.
‘You’re getting too damn close,’ he muttered, as he followed her inside and engaged the door lock.
Ember stood in the middle of the room and took a moment to survey her surroundings. For once, Carter was thankful for his old military habits, as his bed was neatly made and his belongings were carefully stowed away.
‘You know, I suddenly have this insane urge to rumple your sheets and disorganise your sock drawer,’ Ember said. ‘This place is too damn tidy.’
‘Guess I’ll have to keep my eye on you then.’
Not that he could take his eyes off her. Her sodden clothing clung to every small curve of her body. Her white shirt was almost see-through, treating him to a tortuous view of her lace bra beneath.
Carter moved closer to her.
‘Do you want to shower?’ he asked, clearing his throat and averting his gaze.
‘Huh?’
‘You should change out of those wet clothes before you catch a cold. A warm shower will help.’
‘Oh, right. Yeah, that’s a good idea.’
‘Bathroom is through there,’ Carter said, pointing towards the door at the far end of the room. ‘There are clean towels in the cupboard. Help yourself.’
‘Thanks.’
Ember turned to walk away, but then stopped. Her hesitation caused Carter’s heart to thump erratically. She opened her mouth to speak, and he had to clench his hands into fists to stop from reaching for her, or offering to join her under the shower.
Walk away. Walk away. Walk away.
He recited the words in his head, not entirely sure who he was silently willing to walk away first. Most probably her, as his feet seemed rooted to the spot.
‘Than
ks,’ Ember repeated, but from the look on her face, he could tell that wasn’t what she’d really wanted to say.
Carter turned away so he wouldn’t be tempted to misinterpret her signals of gratitude for something more. He heard her open and close the door, and then slide the lock into place. Now he just had to find her some clean clothes to wear so he wouldn’t keep thinking about her being naked in his bathroom.
Carter headed out of his room and back down the stairs towards the arrivals’ wing. Ember was one of the last recruits to occupy one of the rooms, so some of her old uniforms were still in the wardrobe.
He didn’t ponder his selections, just grabbed the first pair of trousers and top he found. Underwear was a trickier matter, and rather than examine the various knickers and bras, which truthfully made him feel like a pervert, he just took everything.
The first thing he noticed when he walked back into his room was the silence. The shower wasn’t running, and the door to the bathroom was open.
Carter eased closer to the bed, careful not to make a sound as to disturb Ember. Her wet hair cascaded across his pillow, as she slept. Her face was relaxed in slumber, making her look even younger than her twenty-seven years.
Carter sat on the edge of the bed, holding his breath in case the movement woke her. When she didn’t stir, he put the clothes he was carrying on the floor as Ember had already raided his wardrobe after showering. His black T-shirt was huge on her and slipped down her shoulders, exposing her delicate collarbone.
Carter felt his exhaustion wash over him like a wave. He hadn’t slept at all last night. He slipped off his shoes and eased himself onto the bed. He stayed above the covers so he wasn’t tempted to touch Ember. He closed his eyes, feeling calm and peaceful with her warm presence beside his, and it wasn’t long before he fell asleep.
21
‘Make a wish.’
The little girl was growing up fast. Thirteen candles sat proudly on the chocolate cake her mother presented her. Their flames flickered in a hypnotic dance to the music from the radio.
The girl glanced at Roger as he sat at the opposite end of the table with a can of beer in his meaty hand. His scorn was palpable, and she quickly looked away.
Normally she used her birthday wish to plead for a life without him in it, but the older she got, she started to realise he was always going to be around, and no amount of wishing or praying was going to change that.
The girl closed her eyes and blew hard, wishing instead for her mother to be as happy as she was in this moment for the rest of her life. When she opened her eyes, all the candles were out and her mother was clapping and smiling.
‘Happy birthday, Ember.’
‘Thank you. The cake smells amazing.’
‘I can’t believe I’m the mother of a teenager. Where did those years go?’
‘To your arse,’ Roger sneered, and her mother’s smile slowly faded until she realised what she was doing and corrected herself.
‘Let’s cut this cake so you can open your presents,’ she said brightly.
The girl knew Roger’s spiteful remarks hurt her mother. He was always going on about how old and tired she was looking. Most of it was because she was working two jobs while he sat at home, watching the TV and guzzling beer.
‘I think you’re beautiful, mother,’ the girl said, taking the plate offered to her. ‘You’re the most beautiful mother in the whole wide world.’
‘She used to be beautiful, Ember,’ Roger said. ‘Until those lines appeared on her face and the cellulite crept up her fat thighs.’
The girl scowled. Roger was being particularly nasty today. He hated any kind of celebration that didn’t involve him being in a pub, but her birthday made him especially bad-tempered.
‘Mr Amos thinks she’s beautiful,’ the girl snapped. ‘He said her eyes were as green as emeralds and her hair reminded him of a red sunset.’
Roger slammed his beer can onto the table causing everyone to jump.
‘Who the fuck is Mr Amos?’ he yelled.
The girl looked up at her mother’s panicked face and instantly regretted her outburst.
‘Mr Amos is my English teacher.’
‘And when did he see your mother?’
‘At parent’s evening. You would’ve seen him too, if you’d bothered to show up.’
Roger sprung to his feet, overturning the table and sending the birthday cake and crockery crashing to the floor.
‘How dare you talk to me like that, you little shit.’
‘Stop it, Roger. It’s her birthday.’
The girl sat in her chair, feeling tears prickle her eyes as her mother tried to clean the mess Roger had made and salvage the cake. She scrubbed at the chocolate icing but only managed to smear it further across the floor. Shards of sharp china glinted around the girl’s feet, and she had an insane urge to pick one up and ram it into Roger’s face.
‘I don’t care if it’s her birthday,’ he bellowed. ‘She treats this place like a fucking hotel. She disrespects me – me – the man who puts a roof over her head. She’s a selfish, ungrateful slut, and she needs taking down a peg or two.’
The girl flinched. Roger called her that word – slut - often. Usually when he was staring at her newly developed breasts or twisting her arm until she fell to her knees at his feet.
She hated him.
The girl felt a familiar surge of heat radiate through her body and a flame flickered across her hands. She wasn’t supposed to evoke the fire. Her mother had been very clear about that, especially not in front of Roger, but the desire to unleash the anger swelling inside her was too great to ignore.
The girl lifted her hand, staring at the small fireball that sat on her palm. She’d never conjured anything this big before. Her heart thudded in her chest. This was it. This time she was going to do it…
…she was going to hurt Roger, as he’d hurt her…
The girl screamed in frustration…
‘Ember, wake up!’
I opened my eyes to find Carter looming over me. I was in his bed, caught halfway between my dream and reality. My body’s reaction to the fear I’d experienced while asleep was hard to ignore as I fought to free my arms, which Carter had pinned down.
‘Carter, get the hell off me. Let me go.’
I thrashed my legs, knocking the covers to the floor.
‘Not until you stop trying to burn me.’
‘What?’
I stopped struggling and looked above my head where Carter was holding my wrists. My hands were smouldering.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, trying to regulate my heart, which felt like it was going to burst out of my chest.
‘You were screaming in your sleep. Do you want to talk about it?’
Images of Roger assaulted my mind and I shook my head vigorously, as if it might chase away the ghost of him.
‘No,’ I whispered. ‘It was just a stupid dream. Let me up.’
‘Do you promise not to set my room on fire?’
This time I nodded. Carter released my arms and we both sat up. His hungry gaze roamed over my body and I quickly adjusted his T-shirt, which I’d borrowed without asking, pulling the hem over my bare thighs as far as it would stretch.
‘I found this T-shirt in your drawer. I hope you don’t mind.’
‘I don’t mind,’ he replied, his voice gruff.
‘How long was I asleep?’
Carter checked his watch. ‘Shit, four hours. I fell asleep too.’
‘Really?’
He nodded. ‘Believe it or not, I’m not a robot. Even I get tired sometimes, especially when I work through the night.’
I reached for his hand, feeling guilty.
‘You could’ve called a mechanic for my engine,’ I said.
‘I like fixing cars. Reminds me of a simpler time in my life.’
I was about to question him further, but he scooped some clothes up from beside the bed and handed them to me.
‘I’ll let you get changed
. I need to shower and get ready anyway. I am supposed to meet Agent Myles in half hour.’
‘Ok.’
Carter stood up.
‘Do you have any plans this evening?’ he asked, before adding, ‘wait, hold on. That sounded like I was asking you out, didn’t it?’
‘Are you asking me out?’
He opened his mouth to answer but faltered, as if unsure if I was joking or not.
‘Do you want me to ask you out?’ he asked hesitantly.
‘It’s ok, Carter. I’m teasing you. I was thinking of visiting my mother tonight. There are a few things I want to talk to her about. Will that be ok?’
‘You’re not a prisoner, Ember. Not like the last time. If Agent Myles wants you, he can call you.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘I couldn’t do this without you.’
Carter’s eyes darkened.
‘And you won’t ever have to. Good luck with your mother.’
22
‘You look really pretty tonight, mum.’
My mother smiled at my compliment. She pushed her bound hands through her long, red hair, which looked freshly washed and styled. Her green eyes seemed clear of any sedatives and her cheeks had some colour to them.
‘I’m seeing a new psychiatrist,’ she said. ‘He wants me to start planning for life outside of the detainment unit. Step one is to take better care of myself.’
‘I’m glad he’s making you see sense. You can’t wallow in here forever. It’s not right. I’ll request a new evaluation from him, and if he thinks you’re ready to start integrating back into society, it’ll lend weight to the release plea I’m working on.’
My mother reached for my hand across the table, and her handcuffs clinked together as she moved. It reminded me of the day I left the detainment unit, not knowing I was about to start working for The First and Only team. I could almost feel the weight of the handcuffs on my wrists.