by S. J. McGran
“I’m sorry, what?” And cue the crazy, mixed emotions expression. “I’m not,” she stutters, “I’m not staying with you Rico.”
Sure, we’ve spent the night together twice now, but both were totally different situations. The first time she fell asleep in my arms on the couch after crying herself into exhaustion. I’m not even sure she knew I was sleeping next to her until she woke up.
Last night I helped her into my bed, waited until she fell asleep and then crept into the living room. I didn’t want to take advantage of the situation. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, or push her too far. So I forced myself to sleep on the couch, knowing the one girl I crave was curled in my bed.
Sleeping in the same bed, in a hotel room, after a wedding is totally different. Things will feel totally different. Her reaction isn’t completely one-sided—I’m nervous, too—but this is happening. We are sharing a room together.
Stalking toward her I grab her around her waist lifting her and throwing her over my shoulder fireman style. “You’re stuck with me, Kit. All weekend.”
Despite her protests and her cute punches to my back I carry her across the yard to my truck, I refuse to set her down, afraid she’ll either run or punch me for real. Opening her door, I place her in the passenger seat before making my way around the front of the truck, almost eager to get to the hotel. I know nothing is going to happen, but you can’t blame a guy for hoping.
***
Who said you can’t blame a man for hoping? Because I want to find that man and tell him, he’s a liar. A man should never hope where a woman’s concerned. She’ll crush that hope in her tiny palm with a smile on her face. Every damn time.
The second we walked into the room, the room with one king size bed and one sofa any and all hope I had vanished. With a sweet smile, Riley glances at me over her shoulder before walking to the bed quickly and dropping her stuff right in the middle of it, clearly staking her claim.
Refusing to give up that easily I walk over to her brushing my chest against her back, I reach around her and drop my bag right next to hers. “See, you were worried for nothing. This bed is plenty big enough for us to share.”
“Rico, I’m not sharing a bed with you. You’re my client—I can’t do that.”
I’m torn between laughing and screaming at her. She’s trying so hard to push me away. It’s making me furious. But, I’m holding on to that tiny shred of hope that she’s pushing so hard because she’s afraid of whatever this is. She’s afraid to get too close.
“Not anymore, I see Paul now, remember?” The disdain is clear in my voice. Paul is a decent enough guy and therapist, but he’s no Riley. Despite my attraction to her, and my growing feelings for her, I’d prefer to see her instead of Paul. She’s a better therapist. She reads people—me—better. Paul’s barely gotten two sentences out of me, Riley pulls shit I didn’t even know I was feeling from me without even trying.
She turns around then, a look of concern on her face. “Are things not going well with Paul?” Her professional voice is in place, she’s truly concerned about me but in the one way I want her to forget. I want her for once drop the doctor act and look at me like a person.
On a sigh, I answer her in a short, cold voice, “He’s fine, Riley.” Stepping away from her I grab my bag and throw it in the direction of the couch. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, don’t worry.”
“Where are you going right now?”
Without looking back, I grab a room key off the table and open the door. “For a walk.”
The door slams shut behind me and I momentarily feel guilty for being so short with her. She was only trying to make sure I’m getting the care, the attention I need—professionally. But, what she doesn’t get is that I get plenty of that. I still check in with my sponsor, I still go to weekly NA meetings, and now I’m seeing Paul—I’m totally good on the professional, doctor standpoint.
What I really need is someone to take care of my other needs, someone to see me as a person, not a drug addict, not as a fuck up. I want someone to look at me the way Riley occasionally does, when she lets her guard down far enough. In those rare moments, she looks at me like I’m real, worthy, desirable.
That’s what I really want. What I crave.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Riley
Shit. I wrack my brain trying desperately to figure out where that turned ugly. His eyes were so cold, so distant as he walked away from me. His voice was even worse. I know Rico knows what I feel for him—it’s obvious to anyone paying even the tiniest bit of attention that I’m attracted to him. But, I keep pushing him away.
For good reason. Right?
As I slump on the bed I try to think of all the reasons I should keep him at arm’s length:
1. He is still technically my client. Sort of.
2. He’s not ready for a relationship yet.
3. I’m not ready for a relationship yet.
4. The second he touches me he’ll ruin me for all other guys.
5… Five. I’m stuck at just four reasons? Surely there are more than that?
Okay, fine so just four reasons to push him away. What are my reasons for giving him a shot?
1. I want him. Constantly.
That’s all I need. The only reason. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten anything I truly wanted, it’s been an even longer time since there was something I wanted as badly as I want Rico.
He’s ridiculously good looking. He’s sweet when he wants to be. He’s protective and caring. He’s funny.
He’ll destroy you.
Yeah, maybe he will but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Standing up I make my way to the door desperate to find him, to talk to him, to apologize. To make the first move. I need this. He needs this.
It’s inevitable anyway, so what’s the point in fighting it?
The bed and breakfast we’re staying in is small but adorable. The three guest rooms are all upstairs, each decorated in a cozy but modern way. The downstairs is decorated much the same. The living room has been turned into a lounge with a receptionist desk stationed near the front door. There is a large dining room with a few small tables and a kitchen blocked off by swinging doors. The large wrap around porch is full of Adirondack chairs and porch swings.
After searching the inside of the house, I head out to the porch. I finally find Rico sitting on one of the swings staring out into the back yard, which is actually a vineyard. Quietly I make my way over to him taking a seat next to him on the swing.
We sit there quietly for a long while just staring at the perfectly straight rows of crooked trees still green in the early spring. The sun is starting to sink slowly in the late afternoon; a warm spring breeze carries the scent from the adjoining garden over to us. It’s really a gorgeous day to sit outside and enjoy.
“I could sit here all day,” I keep my voice a whisper afraid to ruin the serene moment but having to break the ice somehow.
Rico glances at me from the corner of his eye, his lips quirking just slightly. He’s quiet again but then lets out a long sigh and I know he’s finally ready to talk to me. After months of working with him in therapy, I’ve come to learn his tell and that’s it. Whenever he’s about to give into something he lets out a sigh, grabs his face in his hands and lets it all out.
“Can I ask you something?” When I just nod at him he continues, “What happened to you, what your ex did… aren’t you pissed that someone violated you like that? I’m not talking about the apartment, I’m talking about before. Aren’t you just… angry?”
His question throws me for a minute, I did not expect us to talk about me and my past, but I’m learning Rico needs to feel like he’s not the only one with problems so I’m happy to share my issues with him. To an extent.
“I’m not angry, Rico. Not anymore.” I keep my voice quiet, keep my stare on the land in front of us. “I don’t hate what happened to me. I don’t feel bad about it. It happened and there’s no
thing I can do about that now. I got out, I moved on—that’s all I can do.” I turn in my seat finally looking directly at him. “Besides, it’s made me a better therapist. I can use my experiences to help people going through similar things.”
He shakes his head, his voice sounding deflated, “Do you even realize how strong you are, Riley? It’s intimidating. I feel like I let you down week after week, knowing you did it and here I am struggling.”
“I said I did it. Not that it wasn’t hard. It was awful, painful, and sometimes extremely lonely. Sometimes it took Roxy holding me down, screaming at me to keep me from running back to him. He was all I knew, it was hard as hell walking away from that despite all the awful things he did.” I pause turning away from Rico again, getting lost in my thoughts, in the memories. When I finally speak my voice sounds almost wistful, “The thing is he wasn’t always awful. We were together for a long time and had plenty of good moments, amazing moments. That’s what made it hard—forgetting the good, or at least ignoring it until I was strong enough to remember.”
“You’re amazing, Kit. Seriously.” I don’t say anything. I let him gather his thoughts. Let him work up to whatever is really eating at him. After what feels like a small eternity he finally speaks. “I’m just so angry all the time, you know? I’m angry with my parents for leaving me behind, angry with the kids I got mixed up with back then, angry with myself for not being strong enough to say no, to walk away.”
“You’ll get there, Rico. It just takes time. The decisions you’ve made in the past don’t make you weak. You were confused, lost. Alone. But, the choices you’re making now prove how strong you really are.”
His head falls back against the back of the swing, his eyes close against his thoughts. The pain on his face cuts me to my very core. I’ve felt a lot of things over the years dealing with certain clients—I’ve felt a lot of their pain—but no one has ever gotten to me the way Rico does. I feel everything he’s feeling. My eyes burn with the need for tears watching him clench his fists and jaw against the painful thoughts.
Unable to stop myself I scoot closer to him and lean my head on his shoulder. Lines between us are so damn blurred right now. But in this moment I don’t care about lines, about rules. All I care about is Rico and the comfort I know he needs.
The second my head lands on his shoulder his arms wrap around me, holding me to him tightly. “I’m scared, Riley. I’m scared I’ll never be enough for someone. I want to be able to love someone the way Ryan loves Angelica, and Jared loves Zhoe but I don’t know if I’ll ever to good enough to deserve someone enough to love them. I want to be good enough for you, Kit.”
His admission feels like a damn arrow to my heart or my back. All this time I’ve been pushing him away. I’ve been trying to protect myself, but I never really thought about how badly I’ve been hurting him in the process.
My heart breaks for him. This sweet, sweet damaged boy. So many people in his life—his parents, his grandparents, and even Angelica in a way—have abandoned him. He just wants what we all want, to be loved and cherished.
Can I be the one to give him that?
I don’t know, but I’m going to try.
I came down here to make a move, to prove to Rico that I do want him. So, I gather up the courage to say the words I know he needs to hear. “You’re already good enough, Rico.” It’s not much, but I hope it’s enough to at least open the door. To show him I do care.
Leaning my head up I place a soft kiss on the smooth skin of his neck, letting my lips linger there, inhaling his intoxicating scent, taking comfort in his strong arms wrapped around me.
Twisting his head he places his lips against mine. It can hardly be classified as a kiss, it’s barely a graze. Still, it’s enough to send goose bumps down my spine.
“When we get back, go out with me. Let me take you out on a date, Kit.” His lips move against mine as he finally ends this game we’ve been playing. “No more stalling. No more avoidance. No more excuses. Go out with me. Please?”
“Yes,” I breathe against him.
Our lips are still pressed together. Our eyes are still locked on each other. Our lips lift in smiles and for the first time in a long time I feel peaceful, excited, safe, nervous. It’s a contradiction of emotions, but it’s the best kind of paradox.
***
We spent the rest of yesterday afternoon exploring the grounds, chatting, and being silly. Something I haven’t done in a very long time. We held hands, but that was as close as we allowed each other to get. It was almost like we had an unspoken agreement, not until our date.
Later that evening we had the rehearsal dinner, which was low-key and intimate. I felt I knew Rico’s friends already, after working with him for so long, but it was fun to get to know them on a personal level. They are a family. The five of them are family. It warmed my heart to see that Rico has someone. He’s not alone.
I’m so excited to watch Jared and Zhoe start their future together, today. After the rehearsal dinner last night, Rico filled me in on their story, about all of the battles they’ve already had to face. It seems like if anyone deserves a happy ending it’s them.
Stepping out of the bathroom I cross the room to my bag to find the small purse I had a last minute thought to grab as we were running out of my apartment the other day. I’m bent over the bed moving the things I need from one purse to the next when Rico walks back into the room from meeting with the guys to help finishing setting up for the ceremony.
“Holy shit,” his deep timbre echoes through the room. Glancing to my side I feel a tingle of excitement rush up my spine at the appraising way he’s looking at me.
I’m wearing a short red sundress that’s covered in black and white flowers, and I’ve paired it with my red wedges that add an extra three inches to my height. I’ve curled my hair in loose, wavy curls and left it down, and I opted to keep my makeup simple since it’s an outdoor wedding. I feel pretty, something I’ve had a hard time feeling as of late, but with the way Rico’s eyes keep skimming up and down my bare legs I feel sexy and wanted.
“You look…” He stops to clear his throat, his eyes still trained on my legs even as he strides through the room toward me. “You looking fucking gorgeous, Kit.”
A blush creeps along my cheeks at his compliment. It’s not said to make me feel good or because he’s obliged to tell me that as my date. He says it because he means it. It’s still so surreal to me that someone as drop-dead gorgeous as Rico Jones could find little ‘ole me beautiful in any way.
“Thank you,” I finally manage to squeak out.
Grabbing my hips he spins me around so I’m facing him. After another sweep of my body he places a lingering kiss on my temple and for a moment I consider turning my head to the side and finally taking his lips with mine.
Before I have the chance to make my move, he pulls away. “I’m going to change and then we can get going.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Rico
She’s trying to kill me I know it. Riley is a small girl, her head barely reaches my chest but holy shit her legs looked ridiculously long in those shoes and short dress. I couldn’t take my eyes off the tanned, muscular length of them.
Standing in the shower now all I can picture are those legs wrapped around my waist as I slam into her, over and over. I’ve never wanted someone as badly, on such a primal level as I want Riley.
My dick hardens as the image becomes clearer. Sliding my hand down my body I grip my length in my hand and start working it up and down, picturing all the things I could do to that sweet girl.
I want to bend her over the back of the couch, lifting the hem of her dress just enough to see her tight ass, my hands groping those insane legs of hers. I can only imagine how tight and warm she’d feel when I slide into her, that damn purr slipping through her lips as I bring her to the brink of pleasure.
Grunting, I whisper her name as I come all over the wall of the shower. My breathing is heavy as I gasp for air.
Fuck. I’m so totally screwed when it comes to this girl.
Light rapping on the door reverberates through the room, “Rico? Everything okay in there? I thought I heard some weird noises.”
Slamming my head forward, I rest it on the cool tiled wall. She’s too damn sweet for her own good. I want to tell her what the noises were, what I was doing just to see her reaction. Just to watch her squirm. But, I can’t bring myself to do it. She’s not ready yet. “Yeah, I’m fine. Be out in a few.”
Yep, definitely trying to kill me.
***
The wedding was great, the food was great but now it’s time to let loose and have a little fun. Ryan and Angelica already left for the night, but not before Angelica tortured Riley asking questions that were none of her business. I could sense Riley crawling back into her shell, her thoughts taking yet another nose-dive. We’ve come a long way in the last few days—I swear even Riley was ready to put an end to these games—and I refuse to let Ang’s nosey questions interfere.
“Dance with me.” I reach my hand out to pull her up from her seat, not even giving her a chance to answer.
Once we’re on the makeshift dance floor, I pull her tight against me, loving the way she fits so perfectly in my arms. My hands find their way to her hips, landing as low as possible without touching her ass, although it’s tempting to slide them lower.
She rests her cheek on my chest when she wraps her arms around my neck. Resting my chin on top of her head I close my eyes and sway back and forth as a sense of contentment washes over me.
This. This is what I want in life. I want someone to hold, someone to love. I want someone that gets me, understands me on the deepest level. Someone that wants me despite all of my shortcomings—something I didn’t even know I could have until I met Riley. I used to think I had to be good, perfect in order to deserve someone’s attention, but this sweet girl has shown me that’s not true. I just need to be me, to be okay with who I am and the right person will love me anyways.